Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

About 10 times a week, I meet with widows right after their husbands have kicked off to administer their estates.  Because of those women, I developed a habit.  When my husband does one of the many daily things that get on my nerves -like bunching up towels on the bar instead of folding it so it will dry or putting his clothes on top of the hamper instead of inside-and I feel like venting at him, I just think, "What if this is the last time I will ever get to refold his towel or put is underwear in the hamper?" 

 

That really helps me avoid blowing my top :) 

That is a really sobering thought.... what if this is the last time for "whatever". 

It is really true. Each little instance that I would consider to be an "infraction" to the standard in my mind doesn't carry much weight compared to the things that are truly important. The emotion that accompanies your "what if" thought can be extremely motivating, I think, when you have it playing over and over in your mind. Another head shrinker with some publicity on the radio talks frequently about a former marine that called into her radio show. The marine taught this talk show therapist an meaningful way to immediately put things into perspective when he told her a story about combat, and deciding if this is the hill you are willing to die trying to take. I don't do the story justice and I am certain someone knows the whole story chapter and verse, so please privilege us with the accurate recounting. Anyway, I acknowledge that I have placed too much energy and time looking at how straight the lines down the road are painted because somewhere behind me, miles ago, I probably missed a turn. Ha ha. I do enjoy hearing from you, Judyblue.  

  

Grant. 

Do you think people are getting bored with you or have they given up? That guy from the last wifestyles was worse than you by quite a bit and so far I've only seen 1 post about him. I wanted to kick him in the shin and I only caught a minute of him when I went through th room to get the laundry out of the dryer. Aren't dryers great? If you catch it fast enough you really don't need to iron. 

  

Hope you and Kelly have a nice day. 

There is a lot more written about him.  It is on wifestyles 3, but technichally it is a repeat from wifestyles 2.

Do you think people are getting bored with you or have they given up? 

You know, I have been very surprised at the number of message board people that respond to Kelly and I when we appear with Dr. Phil. I think after the initial sting has faded away, a lot of the message bored people move on to another "fresh kill". Kelly and I went out for dinner and a movie the same day we appeared with Dr. Phil, and she couldn't believe she was walking through the mall with "America's Most Hated Husband". I am a little like you - I don't see what it is about Kelly and I that people respond to like they do. I have made my thoughts pretty clear and try to give sound reasoning for what they are. I think may be everyone has been in a personal conflict with someone else that fits that description.  

  

That guy from the last wifestyles was worse than you by quite a bit and so far I've only seen 1 post about him. 

His name is Ken, and we got to meet him and his family. They all seem to be pleasant enough people. 

 I'm sure they are. All this stuff gets a real hard spin to sell the show to consumers, to attract more advertisers anyway. You know the old saying," Don't believe everything you hear and only half of what you see". Wasn't that Abe Lincoln who said that? Smart guy , pre-television yet.  

  

Have a good one, 

Leslie 

I don't know if you answered this question or not. 

Did I come off a hero or a zero?  

Think over all Kelly was validated in her position by Dr. Phil, and told that she shouldn't feel responsible for whatever contortions I was going though. I know the show aired a long time ago and not everyone has a copy of it that they re-watch like I do. I thought I would put your question back out there in light of some follow-up activity we are doing. 

I go back once a week or so to check YOUR comments, Grant, on this board (and Kelly's).   I've asked myself why I continue to do that.   

  

You seem to be smart, you seem to be funny, you seem to be a really nice guy, yet somehow you clearly didn't get "it".  What has made you worth following, to me, was that you a) admitted you didn't get "it" and b) appeared to truly want to get "it" even though "it" wasn't what you'd come to Dr. Phil about.   You came across to me as somebody who was a seeker of something you weren't going to be able to find on your own.   

  

What I've seen as I've followed your journey is someone who is continuing to try, who is willing to evaluate himself and his motives, and who has kept his sense of humor about possibly being "America's Most Hated Husband."  I see you making progress, gaining insight, and growing more introspective every time I check back.    

  

Too many people give up and just quit when marriage gets hard these days.  That, for me anyway, is why I continue to check in regularly - you're a young couple worth rooting for.  Best of luck to you, Grant and Kelly. 

  

  

I think may be everyone has been in a personal conflict with someone else that fits that description.    

  

I think you are dead on accurate here. Many of us are or have been in relationships where we felt constantly judged and controlled. There are also a lot of SAHM's who are defensive about being told "you're just a MOM". It's especially hard for those of us who had careers before staying home. It's difficult to give up the validation and respect. 

  

I also think your particular show got so much response because you also got on the boards and interacted with the masses. At first, you were rather argumentative, and that spurred the debate. Now you seem to be revealing more about yourself and people (most people) are genuinely interested. I know I have learned something by interacting on these boards, and from you, in particular. I never realized how difficult it can be for type A personalities (for lack of a better label) to just let go. It's something I take for granted (no pun intended!). I can easily, perhaps too easily, just let things be and accept some chaos and roll with it. It must be EXHAUSTING to live in Jack Bauer high alert every moment of the day! 

  

You have definitely earned the right to tell us all to go back to whatever we did before you and Kelly entered our cyber lives! If you want or need to be left alone to write lists, hip hop dance, eat enchiladas, whatever, you certainly have the right to say so. If you go back on the show, however, all bets are off! 

Hi Everyone,  I've watched this since the beginning. Not posted much but I return for the same reason I guess Cablekidz does and I just want to say  Hear ~ Hear..I so agree with all of you. Julie you hit the nail on the head about Grant and "Us".  But he hit the nail on the head first~ I too was in an unvalidated relationship. So naturally that will ruffle your feathers..I am divorced and remarried for thirty years to a great guy that validates everything I do and not a day goes by that he doesn't say he appreciates me.... Great Marriage this time.   I have really grown to like Grant.. Probably because he is interactive on the board..I agree with Cablekidz in saying I have watched him change before our eyes.  I honestly think  you are driving yourself crazy Grant.  You are cute as can be but need to mellow out alittle. I'm seeing you be more open to suggestion now that the hostile ones are gone..Let them go over to Twisted Lifestyles with good ol Charles~ . Maybe because some of us have a little wisdom behind us. I do have concern for Kelly because she sounds drained and tired..It's really hard to live with such pressure. I did it so I know.. Be Careful Grant because one of these days enough will be enough for her.... experience speaking here. You two are a Darling couple and I hope you make it...At first I was all for Kelly just walking out but since you have been so active on the boards I've changed my mind about you! You are  bright and articulate and I think you are growing from all this, that is what life is about. Grow and learn~  this may sound silly but ~ Is your ring on yet?  That is a tell tale sign of where your head is at.   Keep up the good work  Grant.  I've enjoyed everyone's posts.... with a few exceptions~ LOL~ Sincerely,  K.C.