Topic : 03/02 Our Biggest Battle

   This is for Angela and Keith; I don't think Angela needs to give up her dream of making it in country music, but you are going to have to tone it way down or you both will land in bankruptcy court and a ruined marriage; if it is not already in the ditch.  For you to be mad it him for not stopping you from bringing you to the brink of financial disaster; that is downright tacky. You would have been really mad at him if he had said "No, you are not bankrupting us for what is evidently turning out to be a pipe dream". You may just have to "get a job" and chase that dream on a part time basis.  

When I had a boyfriend, custodial parent of an 8 year-old son, my bf always wanted to look like the "good guy" & the friend.  Therefore, he would never remind his son to do his homework or chores or to brush his teeth etc. so I did that out of concern for his son.  Disneyland Dad was all about fun 'n games:  letting the kid stay up late, watch all the video games he wanted, etc.  In the boy's eyes, I no doubt was the "heavy" while Dad was nothing but "fun".  One evening I decided I was not going to remind the boy to do his homework & let the chips fall where they may.  I was tired of Dad not doing his job.  Anyway, the boy came home from school that day furious because he had forgotten to do his homework & as a consequence had detention--forced to stay in & do homework while all the other kids got to play outside at recess.  And he blamed dad, yelling, "It's all your fault Dad!  You didn't remind me to do my homework!" 

When the boy calmed down a little bit later, I had a one on one "Mike Brady" chat with him.  He told me it's his dad's fault he got detention b/c Dad forgot to remind him.  I told him I understood his frustration to be stuck inside while all the other kids got to play.  And I asked him, "Whose name is it on the top of all your homework papers?"  "My name," he said.  I said that's right.  And who's responsible for doing the homework?  "I am" he said.  I told him that his dad is not always going to remember to tell him to do his homework, so he's going to have to find a way to remember every night.  And we discussed possible ways he could remember to do so. 

The point is, when the bio parent does not do his or her job b/c s/he's overly concerned about being the child's "friend", the step parent or boyfriend/girlfriend will often step in to fill the vacuum.  In my case, I think I handled it in a sensitive, "help the kid" manner.  But not every step parent will.  I wish bio parents would stop creating this vacuum, step up to the plate & stop trying to be the kid's best friend! 

Congrats Smilie!    jennifer 

LOL...well, she may have a talent but she's $80,000 IN DEBT, honey. EIGHTY THOUSAND!! I have 3 college degrees and took out loans for them. Took me 10 years to pay them off but get this--I was certain, 100% I'd get a job when I finished.   

If she's so good, uh.......then why did she have to go on Dr Phil with her problems??? This message board is for people to COMMENT ABOUT THE SHOW. If she/you don't want comments, don't read it. Unless of course she just wanted exposure.   

A year or so ago, a guest named Stacy from the second Dr. Phil family declared on the show, "I'm a Mormon" & proceeded to misapply the teachings of that Mormonism to justify not having a job when the family was drowning it debt.  She also had a baby from an affair, was abusive to her husband & kids...--her life was a complete mess.  Lots of Mormons posted on the board that Stacy does not represent the tenets of the LDS religion & does not represent Mormons.   

Gene the Marine wants us all to know that the military step dad does not represent Marine principles & training.  I don't fault him for that at all.  In fact, he had a great post & I learned some new things.   

Gene is in no way minimizing Military Step Dad's contribution to his country.  A man can do a fine job serving his country & a lousy job serving his family. 

This msg. is to Angela, specifically.......my God, you people have been a little harsh! 

As a singer myself, who is a little older, (over 35) (didn't appreciate someone's comment about Angela being too old already,.. jeez, last I checked, music was for EVERYONE, there's a market for all ages!!)...I know the ropes..I have recorded, been in a lot of bands, cover and originals, shopped for record deals...done it all, still doing it. HOWEVER, reality must be present. I have a job that pays well, while I continue to do my singing thing. Oh lots of people make comments every time my band performs.... "you should be on American Idol",( whoops, no, too "old")  "you should be making it big!"...all very nice comments, from very nice supportive people...not just people I know, either, it's usually strangers who are the most impressed. It's great,  but  Angela, it's always a longshot, and it doesn't mean that you have to give up your dreams to pay your bills. I will still strive to sing, though I am not so focused on "making it" anymore as I am focused on still being able to perform and do it well. DON'T GIVE UP, just MODIFY. Baby, get at least a part time day job, reduce your financial stress and keep at the singing. If it's meant to be, it will be. Keep positive, just don't stick your head in the sand and ignore the realities of life, which, unfortunatly, include the bills ( they suck, don't they!?!?!) I really do get where you are coming from, 'cause I, too, know how you feel, I really do. 

BALANCE in life is the key to ANY success...you'll find it.......hang in!!     

AND DON'T STOP SINGING!!!!   

Stardust   :-) 

It really makes me feel better to hear that my husband is not the only adult playing online games at night!  It took me about 6 years to understand that this is his hobby. HOWEVER, we have had many arguments over this issue( meaning, I get mad and tell him how childish he is,and he ignores me). But, since my husband works nights and doesn't get home until 1:30AM, I really don't care if he stays up for an hour or so playing.   

Now, I'm not saying it is ok for it to interfere with your marriage or taking care of children.  My husband works 6 days most weeks and sometimes 10 -12 hour shifts during the week, but 3 -5 days a week he will get up in the morning with the baby, change her diaper, and give her a snack so that I can have a little extra rest regardless of when he went to bed. It's his choice how late he stays up as long as it doesn't interfere with important things( like my sleep).=) 

So, if you are wondering if your husband/ boyfriend will always play games the answer is probably yes. But, if you let it get out of hand, it will.  It's the same as not expecting help with the children, housework, or cooking. If you don't ask for help, you probably won't get it.  If you don't make it known that the games are a real issue, your husband won't  try to play less. 

Don't forget, you teach people how to treat you.   

Dr. Phil really needs to talk more about this!  It's a bigger issue that I think he realizes!   

I’m a self-confessed Online gaming addict…and anyone who falls into their grip can become uncontrollably addicted. It’s a drug. 

But first a little background on them. There are “Computer Games”. You buy them. You play them. And hopefully you win them at some point. Maybe you play it over again at a harder level..or whatever…but for these games there is a start and an end. 

But then there are “Online Computer Games”. An online game starts….and never ever ends. It’s not supposed to. The hook is to get you to subscribe and pay a monthly fee of roughly $15.- per month…all under the adage that the gaming company adds new content or expansions as you go. 

Online games have a community you interact with. And the largest totals around 6 million people. On any given server, you as a player can log on and interact with hundreds of other people and go on virtual hunts. There is NO pause button. There is NO save button. 

5 hours a day? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…I played 10 hours! 

And yes, my marriage was in trouble. 

Solution was simple. And yes…its kinda like drugs. “Just say NO”. I quit them.  

I am 24 years old, married for over 5 years and we have a 3 year old daughter, soon to be 4. 

I didn't get a chance to view this particular show, but I have read some great posts on this show! Some being from KDMASK...making a very good point about people going on TV to air their dirty laundry and then get mad about people commenting on a MESSAGE board about it!   

I agree that credit cards are EVIL if you don't know what your doing! My husband and I made that same mistake when we first got married. We got all these offers and sure enough they looked GREAT to us, and before I knew it, we were in trouble. My husband lost his job temporarily, and anyone knows, if you get behind on a couple of credit card payments...its HARD to get back on track, because of the outrageous late fee's and interest charges.  Before I knew it,  we had 8  credit cards (luckily with small balances) that I let go back because there was no chance in getting caught up--no one would work with us.  I felt so guilty about it, and vowed that we would get things straight and use credit wisely in the future.  It took us probably 6 months to rack up the charges and get in the hole, and almost 6 years to dig ourselves out.  Now, we've cleaned up our credit, use cash for most of our purchases, and we just bought our first house. It is possible to clean your credit up and use it wisely--I know because we did it, although our balances weren't adding up to $80,000. I am sorry, but that is just plain stupidity to get that much in debt to pursue a career that doesn't have a high capability of landing a stable job. I can totally see someone getting that deep in debt for education for a promising career when they get their degree--because they KNOW they can pay it off--and most times they do. Granted, it takes them a while, but any debt takes a while to pay off...some more then others.  I am going to teach my daughter about credit and hope that she doesn't have to learn the way her Dad and I did. 

And about the gaming issue, my husband is 25, and he plays Playstation 2, the Madden 2006 game mostly. I used to get bent out of shape about it because he played so much...but then he never griped about me having my nose stuck in a book or watching tv shows.  Yes, I am the sole caretaker of our daughter as far as physically taking care of her. But that is my job, to take care of her, the house, and my husband.  My husband on the other hand, goes to work EVERY day, even on days that he's so sick he can hardly move (rare)...there is a 3 hour commute to his work site, ONE WAY, meaning 6 hours of driving time, a day--12 days in a row. All that on top of an 8 hour shift. His job is physically demanding and he earns every dollar he makes, and he doesn't gripe about anything I do.  So he takes a little time (maybe 5-10 hours a week, if he's lucky) to play a game that he loves!  Why do I have reason to gripe?? He is home, not out  drinking, screwing around, or snorting his paycheck away. He works hard and that one hobby is his way of unwinding, like mine is reading or getting on the computer.  I guess I may be dumb for feeling this way -- but EVERY situation is different. Compromise is where its at.