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Topic : 02/27 Twisted Love: The Aftermath

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Created on : Friday, February 24, 2006, 11:20:56 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows up with one of this year's most talked about couples: Charles and Tracy. Charles had been juggling his time between his wife and mistress. He wanted to have them both, so he came up with the perfect solution: polyfidelity, a relationship in which he is shared by the two women. Tracy says she can't express her anger over the affair because she doesn't know how. Will she fight for her rights for the first time in 20 years of marriage? Charles claims he said goodbye to the other woman, but why did it take four meetings? Is it "goodbye forever" or just "goodbye for now"? Plus, their oldest son speaks out about his father's behavior, and Tracy has a message for the other woman. Talk about the show here.

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zapatosred
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March 2, 2006, 8:57 am PST

Relative or friend? or OW ?

Quote From: innerpeace

I believe that Charlie is just pretending to be  egotistical in order to mask the deep insecurity he feels inside due to the lack of integrity he has displayed throughout his adult life (yes, Charlie I am someone you know).  In order to justify to himself that he is still a good person, he blames others  for his indescretions.    

  

I believe that Charlie will never be happy unless he comes clean and stops inventing excuses and accepts responsibility for his actions.  He needs to ask God to forgive him, and then he needs to forgive himself and try to grow up and become a responsible adult.  It is never too late. 

  

Charlie, I have always until this week believed that even though you have deep emotional problems, that you were still a good father.   I no longer think that.  In fact it is just the opposite.  I believe that you are abusing your children emotionally.  You need to do some serious soul searching.  I truly hope the counselor is able to help you. 

I notice you wrote indiscretions plural.............Does that mean he has a history in his adult life of fooling around? Are you one of those women? What is the source of Charles deep emotional problems? Was it just from watching the show or have you seen other things.? He did seem to lack emotional maturity. Is this the OW? Why isn't he a good father? Just wondering where you are coming from unless you are Tracy's mom or sister or something. I just don't know if someone can "pretend " to be egotistical. I think he just is. He did seem to have many excuses for things. And the metaphors drove me nuts. A lack of integrity  throughout his adult life  doesn't sound good. But I never thought this suddenly just happened out of the blue. usually guys are that way for awhile before getting caught. Maybe you are a female friend or coworker who has seen this all before.  My guess is it is a woman writing. Maybe even the OW. He is mad he had to give up the affair and the OW is mad at him too - she knew them for 13 years. But you sound like you have known him longer so maybe a family member. Well, I need to get a life here but was curious since you seem to have the inside track!! Inquiring minds want to know!!!:>) 
 
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annrule

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March 2, 2006, 9:05 am PST

Tracy is living in a dream world and Charlie is just trying to look good on tv

Quote From: elicad

This couple breaks my heart. It is obvious they are trying really hard to make things work, but underneath all that hard work are two people fooling themselves. During the show Charles would nod his head repeatedly as if he was really just wanting to move past everything he was hearing. It was something about the way he moved around in his chair that tells me he is trying too hard to deny his true feelings. He obviously cares more for the other woman than he is willing to admit to himself. He is mourning the loss of his affair.  Which can later cause resentment towards his marriage. As for Tracy, she is trying hard to be strong, but it may be too late. He's far too gone emotionally to give in to her completely. She is asking someone to stay long after being gone. She knows that too, its in her eyes. Another thing, when they held hands, it was her hand over his. This tells me she has inner strength for both of them. She will need plenty of it to make the marriage work because the only strength he has left he's going to have to use it to get over that other woman.
Tracy is too scared to start all over.She'd have to work,possibly move and pick up the pieces for herself and her kids. The charade is so obvious.He wont stay, especially since his lover has found another and he is left in this emptiness. 
 
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marie2581
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March 2, 2006, 9:16 am PST

get real!

Quote From: charles_

The OW sincerely expressed to me (in our final meeting) that she would be returning with her former boyfriend........... 

  

BTW ....We were friends for 13 years and wanted our break up to be sincere...Tracy wasn't happy about it but it did work...she really is out of my life.......... Does'nt that benefit us now??? ...YES 

  

These women are spiraling out of control  ....They have no idea what is going on with us....... 

  

They are making judgments from a 40 minute show......... 

  

But it really is OK ....I needed a good smack in the face and I got it........ 

  

I don't pay attention to the venom on this board...it's just unresolved issues with their own lives..... 

  

Pound away people ....if it feels good...... well  

  

We know where we are headed. 

  

  

Thank you ........ for your wisdom ......  charlesontheshow@yahoo.com  .....and thanks for all of the positive emails as well............ 

If you do not want people tp judge from a 40 min. show then you should not have came on and aired your dirty laundry to the world. And what do you expect people to think? Your 1st show only aired about 2 weeks prior to the second show. How much change could you have possibly made? You might think that just because you broke it off with the OW (kind of) and YOU decided you wanted to work things out does not mean Tracy is oOK and ready to just move on with life. The kind of hurt you pyut her trough is very hard to work through and get over. DShe just seems glad you chose her and ready to say whatever she thinks you want to hear for fear of you getting pissed off and saying well now I chose her! Take a step out of your own shoes and look at the situation likwe a stranger would...What do think and what would YOU say to this couple your seeing!  
 
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zapatosred
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March 2, 2006, 9:18 am PST

Thank you

Quote From: DrPhilBoard1

We ask that you please stay on topic and discuss the show and/or the guests and refrain from turning this forum into a religious debate. Any further messages we deem to be off topic will be removed.

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Oh magic board moderator ,we thank you !!!!! :>)
 
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marie2581
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March 2, 2006, 9:21 am PST

Actually...

Quote From: mndurbiz4u

Isn't sexual addiction a fancy term for saying "I will not put constraints upon my sexual appetite regardless of whom I hurt"?
Well sexual addiction is a real disease. It is a psychological disease. I do not however think that Charles has this disease because sex addicts need sex ALL THE TIME and do not care who it comes from. Charles says he is addicted to the OW not sex in general.
 
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marie2581
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March 2, 2006, 9:36 am PST

Amen Sister...

Quote From: innerpeace

I believe that Charlie is just pretending to be  egotistical in order to mask the deep insecurity he feels inside due to the lack of integrity he has displayed throughout his adult life (yes, Charlie I am someone you know).  In order to justify to himself that he is still a good person, he blames others  for his indescretions.    

  

I believe that Charlie will never be happy unless he comes clean and stops inventing excuses and accepts responsibility for his actions.  He needs to ask God to forgive him, and then he needs to forgive himself and try to grow up and become a responsible adult.  It is never too late. 

  

Charlie, I have always until this week believed that even though you have deep emotional problems, that you were still a good father.   I no longer think that.  In fact it is just the opposite.  I believe that you are abusing your children emotionally.  You need to do some serious soul searching.  I truly hope the counselor is able to help you. 

Your message seemed very caring of not just Charlie but also his family (the true victims) I do not think that you are the OW but I do think that Charlie needs more people like you in his life. Maybe some one that cares for them should get more people that care to gather around this family for support and understanding. People that are close to them will have more of an impact than people they do not know. (Also while you all are helping support the family give Charlie a kick in the ass, he needs one!!!)
 
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kayecee
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March 2, 2006, 10:28 am PST

Charles~

I believe the only reason that Charles finally broke up with the other woman is because she dumped him....he embarrassed her on National Television. I don't think she really knew the real story. The OW had a different story than the wife had....Charles wants to say he heard from all the men haters in America ..sorry Charles~ I don't hate men.  I have been married for thirty years and my husband watched the show with me and just shook his head.... I hope you are really being honest in therapy because that's the only way you'll save your marriage.  Your wife will only get stronger and wiser~ Wake up Charles and stop trying to justify~ you need an attitude adjustment you seem awfully Angry. Did you read Inner Peace's message up there? They seem to know what they are talking about..Good Luck ~ I wish you peace of Mind and I really hope you make it.
 
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manofgoods
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March 2, 2006, 10:56 am PST

Thanks.

Quote From: rascals3

For a man or woman to say that to anyone is ridiculous.  Did you see the Dr. Phil show about mooches?  Maybe that one would help you see that is absolutely not true.  No matter what you look like, no matter what your personality, if you are looking you will find someone.  Her bringing you down with a statement like that is nothing more than her showing her insecurity.  She might as well say she thinks if you think any other woman would want you then you are going to leave her.  Now it depends too on the context.  An example would be a couple in my family.  The husband ALWAYS burns the chicken when he cooks.  Not he burnt chicken a few times, but he has burnt the chicken at least once a month for the past 20 years.  Not the chickens a little dry, he burns it until the chicken has a black crust around it.  His wife made chicken and brought it in and said to her husband Oh I don't know if you'll like it, not sure it's quite done enough for ya (jokingly).  He made a comment about finding a woman who could cook some chicken (jokingly as well)  and she replied oh go ahead she'd send you back with in the week (again not meaning any harm by it just playing around)  Be assured though that someone saying that to you is no reflection on you.
You managed to open my eyes. But I haven't seen the show about mooches yet. Can I find it on this site?
 
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austen
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March 2, 2006, 11:48 am PST

How true

Quote From: jessica_b

I wasn't going to go through the trouble of creating a profile here on this website because I don't normally care about what people do in their personal lives...  However, this particular story really caught my attention.  I totally can understand where Charles is coming from.  Yes, you can all gasp and wave your fingers at me and tell me I'm just another "stupid" woman.  Be my guest.  Where is it written or proven that a person can only be in love with one person at a time?  Who made up that rule?  I've been married HAPPILY 16 years, and have two children.  Life goes on around us and each day we are faced with living in a world with such hatred and crime.  i would have NO problem with another woman being in my husbands life, if that's what he chose.  Living life to the fullest, finding happiness and being around those who love you, what more could you want for someone you love?  My self worth and self esteem isn't based on my marriage or whether or not my husband is in love with ONLY me. Life is too short and goes by way too fast, and I refuse to follow what society says is the norm.   

I agree with nearly everything this person wrote and am very impressed with her sense of self-worth and selflessness.  You really can't make someone stay with you if they don't want to be there, at least not in a way that would be mutually fulfilling and in an atmosphere of love and happiness.  If you love someone, set them free.  Often their love will come back to you many fold.  I think it would be great if Tracy could find the strength to let Charles know that he is free to go (without rebuke), and have more respect for her own worth.  Then he might truly come back to her -- and not just with empty words and promises she can't trust, but because he wants to be there.   
 
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epardo
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March 2, 2006, 12:06 pm PST

02/27 Twisted Love: The Aftermath

ONCE A CHEATER IS NOT ALWAYS A CHEATER. MY HUSBAND OF 17 YRS. WRECKED NOT ONLY HIS EX-WIFE LIFE (SHE NEVER RE-MARRIED) BUT ALSO THE 6 CHILDREN HE HAD INTERMITTENTLY  DURING 10 YRS. AMONGST BOTH WIFE AND MISTRESS. EACH KNOWING ABOUT THE OTHER. HOW IT GOT THAT DEEP IS BEYOND ME. MY HUSBAND'S EX FINALLY DIVORCED HIM BUT CONTINUED SLEEPING WITH HIM. MY HUSBAND MOVED ON TO ANOTHER STATE WITH HIS MISTRESS NEVER MARRYING HER AND SHE IN TURN RAN AWAY WITH SOMEONE ELSE 2 YRS. LATER. FAST FORWARD 21 YRS. ENDLESS COUNTS TO RECONNECT WITH CHILDREN, 2 REFUSE HIS CALLS, 4 KNOW THE #. ONLY WHEN THEY NEED $$. ONE ALCOHOLIC, DIVORCED, WOMANIZER; TWO DEAL DRUGS, MOOCHERS AND WOMANIZERS; ONE HAS 3 KIDS 3 DIFFERENT FATHERS; TWO NORMAL;  ONE OF WHICH REFUSES HIS CALLS, THE OTHER MARRIED, HAS ASKED FOR A CREDIT CARD # TO GET HOTEL ROOMS WITHOUT WIFE FINDING OUT. ALL HAVE CHILDREN EXCEPT FOR THE 18 YR. OLD THAT DEALS AND LIVES WITH MOM. MY HUSBAND LEARNED FROM "GIVING IN" INTO LUST AND DESIRES,  BUT AT WHOSE COST? ALTHOUGH HE'S NO LONGER A CHEATER HIS "LESSON" CAUSED AND CONTINUES TO CAUSE HARM TO ALL WHO GET NEAR HIS EX-WIFE, CHILDREN, THEIR CHILDREN AND NOT ULTIMATELY, THE CHILDREN THEY WILL HAVE, IF COUNSELING IS NOT SOUGHT ALONG THE WAY. I DON'T KNOW OF ANY LEVEL HEADED WOMAN WILLING TO DEAL WITH INFIDELITY. MY HUSBAND IS REMORSEFUL BUT IT STILL DOESN'T CHANGE THE OUTCOME. HE BEGGED FOR FORGIVENESS WAS FORGIVEN (BY FOUR) BUT CONSEQUENTLY, THEY DON'T CALL UNLESS THEY NEED$$. AT THIS STAGE IN LIFE HOW WONDERFUL TO FEEL NEEDED OR IS IT CARMA? 
 
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