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Topic : 02/23 Exes From Hell

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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:16:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Everyone knows someone who’s been in a bad breakup. Dr. Phil’s guests say they’ve got ex-mates from hell! Tracie called off her wedding over a year ago, but her ex-fiancé, Dan, still won’t leave her alone. He calls every morning to say he loves her, but when he hacked into her computer and e-mailed a man she was dating, and when he broke into her house, she filed a restraining order against him. Dan says Tracie is the love of his life, and thinks they still have a chance to patch things up. Then, Stacie says her ex-husband, Ted, is making her life miserable. Since their marriage ended, she says he abandoned her and their three sons financially. Can she get Ted to step up and pay child support, or will she and the kids be out on the street? Talk about the show here.

 

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February 22, 2006, 4:47 pm CST

Check your policy

Quote From: ma_hughes

OK hows this one people. My son 17 died in Nov.,2005. His dad saw him on good years 1or2 times. He did try to send b-day cards with a $10.00 walmart card. He paid $125.00 support monthly. He didnt call but maybe 3 or4 times a year. The last contact he made with his son was one year and 3 months before he passed away. His last word then was that he hated him and never wanted to talk to him again. At the funeral I let him help with all the arragments and he was heartbroken over how things were leaft. Then he told me thanks for never ever trying to come between them and he was sorry he didnt excersize visits more. About two to 3 weeks later he decided to inform me that he deserves half of all insurance because he is the dad and that he had checked it out and I had better pay him. How is this possable? He did support my son in anyway he had no hand in his life other than $125 a month and that was the state that had it withheld from his check. It isnt like he even took the time to send it himself! So I have to give him $20,000.00. For a sperm donation 17 years ago! My son hated him for everthing he wasnt and everything he did to him. He was not nice to my boy when he did see him. I tryed to talk to my boy over and over and tell him that his dad loved him and nomatter what he was his dad, but hewouldnt hear of it he said my dad is JD thats my husband now. So any ideas how to fight this wanna be man? Or should I just pay him off to leave me alone? Will he ever let me have some peace?
Sounds like this ex is a real bad one.  As far as paying him any of the insurance money, Did the ex pay the premium on the insurance policy?     Who was designated as the beneficiary of the policy?   Was your son in the hospital or to the doctor in recent months, did he list you or his father as next of kin?   I would not give the ex any of the money until I check with an attorney.  Then for your conscience's sake, talk to your minister.  If what you say is true, I cannot see how legally or morally any of the insurance money should go to the boy's father.
 
February 22, 2006, 7:08 pm CST

As you watch this show...

As you watch this show, I don't want you to think I'm some horrible person.  I feel that I need to explain myself as I was so humiliated I couldn't even say a thing.  I made a fool of myself on TV and I appear to be the ex from hell.  Maybe I am.  I wish I could have spoken out more on the show but my crumbled confidence got the best of me.  I just wanted to crawl under a chair and hide like a coward.  I didn't continue to see Dan because I enjoyed the attention or being chased.  It's not that I wanted my cake and eat it too. It's not like that at all.  I still care for and have feelings for the man I was going to marry 14 months ago.  I thought I finally found my Mr. Right.  I put Dan on a pedestal and thought he could be the person I wanted him to be.  I wanted him to by my Mr. Right so badly but I only got deeply disappointed so much that I could never put myself in that position with Dan again in fear of getting hurt all over again.  I'm trying to avoid the situation that Stacie and her ex are in and many of you are in right now.  I honestly don't understand why I have such a difficult time letting him go.  We have such a good friendship and get along so well as long as I don't rely, depend or expect anything from him.  He has a difficulty maintaining a steady job.  He doesn't know when his next paycheck will be coming in and I refuse to live that way.  And I'm not going to put my future children in that situation.  That's why I would never be able to marry him.  I've always told this to Dan but he never thought I would ever actually leave him.  I did try being friends with him and I did tell him that someday I would be moving on.  So when I started showing interest in someone else, Dan got really jealous.  It's like he didn't know what he had until it was gone.  He tries to convince me that we should not throw what we have away.  I tell him that he had his chance and he blew it.  It's just too late for us as so much has happened.  I know Dr. Phil was trying to get me to stand up for myself.  I really do want to move on with my life.   I should have asked Dr. Phil how do I go about doing so when I still care for Dan?  He's all I knew for four years and we did have so many wonderful times.  It's like I'm addicted to him.
 
February 22, 2006, 7:23 pm CST

the voice of thousands

These stories exist for so many people out there and it is frightening to know so many children are affected by the actions of their parents.  I hope Stacie's fight to get her family back to normal can happen so these three dear boys can grow up and have a chance at a normal life.  I have no respect for someone who refuses to pay for their children's basic needs and then shuns the responsiblity as if it is always someone else's fault!  Mother's have been given the strenght to fight for their children while so many dad's would rather make life miserable.  These men need to get help to be the person who can put others ahead of their own selfish needs.  I pray for Stacie and her boys! 
 
February 23, 2006, 3:38 am CST

To Tracie

   I am not going to judge you on this, because I was caught once in the same trap.  You want to leave, you know its best to leave, but it still hurts to leave.  You keep going back and forth.  What you have to realize is that you are being cruel.  I don't mean that you are just a mean person, but you will be better off, and so will he when you just make the clean, hard break and start to heal.  As long as you give him hope, and as long as you entertain the dream in your own mind you will be stuck in this painful, torn, guilty feeling place.  It gets harder and harder.  I did it for 6 long, wasted years.  Its going to be horribly hard for a long time, and then....its better.  For both of you.  Really.  BUT- don't go backwards.  Even when you really miss him, don't go back.  The fantasy is just that.  If you still love him, then pray for him.  Write a journal.  Change the locks, filter your e-mail, cry and miss him, but  don't go on vacation with him, send him cards, or anything else.  Hope can be wonderful, but it can also be the cruelest emotion of them all.  You can love him for the rest of your life if you want to, but  from a distance. 
 
February 23, 2006, 5:35 am CST

Blind-sided by now Ex-Wife

Dec 2003, (just before x-mas) she presented me with divorce papers... never telling me about any problem she was having, we were having- I suppose I should have read her mind.  We never tried counseling, talking or developing a new family strategy. 

It was now all her plan to get out and quick.   I later found out that months before she had visited our local chapter of NOW, got her exit plan in place. 

After an argument on night, she was real quick to call the police and have me removed from the home, but it didn't stop there.  She immeadiately got a restraining order, apparently now issue with the slighted of wet tissues from supposed "victims".  After he numerous complaints (without merit), Fl police arrested me 13 times for violating the RO, after sitting in county jail for 4 months, all but one charge was dismissed and I went home. She quickly moved from our nice FL home to MA (we're both originally from there) with our 2 kids (9 & 5 at the time). After I arrive din MA, she AND her family (mother and sister) continued to call the police claiming I violated her RO, 11 more times I went back to court- all charges were dismissed or never even heard (lack of evidnce).  

 She claimed to the courts that I was an alcoholic, mentally disturbed and a stalker.  After 18 months of not being able to see, talk to or write my two children and countless psych evals, drug and alch evals- I was finally able to convince the courts that I too am a DAD and both children and myself should be with each other. 

July 2005, the Fl courts gave me "visitation" (one day a week) with the children and she was ordered to removed her Ma RO (209A).  Again in Oct, the FL courts gave my unsupervised weekends and week night with our children and once again ordered her to remove the Ma RO (209A)- which is still not done. 

  

This malicious mother has been trying to "brainwash" the kids, telling them I am "bad", I'll hurt them, etc...    She intentionally tries to obstruct my time (ph or other) with them and insists almost on a weekly basis to instigate more troubles. 

  

It's now evident to me that she was not in this grand plan alone- but her NOW friends, her family and others helped her keep our children from me and weekly gives her other avenues to pursue to instigate troubles.   For instance, she filed bancruptcy and I get all her discharged debts; later she gets in troubles with the IRS and files that I own that too (ongoing), she'd rather put the kids in day-care instead of letting them spend time with their father...  Although all her actions are troubling, today, both children are asking when they can come live with me, I don't talk bad about their mother, don't instigate troubles and simply want to move on being a DAD, they see that and want to be a part of it. 

  

It never ends Dr. Phil, her plan for sole custody and to oust me from her life and the children's (for whatever reason) has failed.  I am true to my children and will never quit on them. 

One wise man once said "Family First", without my chldren I have no family, they always come first. 

  

Regards, 

David in MA. 

 
February 23, 2006, 6:13 am CST

beyond ex

I can truly understand the whole exes from hell experience!  In 1999 I left my then husband of only 25 months.  He was extremely abussive, addicted to crack cocaine and obviously wasn't a good dad.  My son at  that time was only 15 months old and we literally left with the clothes on our back and fought our way back thanks to great friends and family.  But still people did not know the hell we went through because of him.  I worked as a middle school teacher in a large city and more than once our school had to be put on "lock down" because of his threats and temper.  My family who lived over 250 miles away were put into protective costody because of his threats also.  It was truely embarassing and frustrating.  Trying to get a divorce from him was nearly impossible....I was made out to be the crazy one and he played the perfect one....going to rehab, couseling etc to try to prove that he was doing everything right.  However, I knew better.  The only thing that he was doing right was learning how to avoid the law.  He could afford one of the best lawyers so the fight was difficult.  I was promised by him that I would only get a divorce over his dead body....Well, in the fall of 2002 he was found dead by his father.  His heart exploded at the age of 33 from the cocaine and other drug use.  I thought all the ex problems ended there....however, it did not.  Court battles then began with my father-in-law.  He was demanding custody of my son.  This was a fight I was not going to give into.  I made the decision to quit my job and move back to my hometown 5 hours away but that didn't help.  He persued the custody thing for over two years.  He had the money to do so and I had nothing but my peace of mind.  I fought with everything I had wondering if it would ever end.  Well, in 2005 the courts finally realized what he was trying to do and granted me what I wanted....supervised visitation only.  It is still difficult to deal with this man but I have very little choice.  Thank God I made the choice to move because now he must travel the 5 hours to spend 2-3 hours with his grandson.  I guess my advise to all who have the exes from hell is to do two things....keep yourself and children safe, and never give up hope! 

Good luck to all! 

  

  

 
February 23, 2006, 6:58 am CST

Tracy

I think Tracy should change her phone number and maybe even move out of town, and stop sleeping with him. 

  

Alisha 

 
February 23, 2006, 7:06 am CST

man o man

arent ex's great?  I have a real winner myself.  Its hard to not hold bad feelings towards someone who stole $2000 worth of stuff out of my house and wont pay up on his child support.  He is using a legal way out- a bogus disability claim and keeps getting out of being responsible.  Then, he promises the kids he would take their dog when we moved, about a week later the dog ended up mysteriously on my property.  and yet he denies all of this.  He has threatened to make me miserable because I found someone new and moved on with my life.  Well, he sure made good on his threat.  I thought I could get beyond all of this but its been a year and it is still a challenge to talk to him civilly.  I suck it up though- not for him or me- but for the kids. 
 
February 23, 2006, 7:07 am CST

I can relate to Tracy's story

I dated a guy for over a year. He was very manipulative and emotionally abusive. He made me think I was no one without him and so on. I ended up in a mental hosp. 3 times because he made me want to commit suicide. Finally I got into a good program out of town away from him and I realized he was the problem. So I broke things off with him, yet he kept calling he even started making the 2 hour drive to see me without warning and totally disrupt my life. But every now and then I would remember the few good times and all of a sudden I would be in love with him again. We would have sex and spend a night out on the town together, and then in the morning a country song would run through my head, "I may hate myself in the morning but I"m going to love you tonight." 

  

Alisha 

 
February 23, 2006, 7:23 am CST

02/23 Exes From Hell

Quote From: ma_hughes

OK hows this one people. My son 17 died in Nov.,2005. His dad saw him on good years 1or2 times. He did try to send b-day cards with a $10.00 walmart card. He paid $125.00 support monthly. He didnt call but maybe 3 or4 times a year. The last contact he made with his son was one year and 3 months before he passed away. His last word then was that he hated him and never wanted to talk to him again. At the funeral I let him help with all the arragments and he was heartbroken over how things were leaft. Then he told me thanks for never ever trying to come between them and he was sorry he didnt excersize visits more. About two to 3 weeks later he decided to inform me that he deserves half of all insurance because he is the dad and that he had checked it out and I had better pay him. How is this possable? He did support my son in anyway he had no hand in his life other than $125 a month and that was the state that had it withheld from his check. It isnt like he even took the time to send it himself! So I have to give him $20,000.00. For a sperm donation 17 years ago! My son hated him for everthing he wasnt and everything he did to him. He was not nice to my boy when he did see him. I tryed to talk to my boy over and over and tell him that his dad loved him and nomatter what he was his dad, but hewouldnt hear of it he said my dad is JD thats my husband now. So any ideas how to fight this wanna be man? Or should I just pay him off to leave me alone? Will he ever let me have some peace?
Who paid the policy? My suggestion get a lawyer check the laws in your state. If your present husband made the payments then I don't see how your ex is entitled to any of it. I don't see how he is entitled to any of it anyway. But check with a lawyer first. Don't do anything till you have seen a lawyer.
 
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