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Topic : 02/22 Wedding Wars

Number of Replies: 276
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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:13:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

A wedding is supposed to be a time of celebration, but sometimes, planning for that special day can divide a family. Pat feels that her son, Steve’s, fiancée is not good enough for him. She thinks Kim is selfish, narcissistic and trying to turn Steve against his own family. Pat hopes she can convince her son that he’s about to marry the wrong woman before it’s too late. Then, when Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, last appeared on the show, Jeanne claimed that Rachel’s Bridezilla ways were destroying their relationship. Rachel’s motto was: “It’s my wedding day, and the bride is always number one!” After they left the show, Rachel refused to speak to Jeanne and demanded an apology. Will this mother and daughter see eye to eye before Rachel gets on the plane to move away for good? And, what is the one thing Rachel really needs from her mother? Join the discussion.

 

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February 20, 2006, 1:43 pm CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

Can't wait to see this show. My family hasn't been the same since the wedding of my son to his wife. This was not an act due to the stress, it was a defiant act on the part of my daughter in law. She has totally manipulated my son's thought process. I will not interfere, but I am also not going to allow her to divide my family. Whatever advice Dr. Phil gives on this episode will be worth a lot to me.
 
February 21, 2006, 6:52 am CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

Quote From: romeodog

Can't wait to see this show. My family hasn't been the same since the wedding of my son to his wife. This was not an act due to the stress, it was a defiant act on the part of my daughter in law. She has totally manipulated my son's thought process. I will not interfere, but I am also not going to allow her to divide my family. Whatever advice Dr. Phil gives on this episode will be worth a lot to me.

Maybe your son has more to do with things than you think, a lot of times husbands will allow their wife to take the blame because they dont want to hurt their parents feelings when they dont want to be around them. 

  

Did you raise him to be easily manipulated? Look at your own actions before blaming others, maybe there is something you are doing that is causing the rift. 

 
February 21, 2006, 1:20 pm CST

Exactly

Quote From: pandywan

Maybe your son has more to do with things than you think, a lot of times husbands will allow their wife to take the blame because they dont want to hurt their parents feelings when they dont want to be around them. 

  

Did you raise him to be easily manipulated? Look at your own actions before blaming others, maybe there is something you are doing that is causing the rift. 

I  can only hope that my in-laws watch the show as well.  My husband has allowed his parents to control his life, they even told him he needed to marry me.  They changed their mind once I started supporting and encouraging him to make his own decisions.  At 28 he almost had a heart attack when we went to buy a car, never having made a decision of that magnitude on his own before.  I hope that the couple, on the show, think long and hard about the life they are choosing to start together.  It is very hard to start a life together without having a set of parents trying to control your life.  It’s hard enough making decisions  with each other,  throwing more opinions in the mix just makes it unbearable.  

 If the son isn’t sticking up for his future wife now, what will the future hold?  I bet the mother’s husband is hen pecked and controlled by her as well.  No one stands up to this woman and my bet is she has found the first person who is willing too.  The one thing these mothers never understand is that all we want is a chance to live our lives as well as we can, making our own mistakes, and getting ahead as we chose, not as we are told. I know I never intended to push my husband away from his family; however he chose to distance himself because it made his life easier, I didn’t cry as much and he didn’t need to hear how awful he or we were doing.  He now only visits without me because he doesn’t want me to be hurt, it was a decision that HE made, because of HER actions.  

My husband and I have had a very rocky start, SO I wish them all the best and much luck in their future. I recommend setting limits and talking about how things will be handled before they get married, it will take some of the pressure off once they are married.   

 
February 21, 2006, 4:43 pm CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, and it hasn't been easy to get this far because of my mother-in-law. She was fine until the day of our wedding. I choose to get married at my mothers house, which turned out to be the best wedding we could have asked for. SHE wanted her family involved in things, which was fine with me. Her niece was to make sure everyone signed the book. Out of the 100 guests, only 21 had signed the book, we had to wait until our pictures came back to figure out who was there and write their names.  My mother-in-law was walking around my mothers yard and was running her mouth about "This is most unorganized wedding that I have been to, why didn't they let me help them? They know I have planned weddings before." She had only  planned her own wedding in 1978. This was 2000. Things are different, and besides it was MY wedding not hers.  My sister heard her and told me. The woman denies it to this day, saying that my sister misunderstood her or that it wasn't actually her that said it.  I became pregnant the next year. I was at the hospital in labor and she had to be there. Her niece was pregnant also and due 5 weeks after me, and we were using the same Doctor.  Every time he came in to check me, she piped up and said something to the doctor about her niece. Every time someone called me she would answer the phone and not let me or my husband talk to them, and would even whisper so we could not hear her. After 30 hours of labor the doctor said I was going to have to have a C-Section. My husband was asleep and did not hear everything that was said. He asked what was going on and I started to explain and once again she piped up. I could not help myself I screamed for everyone to leave the room. The nurses even left. She went into the hallway and started having a tantrum. I eventually had the baby.  I had my son in December, the day we went home, it was snowing outside. She got mad at me because we didn't go to her house after we left the hospital, she was so mad that she didn't come to see her only grandchild for a week.  There are so many things that I could tell you about her you wouldn't believe it. She is the type of person that no one will stand up to. She met her match with me. I will not be treated like crap, and I will stand up for MY family. For  a while she mad me into a horrible person. I forgave her, and I continue to forgive her on a daily basis. I spent too much time being mad at her. She may not want to change into that better person, but I did, and I have, for the sake of my family.  She will not talk to me like a dog, she will not come to my house and say a word about if it is clean or not, or how I have decorated.  My husband and I have fought about her so many times, and it was not worth it. There are ways to co-exist with the mother-in-law. I had to pray alot to become a forgiving person towards her, and it has changed my life. She still continues to do things on a daily basis to me, but oh well, I live my life. 

  

If any of you are curious about the other things she has done feel free to email me kathy_55@peoplepc.com 

 
February 21, 2006, 5:13 pm CST

my MIL feels this way about me as well...

Quote From: romeodog

Can't wait to see this show. My family hasn't been the same since the wedding of my son to his wife. This was not an act due to the stress, it was a defiant act on the part of my daughter in law. She has totally manipulated my son's thought process. I will not interfere, but I am also not going to allow her to divide my family. Whatever advice Dr. Phil gives on this episode will be worth a lot to me.
of course your family hasn't been the same since your son married. he has created his own family unit with the woman of his choosing. you have no control over who he chooses. my MIL feels like i have manipulated her son into doing things differently than how she would. things like graduating college, purchasing a home, travelling abroad, marrying me, having a child... in short, any decision that WE make as a couple that she doesn't like, understand or support is my fault. my husband has chosen to live differently than his family of origin- doing things like getting an education and a career with opportunities for advancement, for example. and since those choices do not fit into their paradigim, the ILs don't understand and blame me, the DIL. i was quite hurt that my MIL felt that way about me. but now, i no longer care what my MIL thinks, because i know it's not personal. she would feel that way about anyone her son married. i just happen to be the DIL in this case. i can only assume that it is easier for her to cling to the ideal vision she has fo her eldest son- the one where he is still her "baby" and will never leave home, much less marry someone who she (as she tells me often) "never would have picked for her son."
 
February 22, 2006, 4:57 am CST

christian?

  

   I feel sorry for Kim, she will have Pat as her mother in law, who doesn't seem very christian    

acting to me.  

Its tuff to start off knowing that your soon to be mother in law doesn't think your the best person for her beloved son. 

  

 
February 22, 2006, 6:01 am CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

Quote From: romeodog

Can't wait to see this show. My family hasn't been the same since the wedding of my son to his wife. This was not an act due to the stress, it was a defiant act on the part of my daughter in law. She has totally manipulated my son's thought process. I will not interfere, but I am also not going to allow her to divide my family. Whatever advice Dr. Phil gives on this episode will be worth a lot to me.

You're not his primary family any more.  That's how it works when kids get married.  If anything divides your family, it sounds like it will be your refusal to accept them as independent, responsible adults. 

  

Obviously, I don't know what happened with your son and daughter-in-law, but from what is on the website, Kim seems like a reasonable person and Steve appears to have been raised to be a sensible man (a tribute to his parents).  We aren't totally thrilled with my sister-in-law, either, but  my brother loves her, and it's none of our business.  We're not leaving him to sink or swim on his own, of course, in the event that something should go wrong, but they're adults and they can't have their in-laws grasping at their pant-legs all the time.  I get so sick of all those horrible in-law stereotypes but then we see something like the woman on this show and I can see why things go wrong.  I don't even think she seems that bad, she just has a lot of anxiety.  However, they seem to still be able to talk to each other in a civil and rational manner so hopefully this will be worked out soon. 

 
February 22, 2006, 6:03 am CST

Good Lord

I thank my lucky stars for my sons fiancee.  She's the sweetest thing and yet at the same time has a back bone and isn't afraid to use it.  She actually reminds me a lot of her future MIL !  I was thrilled when I saw the young woman he'd picked out for himself and I suppose it was divine intervention that when they got engaged there were all these MILs & DILs that where posting horrible things about one another online & promted me to speak directly to my own future DIL.  I told her how happy were all were & that I couldn't understand why these women all had these problems & how they must just not realize how painful they're making life for the man they all claim to love so much.  For a man to be put inbetween the 2 womenthat most likely loves the most in the world would be very painful.  I couldn't ever imagine doing that to my son.  I told her that her biggest complaint about me is that I'll not look like I want to be part of their life but that it's just my attempt at not wanting to be as territorial as these other mothers who cannot let go of their sons!!!!!!  I told her that just like me & my MIL I'm sure we'll both make mistakes but that if & when there's ever a problem "lets just sit with a cup of tea & talk it out honey.  Neither of us would ever want to look like these women".   She and I had a chuckle & we've been having such fun ever since!  Having all boys I've been waiting & waiting for a girl to be able to share girl things with.   I love my sons to pieces and I've so wanted to raise them right.  When I see my son turn his loyalties to his future bride I know I've done my job correctly & well!!!!!  His loyalties are suppost to turn to her & this will help to keep him faithful & true to her.  I'd never try to step inbetween that. 
 
February 22, 2006, 6:17 am CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

Quote From: romeodog

Can't wait to see this show. My family hasn't been the same since the wedding of my son to his wife. This was not an act due to the stress, it was a defiant act on the part of my daughter in law. She has totally manipulated my son's thought process. I will not interfere, but I am also not going to allow her to divide my family. Whatever advice Dr. Phil gives on this episode will be worth a lot to me.

I can only hope that you learn a lot from this show and perhaps your attutide towards your daughter in law will change. 

  

Good Luck 

 
February 22, 2006, 6:29 am CST

One way women

It seems to me that both parties are being irrational.   

  

The bride should not have to comply to the requests of her mother in regards to the events of her wedding day.  I think it is selfish of her mother to be dictating details such as colors, the flowers and any other detail that will make the wedding speak of the bride's individual taste.  The mother should back off and allow her daughter to choose what she wants to make her day as special as she can.  Is mom trying to live vicariously through her daughter in making these choices?  It's easy to do...as a mom, I catch myself doing this even with my own daughter at the age of 8 and need to take a step back and ask myself, do I want this for me or for her?  I think it's something a lot of mothers do, not meant as any harm, but it did hamper some of my wedding planning. It also happened to all of my friends in planning their weddings.  A mother does want to be involved and feel important during a time like this, and a daughter should know this and they should respect each other and their roles.   What Rachael should do is at least try to find some value in her mother's opinion, and vise-versa. There were plenty of times I was annoyed and stressed and I did sacrifice some of the things I really wanted, but in reality we had a very nice day and it had little to do with the stuff.  I sacrificed and bought my own flowers at the greenhouse saving hundreds of dollars.  I bought my dress off the rack.  We decided what was really important and worked with the budget we had. We made a lot of sacrifices.  That is what relationship is about, what marriage is about.  It was about the two of us and our day was warm and fulfilling and what I remember most was about my husband and looking at him and knowing how much he loved me and how proud my parents looked. That's what you should remember most.  Do I still look back and wish that we had the wedding at the location I wanted it? Yes.  But keeping the peace was more important to me and I wanted my family to enjoy our day with us too.  You can have lobster, the two of you, whenever you want, but paying probably $50-75 a head so you can have lobster? Who are you trying to impress?  

We had equal contributions from each of our families and whatever was left unpaid was our responsibility.  The bride's mother should not be dictating colors of dresses of flowers, or decor. She should not be choosing what flavor cake or if the bride's hair should be up or down.  BUT, if the princess wants lobster then she and her fiancee should play grown-ups and pay for their own.  The bride's parents should set a budget and stick to it.  Anything above and beyond the budget...I guess it's time to grow up Rachael.     

 
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