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Topic : 02/22 Wedding Wars

Number of Replies: 276
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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:13:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

A wedding is supposed to be a time of celebration, but sometimes, planning for that special day can divide a family. Pat feels that her son, Steve’s, fiancée is not good enough for him. She thinks Kim is selfish, narcissistic and trying to turn Steve against his own family. Pat hopes she can convince her son that he’s about to marry the wrong woman before it’s too late. Then, when Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, last appeared on the show, Jeanne claimed that Rachel’s Bridezilla ways were destroying their relationship. Rachel’s motto was: “It’s my wedding day, and the bride is always number one!” After they left the show, Rachel refused to speak to Jeanne and demanded an apology. Will this mother and daughter see eye to eye before Rachel gets on the plane to move away for good? And, what is the one thing Rachel really needs from her mother? Join the discussion.

 

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February 22, 2006, 12:22 pm CST

Cut the cord, lady, cut the cord.

  

I am so thankful these overbearing mothers-in-law are featured on Dr. Phil. 

  

Sure, I've been divorced a few times, and in those marriages, I had ONE good 

mother in law. Watching these whiney women cry that little Johnnie wants to  

live his own life will help me to become a better mother in law myself one day. 

  

I have two sons. And no doubt they may date or even marry a young lady I may 

not have imagined for him. Guess what? I'll just have to get over it and learn to 

like her. You can't choose who your children love. 

  

Boo hoo, he doesn't join them in church as much as she wants. Has she ever considered 

that he is now growing up and able to make decisions, including whether he wants religion 

in his life, on his own? Maybe he couldn't stand all those years of church. Let the man think 

for himself, he's what, in his thirties now??  

  

How dare that woman make a statement about her son's former girlfriend. I would 

be simply appalled. That statement spoke VOLUMES.  

  

As for the snotty little Bridezilla, she will be featured in the other half of the show. I would 

rather spend that time cleaning the toilet than to listen to a bratty, self-centered child ruin 

a marriage and create hell for her husband. The only thing I can hope to come out  of 

her fifteen minutes of fame is that it teaches young men what to watch out for and run from. 

  

I'll be changing the channel when she comes on. Alas, it appears she will be pre-empted 

by a story about Anthrax. Much more important to the world than a Bridezilla. Yawn. 

 
February 22, 2006, 12:27 pm CST

Mom, time to let go.

I have four grown children, two daughters and two sons.  The old adage IS true.  "A daughters your daughter the rest of her life, your son is your son til he takes a wife."  This woman should be proud of the fact that she brought her son up well enough for him to want to start his OWN family.  Not that he isn't still HER family but the dynamics change when your son marries.  This is the way it should be.
 
February 22, 2006, 12:29 pm CST

Pat was wrong!

Quote From: kleesun

Kim IS his family.  That's the point--his parents are now his extended family, not his immediate family. 

  

I do understand where Pat is coming from--I wasn't thrilled about my brother moving on because he is, after all, my baby brother--but it's selfish of us to want him to be ours forever when he's plenty old enough to have an immediate family of his own. 

  

I did not get to see the show itself but I assume they live near each other.  What he and Kim do on Christmas is their business, not his mother's.  Their religious and spiritual life is their business now.  His mother has done the job of raising him and needs to bow out gracefully rather than grasping.  Steve seems to have turned out very well and have his priorities straight in terms of being a husband.  He's trying to make sure his new family stays together by not letting his mom run over his wife, even though Pat's intentions may be good.  Pat is allowed to have separation anxiety but she doesn't have the right to butt into a marriage where neither her son nor her daughter-in-law seem to want or need her.  That doesn't mean they don't love her, it just means they're old enough to make their own decisions. 

  

I also don't think it's fair to decide that Kim is cold unless you know her personally.  Some people are simply not that demonstrative, especially on stage in front of the whole world.  I'm not a "gusher" but I'm not cold-hearted, and I'd be petrified if I was up there with my mother-in-law and Dr. Phil.  Give her a break.  Likewise, I didn't see anything that indicated that she was trying to deny Steve his religious upbringing, just that she had a different interpretation of it than Pat did. 

  

I agree that I would have liked Dr. Phil to spend more time on this so it wouldn't look like Pat was getting cut off at the knees, and I don't think Pat was being a 'monster-in-law' by any means, I just think she needs some reassurance and help letting go. 

Dr. Phil couldn't get "a word in edgewise", Pat probably will always feel the way she does, disconnected.  She only has enough Bible language to make her confused!  I  understand her dilemma. though.  First.......it is normal for a grown child to leave home, make a way for themselves in this world, cut the strings from Mom and Dad.  Pat, you need a bible study to address your misunderstandings of the scriptures.  My best advice is for you to "mind your own business", sure it would be great if everyone loved one another, but you cannot make people love you!
 
February 22, 2006, 12:30 pm CST

Open mouth, insert foot.......

I think Pat is well intentioned, but she seems to have an ironic habit of saying the wrong thing .  I also have no doubt that she feels a little trouble letting go. For the younger women here, don't judge her too harshly. I think when your kids get to that age , you will understand how Pat feels. I think these are three people of substance and have a lot to work with. Its not always easy to integrate two families . The main thing Pat has to do is put up some well respected boundaries.
 
February 22, 2006, 12:35 pm CST

big mistake!

I just finished watching the segment with Kim and Pat and if I could give Pat one piece of advice it would to get over it, trust her son's judgment and remember that this may be the mother of her grandchildren someday.  If she wants to see and enjoy those grandbabies, she is better off just learning to go with the flow and back off.  In laws tend to use kids as weapons, pawns and punishment.  The husband will always side with the wife over the mother and if he has made a mistake it is HIS to make not Pat's.  Pat needs to keep her eye on the ball here, rather than alienating her son and her future grandchildren, just be happy for him and try to keep the peace.   I speak from experience.  Don't let today's insecurity ruin your future with your grandbabies. 
 
February 22, 2006, 12:38 pm CST

RUN THE OTHER WAY!

Tell Kim to either postpone the wedding OR RUN LIKE A BIG DOG!!!  I had in-law problems, mostly with the sisters-in-law.  I've been married for almost 14 years and I would say that it still isn't totally resolved.  I've tried everything including writing a letter and sending it to everyone.  The main people still have not acknowledged that I even tried to resolve this issue.  It will NOT resolve!  Things will not change and to make matters worse, IT WILL AFFECT YOUR MARRIAGE!  My sister-in-law said the exact same thing about me.  I live with that "filter" that was placed in my husband's head every single day!!!!!  Unless you are willing to live with it or get it COMPLETELY worked out before you walk down the aisle, DON'T DO IT!!!!!
 
February 22, 2006, 12:46 pm CST

Steve Stand up to Mama

Steve your mother does not want to let the apron string go. You are a man  not an 18 year old , She should be happy for you . I have a son  and I am waiting for him to find the right person also. I am glad that you found a nice girl even tho shes not as religous as your Mom thinks she should be .  I notice at out church that on hollidays the church is packed with what I consider  there Mass of the year. . So what ... I go to church when I want to . I pray when I want to. Does that make me non religious?  

 Good luck to the bride and groom. Mom Join a club. Let the kids alone. 

 
February 22, 2006, 12:58 pm CST

Mom and Rachel's Segment

Since they replayed part of the first show, I will repeat that the audience (and people at home) laughed at what was laughable, rolled their eyes at the outrageous, and booed what really, really crossed the line. I was hoping something would go wrong at the wedding, but am now very happy it was beautiful and perfect for her. 

  

  

I was also ready to heap more blame upon the daughter, but then it all hit me - Rachel was raised to be a relatively controlling, feisty, hip-shooting, not-always-likable-or-innocent, princess, drama-queen just like her mother. Not that this is always a bad thing, especially in the fabulously well-off lifestyle they lead. 

  

  

Now that we're past the wedding portion of the story, I can now feel sorry for the daughter because she was not completely prepared for real life. A big portion of the mother-daughter conflict is the contradiction between how Rachel was raised and then exposure to real life and adult issues. 

 
February 22, 2006, 1:02 pm CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

 i feel like i have the same problem. i know im young but me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now, and we plan on getting married after college. The problem is , his mom and stepdad. they hate me. they feel like im taking him away, and that they think im "to good" for him. They say they just want zach to be happy, but my question to them is, what makes them think he isnt happy? i dont understand, why they hate me. I havent gave them a reason to. Im nice to them, and ive done so much stuff for that family, like babysitting when they wanted to go out. Or making sure their kids get where they need to be, when they had other things to do. I just dont know what i can do to make them like me?
 
February 22, 2006, 1:02 pm CST

Not a mothers business

I think the mother needs a Dr. Phil long moment to make her see it's none of her business whatsoever peroid.She is on her son every time.No matter what the mother says they are getting married.I'm very angry at the mothers over-controlling with her son.I bet he feels he wants to put her in a home and leave her with nothing.These are sufferings and consequences she has to live with.This situation is all about the messed up mother.
 
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