Message Boards

Topic : 06/12 On the Outs With In-Laws

Number of Replies: 603
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, February 24, 2006, 11:23:38 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/28/06) Manipulative, violent and diabolical. These are just some of the words Anna-Laura uses to describe her mother-in-law, Janice, who she says is destroying her marriage. Anna-Laura says Janice hates her so much, she’s taken a swing at her and even threatened to hire someone to kill her. Janice denies the accusations and says they’re all lies. Where does Morgan, Anna-Laura’s husband, stand on the issue? After not speaking for almost a year, Anna-Laura and Morgan face off with Janice in front of Dr. Phil. With their relationship on the rocks, can Anna-Laura and Morgan find a way to end this war with his mother and save their marriage? If your extended family is spiraling out of control, find out how to get your relationship to take a turn in the other direction. Join the discussion.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

More June 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 28, 2006, 8:16 am CST

02/28 On the Outs With In-Laws

  Dr. Phil, love ya, but.....in every show I've ever seen about mother-in-laws, you always take the position that the mother-in-law is in the wrong and should butt out of her child's life. I don't agree. Janice admitted to some wrong doing, but Anna and Morgan acted as if they did nothing wrong. The only person I saw doing any 'bashing' and name calling was Anna and Morgan, while poor Janice sat there all alone and just took it. Janice was allowed little time to present her side and was discouraged from telling her side during the last few minutes of the show. 

  Married couples, in my opinion, should respect the other persons parents as a way of showing love and respect to the spouse they marry. Your spouse's parents gave birth, loved, raised and nurtured their child into the person you met and feel in love with. They played a big part into who that person grew up to be.  

  Parents should love and respect their children enough to love whomever they choose as a mate. If it's true that a married couple becomes one flesh, then a loving parent would in no way want to take a sword and split their child into. 

  The children that comes from that marriage deserves and needs to have a united family front. They will have many obstacles in their life to overcome. They will need their family. Their whole family. 

  Love doesn't point fingers of accusation. Love doesn't call bad names, seek to hurt, gossip behind the back, or kick everyone but itself out of the heart of another. Love answers these things with love. The only way to over come bad feelings is to refuse to fight. You can acknowledge the others persons view point and express you own, but do it in love, not hatred. 

  There can be many advantages to showing love to you child's spouse. One is you gain a new son or daughter. The other is you gain precious grandchildren.  

 
February 28, 2006, 8:18 am CST

that mother-in-law needs some help

I do not know the entire situation none of us do except those parties directly involved with the conflict.  However i must say this.  If your spend all of your time and energy in trying to solve someone elses issues you will find you never have time to solve your own.  Each person no matter what they feel needs to worry about themselves and stop worrying about everyone elses problems.  He is an adult and she raised him with the best of intentions but she is done raising him now.  Now its her responsiblity as a mother to sit back and watch how her son lives and learns and grows on his own using the tools for life she gave him.  She is done raising him now and she needs to let him live with and learn from his mistakes.  She can not live his life for him no matter how hard she tries and continuing on this path of destructivity is only going to drive a larger wedge between them and put more strains on what is already from what i see a tattered relationship.  If she was this bad his whole childhood, then i feel maybe she didnt give him all the tools necessary to be a capable adult.  Maybe she felt she did to the best of her abilities and that may not be wrong in her eyes.  But she is not going to get anywhere by doing things the way she is and alienating her own child.  Trying to control a situation that is out of our control is just going to drive us insane when we could be using our time more constructively to try and understand the situation and why he feels the way he does.  Its time for the mother in law to change or at least realize she needs to change because she controls how she feels and how she reacts to the situation, her daughter in law has nothing to do with it in that respect.  If she lets herself be angry and over bearing then that is her issue for allowing those feelings to over take her.  If she just lets it all be and respects her sons ability to make right choices and be a good person then she will earn back his trust and respect which i feel she may have lost being the way that she is.   If anyone disagrees with me please let me know but i agree with doctor phil most of our problems we cause ourselves by allowing bad thoughts, feelings and situations to wreck our sense of self worth and our sanity, and by failing to chose to not let them affect our daily lives.
 
February 28, 2006, 8:21 am CST

02/28 On the Outs With In-Laws

I have almost the same probelm only it is my mother not his. I found this show useful to put things in perspective to deal with the issue instead of skirting around it. I also think that the mother-in-law should back off. As a mother she should want to see her son happy not be the person who is causing him not to be happy. However the daughter-in-law has a really bad attitude and I don't see her backing down or forgiving or forgetting the past. She will just keep bringing it up. I think everyone is that situation should just get away from each other cuz all they are doing is attacking each other.
 
February 28, 2006, 8:23 am CST

LOL!!!

Quote From: nluvwtbill

This is a joke, right?  This is obviously the mother-in-law from the show posting.  Good try... 

Good one!
 
February 28, 2006, 8:26 am CST

In the outs with the in-laws

Quote From: nycfan

That daughter in law should be kicked to the curb. Who the hell died and left her in charge? And where is her husband's backbone? He should tell his wife that his mother deserves respect. He should also tell her to apologize to his sister and her family, as well as his friends. And to say those horrible things  about a young child. I hope to hell she never becomes a parent.

Dear NYC Fan, 

For some crazy reason, you find fault with the daughter-in-law.  Did you see this show?   

No one had to die to give her control.  She is the lady of the house.  She is married to her husband.  Her mother-in-law has her own house and life to manage.   

The mother- in-law lost her right to respect when she came into the house and then into the bedroom, unannounced, while the couple was making love.     A court is not going to grant a protection order to anyone who has someone stalking her if the court doesn't have reasonable cause to do so.   If the mother-in-law wants respect, she should behave in a respectable manner.   The wife doesn't need to apologize to anyone.  The entire family knows how the mother acts.    What the family needs to do is to get the mother into counseling.  She is apparently in need of psychological help.  

 
February 28, 2006, 8:41 am CST

Wack a do

There are just some things a mother need not do, one of them is to be so entangled in there childs life that they would need to be brought on TV and told to back off. As much as it would kill my mom not to see me or her grandchild, if it is what would give my marriage and my child a normal and peacful home, she would not violate my or my husbands personal space or wishes as to our relationship and family unit. I have a great mom and my husband loves her there isn't anything my husband wouldn't do for her or my dad.  Because of the relasionship between them, if my parents had some advice or concerns about our family or even just about my husband, we could recive it in love because we know where they are comming from, it is not from a vendictive or manipulative controlling stand point. It was quite obvious from this mother/ in-laws behavior and answers and body language and facial expressions that she has some kind of hidden agenda here, she did not need her daughter-in-law to do that, she did it all by herself, it seemed to me that she kept trying to justify her actions and there is no justifications for it, if you know that your the reason for your sons marriage being on the fritz and you say you love him, then why as a mother  wouldn't  you do what ever you could to help foster a happy and healthy relationship between yourself and your daughter-in-law. This mother didn't want to hear it and took very little ownership in this I know that a persons perception of a situation is half the problem but, it is not totaly without meritt. there was a wedding song out there that was real popular for a while and still might be but one of the lines in the song was "a man shall leave his mother and the woman leaves her home rest assured as these two are joined they become as one." I almost feel bad for the son he is stuck in the middle he can't just shut it off and not love his mother but he also has to be  the standing force in his marriage if he wants it to last. If the mother and daughter-in-law can't get along then maybe he can visit with the grandchildren and his mom without her, but he must absolutely, the minute his mother starts in on his wife and berates her or the children put his foot down and tell her to knock it off or I'm leaving it is not a topic open for discussion only because of the heatedness fo the stiuation.  I wish the best of luck to this family and I hope you can find a happy outcome for both sides.  

  

Avid watcher of Dr. Phil 

 
February 28, 2006, 8:42 am CST

Dealing with the monster-in-law

Quote From: colcha9500

Oh I so wish my husband could have seen this show because it is 100% his mother ... to tell everyone exactly how scary she is she had OUR sons name put on her ankle as a Tattoo ... she then turned and said this way he is with me no matter where I go ... she too has threatened me ... oh how I wish he could have seen this one!  I feel for the daugther n law because I understand what she is going through and it is not easy ... I have actually told myself many times I was going to leave due to his mother but here I am still here and fighting the battle of the monster n law.

Temporary fix: 

Avoid her.  Get caller ID so you don't have to answer the phone when she calls. 

If she comes by, give her a minute to start her yap, then say, "ooo, I have to check my laundry"--then head for the laundry room.  -- don't come back. 

Think up a few other excuses to get away.  

Smile and agree to whatever, then go about your business as you see fit. 

Don't tell her any important details of your life.  -- I'm the 2nd wife, my husband went to an attorney other than the "family attorney" and drew up a new will.  We aren't telling anyone about the new will. 

  

Try to hang in there!! 

  

  

 
February 28, 2006, 8:46 am CST

02/28 On the Outs With In-Laws

"Dr. Phil, love ya, but.....in every show I've ever seen about mother-in-laws, you always take the position that the mother-in-law is in the wrong and should butt out of her child's life. I don't agree. Janice admitted to some wrong doing, but Anna and Morgan acted as if they did nothing wrong. The only person I saw doing any 'bashing' and name calling was Anna and Morgan, while poor Janice sat there all alone and just took it. Janice was allowed little time to present her side and was discouraged from telling her side during the last few minutes of the show. " 

      

  

"poor Janice" is exactly the message this woman was trying to convey-she was deliberately sitting there,smiling and goading in her own way,knowing what would push their buttons.CLASSIC "queen/Waif" personality of BPD. The ONLY reason she "admitted" to anything was because those were things she couldnt deny. And she has NO intention of doing what's best,or leaving them alone-her evil smile said it all. 

  

 
February 28, 2006, 8:50 am CST

I agree with you, 100%

Quote From: wobegone

Dear NYC Fan, 

For some crazy reason, you find fault with the daughter-in-law.  Did you see this show?   

No one had to die to give her control.  She is the lady of the house.  She is married to her husband.  Her mother-in-law has her own house and life to manage.   

The mother- in-law lost her right to respect when she came into the house and then into the bedroom, unannounced, while the couple was making love.     A court is not going to grant a protection order to anyone who has someone stalking her if the court doesn't have reasonable cause to do so.   If the mother-in-law wants respect, she should behave in a respectable manner.   The wife doesn't need to apologize to anyone.  The entire family knows how the mother acts.    What the family needs to do is to get the mother into counseling.  She is apparently in need of psychological help.  

The Mother in Law needs a life of her own.  HER son is grown and married now!  OF course the wife is upset and hurt by this lady's actions.  JUST because she is the mother of this man, doesn't give her the right to tell him how to live his life and who he should marry.  She is controlling and evil...you can see it in her eyes.  The wife has had to deal with this for years, her anger and frustration has build up.  The mother in law most definitely needs therapy.  She needs to stay far far away from this lady.  If the Mother in law was the victim, then the heck is she sticking around putting her nose in everything.  She is nothing but trouble.  It is very hard to believe that some people would  believe this lady.  You can read right through her..........
 
February 28, 2006, 8:53 am CST

02/28 ON THE OUTS WITH THE IN-LAWS

Quote From: starsnyou

  Dr. Phil, love ya, but.....in every show I've ever seen about mother-in-laws, you always take the position that the mother-in-law is in the wrong and should butt out of her child's life. I don't agree. Janice admitted to some wrong doing, but Anna and Morgan acted as if they did nothing wrong. The only person I saw doing any 'bashing' and name calling was Anna and Morgan, while poor Janice sat there all alone and just took it. Janice was allowed little time to present her side and was discouraged from telling her side during the last few minutes of the show. 

  Married couples, in my opinion, should respect the other persons parents as a way of showing love and respect to the spouse they marry. Your spouse's parents gave birth, loved, raised and nurtured their child into the person you met and feel in love with. They played a big part into who that person grew up to be.  

  Parents should love and respect their children enough to love whomever they choose as a mate. If it's true that a married couple becomes one flesh, then a loving parent would in no way want to take a sword and split their child into. 

  The children that comes from that marriage deserves and needs to have a united family front. They will have many obstacles in their life to overcome. They will need their family. Their whole family. 

  Love doesn't point fingers of accusation. Love doesn't call bad names, seek to hurt, gossip behind the back, or kick everyone but itself out of the heart of another. Love answers these things with love. The only way to over come bad feelings is to refuse to fight. You can acknowledge the others persons view point and express you own, but do it in love, not hatred. 

  There can be many advantages to showing love to you child's spouse. One is you gain a new son or daughter. The other is you gain precious grandchildren.  

Starsnyou hit the nail right on the head here!  There are too many insecure daughter-in-laws, who feel threatened by the mom's love for her son out there.  They have no right to drive a wedge between the mother and her son, and sooner or later it will come back to bite them in the butt. 

That man loves his mother, and he will miss seeing her some day.  Right now, he is mad at her, but that will pass.  Then, he will resent the controlling, overbearing, manipulative witch who kept his kids' grandmother away from them and kept him away from his own mother.  Anna Laura is a mean-spirited drama queen, and I don't believe for one minute she intends to divorce Morgan.  He should be so lucky.  She is not strong willed, as he said.  She is mean, nasty, controlling and divisive.  Strong willed women are not rude and do not try to divide families.  That woman did not give her mother-in-law the courtesy of speaking to defend herself at all on the show.  I felt really sorry for the mother-in-law.  It was like they all ganged up on her, even through Dr. Phil was trying to control the situation.  The mother-in-law was not heard here, and she was the only one who admitted having any part in the problem!  I give that woman credit for doing that on national TV. 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Next | Last