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Topic : 07/05 Liar, Liar

Number of Replies: 239
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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:18:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/24/06) "I got stuck in traffic." "The check is in the mail." "No, you don’t look fat in those jeans." Everyone fibs once in a while, right? Dr. Phil talks to compulsive liars. Libby says her brother, Matt, destroyed their family with his conning and stealing. He ran up a $300 phone bill in his mother, Ellen’s, name, stole Libby’s social security number and racked up $6,000 worth of debt. Matt says he’s ready to come clean, but Libby and Ellen say he has told so many lies, they don’t know what to believe anymore. Then, Melinda feels her 14-year-old daughter, Tricia’s, lying is out of control. Tricia lied about being pregnant, but she has never had sex. She even told the police her father “beat the crap out” of her and had him arrested! Find out what prompts her to make up so many stories. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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February 19, 2006, 2:36 pm CST

"living a lie"

I have recently discovered that a close friend has been "living a lie" for years.    I can tell you it hurts and I feel betrayed, disappointed, angry, confused, and disappointed.     I don't think I will trust the people I meet in the future ever again.   If I can have been so stupid to have not seen what a fake she is then how can I trust myself to judge integrity in the future?     My husband's also pretty devastated.    We are in shell shock, so to speak.    Others feel the same.    Nobody will confront the liar.......she will just tell more to cover up I expect.    Once you find out someone is dishonest there is really no point in setting yourself up for more lies.    Once a liar always a liar.   

  

Those who live a lie don't seem to realize that the truth will float to the top eventually - like a corpse hidden in a pond.    You can weigh it down, but eventually the truth will out.   Decomposed and stinking.    Nothing will cover up the smell.    The cat is out of the bag........and it's not going back in.......ever. 

 
February 20, 2006, 7:07 am CST

I thought I had a friend...

I totally understand what you are saying about feeling disappointed, betrayed, and confused.   have known my best friend for 6 years.  She used to get cuaght up in small lies but since they were not things that affected my total friendship with her, I let them go.  I wish I had realized they were red flags.  I trully believe that with therapy, the compulsive liar can learn, and grow from these mistakes.  But, like all behavior, that person has to work hard at it, and not go back to the "drug of their choice."  Her husband is in Iraq, she was a strong Christian woman, and now, she has decided to have an affair.  She invites this man into her home, and her son, (my 3 year old Godson), tells on her to his grandma, and I when we talk on the phone.  She keeps trying to tell me that there is nothing going on, that her son is a liar, and when I tell her she is a compulsive liar she gets defensive and hangs up on me.  She has done the same with her husband, and with her Mom.  She has "new friends" at her new job, who defend her, and tell her Mom and I just how horrible we are to her.  (They will soon learn her ways also.)  She has never had friends who stick with her as long as I have been friends with her...and no wonder.  I can't believe that this was ever inside her.  I feel stupid, and trusting of someone that should never have gotten my trust in the first place.  She is abusive to her son when she is around him, and neglectful when she wants to be at work or out with her friends.  She blames everyone else, and has never taken responsibility for her actions.  I always thought just being her friend, and loving her through life with my influence would help her.  She has proven to me that compulsive lying is a much deeper issue, that mentoring alone can not help fix. 

I grieve over my loss!!!  I feel for all that have ever been affected by someone they thought they could trust.  I will be able to forgive her, but never forget.  She is no longer my friend, and the only reasons I am still in her life are, her husband can not be there to win her heart back, and her little boy is my pride and joy.  We made a promise to him, to be there as he grew up...and besides his grandparents...we are the only light in his dark little world of his Mommy's bad behavior and web of lies!! 

I wrote to Dr. Phil to see if her could intervene.  I will keep you all informed as to what happens. 

Thank You for the SoapBox, 

Starr 

 
February 22, 2006, 5:53 pm CST

Sister Who Can't Stop Lying

I am the oldest of two, just my sister and I, she is 2 years younger than me.  Ever since I can remember my sister has been a compulsive liar and a minor thief.  After 10 or so years of lying and thieving, it finally landed her in jail, but only for a short time.  I've never met anyone like her, she will lie about what she ate that day, where she went, who she talked to,  how much money she has,  what her children did that day, why she is late (because she's always late).  Do you know how many times she's been pulled over by the cops, or was caught behind a traffic accident?  Probably never but it seems she has that problem everyday and we do not live in a big city where things like that happen everyday. 

You just can't believe a word this girl says, she's cried wolf so many times.  I honestly believe that she believes her own lies, she tells them so often and to so many people that she almost has to believe them to keep the story straight.  And, she is very good at keeping her story straight, most liars mess up somewhere, but not her.   

She actually lied about graduating high school, she made her own copy of a diploma, and her resume is laughable, college graduate with honors and all of the bells and whistles, which aren't true. 

When she finally did get arrested for forging some checks, she lied to her husband and our entire family so that we would feel sorry for her and think she actually hadn't done anything wrong.  We found out about a month later, while she was in jail, that she had actually committed the crimes that she was charged with.  We found out not from her but from some legal paperwork etc..  My family was devastated to find out that we had all tried to help her and stick by her and for what??  a LIE!!   

It's very hard having a close family member that you can't trust.  I worked with her a few years back at a job where cash and checks were handled, before I knew she had sticky fingers, and I almost was arrested because of her.  She finally told the police I had nothing to do with her theft, nor did I know anything about it.  Boy was I FURIOUS that time!!  I have been a hard working honest person my entire life and I surely wasn't going to be arrested for something I had nothing to do with.  Thank God that all worked out. 

I don't know that I will ever be able to believe her now, everything she says you have to second guess and verify before you take it as truth, it's not easy living that way, but we do it because we honestly do love her even if we hate the things she does. 

She did see a psychiatrist regarding her complusive lying and they agreed she actually does have an addiction to lying, she's working through that with weekly sessions now that she is home.  I hope that eventually with maturity will come realization of her mistakes. 

Thanks for listening/reading my rant. 

BEV3HORSES 

 
February 22, 2006, 6:04 pm CST

I could write a book on this subject!

I have a brother who has lied all of his life. To be honest, I think he actually believes his own lies. I think the term for these type of people is sociopathic liars. He made up story after story and told them to his bosses, girlfriends, friends, etc., etc. At present date, he has a photography business that he advertises for on the Web and when representing who he is you can still read the lies. He has a photo of himself and a woman he calls his "wife"- he isn't married to her - they are living together at my sister's home. When members of the family would confront him with particular instances he would always say it was the other person that didn't understand him, or was mistaken, didn't hear right, blah, blah, blah. He got angry with me when I confronted him about a fake break-in/insurance fraud (denied the whole thing) and he didn't speak to me for a couple of years. That was kind of good in a way - didn't have to decipher whether he was lying to me or not for a while! Funny thing too, my other brother who was living with him at the time, saw things appear back in the house that were supposedly stolen, and the serial numbers matched the ones that were written on the report given to the police. You gotta watch out for these type out there!  

  

I think most people who lie about who they are, do it because they don't like who they are or the life that they have created for themselves. If they enhance their life story then other people will think they have a great life and have it all together, or something.           Interesting topic.   

 
February 22, 2006, 6:29 pm CST

Hi Lindsey!

Quote From: lindsey35

I have recently discovered that a close friend has been "living a lie" for years.    I can tell you it hurts and I feel betrayed, disappointed, angry, confused, and disappointed.     I don't think I will trust the people I meet in the future ever again.   If I can have been so stupid to have not seen what a fake she is then how can I trust myself to judge integrity in the future?     My husband's also pretty devastated.    We are in shell shock, so to speak.    Others feel the same.    Nobody will confront the liar.......she will just tell more to cover up I expect.    Once you find out someone is dishonest there is really no point in setting yourself up for more lies.    Once a liar always a liar.   

  

Those who live a lie don't seem to realize that the truth will float to the top eventually - like a corpse hidden in a pond.    You can weigh it down, but eventually the truth will out.   Decomposed and stinking.    Nothing will cover up the smell.    The cat is out of the bag........and it's not going back in.......ever. 

I am so sorry for your pain, Lindsey...please don't close your heart to all people...I believe that there are more people that you can trust than those you can't. For instance, I have quite an extended family and only 1 in the bunch who is blatantly dishonest...some may tell a few "white lies" once in a while, but on the whole all of the rest of us are good people.  

  

You are so right  that the truth will eventually surface. If you read the post I posted earlier about my brother, this is another chapter in the book!  

  

My (liar) brother met this woman, fell in love, asked her to marry him before the family ever met her. Well...the family, knowing his sordid past were all torn whether we should tell this woman about his past (lying, stealing, forging checks, etc.,) as we knew he wouldn't tell her up front. So we all chose to keep silent and welcomed her with open arms. She started catching him in lies and then one day at a family gathering she pulled one of the family members aside and started asking questions. Well...after his sordid past was revealed she told him to move out and get counseling. He was so upset and told her he was going to commit suicide which was just a ploy to get her to feel sorry for him, as he used that line that too many times to be serious! I assured her that he would in fact not do so. I felt so sorry for her, feeling that someone should've spoken up. Later she told my sis and I that she wished someone would have! Before it ended he stole 20K in cash from her, took the brand new truck that was in his and her name, and ran off to VT. The next guy she got involved with she had a P.I. check his past first.  Well, I vowed never to play that game with him and another woman again and have told other family members that I don't even want to meet his new woman. Good thing they live in another state. I just hope she realizes what she's getting into.....Yes....the past will catch up with you!  

  

Anybody have any ideas how to deal with this type of situation in the future? Tell or not to tell? Don't get involved with the new girlfriend? 

 
February 22, 2006, 6:42 pm CST

I feel your pain

Quote From: bev3horses

I am the oldest of two, just my sister and I, she is 2 years younger than me.  Ever since I can remember my sister has been a compulsive liar and a minor thief.  After 10 or so years of lying and thieving, it finally landed her in jail, but only for a short time.  I've never met anyone like her, she will lie about what she ate that day, where she went, who she talked to,  how much money she has,  what her children did that day, why she is late (because she's always late).  Do you know how many times she's been pulled over by the cops, or was caught behind a traffic accident?  Probably never but it seems she has that problem everyday and we do not live in a big city where things like that happen everyday. 

You just can't believe a word this girl says, she's cried wolf so many times.  I honestly believe that she believes her own lies, she tells them so often and to so many people that she almost has to believe them to keep the story straight.  And, she is very good at keeping her story straight, most liars mess up somewhere, but not her.   

She actually lied about graduating high school, she made her own copy of a diploma, and her resume is laughable, college graduate with honors and all of the bells and whistles, which aren't true. 

When she finally did get arrested for forging some checks, she lied to her husband and our entire family so that we would feel sorry for her and think she actually hadn't done anything wrong.  We found out about a month later, while she was in jail, that she had actually committed the crimes that she was charged with.  We found out not from her but from some legal paperwork etc..  My family was devastated to find out that we had all tried to help her and stick by her and for what??  a LIE!!   

It's very hard having a close family member that you can't trust.  I worked with her a few years back at a job where cash and checks were handled, before I knew she had sticky fingers, and I almost was arrested because of her.  She finally told the police I had nothing to do with her theft, nor did I know anything about it.  Boy was I FURIOUS that time!!  I have been a hard working honest person my entire life and I surely wasn't going to be arrested for something I had nothing to do with.  Thank God that all worked out. 

I don't know that I will ever be able to believe her now, everything she says you have to second guess and verify before you take it as truth, it's not easy living that way, but we do it because we honestly do love her even if we hate the things she does. 

She did see a psychiatrist regarding her complusive lying and they agreed she actually does have an addiction to lying, she's working through that with weekly sessions now that she is home.  I hope that eventually with maturity will come realization of her mistakes. 

Thanks for listening/reading my rant. 

BEV3HORSES 

I sure hope your sister gets help ASAP. It is VERY DIFFICULT to live with a person with this kind of a problem/addiction. You're right, it gets to the point that you can't trust ANYTHING they say - and I don't anymore. I wouldn't believe him if he said it was 10 degrees outside and it really was!  My brother is 54 years old now and his lying continues. I'm just fortunate to not live in the same state as he does, so don't have contact with him on a regular basis anymore.  

Your sister's story sounds a lot like his...the stealing, jail time, sticky fingers, forging checks...I think you're right...it gets to the point that they actually believe their own lies. He seems to keep his stories straight too. I just wish my brother would get some help. I don't think he will ever have a long-term relationship with a woman until he does.  

 
February 23, 2006, 10:26 am CST

Liars

Quote From: sheltie2

I am so sorry for your pain, Lindsey...please don't close your heart to all people...I believe that there are more people that you can trust than those you can't. For instance, I have quite an extended family and only 1 in the bunch who is blatantly dishonest...some may tell a few "white lies" once in a while, but on the whole all of the rest of us are good people.  

  

You are so right  that the truth will eventually surface. If you read the post I posted earlier about my brother, this is another chapter in the book!  

  

My (liar) brother met this woman, fell in love, asked her to marry him before the family ever met her. Well...the family, knowing his sordid past were all torn whether we should tell this woman about his past (lying, stealing, forging checks, etc.,) as we knew he wouldn't tell her up front. So we all chose to keep silent and welcomed her with open arms. She started catching him in lies and then one day at a family gathering she pulled one of the family members aside and started asking questions. Well...after his sordid past was revealed she told him to move out and get counseling. He was so upset and told her he was going to commit suicide which was just a ploy to get her to feel sorry for him, as he used that line that too many times to be serious! I assured her that he would in fact not do so. I felt so sorry for her, feeling that someone should've spoken up. Later she told my sis and I that she wished someone would have! Before it ended he stole 20K in cash from her, took the brand new truck that was in his and her name, and ran off to VT. The next guy she got involved with she had a P.I. check his past first.  Well, I vowed never to play that game with him and another woman again and have told other family members that I don't even want to meet his new woman. Good thing they live in another state. I just hope she realizes what she's getting into.....Yes....the past will catch up with you!  

  

Anybody have any ideas how to deal with this type of situation in the future? Tell or not to tell? Don't get involved with the new girlfriend? 

I deal with someone like this in my life also.    It is very exhausting, especially trying to figure out what is true and what is not true.    I would certainly say do not get involved because you cannot change your brother.    I think it is very wise to just stay away from him, his life, his lies, and his women.   That is just my opinion and it is how I protect myself from the liar in my life.
 
February 23, 2006, 10:26 am CST

You are right!!

Quote From: sheltie2

I have a brother who has lied all of his life. To be honest, I think he actually believes his own lies. I think the term for these type of people is sociopathic liars. He made up story after story and told them to his bosses, girlfriends, friends, etc., etc. At present date, he has a photography business that he advertises for on the Web and when representing who he is you can still read the lies. He has a photo of himself and a woman he calls his "wife"- he isn't married to her - they are living together at my sister's home. When members of the family would confront him with particular instances he would always say it was the other person that didn't understand him, or was mistaken, didn't hear right, blah, blah, blah. He got angry with me when I confronted him about a fake break-in/insurance fraud (denied the whole thing) and he didn't speak to me for a couple of years. That was kind of good in a way - didn't have to decipher whether he was lying to me or not for a while! Funny thing too, my other brother who was living with him at the time, saw things appear back in the house that were supposedly stolen, and the serial numbers matched the ones that were written on the report given to the police. You gotta watch out for these type out there!  

  

I think most people who lie about who they are, do it because they don't like who they are or the life that they have created for themselves. If they enhance their life story then other people will think they have a great life and have it all together, or something.           Interesting topic.   

I believe you are right about the fact that when they lie they are enhancing themselves and their "fake" life just to look better to other people.  My sister always acquired friends by lying about herself, she would quickly lose friends when they found out they had been lied to.  I also believe she doesn't like who she is, wishes she had more, therefore lies to make herself someone she would love to be and to have the things she would love to have. 

I guess its almost as if they can't accept their TRUE selves and their TRUE life.  They can't accept the way things are. 

Very interesting topic I agree. 

 
February 23, 2006, 11:17 am CST

REACTION

Quote From: bev3horses

I believe you are right about the fact that when they lie they are enhancing themselves and their "fake" life just to look better to other people.  My sister always acquired friends by lying about herself, she would quickly lose friends when they found out they had been lied to.  I also believe she doesn't like who she is, wishes she had more, therefore lies to make herself someone she would love to be and to have the things she would love to have. 

I guess its almost as if they can't accept their TRUE selves and their TRUE life.  They can't accept the way things are. 

Very interesting topic I agree. 

The liar in my life gets very angry whenever anybody ties to point out the truth to them.      

Why do you think it is this way?   Is it so hard to face the facts?   What do you think makes them this way?   I dont want to put too much energy into this question because I have already decided to give up on him but would be interested in anyone who has found the answer to these questions. 

 
February 23, 2006, 4:31 pm CST

Liars

Want to talk about lying? Let's start w/how we bring up our children we start with Santa Claus move on to the tooth fairy, then go to the easter bunny,oh yeah leprechauns bring pots of gold, 4 leaf clovers bring luck(if that was true I'd be richeer than oprah, skinny,and beautiful). We tell oour children its wrong to lie but then we teach them to lie. American society is built on lies. Every man is equal (the people who wrote that are celebrated liars as they had black men and women in slavery at the time, freedom again when that was wrote slavery was booming in America. ALL lying is wrong. We feel lying is wron when we are the one lied to what about when we are the liar and everyone on earth has lied at least once(and that's a big stretch saying once) in their life. Men lie to women toget sex, women lie to get what they want, kids lie to get out of trouble or get what they want.. The President is the current biggest liar in America and getting paid by our taxes to do it. It's wrong and the Bible says a liar is the same as a thief and a murderer- they steal the truth and murder it.  
 
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