Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

on impulse, I peeked to see if all was still quiet.....and now I can't resist responding. 

Without being very specific to Grant and Kelly, I think it's more the idea of one spouse creating a list for the other that offends most people rather than the actual quantity of items on the list. And I realize that in a conventional job, you would have a list of performance requirements, but being a SAHM is a somewhat precarious situation in that it is your whole world, your whole day. It is tricky to balance home as where you "work" and home as your safe refuge. And since your marriage primarily takes place in your home, it becomes even more sensitive. 

I stay at home because believe it is the best situation for my children. I have a Master's in education and was a school administrator before I had children. I had a place to go each day that, although it could be stressful and demanding, I was generally respected and had a high level of authority. If staying at home with my kids meant my husband, who is my most intimate partner and friend, set himself as my authority figure and evaluator, it would most definitely breed resentment. 

I also am not one of those SAHM who sees homemaking as my "career". Not to knock those who do (I have a sort of curious envy of those Moms), it just doesn't suit me.  I see my primary job to be raising my children to be successful human beings. I take care of  most of the household chores, because it's more convenient for me to do them, but I have not on any level raised homemaking to an art form, nor do I have any desire to. I don't think being a really good mother necessarily goes hand and hand with being a really good homemaker, cook, etc.   

I hope this answers your curiosity. Also, the "H" on keyboard is sticking, so please disregard any flagrant misspellings! 

The man just keeps digging deeper and deeper.  Left to his own devices, he will surely find himself in China before day break!  Tool belt Hotty Indeed!!! 

I thought your idea of digging my own hole until I came out in China was pretty funny. 

I have changed the focus of my perceived scrutiny from Kelly towards myself. 

As you might imagine, there are a few things I realized that are partly responsible for  

for what has been characterized as overly critical behavior. I passed some of those 

things along to our contacts with Dr Phil and they got some response. I hope to follow 

up and talk with Dr Phil about resolving the issues I presented him. 

Am I intended to get from your resent posts, PuttyCat, that there will not be a Tool Belt Hottie? 

That's too bad, I had a list prepared just for you. 

I didn't change to save my marriage.  When we seperated I began to ask myself questions.  The first being, are the things that my husband is pointing out realy outrageuous?  If I do change these things am I doing them to be better for him or would these things make me a better person?  What I realized is that the things that he would talk to me about were things that would make me a better person, even without him.   Then I moved on to whether or not I wanted to stay married to him.  Hypothetical question.  The person I am seeing tells me he wants to have children.  I agree.  He proposes, we get married and then I say "you know what, I decided I just don't want to have children anymore."  What position has that left him in?  I tell my husband, before we get married, I want to have children.  I want to take care of the children and our home.  I want that responsability.  Then we get married, have children and I decide it's too much work.  I don't want to do it anymore.  Is it my husbands fault that I am not doing what I said I would?  Should he be allowed to be upset about this?  Frustrated?  Angry?  There are choices that people make that bring other people into the situation.  That allow people to count on them to follow through with their choices because that is the lifestyle that was choosen.  I am not, nor have I ever said that being a stay at home mom was easy,  but you don't just give up when it gets too hard.  You and anyone else can say what you will about my marriage.  You have every right to your opinions, but opinions are not truth.  Only my husband and I know what the truth is in our relationship and if your opinion is to not give creedence or weight to the things that I have stated, again it is your choice.  I just feel bad for you that you can't take someone elses story and possibly learn from it without looking at a time frame. 

By the way, Grant didn't club Kelly over the head, grab her by the hair and drag her on to Dr. Phil like a caveman, she walked on stage just like everyone else. 

I thought your idea of digging my own hole until I came out in China was pretty funny. 

I have changed the focus of my perceived scrutiny from Kelly towards myself. 

As you might imagine, there are a few things I realized that are partly responsible for  

for what has been characterized as overly critical behavior. I passed some of those 

things along to our contacts with Dr Phil and they got some response. I hope to follow 

up and talk with Dr Phil about resolving the issues I presented him. 

Am I intended to get from your resent posts, PuttyCat, that there will not be a Tool Belt Hottie? 

That's too bad, I had a list prepared just for you. 

   is that he didn't see that Dr. P flipped topics on him. I think Dr. Phil was hoping he'd say " I need to do better and not be such an ass and help out where needed and just befriend my wife" , but  instead he got , " I need to find a better way so Kelly will strive to do better she just needs a manual or a list.......here you go Honey a list of 75 things you aren't so good at doing ...... when you get those down I'll be glad to give you 75 more.......and I'm not being mean, I'm trying to help you reach your full potential as a wife, a woman, a human being". (Then he kinda sniffles and looks away to hide the tears of compassion). 

    For a guy who is supposed to be so educated he sure dumped the bucket on sense.