Topic : 07/05 Liar, Liar

Don't forget that Matt is a liar and his problems are MUCH deeper than his budget!  When Libby asked Matt where his money was going and he said "I don't know", HE WAS LYING and Libby knew it!  He knows exactly where his money goes, it goes to gambling and all the other pleasures he thinks he deserves but doesn't think he should have to pay for.  Financially, Matt's problem lies in his refusal to spend money on anything that would require him to be an adult - i.e. utility bills, rent, paying back his sister or any other debts he selfishly accrues. This case is soooo very different than that of the average Joe who just doesn't keep track of where his money goes, and a "debt diet" would only be a temporary bandaid on the issue because the debt is only a SYMPTOM of Matt's deeply serious psychological problems.   

I have been a compulsive liar for my entire life.   

When I was in grade school, it was for adult approval.  In middle and high school, it was for peer approval.  In college and beyond it was for self-approval.  The common element that ties all these things together is that at the heart of it, I have always known that when it comes down to it that am just that pathetic. 

It is painful for me to know that I lie without even thinking, and am even shocked at what it is I'm saying.  It's horrifying to me that I can't always remember what has actually happened, and what I've constructed as having happened.  It's embarassing to me that on top of the fact that I am one of those losers that wishes I was better than what I am, that I have to add the title of pathological liar to that.   

I have lost several relationships because of this problem.  And there's been times, looking back, that I allowed myself to sabotage the relationship because I didn't deserve it.   

I move about every year or so because I have to start over-- not because I've been "exposed" but because I there's no going back-- I can no longer face the people I've lied to even if they don't know I've lied to them-- or haven't confronted me.   

The times when I've been most open about this problem, I've rightfully faced judgement, I've lost the relationship/friendship, and have just felt more isolated by this disease.  I often feel that I should be put away in some kind of mental facility-- to keep from doing so much harm to others and to at least do some damage control. 

I truely understand your situation. My sister decided that it was ok to make herself an interest free loan ( she's a die hard christian) from the estate money and reconditioned an old house with it. She did not ask me at all. Or even had any ententions of letting me know about it. And she was accueing me of being greedy, but all she did was take it all. I would not have even found out about it, except that I had an accident and broke my leg, was out of work for 3 months. I needed the money to pay bills and  should not have had to worry about my bills. I am still in debt up to my ass. It would be nice to be able to get my bank account out of the overdraft. She justifies it by saying that it was the only chance that she could get a house of that size. I am probably going to have to get a lawyer to get my money. And she has been a horrible bitch about it.. like it is my fault that I had an accident and found out about the estate being emptyed. And there is no finacial aid for a single woman. I get food stamps and that is it. I hate to say it. but if you are near 30 you might need to consider haveing a child if you want one, they will help someone with a child, but not a single woman. I did let her have most of the antiques because they should stay in the family. I now wish I had taken them, wether I wanted them or not and sold them. My butt is in huge debt because of the accident. I have huge amounts of medical bills and no way to even begin to pay them except a few little dollars here and there. the stress of robbing peter to pay paul to pay adams housecat is huge. 

and she feels justified in doing it because she has a "family" and I don't count because I am not married, not cristian and have no children. And she accuses me of being distant, hell, I always have to call her and chat. she never has ever called me unless she wants something. Like me to come and get envolved in her 6 year olds life. I have to work. I do not have a second income . I have to work as much as I can just to keep up with my bills and now have trouble paying just my basic bills. There will be no vacation. No money to fix my teeth and get set up enough to be able to date. Or even get these medical bills caught up. She has always hated me. She blames me for her not being able to enjoy a candy bar because of my size. And I know she has everyone else snowed includeing my mothers family.  She was not concerned about me at all. She is trying to keep me emotionally tied to the family just enough to keep me from takeing her to court for embezelment. 

     Earth mother goddess, please save me from the fanatical christians, cause they will screw you quicker and justify it by saying you are not a cristian, you are a sinner and it is ok to screw you, you are not married and it is ok to screw you because there is no one in your corner to help you. You are fat it is ok to do anything I want to you because you are not worthy of anything. Her newest complaint is that she will have to take care of me in my old age. I have told her not to worry about that, because I would rather blow my brains out than move in with her. Right before her 2nd wedding she had told me that when my mom died. I would have no family and she will because she will have his family to be with and that I would not be included.  

I am so sorry for your pain, Lindsey...please don't close your heart to all people...I believe that there are more people that you can trust than those you can't. For instance, I have quite an extended family and only 1 in the bunch who is blatantly dishonest...some may tell a few "white lies" once in a while, but on the whole all of the rest of us are good people.  

You are so right  that the truth will eventually surface. If you read the post I posted earlier about my brother, this is another chapter in the book!  

My (liar) brother met this woman, fell in love, asked her to marry him before the family ever met her. Well...the family, knowing his sordid past were all torn whether we should tell this woman about his past (lying, stealing, forging checks, etc.,) as we knew he wouldn't tell her up front. So we all chose to keep silent and welcomed her with open arms. She started catching him in lies and then one day at a family gathering she pulled one of the family members aside and started asking questions. Well...after his sordid past was revealed she told him to move out and get counseling. He was so upset and told her he was going to commit suicide which was just a ploy to get her to feel sorry for him, as he used that line that too many times to be serious! I assured her that he would in fact not do so. I felt so sorry for her, feeling that someone should've spoken up. Later she told my sis and I that she wished someone would have! Before it ended he stole 20K in cash from her, took the brand new truck that was in his and her name, and ran off to VT. The next guy she got involved with she had a P.I. check his past first.  Well, I vowed never to play that game with him and another woman again and have told other family members that I don't even want to meet his new woman. Good thing they live in another state. I just hope she realizes what she's getting into.....Yes....the past will catch up with you!  

Anybody have any ideas how to deal with this type of situation in the future? Tell or not to tell? Don't get involved with the new girlfriend?