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Topic : 02/23 Exes From Hell

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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:16:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Everyone knows someone who’s been in a bad breakup. Dr. Phil’s guests say they’ve got ex-mates from hell! Tracie called off her wedding over a year ago, but her ex-fiancé, Dan, still won’t leave her alone. He calls every morning to say he loves her, but when he hacked into her computer and e-mailed a man she was dating, and when he broke into her house, she filed a restraining order against him. Dan says Tracie is the love of his life, and thinks they still have a chance to patch things up. Then, Stacie says her ex-husband, Ted, is making her life miserable. Since their marriage ended, she says he abandoned her and their three sons financially. Can she get Ted to step up and pay child support, or will she and the kids be out on the street? Talk about the show here.

 

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February 23, 2006, 9:31 am CST

02/23 Exes From Hell

Quote From: powers009

If he is getting a disability check your children are entitled to a percentage of this. As far as the stealing of the 2000 dollars worth of stuff can you prove it? If you can take a warrant out for his arrest and get a restraining order. If he has stolen he is not a good example for these children see about having his visitation supervised. Just a thought.

he was denied disability and is in the appeals process, which to me is ridiculous.  He filed the claim out of spite after he quit his job, about a week later.  In michigan they do not withold money out of an SSI check anyway so I probably wont see a cent, and I am not sure if that is state or fed law.  I tried to prove it with concrete evidence, but there was none.  All I have are written documents of him filing a disgruntled complaint with the court and my police report is dated a few days later, plus I know he was spiteful enough to act like that.  I am in a motions process and I since I do not have proof he did what he did, my hands are tied and I hold my faith in the system which can work one way or the other.  Its one of those unfortunate situations and I have to take it and it makes me sooooooooo mad.  I would like to ___________.(read my mind because its too mean to say outloud) >:{ 

  

  

 
February 23, 2006, 9:37 am CST

Tracie is a wonderful person!

Quote From: tad225

As you watch this show, I don't want you to think I'm some horrible person.  I feel that I need to explain myself as I was so humiliated I couldn't even say a thing.  I made a fool of myself on TV and I appear to be the ex from hell.  Maybe I am.  I wish I could have spoken out more on the show but my crumbled confidence got the best of me.  I just wanted to crawl under a chair and hide like a coward.  I didn't continue to see Dan because I enjoyed the attention or being chased.  It's not that I wanted my cake and eat it too. It's not like that at all.  I still care for and have feelings for the man I was going to marry 14 months ago.  I thought I finally found my Mr. Right.  I put Dan on a pedestal and thought he could be the person I wanted him to be.  I wanted him to by my Mr. Right so badly but I only got deeply disappointed so much that I could never put myself in that position with Dan again in fear of getting hurt all over again.  I'm trying to avoid the situation that Stacie and her ex are in and many of you are in right now.  I honestly don't understand why I have such a difficult time letting him go.  We have such a good friendship and get along so well as long as I don't rely, depend or expect anything from him.  He has a difficulty maintaining a steady job.  He doesn't know when his next paycheck will be coming in and I refuse to live that way.  And I'm not going to put my future children in that situation.  That's why I would never be able to marry him.  I've always told this to Dan but he never thought I would ever actually leave him.  I did try being friends with him and I did tell him that someday I would be moving on.  So when I started showing interest in someone else, Dan got really jealous.  It's like he didn't know what he had until it was gone.  He tries to convince me that we should not throw what we have away.  I tell him that he had his chance and he blew it.  It's just too late for us as so much has happened.  I know Dr. Phil was trying to get me to stand up for myself.  I really do want to move on with my life.   I should have asked Dr. Phil how do I go about doing so when I still care for Dan?  He's all I knew for four years and we did have so many wonderful times.  It's like I'm addicted to him.

I also want you to know that Tracie is a wonderful, sweet, kind and loving person. She is the most kind hearted person that I have ever met. That is just one of the many reasons that I love her and wanted to marry her. We had a wonderful relationship for nearly three years and we still have some great times. Many of you have never had a relationship as good as ours and think that you have all the answers. Up until I got fired we had the best relationship of both of our lives. We both wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Tracie will admit to that also. We didn't have problems until after Tracie got cold feet and called off the wedding. I don't blame her as I did loose more than my job I lost respect for myself. Then Tracie lost respect for me. There are still so many good things about our relationship. We get along so well which you didn't see that on the show. The main thing that we do have is that we are not only lovers but best friends. It is hard to give up on that. Most of you think that we should just quit this relationship cold turkey. It is a lot easier said than done.  

  

We went on the show looking for help from Dr. Phil. I guess that we didn't get the advice that we wanted. I know that it wasn't what I wanted to hear. After the show Tracie and I continue to see each other. We still talk several times a day. We even had a wonderful Valentines Day diner and night together. Most of you will think that is crazy. I still want this relationship to work out. I still want to be Tracie's Mr. Right. Only time will tell. We are going to take it day by day and see what happens.   

 
February 23, 2006, 9:47 am CST

RE MY LAST POST

Quote From: judyblue22

Insurance proceeds go to the named beneficiary.  If this dad was one of the named beneficiaries (for example, if it was left to your son's parents jointly) he is entitled to collect regardless of how unfair it might seem.  If he isn't named, he is out of luck. 

  

I am an estate lawyer (in Canada) and I have found over and over that  people don't think to change their policies after they divorce-especially work or banking group policies.  They often say they thought the divorce lawyer looked after it .  The only person who can change the beneficiary is the insured. 

  

It only takes a minute and look into it to save your loved ones getting burned. 

I posted this morning that the lady with the life insurance problem should consult a lawyer.    Ma Hughes here is a lawyer.   You can save yourself the money and ignore my post.   Thank you Judy.   

 
February 23, 2006, 9:48 am CST

howdy

Quote From: ses3131

Just to share my Son's story,  He has a three year old daughter with his ex.  He has never missed a child support payment, he has never missed a "visitation" with his daughter.  He begs for additional time to be with his daughter.  His ex does everything in her power to allienate his daughter from him.  It's one of those situations that she doesn't want him but she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. She tell her daughter that her Dad is mean and doesn't love her.  He wants to attend Doctor's appt, dental appt.'s anything he can to be involved with his daughter. He almost needs to be a private investigator to find out anything about his own daugher. Even  though he has a Court Order stating that he has "joint physical custody" and is to be informed. She has remarried which we thought would be a Good Things, but no  that didn't help the situation any now she seems to have gotten worse.  She has learn that my son is engage to be married himself and oh how it hit the fan.  She doesn't want his fiance to even be around "HER" daughter, even though  "her" daughter loves is fiance very much.  It is a  very sad situation.  I am so glad that you are doing a show re: this subject.  I hope you will cover this side of the table as well as Dead Beat Dads.   Thank you for letting me post.   

you know, my guy was in this almost exact same situation except his daughter is older.  The law is on your side and this is a very cut and dry easy solution.  Whatever is in the court order, the parties must comply with or they are in contempt.  I am not a lawyer and I am not trying to play lawyer, this is just from personal experience.  He has a right to whatever that order says and so does the ex wife.  If either person does not comply, the other party can motion for compliance.  It goes both ways.  They even have a clause in the order sometime about inherent rights, where either party cannot turn the children against the other parent.  He should really check up on that with a lawyer. 
 
February 23, 2006, 9:54 am CST

02/23 Exes From Hell

Quote From: zitsahoy

I so feel for you and your son.    Please remember the daughter will grow up and figure things out.   I have a suggestion for you to consider.   Tell your son to keep record of all conversations and money transactions,  and what he has done to try to be a real father.    A diary.   The girl will figure this out in the end and come back to her father.   In the meantime it is heartbreaking and wicked.    The mother will pay the price in the end when the daughter figures out mom tried to keep her daddy from her.   As the gramma you could write a diary too so that it will not just be the mom's word against your son's.    Do not get obsessed with it.    Just write notes on what is going on and your feelings.    Sorry to bring up the subject of you dying, but if you are deceased your son will have your diary to back up his facts when the little girl comes looking for the truth. 

Thank you for your suggestion and for the opportunity  to vent.  
 
February 23, 2006, 9:55 am CST

02/23 Exes From Hell

Quote From: jennieloo

he was denied disability and is in the appeals process, which to me is ridiculous.  He filed the claim out of spite after he quit his job, about a week later.  In michigan they do not withold money out of an SSI check anyway so I probably wont see a cent, and I am not sure if that is state or fed law.  I tried to prove it with concrete evidence, but there was none.  All I have are written documents of him filing a disgruntled complaint with the court and my police report is dated a few days later, plus I know he was spiteful enough to act like that.  I am in a motions process and I since I do not have proof he did what he did, my hands are tied and I hold my faith in the system which can work one way or the other.  Its one of those unfortunate situations and I have to take it and it makes me sooooooooo mad.  I would like to ___________.(read my mind because its too mean to say outloud) >: 

  

  

Here it is called aid for dependent children have you filed for that. Get your local social services involved. Make a lot of noise. Check out some independent agency's that collect child support. There is one advertised on the Maury Povich show.
 
February 23, 2006, 10:38 am CST

You Must be Nuts!!!!!

Quote From: snooz64

I respect your views, but have you ever been in love?  been in a relationship?  been married?  have kids?  lived with no financial support?  It's just not that cut and dried when emotions and stress it high and you are not being heard. 

I totally agree that there had to have been more to him getting fired.  He wouldn't tell the truth if you beat it out of him because he's twisted it until he believes it himself.  Trust me, I know how Stacie feels. 

In the immortal words of Tina Turner "what's love got to do with it"?  They are both crazy.  Why in the heck would you sleep with someone you are "afraid of". 

This makes me so angry I could spit.  I am an abuse survivor and people like Stacy just makes a mockery of every woman who has REALLY been afraid and needed police protection.   

And yes I have been in love, I am married to a wonderful man.  However......... even though I haven't seen my abuser in over seven years I am still deathly afraid of him.  I never enter a crowd that I don't look for him, as long as I know he is alive I will never rest easy.  

So Stacy quit wasting our time, your "15 minutes" are up. 

 
February 23, 2006, 10:45 am CST

A FRIEND OF MINE

Quote From: ses3131

Thank you for your suggestion and for the opportunity  to vent.  

I am not surprised you need to vent.   One thing I forgot to tell you was about the experience of a male friend of mine who was in a similar situation years ago.    His ex wife told their children that he paid no child support and whined about how hard it was to go it alone.   He was paying child support and he kept all reciepts and cashed checks for years.    When hsi children grew up they were angry with him because they had believed the lies the mother told.   He was able to show them all the paperwork.     Keep the all the paperwork and emails and letters where he begs for more access and then wait.    It will be hard to wait but they will find out the truth in the end.    I wish your family well and I am sorry you are going through this.    

 
February 23, 2006, 10:59 am CST

Mr Right

Quote From: dls0328

I also want you to know that Tracie is a wonderful, sweet, kind and loving person. She is the most kind hearted person that I have ever met. That is just one of the many reasons that I love her and wanted to marry her. We had a wonderful relationship for nearly three years and we still have some great times. Many of you have never had a relationship as good as ours and think that you have all the answers. Up until I got fired we had the best relationship of both of our lives. We both wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Tracie will admit to that also. We didn't have problems until after Tracie got cold feet and called off the wedding. I don't blame her as I did loose more than my job I lost respect for myself. Then Tracie lost respect for me. There are still so many good things about our relationship. We get along so well which you didn't see that on the show. The main thing that we do have is that we are not only lovers but best friends. It is hard to give up on that. Most of you think that we should just quit this relationship cold turkey. It is a lot easier said than done.  

  

We went on the show looking for help from Dr. Phil. I guess that we didn't get the advice that we wanted. I know that it wasn't what I wanted to hear. After the show Tracie and I continue to see each other. We still talk several times a day. We even had a wonderful Valentines Day diner and night together. Most of you will think that is crazy. I still want this relationship to work out. I still want to be Tracie's Mr. Right. Only time will tell. We are going to take it day by day and see what happens.   

You didn't get the advice that you wanted... what advice did you want?? 

You continue to see each other because its easy, its convenient, its your comfort zone, even though your relationship used to be "great" and its now toxic and holding you both back in life. Both of you need to grow up! You are not best friends, best friends are there for one another in a dependable, reliable way. Of course it is easier said than done to not see one another- thats because the right thing to do is always going to be the difficult thing. You are only hurting yourselves, and it seems as though if you truly 'love' each other, you would let go. 

 
February 23, 2006, 11:11 am CST

To Tracy

Quote From: tad225

As you watch this show, I don't want you to think I'm some horrible person.  I feel that I need to explain myself as I was so humiliated I couldn't even say a thing.  I made a fool of myself on TV and I appear to be the ex from hell.  Maybe I am.  I wish I could have spoken out more on the show but my crumbled confidence got the best of me.  I just wanted to crawl under a chair and hide like a coward.  I didn't continue to see Dan because I enjoyed the attention or being chased.  It's not that I wanted my cake and eat it too. It's not like that at all.  I still care for and have feelings for the man I was going to marry 14 months ago.  I thought I finally found my Mr. Right.  I put Dan on a pedestal and thought he could be the person I wanted him to be.  I wanted him to by my Mr. Right so badly but I only got deeply disappointed so much that I could never put myself in that position with Dan again in fear of getting hurt all over again.  I'm trying to avoid the situation that Stacie and her ex are in and many of you are in right now.  I honestly don't understand why I have such a difficult time letting him go.  We have such a good friendship and get along so well as long as I don't rely, depend or expect anything from him.  He has a difficulty maintaining a steady job.  He doesn't know when his next paycheck will be coming in and I refuse to live that way.  And I'm not going to put my future children in that situation.  That's why I would never be able to marry him.  I've always told this to Dan but he never thought I would ever actually leave him.  I did try being friends with him and I did tell him that someday I would be moving on.  So when I started showing interest in someone else, Dan got really jealous.  It's like he didn't know what he had until it was gone.  He tries to convince me that we should not throw what we have away.  I tell him that he had his chance and he blew it.  It's just too late for us as so much has happened.  I know Dr. Phil was trying to get me to stand up for myself.  I really do want to move on with my life.   I should have asked Dr. Phil how do I go about doing so when I still care for Dan?  He's all I knew for four years and we did have so many wonderful times.  It's like I'm addicted to him.
As with any addiction, there will be a withdrawal period. Please know that you will get over it, though, and so will he, and you both will be better off because of being apart from one another. It will be difficult- thats because the right thing to do is always the difficult thing to do, thats just the way it goes. If it was easy, no one would be tolerating bad relationships! Do the right thing for yourself and move forward without this guy, you can do it! You deserve it, you are worthy.
 
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