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Topic : 02/23 Exes From Hell

Number of Replies: 552
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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:16:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Everyone knows someone who’s been in a bad breakup. Dr. Phil’s guests say they’ve got ex-mates from hell! Tracie called off her wedding over a year ago, but her ex-fiancé, Dan, still won’t leave her alone. He calls every morning to say he loves her, but when he hacked into her computer and e-mailed a man she was dating, and when he broke into her house, she filed a restraining order against him. Dan says Tracie is the love of his life, and thinks they still have a chance to patch things up. Then, Stacie says her ex-husband, Ted, is making her life miserable. Since their marriage ended, she says he abandoned her and their three sons financially. Can she get Ted to step up and pay child support, or will she and the kids be out on the street? Talk about the show here.

 

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February 23, 2006, 8:43 am CST

The Other Side

Just to share my Son's story,  He has a three year old daughter with his ex.  He has never missed a child support payment, he has never missed a "visitation" with his daughter.  He begs for additional time to be with his daughter.  His ex does everything in her power to allienate his daughter from him.  It's one of those situations that she doesn't want him but she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. She tell her daughter that her Dad is mean and doesn't love her.  He wants to attend Doctor's appt, dental appt.'s anything he can to be involved with his daughter. He almost needs to be a private investigator to find out anything about his own daugher. Even  though he has a Court Order stating that he has "joint physical custody" and is to be informed. She has remarried which we thought would be a Good Things, but no  that didn't help the situation any now she seems to have gotten worse.  She has learn that my son is engage to be married himself and oh how it hit the fan.  She doesn't want his fiance to even be around "HER" daughter, even though  "her" daughter loves is fiance very much.  It is a  very sad situation.  I am so glad that you are doing a show re: this subject.  I hope you will cover this side of the table as well as Dead Beat Dads.   Thank you for letting me post.   

 
February 23, 2006, 8:45 am CST

02/23 Exes From Hell

Stacie, I can see it in his eyes.  He was lying through his teeth.  And don't you think for one minute he isn't tell your children lies about you.  Men tend ot have selective memory and he'll only twist the truth around to make everything your fault.  My ex is exactly the same.  He makes my life miserable and then plays the vicitim and makes it look like I'm crazy.  He gives a great performance as a dad in public, but no one knows the truth about how he really is at home.  Our situations are so similar.  My ex lost his job 2 days after temporary orders came out.  I was supposed to get $1200/month for our 3 children and the house.  Instead of getting another job, he filed for unemployment, gave me the 3 highest credit cards to pay (because they were in my name, he was just a user) and said I needed to go work full time, after being at home for 8 years.  I worked as many as 5 part time jobs during the time my children were in school or with their dad so I could continue being a full time mom.  I refuse to make my kids change their lifestyle because we couldn't make our marriage work.  I got half his unemployment check for 6 months, moved out of the house because it's worth less than we owe and I can't afford the mortgage payments, the child support was lowered to $200/month and I'm currently getting nothing.  I'm barely making it, creditors are calling and one is suing me.  In the meantime, he has opened up his own dream business, has a supportive girlfriend, drives a Jeep Grand Cherokee, and acts like I should just suck it up.  We have a 50/50 parenting schedule but he only spends about 15% of his time with them because he teaches karate while they sit in the lobby, having other parents help them with their homework!  Here's the hard part for me.  He isn't an alcoholic or drug user and technically, he's not physically abusive (although I've seen him be abusive, but nothing that could be reported), he's mentally abusive to me and the kids.  To anyone looking at him, he looks like a reputable, respectable business owner, father, he's got friends, he's socially pleasant, always kept a job until his last one, he made $60k, what more could you ask.  I'm the only one who knows what kind of man he really is, but no one will listen, except my parents and few close friends.  My case isn't an obvious case of a deadbeat dad.  He pays for things when he has them.  He just doesn't think I deserve any of his money.  I should pay for my half and he should have no responsibility at all.  I have no money to spend on aggressive lawyers.  Mine is young and cheap and has made my case worse than you can imagine.  His is manipulative and vindictive.  My advice is to get a good lawyer if you have the money.  If you don't, good luck.  The system just doesn't work for people with no money.  This isn't even the half of it.  Stacie, my heart goes out to you.  Keep fighting for what is right for your kids.  Tell them every day you love them and they are the most important thing in your life.  Tell them that you would never change the fact that you have them even if you are going through a painful time.  I know it's hard to separate your stress from being a mom.  Just take it one day at a time and take full advantage of Dr. Phil's help.  You are so fortunate to get it.  I'm with ya in spirit!  Susan
 
February 23, 2006, 8:56 am CST

02/23 Exes From Hell

Quote From: catcher35

That first couple-she has just completey undermined the importance and neccesity of restraining orders and the real problems so many people have with stalkers and abusive partners.  She absolutely disgusted me.  He really is no better-how low does his self-esteem and common sense have to be before he realizes she is just getting her cake & eating it too?  (Offspring's song "Self-Esteem" comes to mind)  He also is twsting everything to try to validate his behavior-move on & stop being so obsessive, it's not attractive! 

  

The second couple-it's so unfortunate they are so hateful & vindictive to each other that they won't take their kids feelings into consideration and put their gloves down.  But I think he is a class A jerk.  He is blaming everyone else for his station in life and will take no responsiblity.  I'm not saying her calling his boss & complaing about his hours was the most mature thing to do, but it was obviously a last-straw cry for help.  And what kind fo boss fires you just for that?  Unless there's more to that story that just doesn't sound right.  I just don't understand all of these people who come on this show who's love for their spouse was obviously so conditional to begin with-why marry someone if you are not willing to put anything into the relationship??? 

I respect your views, but have you ever been in love?  been in a relationship?  been married?  have kids?  lived with no financial support?  It's just not that cut and dried when emotions and stress it high and you are not being heard. 

I totally agree that there had to have been more to him getting fired.  He wouldn't tell the truth if you beat it out of him because he's twisted it until he believes it himself.  Trust me, I know how Stacie feels. 

 
February 23, 2006, 8:59 am CST

My thoughts are with you

Quote From: powers009

Who paid the policy? My suggestion get a lawyer check the laws in your state. If your present husband made the payments then I don't see how your ex is entitled to any of it. I don't see how he is entitled to any of it anyway. But check with a lawyer first. Don't do anything till you have seen a lawyer.

I would also like to express my sympathy for your loss, a child no matter what age is a difficult to deal with.  As for your ex, guilt will be something they will live with for the rest of his life and my experience with my ex, makes the worst come out and they redirect it to others.  Just don't let it affect you it is something he will have to deal with.  As for his request for half of any insurance money, it makes no difference even who paid for the premium.  On an life insurance policy there are clear definitions of rights.   The owner of the policy controls the policy, the beneficiary is the one who is entitled to the face amount of the policy of the person the policy was written to cover and that is on file with the life insurance company.   A policy can be paid by anyone and does not entitle them to the benefits.  If a premium is not paid, yes the owner is responsible for payments, but for instance if they are short that month and ask a friend or family member to pay it on their behalf that does not change the legal contract of the policy.  This would be something that would be a litigation in small claims court if it was a loan or a gift, but would not change the written contract of the policy.  If there was another written agreement that states different of the benefits after they are paid to the beneficiary then that is another matter.  But just coming up to someone and saying you need to pay me this, well that is just words.  Going through arrangements of a loved one, promises are made, just make sure you did not make promises about repayments or financial arrangements of anything.   And if you didn't just let it go and go on with your life and let his problems be his problems don't make them yours, honor your son's memory.  I think I have heard Dr. Phil say many times the only one you control is yourself and anger is destructive.  And yes it is a very good idea to consult an attorney or your life insurance professional for explaination of your situation.  My prayers are with you and may life bring you happiness. 

 
February 23, 2006, 9:00 am CST

02/23 Exes From Hell

Quote From: ma_hughes

OK hows this one people. My son 17 died in Nov.,2005. His dad saw him on good years 1or2 times. He did try to send b-day cards with a $10.00 walmart card. He paid $125.00 support monthly. He didnt call but maybe 3 or4 times a year. The last contact he made with his son was one year and 3 months before he passed away. His last word then was that he hated him and never wanted to talk to him again. At the funeral I let him help with all the arragments and he was heartbroken over how things were leaft. Then he told me thanks for never ever trying to come between them and he was sorry he didnt excersize visits more. About two to 3 weeks later he decided to inform me that he deserves half of all insurance because he is the dad and that he had checked it out and I had better pay him. How is this possable? He did support my son in anyway he had no hand in his life other than $125 a month and that was the state that had it withheld from his check. It isnt like he even took the time to send it himself! So I have to give him $20,000.00. For a sperm donation 17 years ago! My son hated him for everthing he wasnt and everything he did to him. He was not nice to my boy when he did see him. I tryed to talk to my boy over and over and tell him that his dad loved him and nomatter what he was his dad, but hewouldnt hear of it he said my dad is JD thats my husband now. So any ideas how to fight this wanna be man? Or should I just pay him off to leave me alone? Will he ever let me have some peace?

Insurance proceeds go to the named beneficiary.  If this dad was one of the named beneficiaries (for example, if it was left to your son's parents jointly) he is entitled to collect regardless of how unfair it might seem.  If he isn't named, he is out of luck. 

  

I am an estate lawyer (in Canada) and I have found over and over that  people don't think to change their policies after they divorce-especially work or banking group policies.  They often say they thought the divorce lawyer looked after it .  The only person who can change the beneficiary is the insured. 

  

It only takes a minute and look into it to save your loved ones getting burned. 

 
February 23, 2006, 9:01 am CST

Stacie and Ted----TOXIC COUPLE!!!!!!

You BOTH are the most arrogant, selfish people I have ever seen on this show.  

  

STACIE, Your ex Ted will  ALWAYS and FOREVER be DAD to those three boys and trust me, WILL HATE YOU later in life if you turn them against him no matter what he is or has done to you. 

  

TED, your ex Stacie will ALWAYS and FOREVER be MOM to those three boys and again, WILL HATE YOU later in life if you turn them against her no matter what she is or has done to you. 

  

These two people desperately need not only counseling, but also need parenting classes. They are the reason so many children grow up to be insecure, angry, unfeeling adults who perpetuate the cycle with their own children. They would be better off being raised by wolves than these two selfish people. AMEN 

  

The three boys also need counseling to vent their feelings without fear of repercussion from their parents.  

 
February 23, 2006, 9:15 am CST

TO MA HUGHES

Quote From: ma_hughes

OK hows this one people. My son 17 died in Nov.,2005. His dad saw him on good years 1or2 times. He did try to send b-day cards with a $10.00 walmart card. He paid $125.00 support monthly. He didnt call but maybe 3 or4 times a year. The last contact he made with his son was one year and 3 months before he passed away. His last word then was that he hated him and never wanted to talk to him again. At the funeral I let him help with all the arragments and he was heartbroken over how things were leaft. Then he told me thanks for never ever trying to come between them and he was sorry he didnt excersize visits more. About two to 3 weeks later he decided to inform me that he deserves half of all insurance because he is the dad and that he had checked it out and I had better pay him. How is this possable? He did support my son in anyway he had no hand in his life other than $125 a month and that was the state that had it withheld from his check. It isnt like he even took the time to send it himself! So I have to give him $20,000.00. For a sperm donation 17 years ago! My son hated him for everthing he wasnt and everything he did to him. He was not nice to my boy when he did see him. I tryed to talk to my boy over and over and tell him that his dad loved him and nomatter what he was his dad, but hewouldnt hear of it he said my dad is JD thats my husband now. So any ideas how to fight this wanna be man? Or should I just pay him off to leave me alone? Will he ever let me have some peace?

I logged on to tell you how very sorry I am that your son passed on.    My friend has to deal with a similar heartache.    I do not have any advice for how to deal with his father, except to say you should consult a lawyer before handing over the money? 

 
February 23, 2006, 9:16 am CST

stacie and ted

How "controlling" must someone be in order to call their husband's boss and boss them around?   Wow, the anger that man must feel (rightfully so).   I know it's tough, my husband works 14 or more hours a day.  I wish he would take a step down so that we had more family time (we don't need the material things, we would manage).  However, he feels his success as a man is providing as much income for his family as possible (not what dr. phil says I know).   Stacie could have just went and got separated/divorced rather than calling the boss, and then her man would have the means to support the kids.  The thing bothering me is she doesn't take the full responsibility for putting them in the financial situation they are in.  How can you make the man lose his job (which to some men is their whole identity), then bash him for not supporting your kids.  Ted seems to be trying to do what he can -- he did find a job,  and he comes off as if he wants to be a good man for his sons. I assume it will take him awhile to work back up the ladder at his new place of business.  I hope he does well..Hang in there!  I wish them both luck at putting the resentment  behind them.    MAYBE his old company will see the show, have mercy, see he is no longer with the crazy wife who called, and give him his job back?!!!! 

 
February 23, 2006, 9:21 am CST

To Tracy

Quote From: tad225

As you watch this show, I don't want you to think I'm some horrible person.  I feel that I need to explain myself as I was so humiliated I couldn't even say a thing.  I made a fool of myself on TV and I appear to be the ex from hell.  Maybe I am.  I wish I could have spoken out more on the show but my crumbled confidence got the best of me.  I just wanted to crawl under a chair and hide like a coward.  I didn't continue to see Dan because I enjoyed the attention or being chased.  It's not that I wanted my cake and eat it too. It's not like that at all.  I still care for and have feelings for the man I was going to marry 14 months ago.  I thought I finally found my Mr. Right.  I put Dan on a pedestal and thought he could be the person I wanted him to be.  I wanted him to by my Mr. Right so badly but I only got deeply disappointed so much that I could never put myself in that position with Dan again in fear of getting hurt all over again.  I'm trying to avoid the situation that Stacie and her ex are in and many of you are in right now.  I honestly don't understand why I have such a difficult time letting him go.  We have such a good friendship and get along so well as long as I don't rely, depend or expect anything from him.  He has a difficulty maintaining a steady job.  He doesn't know when his next paycheck will be coming in and I refuse to live that way.  And I'm not going to put my future children in that situation.  That's why I would never be able to marry him.  I've always told this to Dan but he never thought I would ever actually leave him.  I did try being friends with him and I did tell him that someday I would be moving on.  So when I started showing interest in someone else, Dan got really jealous.  It's like he didn't know what he had until it was gone.  He tries to convince me that we should not throw what we have away.  I tell him that he had his chance and he blew it.  It's just too late for us as so much has happened.  I know Dr. Phil was trying to get me to stand up for myself.  I really do want to move on with my life.   I should have asked Dr. Phil how do I go about doing so when I still care for Dan?  He's all I knew for four years and we did have so many wonderful times.  It's like I'm addicted to him.
First of all I understand how you could be to nervous on tv to say much.   I would feel the same way.   You are very mixed up but remember that often happens at the end of any love relationship.   That is why people often end up sleepign with their exes after they have aplit up.   Hardly ever is a clean break for anyone.  it happens all the time.   You still have feelings and attraction for the man, even though you know the relationship is doomed.   dont worry about the poeple who seem to be judging you.   My sister has been in your shoes butr she got her head straigt after some time.   
 
February 23, 2006, 9:29 am CST

THIS IS NOT GOOD

Quote From: ses3131

Just to share my Son's story,  He has a three year old daughter with his ex.  He has never missed a child support payment, he has never missed a "visitation" with his daughter.  He begs for additional time to be with his daughter.  His ex does everything in her power to allienate his daughter from him.  It's one of those situations that she doesn't want him but she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. She tell her daughter that her Dad is mean and doesn't love her.  He wants to attend Doctor's appt, dental appt.'s anything he can to be involved with his daughter. He almost needs to be a private investigator to find out anything about his own daugher. Even  though he has a Court Order stating that he has "joint physical custody" and is to be informed. She has remarried which we thought would be a Good Things, but no  that didn't help the situation any now she seems to have gotten worse.  She has learn that my son is engage to be married himself and oh how it hit the fan.  She doesn't want his fiance to even be around "HER" daughter, even though  "her" daughter loves is fiance very much.  It is a  very sad situation.  I am so glad that you are doing a show re: this subject.  I hope you will cover this side of the table as well as Dead Beat Dads.   Thank you for letting me post.   

I so feel for you and your son.    Please remember the daughter will grow up and figure things out.   I have a suggestion for you to consider.   Tell your son to keep record of all conversations and money transactions,  and what he has done to try to be a real father.    A diary.   The girl will figure this out in the end and come back to her father.   In the meantime it is heartbreaking and wicked.    The mother will pay the price in the end when the daughter figures out mom tried to keep her daddy from her.   As the gramma you could write a diary too so that it will not just be the mom's word against your son's.    Do not get obsessed with it.    Just write notes on what is going on and your feelings.    Sorry to bring up the subject of you dying, but if you are deceased your son will have your diary to back up his facts when the little girl comes looking for the truth. 

 
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