Topic : 02/23 Exes From Hell

you know, if he is an addiction, the best thing you can do is go into rehab. :P.  You know you love him but it will never work, right?  Well, crackheads love crack and methheads love meth but it wont do them any good or make their lives better in anyway.  Stop "using the drug" and get some help for yourself because it is not the "drug" that is the problem here- it is the minds belief it has to have it.  Maybe one day a switch will go on up there and you will realize "this is NEVER EVER EVER going to work".  And until your mind gets it, you will be stuck in this mentality.   

The best advice I can give is from my own experience, when you are really sick of it and playing games, you will stop.  In the meanwhile, distract yourself with other "interests".  Whatever interests will distract you from your addiction while you quit cold turkey.  Because crack makes the addict feel good, but isnt any good for them.  And I think you know this relationship is in essence your "crack".  Maybe you are not addicted to the man, but how the man makes you feel at that moment and you keep going back for more??  I am not anybody, but that is what it looked like to me.  I am not judgemental towards you in anyway personally, I think you come off as a pretty cool gal.  That addiction just makes people do things they would never normally do, huh?:] 

That first couple-she has just completey undermined the importance and neccesity of restraining orders and the real problems so many people have with stalkers and abusive partners.  She absolutely disgusted me.  He really is no better-how low does his self-esteem and common sense have to be before he realizes she is just getting her cake & eating it too?  (Offspring's song "Self-Esteem" comes to mind)  He also is twsting everything to try to validate his behavior-move on & stop being so obsessive, it's not attractive! 

The second couple-it's so unfortunate they are so hateful & vindictive to each other that they won't take their kids feelings into consideration and put their gloves down.  But I think he is a class A jerk.  He is blaming everyone else for his station in life and will take no responsiblity.  I'm not saying her calling his boss & complaing about his hours was the most mature thing to do, but it was obviously a last-straw cry for help.  And what kind fo boss fires you just for that?  Unless there's more to that story that just doesn't sound right.  I just don't understand all of these people who come on this show who's love for their spouse was obviously so conditional to begin with-why marry someone if you are not willing to put anything into the relationship??? 

How about a follow up on the woman who's children were taken by their father, who wouldn't disclose their location even tho he was in jail?   

I think you're brave to have gone on the Dr. Phil show. I know I couldn't do it. 

However, I think a lot of the answer to your situation lies in the very post you've written. Read it carefully, Tracie. You say one thing, but your actions say something much different. 

He has a difficulty maintaining a steady job.  He doesn't know when his next paycheck will be coming in and I refuse to live that way.  

Do you? If you refused to live that way, then you would end the relationship for good. You wouldn't still be sleeping with him and sending him cards saying you love him. You say he's a "psycho" but you're telling this "psycho" you love him. 

I did try being friends with him and I did tell him that someday I would be moving on.  

Did you mean that? You clearly have not moved on.  

I really do want to move on with my life.  

Your actions do not indicate this or you would not still be spending time with this guy. As long as you stay in contact with him in any manner (trying to be "just friends"), he is going to think he stands a chance with you. Believe me, I've been there, done that. 

It's like I'm addicted to him. 

Then you need to seek "treatment" to get over your addiction. That means withdrawl. That means getting away from the source of your addiction. Get counseling. Don't stay in the situation. 

Tracie, I get the feeling that you think Dan is the only man who will ever really want to be with you. I sense a true lack of self esteem in you, that if you let this guy go, nobody else will love you. NOT TRUE. It's going to hurt to make a break from this guy but for your own sanity and your future, you have to do it. Otherwise, this painful cycle will go on and on. You know he's not the one for you. Now act on that wisdom and move on. 

I truly hope you can summon the will to move on and will be praying for you. 

Tracie, more women than you think totally understand what you're going through.  If my ex was just a little different in a few areas, we could have made it, but I realized after 10 years that he was never going to change.  That's when I accepted our failed marriage.  You are getting out early.  Good for you.  You and Dan need to cut it off completely.  I'm a true believer that "exes" can be friends, but in some cases, it's better to totally let go.  And as you both grow away from each other, he'll get his life in order and he'll have become a better man because of you.  And you will definitely learn lessons from this experience.  I know it's hard to let go of the familiar feelings, especially after 4 years!  People end up getting married because it doesn't hurt as much as the feeling of lonliness after a break up.  Most of those marriages are disasters.  We all make stupid mistakes because of love.  Don't beat yourself up.  Just make that changes you need to make in your life and keep moving on!  More power to ya, girl! 

Susan