Topic : 08/08 Cheaters

Quote From: bailey09

I know by experience that cheating is never something easy. I have cheated before and it was wrong, totally wrong. But you usually have a reason for cheating, its never a good reason but its still a reason. On the other hand, I've been cheated on also. He had as much reason as I had. But once you have been cheated on, you'd never wish that on anyone for whichever reason.

Quote From: breezin

I just finished watching the show and Rick is right about his wife's attitude.  She (and I don't even want to honour her by calling her by her name -- I'd much rather call her a "she") had that smirk and smile on her face throughout the whole show.  If she were in my presence right now I'd smack that arrogant, self-serving, selfish "happiness" off her face in a flash ........ but, actually, she doesn't even deserve that.  I wouldn't even waste my time or breath on her.  How arrogant of her to try and twist things around to make Rick look like the bad guy because of how he called her names, etc.  My dear sweetie little tramp .... you have no idea how gut wrenching it is to find out the person you love is either emotionally or physically invovled with some othe "fluff of the day".  I'd better stop typing about this right now before I say more than I really should.  Rick, at the end of the show "she" said she wanted to try to make her marriage work.  Yea, right.  Even then there was no remorse.  "She" is in the category of "sorry she got caught".  She WILL do it again.

As far as Robert and Arianna ..... now that was REAL remorse (from Robert).  Arianna, I hope you get the professional help Dr. Phil offers so that you can deal with all the mixed emotions inside.  There is nothing worse than finding out the person you loved has been with someone else.  I know.  It happened to me for 1-1/2 years in my marriage years ago.  I didn't get the professional counselling I truly needed at the time ..... if anything to deal with the hate, anger, confusion and shock I felt.  I wish I had gotten the help. 

Robert, remember the feeling you had when Dr. Phil asked how it would feel if you had to say "goodbye" to your kids and how your whole insides felt like they were ripped out? ........ well, that's what it feels like to find out the person you've loved is emotionally or physically involved with someone else.  Your whole insides feels like it's been ripped out.  Think about it. 

With a lot of work, I truly feel that Arianna and Robert CAN work through this.  God Bless You.

And "she" (Rick's wife) ..... GROW UP LITTLE GIRL !!!  You're not that great a prize.

Quote From: sunnytea88

I grew up in a broken home with my father having multiple affairs while I was growing up.  My fathers first affair was confessed to my mom on my sisters 13th birthday. (Happy Birthday to my sister, needless to say she will never forget that day for the rest of her life)  I was 4.  The last affair (confessed that is..) came out when I was 21.  My parents are still together and have fought like cats and dogs for years and still do.  I am now 35. 

  

I just have this to say to people who think it is just "sex" or maybe not sex just "a friendship".  THIS AFFECTS EVERYONE in the home.  If you truly think that no matter unfaithful you are to your marriage that you can still be a good parent, you are lying to yourself and just making yourself feel better about what you are doing to your spouse and your children.    

  

No one holds a gun to your head and forces you to be married.  If you want to play around, stay single and wear a condom.  Do not bring children into this world when you cannot commit yourself entirely to your spouse.  Children deserve to be brought up in a household where they know what love is and how to pursue their own relationships WITHOUT BAGGAGE. 

  

I am thankful that I have sought therapy for my own insecurities brought on by the infidelity of my father but I will never forget the pain and suffering I watched my mom go through.  Not to mention in the words of Dr. Phil, my mom continues to kick his ass everyday since then.  My father too had a hard time "growing up" and had 3 kids before the age of 23. NO EXCUSE!  Suck it up!  My mother was an idealist who thought life could be like a romance novel. 

  

To all spouses of a cheater out there, DO NOT confide in your children regarding what your husband is doing.  My mother made that mistake with me and no child should know the in's and out's of her parents marriage/sex life.  Get a therapist and you are better off to GET OUT!  You are worthy of someone's love and respect and always remember LOVE SHOULDN'T HURT!!! 

Quote From: insecure

On 13 Feb 06 (yes, the day before Valentine's Day), I approached my wife and she told me she had been cheating on me for over a month.  She gave several reasons, among them that I had stopped showing her that I loved her.   

  

I agree that I was distant for the last several months and that I should have done a lot better, however, I do not think I deserved this.  We have agreed to work on our marriage to try to save it (we have been married for over 11 years and have two daughters). 

  

I feel she is trying to work on our marriage but I see her being so cold about what she did and I feel that she does not have any remorse for her infidelity. 

  

As I said, I want to save our marriage and I am a little insecure about my decision.  What do you think?  

Quote From: skimom4

Hi all- 

  

I'm new to the boards.  I've been married for 17 years; have 2 sons who are the loves of my life.  Once I had my sons, my husband seemed to stop being attracted to me; although he still seems interested in fulfilling his needs regularly (wow, this is so honest!).  I'm an attractive woman, in early 40's - I work out; am a size 6/8 (depending upon the week); and a business woman in a larger metro city. 

  

In all of my years of marriage; I have never been remotely attracted to anyone; when approached by a man; it just doesn't "happen" for me - I think of my family; my children; and usually, I just have the "I'm Married" wall all around me. 

  

In fact, I was always VERY quick to judge my friends who did this...... 

  

......until December. 

  

After a work meeting at a restaurant; I lingered for a moment after the meeting was over; just wanted a few moments to myself where I wasn't "giving" to my job; my home; my family; my husband.  It was selfish, but just needed a minute to think.  I was about to pay the bill & leave, when a man asked if he could sit at my table.  Again in all my years of marriage I have never allowed this......until this night. 

  

He had a brilliant smile; was very interesting looking; and I said ok.  He is 15 years older than me.  And married....... 

  

Bad move. 

  

So, just 2 months ago, I had this "affair of the heart".  He's married.  I'm married.  I have a husband who has become like my brother; and 2 children who would never forgive me.  I got out of this relationship VERY quickly, but my heart is still there.  Am I "once a cheater always a cheater"???  I don't know.  But what I do know now, is that I certainly am not coming from the judgement seat any more.  I am in counseling, and I feel so badly that I cannot tell my husband this.  Being honest with myself; I love how the "guy" made me feel.  I had lost myself in the day to day life of motherhood; corporate world; pta meetings, and appeasing my husband on nights he is "ready to go"...... 

  

Did I know it was a problem?  Deep inside, yes, but I figured it would pass as time went on, and my husband & I would find each other again.  But it didn't hit me until this guy held my hand that night, then leaned in to kiss me.  And I let him kiss me.  My husband would be sooooo hurt.  I feel so terribly.  I thought part of me had died - the part that "felt" these things.  Truly, and I thought it was normal that this just dies when you have children.  But I learned that night it didn't. 

  

I haven't told my husband, or anyone until now about this, except my new therapist (and now all of you).  I miss the way this "guy" made me feel; but I know he is not someone I want to be with.  I'm scared by my feelings; but in every way, feel that I am just as selfish & guilty.   

  

I don't know what to do.  I'm hoping the show on Wednesday will help....... I will be at work, but will check the website that night to see what happened. 

  

Sorry to enter the boards on such a disruptive note; but I'm certain I'm not alone in my feelings; and I really don't know what to do..... 

  

I guess for me, the bottom line is that in my entire life; I lived in judgement of others who did exactly what I did that night.  Now I'm the one being "judged".  I'm deeply humbled, my heart is a bit broken, and now I feel that I have this deep dark secret in there that my mind won't forget. 

  

Thanks for e-listening. I'm open to your thoughts- 

  

  

Quote From: rkarovd

Try seeing a Counceler for your concerns about your fear! You may be fine however, if there is a deep seated problem not recognized by you, find it embrace it and deal with it.