Topic : 03/02 Our Biggest Battle

I have a military husband who is absolutely OBSESSED with playing video games.  

We have a 3 month old and when i ask him to stop playing his game to take care of her so that i can take a shower or eat or whatever personal things i need to do, he does them but not without a sigh and a  "OK, just hurry up."   

Our time together is non-existent. He works from the afternoon to late evening ( around 11 pm)  so he will play his game in the morning when he gets up till he leaves and come home and and play till bed time. That leaves NO TIME for US!  

When i try to point out how much of a problem it is he says " I'm in the military. it's stressful! When i get home i just wanna relax! WHY IS THAT A BIG DEAL?"  and part of me thinks he has a point but part of me knows that I should be relaxing for him too. why cant we unwind from the day together?  

 i just don't know how to get through to him. Any suggestions?  

Quit your blaming your husband for everything and quit pretending you're some great singer!  It just ain't so right now.  Maybe never.  Honestly, you are not that great!  I've been in music all my life, and really, get another profession and do that as a hobby.  You are being selfish and unrealistic about your "talent." You are breaking your husband's heart and his spirit.  Ain't doing much for you either, You are acting like a spoiled brat.  That's easy to see.  Sorry, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

Hi everybody. This is the first time i have had a problem i needed some help with so any comments would be greatly appreciated.  

My husband of almost 4 years never used to get on the computer when we first got together. After only being married a short while we purchased a computer and it has slowly gone down hill from there. He has stayed up numerous times all night long to play his internet games and is COMPLETELY OBSESSED. He even had friends that would bring their computers over so they could all play at the same time.  

I knew he chatted with other people on there, but i never thought it was a big deal, i just thought people were helping him with the game.  

I found out 2 days ago that he had met someone online that he had talked to for quite some time. I found old email love letters and was completely destroyed by them. An emotional affair to me is just as bad as a physical affair. Of course he tried to deny it at first, but i also found on our bank statement a charge for americansingles.com and decided to check it out for myself and sure enough he had an add on there that stated he was single and looking for a physical/commited relationship.  

Anyone that has any advice????   

Jeff & Darcy was my situation 25 years ago. Ex-military ,just divorced( 2 children ) married a recent divorce with three small kids. She wouldn't discipline her two oldest and expected that  all would be well. Not, my military personana kicked in(and parent experience )and one week into the union we knew it was a mistake. One and a half years latter we were divorced. 

 A couple MUST talk out things before marriage. Forget about love & sex...get real in the discussions.Much easiler NOT to get married than to go through a divorce. 

I was watching that woman and man going through hell over their finances because she was bringing them to the brink of disaster because she thought she could be a famous singer.  First of all..she doesnt have "it".  She has a commonly good voice that you can find at any Karaoke contest across our nation.  She does not have that magical sound that gets people famous.  Plus, she is too old.  Young people are what is happening out there.  She passed her "window'"  But her talent, or lack of it is the main thing.  She does not have that good a voice to become famous. 

But here is my statement. I had the same life.  Not because I wanted to be a singer, but for other reasons.  My husband sat helplessly on the other side of our kitchen table with that same hang dog look while I was on the other side ranting and raving. I made his life hell. I ran things. I was a total bitch and our bank account was my one and only worry.  Even though I was aiding in our demise, I was calling the bank every day, making sure we had no bounced checks.  We were going from one payday loan place to the other...it was hell.  Well, unbeknownst to me, one day my husband got laid off and he was too terrified to face my wrath and tell me so you know what he started to do?  He robbed 14 banks over the period of 6 months.  Yep....I had no idea.  But all of a sudden, we weren't in debt anymore.  I thought he was making really good over time. He got his job back and was working and then when other guys were getting together after work to have a cold beer...my old man was hitting a bank on the way home.  I had absolutely no idea until one day there was a message on our voice mail that said, "Oh Honey, I dont know how to tell you this, but I am at the FBI and I have just been arrested for bank robbery.  I am so sorry and I will be in touch with you and help you get through this. I am so sorry. I just didnt want to see you cry anymore". 

So Missy...you be careful about how you make your man feel.  Mine was earning $32.50 an hour drivinkg heavy equipment and bringing home over a thousand a week and it wasn't enough...and he was doing all he could do. Now dont get me wrong. I am not condoning at all what he did...but I have to look at my part in this and he is a man and he felt his pride being taken away from him and he couldnt provide a life for us...so he did what he did and he fixed it...until the sick fantasy ended and he went to prison and I lost every thing...... 

Budget, stay with in it and dont go after pipe dreams.  She needs an honest friend to tell her that her voice is not worthy of all of this hell.  She isnt' going to "Make it big"...she dont have the chops. I love to sing too and I have a great voice. I got to do some recording and performing. But I am realistic, I know that I am just so good, not top of the heap good...neither is she. 

ok, have a nice day kids. 

sploozy 

         When will people learn how to communicate?  Every couple today had a complete break down in how they communicate.  None of them were interested in what  the other had to say.  Only in what they had to respond to the other. How can you listen if your figuring out what you want to say.   I have a blended family and it really is hard.  Dr. Phil was dead on.  You have to be the support for your step-kids, they already have a base on which to stand.  As for the couple who fight about the computer, is it really worth destroying a marriage?  Jeremy, I too enjoy playing on the computer but sadly it cant keep you warm at night and it cant tell you that it loves you.  Games are just that, games.  Would you destroy your marriage over monopoly?  Reality is always better than fiction, and your wife needs a real husband.  Someone who puts her before a game because she's worth more than that.  Nicole,  if you want your husband to listen you have to change the way you approach things.  Maybe you can take an interest in what he's doing.  Learn to play his games and show him that you care about what he likes too.  There are lots of games you can play together.  And isn't he worth it.  Marriage is about companionship, how can you be companions if your walking down different paths.  If you really want your marriage to work it will. Dont give up hope.  Have fun with each other.