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Topic : 08/08 Cheaters

Number of Replies: 911
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Created on : Friday, February 24, 2006, 11:27:05 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 03/01/06) What can you do if your spouse has a cheating heart? Rick’s wife, Kandice, cheated on him less than a year ago, and he suspects she's at it again. Is Rick just being paranoid, or is Kandice not telling the whole truth? Find out when Dr. Phil reveals what he caught on camera. Then, Arianna thought she had it all: a wonderful husband, two beautiful kids and a happy marriage ... until recently when the ugly truth came out in a shocking way. How did she find out about her husband's philandering? Can he learn to be faithful? Dr. Phil has strong words to set him straight. With a dark cloud of lies, deceit and infidelity hanging over a relationship, can you ever trust a cheater again? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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February 28, 2006, 12:17 pm CST

Happiness afterwards

Quote From: elwood

It's not that easy if you have years of happy memories with your Significant Other, especially if they get down on their hands and knees and beg and say that they can change.  It's hard to turn your back on someone that you donated years of your life to and just walk away.
I happen to know of two couples where the husband cheated during his midlife crisis.  In both cases, the wife was devastated.  But, both continued their marriages for different reasons.  Both husbands have spend the rest of their time trying to make up in every way.  Although it is certainly difficult, I believe if the person is basically decent, then there is a possibility of happiness after infidelity.
 
February 28, 2006, 12:23 pm CST

03/01 Cheaters

Quote From: dewaele

 Say bye... what's to contemplate?  See my post entiteld "SIMPLE"
I would be more concerned about the abusive behavior than the infidelity.  I agree that you should make whatever preparations you need to to end this relationship.
 
February 28, 2006, 12:30 pm CST

03/01 Cheaters

Can't wait to see this show!!
 
February 28, 2006, 1:54 pm CST

Yes it is

Quote From: elwood

It's not that easy if you have years of happy memories with your Significant Other, especially if they get down on their hands and knees and beg and say that they can change.  It's hard to turn your back on someone that you donated years of your life to and just walk away.
 Anything is as easy or difficult as you make it. Yes, its hard, but you have to weigh out the situation........memories are just that........MEMORIES. That is not the present or the future.
 
February 28, 2006, 2:13 pm CST

It's not that simple

Quote From: elwood

It's not that easy if you have years of happy memories with your Significant Other, especially if they get down on their hands and knees and beg and say that they can change.  It's hard to turn your back on someone that you donated years of your life to and just walk away.

 It's not as simple as that. I am thankful everyday that my , now husband but boyfriend then, not only forgave me but did so twice and for the unthinkable, cheating with friends of his. But if he hadn't forgiven me then we wouldn't have the absolute joy of our son that makes each day worth living for me.  I look at my precious soon to be one year old baby boy and I thank my husband for forgiving me and getting past my mistakes.  If you can forgive and work together to get past and learn from the mistakes then your relationship can end up being stronger than ever.  We appreciate each other more today (together for 15 years now, married for almost 5 of those) and I cherish him and have the utmost respect for him.    

 
February 28, 2006, 3:40 pm CST

No empathy

After watching the show yesterday I was extremely upset. I was a victim of a man who betrayed me.  I truly believe what Dr. Phil statement "Once a cheater will always be a cheater" . I couldn't believe that this man felt bad about telling the other woman that he wanted to end their relationship when he cheated on his wife, and on top of this dared to want to stay with both, His wife on the other side is the typical woman who needs YEARS of psychological help!.She needs to lift that self esteem and start loving herself , I don't believe that her husband will change. 

If I was her I would have left since I found out about the betrayal . I wish this woman good luck, tons of therapy so that she stops being a co depent of the relationship she wished she have! 

 
February 28, 2006, 5:12 pm CST

Me too!

Quote From: skimom4

Hi all- 

  

I'm new to the boards.  I've been married for 17 years; have 2 sons who are the loves of my life.  Once I had my sons, my husband seemed to stop being attracted to me; although he still seems interested in fulfilling his needs regularly (wow, this is so honest!).  I'm an attractive woman, in early 40's - I work out; am a size 6/8 (depending upon the week); and a business woman in a larger metro city. 

  

In all of my years of marriage; I have never been remotely attracted to anyone; when approached by a man; it just doesn't "happen" for me - I think of my family; my children; and usually, I just have the "I'm Married" wall all around me. 

  

In fact, I was always VERY quick to judge my friends who did this...... 

  

......until December. 

  

After a work meeting at a restaurant; I lingered for a moment after the meeting was over; just wanted a few moments to myself where I wasn't "giving" to my job; my home; my family; my husband.  It was selfish, but just needed a minute to think.  I was about to pay the bill & leave, when a man asked if he could sit at my table.  Again in all my years of marriage I have never allowed this......until this night. 

  

He had a brilliant smile; was very interesting looking; and I said ok.  He is 15 years older than me.  And married....... 

  

Bad move. 

  

So, just 2 months ago, I had this "affair of the heart".  He's married.  I'm married.  I have a husband who has become like my brother; and 2 children who would never forgive me.  I got out of this relationship VERY quickly, but my heart is still there.  Am I "once a cheater always a cheater"???  I don't know.  But what I do know now, is that I certainly am not coming from the judgement seat any more.  I am in counseling, and I feel so badly that I cannot tell my husband this.  Being honest with myself; I love how the "guy" made me feel.  I had lost myself in the day to day life of motherhood; corporate world; pta meetings, and appeasing my husband on nights he is "ready to go"...... 

  

Did I know it was a problem?  Deep inside, yes, but I figured it would pass as time went on, and my husband & I would find each other again.  But it didn't hit me until this guy held my hand that night, then leaned in to kiss me.  And I let him kiss me.  My husband would be sooooo hurt.  I feel so terribly.  I thought part of me had died - the part that "felt" these things.  Truly, and I thought it was normal that this just dies when you have children.  But I learned that night it didn't. 

  

I haven't told my husband, or anyone until now about this, except my new therapist (and now all of you).  I miss the way this "guy" made me feel; but I know he is not someone I want to be with.  I'm scared by my feelings; but in every way, feel that I am just as selfish & guilty.   

  

I don't know what to do.  I'm hoping the show on Wednesday will help....... I will be at work, but will check the website that night to see what happened. 

  

Sorry to enter the boards on such a disruptive note; but I'm certain I'm not alone in my feelings; and I really don't know what to do..... 

  

I guess for me, the bottom line is that in my entire life; I lived in judgement of others who did exactly what I did that night.  Now I'm the one being "judged".  I'm deeply humbled, my heart is a bit broken, and now I feel that I have this deep dark secret in there that my mind won't forget. 

  

Thanks for e-listening. I'm open to your thoughts- 

  

  

I also recently ended a relationship with a married man, although I believe mine might have gone a little farther than yours. I am 32, also married ( have been for 13 years) and have 3 children. This was the first time I had developed such a relationship, and it lasted for about 4 months. To complicate matters, his wife is a friend of mine and our children and families in general are close friends. I only wanted to say that the feeling of broken-heartedness is very real in my case too. BUT IT GETS EASIER! Time is the only thing that helps. It has been two months since we had any intimate involvement, although I see him and talk to him several times a week. The attention and gratification of someone finding you attractive is so tempting! I understand! We didn't get "caught" but ended our relationship reluctantly before both of our families were destroyed. GOOD LUCK AND GIVE IT TIME!
 
February 28, 2006, 5:44 pm CST

wed's show

I can't wait to see this show!!!! I think that it might help me out a lot!
 
February 28, 2006, 5:52 pm CST

i agree

Quote From: aamador49

After watching the show yesterday I was extremely upset. I was a victim of a man who betrayed me.  I truly believe what Dr. Phil statement "Once a cheater will always be a cheater" . I couldn't believe that this man felt bad about telling the other woman that he wanted to end their relationship when he cheated on his wife, and on top of this dared to want to stay with both, His wife on the other side is the typical woman who needs YEARS of psychological help!.She needs to lift that self esteem and start loving herself , I don't believe that her husband will change. 

If I was her I would have left since I found out about the betrayal . I wish this woman good luck, tons of therapy so that she stops being a co depent of the relationship she wished she have! 

My husband cheated on me but every situation is different. I would not even think about working it out if he was feeling bad about telling the other woman it was over. What about his wife???? Didn't he feel bad about her feelings? That guy is a total jerk and I agree that her husband will never change. He should have had more feelings about how his wife would feel and not about this other woman. The Jerk said that he couldn't find it in his heart to tell her goodbye forever. What is that all about? If he truly wanted to work it out with his wife than he could have told her to go away in an instant without regret or feeling bad!!!
 
February 28, 2006, 7:47 pm CST

Cheaters

My ex boyfriend is a chronic cheater.  He has even been busted cheating by my aunt and he still lied about it.  His favorite game is to accuse me of cheating, well bet 

ween raising two kids, working full time and going to school, I would love to know when I have time to cheat!   

I could always tell when he was begining to see someone else.  All of a sudden, he stopped calling, was too busy to do anything and would pick fights.  If he did confess, it would to be to a small portion of the truth, no the whole ugly truth.  He pals around with a group of cheaters, they apparently work in packs. 

He was verbally and sometimes physically abussive on top of it, but honestly the cheating hurt the worst.  I asked him one time, "why am I not enough for you?"  He lied and said, "you are enough." 

The last humiliating straw was finding his profile on Match.com, one of my friends sent it to me, she felt so bad.   

When I met him he claimed that women cheated on him and that is why he had never been married.  After hearing from other people that he was out telling everyone what a cheater I was to make himself look good, I knew he lied about those other women.  He does not want to get married because it would cut into his philandering hobby.  I felt horrible, worthless and like a total fool.  The thought that he was going out with his cheating friends and they all must have had a good laugh at what a naive fool I was. 

The smartest thing I have done in my entire life is to turn down his marriage proposal.  I am out there dating again and happy.  There are some great guys out there and there is hope.  Every day I begin to understand that his cheating had nothing to do with anything I lacked, it had to do with him, being a big loser. 

 
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