Message Boards

Topic : 06/12 On the Outs With In-Laws

Number of Replies: 603
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, February 24, 2006, 11:23:38 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/28/06) Manipulative, violent and diabolical. These are just some of the words Anna-Laura uses to describe her mother-in-law, Janice, who she says is destroying her marriage. Anna-Laura says Janice hates her so much, she’s taken a swing at her and even threatened to hire someone to kill her. Janice denies the accusations and says they’re all lies. Where does Morgan, Anna-Laura’s husband, stand on the issue? After not speaking for almost a year, Anna-Laura and Morgan face off with Janice in front of Dr. Phil. With their relationship on the rocks, can Anna-Laura and Morgan find a way to end this war with his mother and save their marriage? If your extended family is spiraling out of control, find out how to get your relationship to take a turn in the other direction. Join the discussion.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

More June 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 28, 2006, 8:54 am CST

To the lady with the Hungarian MIL

Quote From: marciek

 Dear Anna-Laura,
Put a Hungarian accent on your mother in law, and you've got my mother in law. She does indeed I believe as one person said here, have a borderline personality disorder. It is always amazing to me what good actresses these women are. They are even scary because they will get what they want one way or the other, sometimes even if it means breaking the law. She denied and denied things that even her own son said she did indeed do!!!

My situation is even a little worse. My MIL convinced my H to put her on the deed to our house becasue she had loaned him money 15 yrs prior and it wasn't all paid back. Now that she's been paid back, she won't take her name off the house, and 5 yrs ago I learned that the way the deed was written , I am left out of owning any of my own home.If my H predeceases her, she gets the house. Meanwhile for 17 years, I am the one who has helped pay the bills, and have done all the upkeep of the house.She has never contributed one ounce of work, or one red cent to support this house. She also called me and threatened me, saying that if my H dies, she's going to throw me out into the street, she doesn't care if I have a penny to my name or not.

I saw a good divorce lawyer, and a good real estate lawyer, and I have a very good case to sue her in both situations. My husband verbally stands up to her, but he won't take her to court to correct the situatiuon. If he doens't change his mind soon and take her to court, I am going to file for divorce as well. This and she  have destroyed my marriage. Oh by the way, she (MIL) owns a 6 bedroom house in Little Neck NY (worth about 850K) and has a 2 bedroom apt in Manhattan that is rent controlled...pays $90.00 a month. It 's just plain GREED! Anna-Laura, I would love to chat with you.

Man!  I don't think your mother-in-law is greedy about money, I think she is greedy about control.    

Choose your battles.  Get her name off the deed to your house.   

Do you really want a divorce?  Or is this the way to get your RIGHTFUL share of your home?   

  

People like this need psychological help.   

 
February 28, 2006, 8:56 am CST

My 2 cents

I saw a family that thrives on drama.  I'm wondering what the daughter-inlaw would do if her mother was out of the picture tomorrow.  She might just find someone new to fight with.  Same with the mother-in-law.   It seems like these people can't live without drama in their lives and they want to attack another person,any person- they just need an excuse and any excuse will do.  

In my workplace I have seen two people battle verbally everyday and when the focus of their anger leaves the department it takes them about two weeks to pick a new enemy.  Good luck Dr. Phil!!! 

Oh. and the husband looks like the spin doctor.  Always innocent but always keeping the pot stirred. 

 
February 28, 2006, 9:02 am CST

02/28 ON THE OUTS WITH IN-LAWS

Quote From: tigger123

I feel for the wives.  I had a situation just like this.  My husband cut his mother off and our marriage has been stronger than ever.  My mother-in-law would stop at nothing to upset our marriage and my husband.  He has also been outcast by other family members because he chose to marry and have a life.  Then never accepted my daughter, his stepdaughter and went as far as when we were pregnant with child, telling my husband how did he know it was his.  Of course, to this day, his own daughter is not acknowledged.  Their LOSS!!!  Our life has gone on and is happier than ever. 

  

Break those ties with in-laws that are not supportive. 

No, you don't break family ties completely lady.  That will come back and bite you in the hinder some day.  You may be controlling your hubby and kids now and be all happy, but some day your husband will want to see his mother again.  You go to counseling and you try to work it out with your mother-in-law.  Friends can say they don't want to see each other, but you are FAMILY.  That is the difference.  What will you say when your kids eventually meet their grandmother and get mad at you for keeping her from them all these years.  Your life will not be happier than ever long.  Mark my words!  I'm an old lady who has seen this many times. 

  

The fact that your husband has been "outcast by other family members" speaks volumes in this.  Could you just maybe be feeling a little threated by the love his mom has for him?  Maybe you just had a rocky start and need to work through it with a counselor.  You don't see any need right now, because YOU feel happy.  What about your family?  You owe it to them to try.  I hope you do. 

 
February 28, 2006, 9:04 am CST

Crazy Mother in law.

Quote From: marciek

 Dear Anna-Laura,
Put a Hungarian accent on your mother in law, and you've got my mother in law. She does indeed I believe as one person said here, have a borderline personality disorder. It is always amazing to me what good actresses these women are. They are even scary because they will get what they want one way or the other, sometimes even if it means breaking the law. She denied and denied things that even her own son said she did indeed do!!!

My situation is even a little worse. My MIL convinced my H to put her on the deed to our house becasue she had loaned him money 15 yrs prior and it wasn't all paid back. Now that she's been paid back, she won't take her name off the house, and 5 yrs ago I learned that the way the deed was written , I am left out of owning any of my own home.If my H predeceases her, she gets the house. Meanwhile for 17 years, I am the one who has helped pay the bills, and have done all the upkeep of the house.She has never contributed one ounce of work, or one red cent to support this house. She also called me and threatened me, saying that if my H dies, she's going to throw me out into the street, she doesn't care if I have a penny to my name or not.

I saw a good divorce lawyer, and a good real estate lawyer, and I have a very good case to sue her in both situations. My husband verbally stands up to her, but he won't take her to court to correct the situatiuon. If he doens't change his mind soon and take her to court, I am going to file for divorce as well. This and she  have destroyed my marriage. Oh by the way, she (MIL) owns a 6 bedroom house in Little Neck NY (worth about 850K) and has a 2 bedroom apt in Manhattan that is rent controlled...pays $90.00 a month. It 's just plain GREED! Anna-Laura, I would love to chat with you.

  

       what is up with the mother in law? dosent she have enough to keep her busy? It sounds as if she has to have her nose up someones a***s all the time or she isnt happy. what is her problem? 

GOOD for you by seing a good lawyer. She needs to be put in her place and stay there. 

  

 
February 28, 2006, 9:06 am CST

REALLY A GOOD ONE

Quote From: jb7ctx

Good one!

  

       Didnt they think that we would see through the BS. 

 
February 28, 2006, 9:08 am CST

Hopeless?

Today was the first time I have shut the program off before it was finished. I felt like I was watching one of the afternoon horror shows. Usually I can see a light at the end of the tunnel with your guests. Wow, I did not feel that way today.  I still love your show.
 
February 28, 2006, 9:15 am CST

There are a lot of us

 For anyone else who, like me, has a mother in law that is causing real problems in your life, there is a new messageboard on EZBoard where you can share. Go to EZBoard and in the search box type in:
mother in law.  It will take you to it, or email me at:

virgolady5153@yahoo.com

marciek
 
February 28, 2006, 9:20 am CST

I can relate to this more than i want to

Quote From: chilli67

"Dr. Phil, love ya, but.....in every show I've ever seen about mother-in-laws, you always take the position that the mother-in-law is in the wrong and should butt out of her child's life. I don't agree. Janice admitted to some wrong doing, but Anna and Morgan acted as if they did nothing wrong. The only person I saw doing any 'bashing' and name calling was Anna and Morgan, while poor Janice sat there all alone and just took it. Janice was allowed little time to present her side and was discouraged from telling her side during the last few minutes of the show. " 

      

  

"poor Janice" is exactly the message this woman was trying to convey-she was deliberately sitting there,smiling and goading in her own way,knowing what would push their buttons.CLASSIC "queen/Waif" personality of BPD. The ONLY reason she "admitted" to anything was because those were things she couldnt deny. And she has NO intention of doing what's best,or leaving them alone-her evil smile said it all. 

  

"Poor Janice"??!! I agree this is what she wants to have happen. I have not seen the show yet as it does not air for another 6 hours here but my mother in law is the same way. For 5 years I have lived in complete hell. My husband and I have 7 kids combined (my 4 his 3).My 4 and 2 of his live with us full time. The kids mom has not made contact with them in 4 years. His mom has told her grandchildren that they can not call me (which they decided to do on their own). They were told that I was nothing and they would not be loved by her if she found out they called me mom. She has never spent very little time with me and has made the assumptions that i am a horrible person, she has made horrible statements. She calls my house screaming at me. No matter what is said to her she just looses her mind. I ask her why she says this stuff and she says that the kids are lier's. I do not know her but the parts i do know are horrible. My father in law is racist and just down right rude. Being that they are in, what they call, "Southern family", my father in law rules their home. She has no rights nor a voice. Being that I am not that way, they are constantly telling my husband that he needs a "real wife" that will attend to him as he should be taken care of. My children are Hispanic and my father in law makes racist statements about my kids. I can completely feel for those having problems with their in-laws. I can honestly say i have done nothing to give them any reason to act like this and when people get involved in your life and try to ruin it, you take offense to it. If she is yelling at her mother in law, she probably has good reason. From what i have learned with my mother in law, when confronted about her actions, she acts like she has no idea what we are talking about and acts innocent. They want to look like they are being attacked. People need to live their own lives and butt out. But that is just MY opinion. 

 
February 28, 2006, 9:21 am CST

No, what show did YOU watch?

Quote From: mizbilli

I think you may have had the wrong channel on.   

RESPECT IS EARNED - NOT ISSUED for all individuals.  Parent, Spouse, Child. 

It appears that the daughter in law has tried to have a normal marriage while dealing with a very emotionally damaged son and an equally damaged and bullying mother in law.  I hope they all heal and evolve into a healthy family unit.  Unfortunately, the mother in law has lived with this controlling mindset for far too long. 

Good luck. 

mizbilli, did you notice who did all the bullying and talking on that show?  I bet that poor old lady didn't get 50 words in the whole show!  Even after Dr. Phil asked her a question to let her get her case stated, it was still "The Anna Laura Drama Queen show," so I felt sorry for the mom and for Morgan.  Anna Laura steamrolled over all of them!   

  

Some of the audience was siding with Anna Laura when she over-dramatized the facts, but at least the mother-in-law was admitting to having a part in this and was not overstating every thing she said.  This family did not get this way because of ONE person's actions.  They have each played a roll there.  In every family, people say some things they later regret.  It is the nature of people who are constantly around each other - - at least if they are stating their true feelings and not hiding them. 

 
February 28, 2006, 9:21 am CST

Don't fall into this trap

Quote From: sandidi21

I have almost the same probelm only it is my mother not his. I found this show useful to put things in perspective to deal with the issue instead of skirting around it. I also think that the mother-in-law should back off. As a mother she should want to see her son happy not be the person who is causing him not to be happy. However the daughter-in-law has a really bad attitude and I don't see her backing down or forgiving or forgetting the past. She will just keep bringing it up. I think everyone is that situation should just get away from each other cuz all they are doing is attacking each other.

You say it is your mother, not his, that is interfering with your life.  Please tell her to back off.  Treat her like a spoiled 5 year old: 

Don't fall for her nonsense.  If she wants something, she can ask nicely. 

If she can't ask nicely, tell her no, and don't give in to her cajoling or bullying.  

Don't let her lie.  If she says something out of line, tell her that you don't want to hear it. 

NEVER tell her anything negative about your spouse or his family. It will only add fuel to the fire. 

  

It is hard because this is your mother. It would be nice to be able to confide in her.  But if you confide in her, she will use it against you.  (Because she has done this in the past).  

  

Read a book, tell your mother about it.  Talk about the sports teams and other topics that don't involve anything personal.   Complement your mother's favorite niece/nephew.  Your mother knows exactly what it takes to "press your buttons".  Just stop reacting to this behavior.    

  

Let your husband know your "game plan".  Let him know that he is more important than anyone.  

  

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last