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Topic : 02/22 Wedding Wars

Number of Replies: 276
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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:13:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

A wedding is supposed to be a time of celebration, but sometimes, planning for that special day can divide a family. Pat feels that her son, Steve’s, fiancée is not good enough for him. She thinks Kim is selfish, narcissistic and trying to turn Steve against his own family. Pat hopes she can convince her son that he’s about to marry the wrong woman before it’s too late. Then, when Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, last appeared on the show, Jeanne claimed that Rachel’s Bridezilla ways were destroying their relationship. Rachel’s motto was: “It’s my wedding day, and the bride is always number one!” After they left the show, Rachel refused to speak to Jeanne and demanded an apology. Will this mother and daughter see eye to eye before Rachel gets on the plane to move away for good? And, what is the one thing Rachel really needs from her mother? Join the discussion.

 

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February 22, 2006, 7:59 am CST

Won't let go

It appears as though Steve's mother doesn't want to let go. I haven't seen the whole show yet - it airs later today, but in the clips I've seen, she says that God gave Steve to her for life. My Bible makes a clear distinction between being a child and being a man or a woman - as a Christian parent, she is required to bring her child up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord," but once that child becomes a man, she is also required to let him go and allow him to exercise his free will. This may or may not be the right person for Steve, but if his mother continues as she is now, all she will do is widen the gulf between her and her son. 

  

When my husband and I announced our engagement, my mom thought he walked on water. As the date for the wedding became closer and closer, she noticed more and more flaws. ABout six weeks before my wedding, she told me that he was only marrying me for my money. (Didn't have much money, so I don't know WHAT he was thinking.) We've now been married 15 years, have had some rough spots, but he's my best friend, and the only thing I'd change is standing up to my mother much earlier.  She's now 83, and I'm her primary care giver - sometimes with a willing heart, sometimes just because I'm the only one willing to take on the task.  

  

Most of my dealings with her are still through the filter of behavior before the wedding. Steve's mother needs to realize that she's setting the stage for her relationship with her son and his wife for the rest of their lives. 

 
February 22, 2006, 8:14 am CST

Independence!

Quote From: pandywan

Maybe your son has more to do with things than you think, a lot of times husbands will allow their wife to take the blame because they dont want to hurt their parents feelings when they dont want to be around them. 

  

Did you raise him to be easily manipulated? Look at your own actions before blaming others, maybe there is something you are doing that is causing the rift. 

Kids grow up and parents need to accept it and grow up too. 

  

My son's girlfriend is a Syrian Druze. Her family has completely different values and ideas from ours and it has been a challenge and learning experience for us with both positive and negative aspects, but we've tried to be warm and accepting.  

  

Right now, my son and this gal have put the relationship on hold. Neither of them has ever dated anyone else and they have been going out almost 4 years and just turned 22. While my husband and I are encouraging them both to explore other friendships and relationships before committing, we know its not our decision to make.  

  

Because my own mother-in-law was jealous, critical, and mean-spirited to me and her other daughter-in-laws, I went out of my way to be kind and supportive of this young woman. We all need all the love and acceptance we can get and the more you give, the more you get back. 

My son and this gal may or may not have a future together, but it does not hurt anyone to offer as much kindness and support as you can.  

  

I think the issue goes way beyond parenting and extends to how we treat all other humans. Do we offer them our respect, our understanding, and our compassion whenever we can? If we impose our own religion, church, and ideas on people, we drive them away and we ourselves fail to learn something different that might help us in our own lives.  

  

The future is always a bit scary. I think this woman needs to look hard at her own fears and see that they are the main problem, not her son's bride to be.  

  

  

  

  

 
February 22, 2006, 8:36 am CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

Quote From: kimnsteve

Hi everyone! This is Kim that was on the show. I wanted to let everyone know that Pat, Steve, and I have worked everything out since the show. We are getting along great now! 

Glad to hear it!  Y'all looked like a very reasonable bunch of people to begin with so I'm glad things got worked out.
 
February 22, 2006, 8:49 am CST

how???????/

Quote From: kimnsteve

Hi everyone! This is Kim that was on the show. I wanted to let everyone know that Pat, Steve, and I have worked everything out since the show. We are getting along great now! 

hi kim, 

i'm thrilled to hear that you all worked everything out!!!  please post more on how you all made that happen, as there are some of us who would greatly benefit from your experience.  did you have some intervention or do this on your own?  look forward to your relpy....... 

 
February 22, 2006, 9:32 am CST

Kim

Kim you are an adult and you have to decide what is best for you.  I know that you love Steve but Pat will never "change her spots".  She is a meddling, mean spirited, trouble maker, nothing you do will ever be good enough for her.  Just imagine when you have children.   

It really is your best interest to make a break from Steve now rather than later when his Mother destroys your marriage.  Steve will always feel caught in the middle because he will always feel guilty for not standing up for his Mother even though she is wrong and you will growm increasingly resentful towards him. 

  

I speak from experience, I have walked in your shoes. 

  

 
February 22, 2006, 9:37 am CST

that is my motherinlaw.

pat is totally my mother in law whom i refer to is my monster in law. my husband and I have been married for almost a year and have dated for four. If anyone else has this problem please let me know. This woman is never going to change and thts why we do not tolerate her. Pat, I hate to tell you the truth but the problem is really you. 

 
February 22, 2006, 9:46 am CST

interested as well

Quote From: parksy

hi kim, 

i'm thrilled to hear that you all worked everything out!!!  please post more on how you all made that happen, as there are some of us who would greatly benefit from your experience.  did you have some intervention or do this on your own?  look forward to your relpy....... 

i don't want to invade your privacy, but i would really appreciate it if you could post about the discussion and the resolution. even a general outline of how things went would help me out a lot. hoping to work things out with my ILs, too! poeticbabe
 
February 22, 2006, 9:54 am CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

Quote From: kimnsteve

Hi everyone! This is Kim that was on the show. I wanted to let everyone know that Pat, Steve, and I have worked everything out since the show. We are getting along great now! 

I too would be in interested in hearing how you worked everything out.  My first thoughts on seeing the previews was "RUN for your life!"   

A word of warning and from personal experience I suggest you watch your back.  Pat may seemed changed to your face but could still undermine you behind your back.   My MIL was like that, all sweet and nice to my face but talked horrible about me when I was not around.   

 
February 22, 2006, 9:59 am CST

great news

Quote From: kimnsteve

Hi everyone! This is Kim that was on the show. I wanted to let everyone know that Pat, Steve, and I have worked everything out since the show. We are getting along great now! 

hey kim i am thrilled to hear u have worked it all out.  I have been married for almost 6 years and have 2 great boys (Brian  7 and jordan 5)  MY inlaws are ok though I don't how it would really be with them because I live in Canada and they live in the states .   When they have said things to me I never say anything back though.    Anyways hope all is well with your wedding and family.   Heres to wishhing you a long and happy marriage. 

Tracy from Canada 

 
February 22, 2006, 10:05 am CST

It's their wedding

I always dreamed of my daughters wedding and how it would be. I had this dream of a big church wedding with her dad walking her down the isle and me sitting proudly with all of our family there to celebrate with her. Well, it didn't work out that way. Her husband to be was at the time, a shy type, and he didn't want a big wedding. So what they decided to do was go to Wyoming where he visited before, and get married on top of a mountain, and she liked that idea too. At first I was depressed about it. I wanted her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of our friends there when she got married. But, it was THEIR wedding, not mine. So I kept my dissapointment to myself. My husband her three brothers and their wives all made the trip to Wyoming. I didn't want to interfere and get on the wrong foot with my soon to be son-in-law. As it turned out it was a beautiful wedding and you couldn't have asked to a bigger church to get married in. A few weeks after the wedding we had a big reception for them. She wore her dress and he his tux. Her sisters-in-law wore their bridesmaid dresses and we had pictures of the wedding there on display. All in all it was wonderful. That was 9 years ago and they are doing great. I don't always agree with everything he does and says and I do give my opinion sometimes but its theirs to take it or leave it. I can't live her life for her. I love her too much for that. She knows I will always be there for her if and when she needs me. If shes happy I'm happy. And the same goes for my sons. I would hate to make my children have to choose between me and the one they love. And by interfering that is want you're making them do. It's not fair to them to do that.
 
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