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Topic : 07/05 Liar, Liar

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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:18:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/24/06) "I got stuck in traffic." "The check is in the mail." "No, you don’t look fat in those jeans." Everyone fibs once in a while, right? Dr. Phil talks to compulsive liars. Libby says her brother, Matt, destroyed their family with his conning and stealing. He ran up a $300 phone bill in his mother, Ellen’s, name, stole Libby’s social security number and racked up $6,000 worth of debt. Matt says he’s ready to come clean, but Libby and Ellen say he has told so many lies, they don’t know what to believe anymore. Then, Melinda feels her 14-year-old daughter, Tricia’s, lying is out of control. Tricia lied about being pregnant, but she has never had sex. She even told the police her father “beat the crap out” of her and had him arrested! Find out what prompts her to make up so many stories. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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July 19, 2006, 12:13 am CDT

07/05 Liar, Liar

Quote From: fusili

Don't forget that Matt is a liar and his problems are MUCH deeper than his budget!  When Libby asked Matt where his money was going and he said "I don't know", HE WAS LYING and Libby knew it!  He knows exactly where his money goes, it goes to gambling and all the other pleasures he thinks he deserves but doesn't think he should have to pay for.  Financially, Matt's problem lies in his refusal to spend money on anything that would require him to be an adult - i.e. utility bills, rent, paying back his sister or any other debts he selfishly accrues. This case is soooo very different than that of the average Joe who just doesn't keep track of where his money goes, and a "debt diet" would only be a temporary bandaid on the issue because the debt is only a SYMPTOM of Matt's deeply serious psychological problems.   

   

   

 My partners ex is a compulsive lier she has caused nothing but problems for us emotional and finical.....M y partner is now a wake up to her so is her own family................But now  she has been labeled that she has a mental illness.................So my partner now thinks we should have more understanding towards her.............Aim sorry but ppl like her and Matt.....know what thay are doing and thay know how to manipulate  every one around them  with there lies 

 
July 24, 2006, 3:29 pm CDT

emotional sweeping under the rug

I think that Matt really does want to change and that lying has become a bad habit with him. I always feel guilty when I lie yet over the years I have gotten to the point where I can push my conscience into the background and do it anyway just to get a person to stop yelling or being physically abusive. Of course when someone is choking me it can get very difficult to speak at all which is what happened a few days ago. The only problem with lying is that eventually you will always get found out and that its really just a way to delay fixing of the problem. There are times and places where it is necessary to bluff out of a bad situation. Lying is not making the problem easier to fix its making it harder and the trust that gets shattered along the way is that really worth it?
 
July 24, 2006, 3:45 pm CDT

liar liar

I don't think that they really thought of the consequences of what they were doing just the short term effects. It might have made them feel better in the beginning by doing that but eventually lying is just an emotionally hurtful and draining coping mechanism that betrays trust and makes what should be loving relationships into resentful graveyards full of rotting half-truths and disgusted feelings instead of happiness.
 
January 26, 2007, 1:48 pm CST

Pathological LIAR!

Last year I met a girl for the first time. This girl was 13 and said that she was a model for Hollister, Abercrombie, and American Eagle. I thought something was fishy but I figured she just wanted to make friends. Then she said she was raped twice. I didn't believe because when she talked about it she did not cry or show any emotion. It was a little distrubing. Then she said her dad was dieing of a brain tumor. Then she said her dad died. One girl called her grandma ( who she lived with ) and said I am sorry for the loss of Alexis's dad and her grandma said Alexis's dad didn't die. Now I never know what to believe. People at school strated to realize she was a liar. Everytime someone would call her a liar she would turn to me and say tell them I am telling the truth. I did not know what to say. HELP ME!
 
June 3, 2007, 8:44 am CDT

Thank you...

Quote From: alandersol

I have been a compulsive liar for my entire life.   

  

When I was in grade school, it was for adult approval.  In middle and high school, it was for peer approval.  In college and beyond it was for self-approval.  The common element that ties all these things together is that at the heart of it, I have always known that when it comes down to it that am just that pathetic. 

  

It is painful for me to know that I lie without even thinking, and am even shocked at what it is I'm saying.  It's horrifying to me that I can't always remember what has actually happened, and what I've constructed as having happened.  It's embarassing to me that on top of the fact that I am one of those losers that wishes I was better than what I am, that I have to add the title of pathological liar to that.   

  

I have lost several relationships because of this problem.  And there's been times, looking back, that I allowed myself to sabotage the relationship because I didn't deserve it.   

  

I move about every year or so because I have to start over-- not because I've been "exposed" but because I there's no going back-- I can no longer face the people I've lied to even if they don't know I've lied to them-- or haven't confronted me.   

  

The times when I've been most open about this problem, I've rightfully faced judgement, I've lost the relationship/friendship, and have just felt more isolated by this disease.  I often feel that I should be put away in some kind of mental facility-- to keep from doing so much harm to others and to at least do some damage control. 

I don't want to say that it was nice to read your blog...but it was.  I have a daughter that is a compulsive liar and wish you were her.  She's about to lose everything...her marriage and possibly her son.  I know that I haven't helped matters by always enabling her in the past and now there's nothing I can do even if I wanted to.  She's going to have to live with the consequences now and it hurts me beyond imagination!!!

 
July 4, 2007, 5:12 am CDT

GOD BLESS YOU

Quote From: ntspinner

I truely understand your situation. My sister decided that it was ok to make herself an interest free loan ( she's a die hard christian) from the estate money and reconditioned an old house with it. She did not ask me at all. Or even had any ententions of letting me know about it. And she was accueing me of being greedy, but all she did was take it all. I would not have even found out about it, except that I had an accident and broke my leg, was out of work for 3 months. I needed the money to pay bills and  should not have had to worry about my bills. I am still in debt up to my ass. It would be nice to be able to get my bank account out of the overdraft. She justifies it by saying that it was the only chance that she could get a house of that size. I am probably going to have to get a lawyer to get my money. And she has been a horrible bitch about it.. like it is my fault that I had an accident and found out about the estate being emptyed. And there is no finacial aid for a single woman. I get food stamps and that is it. I hate to say it. but if you are near 30 you might need to consider haveing a child if you want one, they will help someone with a child, but not a single woman. I did let her have most of the antiques because they should stay in the family. I now wish I had taken them, wether I wanted them or not and sold them. My butt is in huge debt because of the accident. I have huge amounts of medical bills and no way to even begin to pay them except a few little dollars here and there. the stress of robbing peter to pay paul to pay adams housecat is huge. 

and she feels justified in doing it because she has a "family" and I don't count because I am not married, not cristian and have no children. And she accuses me of being distant, hell, I always have to call her and chat. she never has ever called me unless she wants something. Like me to come and get envolved in her 6 year olds life. I have to work. I do not have a second income . I have to work as much as I can just to keep up with my bills and now have trouble paying just my basic bills. There will be no vacation. No money to fix my teeth and get set up enough to be able to date. Or even get these medical bills caught up. She has always hated me. She blames me for her not being able to enjoy a candy bar because of my size. And I know she has everyone else snowed includeing my mothers family.  She was not concerned about me at all. She is trying to keep me emotionally tied to the family just enough to keep me from takeing her to court for embezelment. 

     Earth mother goddess, please save me from the fanatical christians, cause they will screw you quicker and justify it by saying you are not a cristian, you are a sinner and it is ok to screw you, you are not married and it is ok to screw you because there is no one in your corner to help you. You are fat it is ok to do anything I want to you because you are not worthy of anything. Her newest complaint is that she will have to take care of me in my old age. I have told her not to worry about that, because I would rather blow my brains out than move in with her. Right before her 2nd wedding she had told me that when my mom died. I would have no family and she will because she will have his family to be with and that I would not be included.  

Man, I thought my sister was a b****! Yours seems worse. Good luck to you, hope you can find peace and blessings.
 
October 17, 2007, 9:24 am CDT

Close to a break down and don't know where to go

 My 23 year old daughter (who lives in another state), a mother of two precious babies and the wife of what we consider a wonderful man told us (About eighteen months ago)  that her house was broke into, nothing was taken, but her underware were all on her bed, the mail from the mailbox had been brought in  and opened and placed on the bed.  The computer was on with her bank statement pulled up on it.  After the initial tale, no other word has been mentioned about it.  About three months before that, she interrupted someone trying to crawl into her bathroom window in the middle of the night. 
Five years ago she told everyone that she had a softball scholarship to attend college and was pursuing a degree in sports medicine.
Her six month old baby had a heart problem.
I could go on and on....
Her husband works a week at a time out of town and then is home for a week.  Everything happens when he is gone for the week.  Now, she is telling her friends that she is having an affair, and that her husband has beat her, duck taped her mouth and raped her in front of the kids and numerous other stories...and, they are reporting to the husband who has met with an attorney and plans to serve her papers take Tuesday.  has been telling her friends that her husband has beat her, duck taped her mouth and raped her in front of the kids and numerous other stories.
Of course none of the above stories are true....I'm devastated and know that I am rambling, please forgive.
I am so afraid and don't know where to turn...and I don't want to do the wrong thing.  We have all been turning our heads for so long thinking she was just immature...but, she''s gett ing worse.
What can anyone recommend???

 
December 21, 2007, 1:47 pm CST

Warn others if ur family/friend is a liar or thief

Quote From: sheltie2

I am so sorry for your pain, Lindsey...please don't close your heart to all people...I believe that there are more people that you can trust than those you can't. For instance, I have quite an extended family and only 1 in the bunch who is blatantly dishonest...some may tell a few "white lies" once in a while, but on the whole all of the rest of us are good people.  

  

You are so right  that the truth will eventually surface. If you read the post I posted earlier about my brother, this is another chapter in the book!  

  

My (liar) brother met this woman, fell in love, asked her to marry him before the family ever met her. Well...the family, knowing his sordid past were all torn whether we should tell this woman about his past (lying, stealing, forging checks, etc.,) as we knew he wouldn't tell her up front. So we all chose to keep silent and welcomed her with open arms. She started catching him in lies and then one day at a family gathering she pulled one of the family members aside and started asking questions. Well...after his sordid past was revealed she told him to move out and get counseling. He was so upset and told her he was going to commit suicide which was just a ploy to get her to feel sorry for him, as he used that line that too many times to be serious! I assured her that he would in fact not do so. I felt so sorry for her, feeling that someone should've spoken up. Later she told my sis and I that she wished someone would have! Before it ended he stole 20K in cash from her, took the brand new truck that was in his and her name, and ran off to VT. The next guy she got involved with she had a P.I. check his past first.  Well, I vowed never to play that game with him and another woman again and have told other family members that I don't even want to meet his new woman. Good thing they live in another state. I just hope she realizes what she's getting into.....Yes....the past will catch up with you!  

  

Anybody have any ideas how to deal with this type of situation in the future? Tell or not to tell? Don't get involved with the new girlfriend? 

I married my husband straight out of prison, well, almost.  Of course he lied about the half-way house & oh the web he wove!  His dad said, "I've known Jimmy longer than you have..." and tried to tell me, but I wish he had've been specific.  Jimmy kept a running list of his family's sins to throw the attention away from himself.  He is the most romantic, authentically sounding prayerful person you'll ever come in contact with, ever after he has commited heineous fraud!  He is addicted to crack cocaine, among other things, and alcohol, and gambling. He attaches himself to ministers & people in politics and throws names around like he's somebody. He always gets in these "situations" where he needs you to wire him money.  I told him I am done playing the money game and being his mommy and there is NO going back.  He gets in faith-based rehabs,believing he's a Christian, but he's never ceased to practice lawlessness and after you get to know him, you discover he can't tell the truth when it is handy!  When things started going to the pawn shop, I told him that if he didn't discuss it with me 1st, he was stealing me blind.  He said that I was lucky, that a couple of women came home to only curtains. Watch out girls!  He's bald and chocolate brown, goes by James or JT, he's 5'7", & he is a snake in the grass.  He loves to sell cars, work with horses, work in food service, and do not let him take your car to detail it!  It will be found on the side of the road in bad shape in a few days.  DO NOT give him money no matter how destitute he sounds.  Sociopathic liars, according to "The Sociopath Next Door", I think the book's name is, feed on one thing: PITY! PITY! PITY!  A good lover that will leave you at check out time with no car and no money.  It's Christmas time and he loves gifts.  Waiting on u hand & foot, cook, iron ur clothes, & slowly CLEAN UR HOUSE OUT AND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. His latest crimes are passing a counterfeit bill and stealing tools from a minister's half-way house.  One person said that he is so prolific, he could get a full pardon from the president!  However, warrants for his arrest are a number of places.  Watch out in Texas & AR and bus stations.  He will hang out there and he will ask to use your phone in a heartbeat.  He is robbing Children of God and does not consider that God is keeping count.  He does not make restitution!  He calls everything a misunderstanding or says people flat out lie on him.  Read 2 Peter and Jude and you will meet this man who is so cunning and so sweet that he will sweep you off your feet and break your heart because you won't see it coming if you believe a word he says.  God watch over you girls out there!  You will know them by their "fruits", and a good tree doesn't bear rotten fruit!  He is a parolee from AR also.  Don't aide and abeit and known felon.  Call 911 and Run!!   Put a stop to the endless list of people that he has molested the love and trust of and opened their homes and hearts to, only to wake up to the ultimate betrayal of a thief and a liar that they never dreamed would do this to him.  Remember, he's a romantic!  Writes poetry.  America's Most Wanted had a guy that sounded like him called Bubba, that was sooo like him only he was white.  He prefers white and Asian women, I think, but if he's after drugs and money, anyone will do!  God be with you and give you the inner sense if you ever meet him.  He needs to be stopped!  Old people are especially prey.  Ask his grandmothers!

 
December 31, 2007, 8:33 am CST

Are we addicted to drama?

Quote From: parahort

I was beginning  to  think that I  was  the only person with a family member that behaves this way! My husband of just over 2 years has a bad  problem wiht lying!  Before we  got  married I told him  what my  boundries were.  I will not  tolerate a liar5 or a  thief!  He is both  and I  didnt see this before because he  is  such a  good  liar, but  they  gotta  sleep  sometime! It consumes a lot  of  my  energy  just staying one  step  ahead.  But I  do  the homework to  check  out  his  stories!  Once I  caught him in that  first lie!  I havent stopped!  I chack out everything  he tells  me!  And when  i  catch him theres  hell to  pay. I have dug back  far enough  to  discover that most  of this isa  result of his  childhood!  hisparentsd didnt think that telling  the  truth was a neccesity apparently.  His  father was deceased before I  meet him as is  mine.  His Mother  lives for creating  turmoil and had I have known these  things I dont  think I would have  touched  him with  a 10 foot  pole.   My parents taught  me for better or worse. I realize  that a lot of  this is a self defense mechanism. I just wish he realized that  I am not the  person heshould  have  ever lied to from the  start.  Anybody got any suggestions?  We have  been to a coiunselor .  We got  nowhere  I  think it just wasnt  the  right  match!  But she w as able  to  shed some  light on  one of his many behavior problems.  He is a borderline personality  disorder and the last counselor said he needs to  be  in an  anger managment class. Help!

We have to ask ourselves when we stay in relationships like these....are we addicted to drama?  One co-worker in the mental health field said we are crisis junkies.  We can get so caught up in this that you get  addicted to the one-upmanship.  Honey, life is too short..  Anger management my hindfoot.  Once you catch someone is a lie three times, they are a liar, one author said.  A snake is a snake is a snake.  You may change his stripes and his colors with therapy, but  he still slithers.  I found my song when I heard, "NO MORE DRAMA" the other night! 

 

God deliver us from evil men that don't know the truth because it is not in them!  His hard drive is broke.  Learn to respect yourself enough not to play anymore games.  He never grew up and he never will.  It's a game to him and you just got caught up in it.  I'm done playing games with liars who only become sorry that they got caught.  Their tears are for them.  Give yourself time and space to believe that lies is all it's ever gonna be and be done with him.  You will go thru withdrawal, but resist.  Play a video game you can win if you can't resist.  If I could afford to start a business to nail these guys I would! 

 
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