Topic : 08/08 Cheaters

I have a question about infidelity. I made a huge mistake early on in my relationship and was unfaithful to my boyfriend (now fiance). I am horribly ashamed of what I did and I think about how lucky I am that he forgave me everyday. I hear Dr. Phil say all the time that the best indicator of the future is the past. Does that mean that i ma doomed to cheat agian? I Does that mean that once I started that ball rolling that it will never stop. I have never even thought of cheating again and can't imagine hurting my fiance again but I am terrified of myself. please help me and shead some light on my situation. Is once a cheater always a cheater? 

brittany, long island 

I said the exact same thing.  Yet he cheated and begged me to come back and begged me to go to marriage counseling and we are.  It has been six months.  I guess it is all in what you are willing to forgive. And after 19 years of marriage, I thought it was worth a shot. The love does not disappear just becuase he did this. It would be easier if it did.  

                       How can a man whos been married for only 3 1/2 years say that he was looking for something new.THATS TERRIBLE..And childish...What does he think marriage is a game..But that couple should do everything to save their marriage...I think Robert will grow emtionnaly and I felt that he was really sorry...It will be hard for Ariana to trust him but with a lot of help I think that she will succeed...Robert has a lot of growing up to do...And the time is now...Good luck to them... 

On 13 Feb 06 (yes, the day before Valentine's Day), I approached my wife and she told me she had been cheating on me for over a month.  She gave several reasons, among them that I had stopped showing her that I loved her.   

I agree that I was distant for the last several months and that I should have done a lot better, however, I do not think I deserved this.  We have agreed to work on our marriage to try to save it (we have been married for over 11 years and have two daughters). 

I feel she is trying to work on our marriage but I see her being so cold about what she did and I feel that she does not have any remorse for her infidelity. 

As I said, I want to save our marriage and I am a little insecure about my decision.  What do you think?  

I just found out my fiance cheated on me 2 years ago and has a one year old child as a result.  This was also news to him.  He had no idea.  We were on again off again at the time because of living circumstances but this infedility happened while we lived in the same town and were supposedly together in love.  He claims he does not remember...I feel he's full of it.....Meanwhile we got engaged two months ago and our relationship had never been better.  He seems completely open and honest with me now and back then I remember questioning things.  Does this mean he may have changed?  any opinions? 

3 years ago,After 22 years of marriage I found my x was having an affair with a close friend of the family (apparently closer to her than the rest of us) I was amazed at Dr Phil's response to the couples today as he stated that she was in shock right now and would at some point try to repair the relationship by changing herself in many ways and win him back only to punish him for the many years to come! That is exactly the way it played out. 

We attended counciling and she decided to stop attending but I continued  for 1 1/2 years. It no longer was about saving the relationship between two people but re building a relationship with myself. 

 I feel that I am 90% there now but will never forget the lesson. I have cut off all ties for a year now and find more strength every day. To all of you finding yourselves in this situation, go for the counceling for yourself above all else, if you have children, they need you more than ever and it helps if you can instruct them with a clear mind. It does get better! There were times when I could not see myself ever getting over the feelings of the betrayal but it will subside when you stop believing that you can mend someone else. Only they can do that!   

Now with a clear mind and not listening to the every day communication of lies and abuse, I have realized that was not the first but was always going on with some one. Hang in there and run to a good counceler.