Message Boards

Topic : 06/23 "Stop Ruining Your Child!"

Number of Replies: 190
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, February 24, 2006, 11:30:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 03/03/06) Has anyone ever told you how to parent your child? Maybe you find it annoying ... or maybe you're afraid they're right. Pam says her sister, Diana, is making huge mistakes when it comes to parenting her 5-year-old daughter, Sydnie, who scratches, kicks, screams, and terrorizes everyone in the house. Pam says Diana's lack of discipline and desire to be the "fun mom" is ruining her niece, and she's tired of being the only one trying to control Sydnie. Then, Stephanie is concerned that her husband, Steve's, yelling, raging and threats are damaging their kids. They've even separated because he can't get his anger under control. Dr. Phil gets to the bottom of the problem and uncovers a tragic loss from Steve's past. Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

More June 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

June 24, 2006, 1:11 am CDT

Socializing children to live well in our world

After watching the first segment of the 6/23/06 airing of  "Stop Ruining Your Child," I feel confident that more and more parents are receiving the specific information needed to provide  young children the structure and boundaries within which to blossom.  As a Kindergarten teacher responsible for providing both an academic and social education for up to 22 five- and six-year-olds each school day, I experience first hand the ramifications of disrespectful, angry and aggressive students. Over the course of my years in public school teaching since the mid 1980's, I have been ignored, yelled at, cursed, pinched, hit, kicked, spat upon and bitten by children who are unable to get along in a large group setting.  None of these children were "bad" kids-they just needed to be schooled in appropriate and positive social interaction skills.  I know that some of these children and their families were experiencing lots of rough situations, but I am still responsible for teaching them and the rest of the class as well.  I have never had a teacher's aide, so I do this mostly on my own  with the support of other teachers and administrative staff.  Angry outbursts and defiance  frightens and confuses the other children, so I must address their needs as well.  As we all know, it is impossible for children to learn the academics they need when their minds are overtaken with power struggles.  I am happy to say, however, that almost all of my students end the school year as productive and curious learners.  It takes a lot of consistency in setting specific expectations for appropriate behavior, but persistence pays off! The students  (and I) are much happier and we can get on with the fun and excitement of learning. The kids seem so relieved once they've mastered the appropriate behaviors and can experience the positive results with peers and adults.  Besides, at the end of  a long Kindergarten day, we all need to be able to look back and feel satisfied with our accomplishments.  Oh yeah-I try as often as I can to come home after school, put my feet up, and tune in to Dr. Phil for more great information!    
 
June 24, 2006, 9:01 am CDT

Ruining Those Children!!

Stephanie needs to get her children out of that situation! The way Steve mistreats them will haunt them for the rest of their lives and affect all of their future relationships. I know because I came from a home much like this one, except physical abuse accompanied the verbal. After my biological father left the family for another woman (I never saw him again) my mother remarried when my brother and I were still very young. She worked multiple jobs to support her husband, who stayed home with my brother and me. The abuse started verbally and then quickly progressed to physical. My mother lived in denial, refusing to believe it was happening. I moved out the day I turned 18, but the pain follows me everywhere. The worst part of it all is that although my brother and I were victims together, we have turned on each other. The internal rage our stepfather gave us demands to be released and unfortunately it ends up on each other.....I think because it makes it easier to deal with the memories of watching the other's suffering at the hands of our abuser. Stephanie is betraying her children by allowing this mistreatment, and they may never forgive her for that. She needs to put a stop to the behavior or leave him, for the sake of her children's entire futures.
 
June 24, 2006, 9:42 am CDT

afraid

Quote From: afraid

my heart goes out to him in that respect, but lousing a child dose not in any way explane how he could be so damn mean to his other children, it was in no way thear fault, and just as i guessed im still pissed about him treating his children the way he treats them, what he is doing isnt morning the death of his son, its placing the blame on his other children, plane and simple, for those poor childrens sake i pray what ever help you give that man helpes the children he has now, they probley could use a lot of councaling as well to help them understand its not them with a problem but thear dad, a grown man is suppose to know how to take a time out from his familey when he knows hes about to exploade, its not hard to say to a child daddy got something bothering him so i got to go out side so i dont say something to you i dont relly mean, not hard at all its a self taught act all men need to learn to do, its ok to cry ,even if daddy said men dont cry we do and its ok dosent mean you are less of a man, it just means you have a heart and it has feelings and those feelings are hurt for now,try it steve your children will love you even more for it its not hard you only think it is

I agree, but there's a message that always seems to get lost  on these shows (of course, I guess I should admit I rarely get to see them).  I did see this one, though. 

  

When a child is in an unacceptable environment, it is on BOTH parents, not just the one being abusive.   

  

One of the biggest lessons in this whole saga, imo, is about a mom who would have 4 kids in 5 years with a man who is severely damaging them every day.  Why not resolve the underlying issues before you have all these kids?   

  

This is on Mom as much as Dad.    

  

Also, I don't mean to be tacky, but a couple of the kids looked like they were well beyond the normal "chubbiness" of toddlers.  This is a serious problem right now. 

  

I hope these parents get it together and I hope they do it soon.   

  

.   

 
June 24, 2006, 11:15 pm CDT

I Can Relate

Quote From: cammiegib

Hello,

   

  

   

  

Let me ask you stay at home moms and any mom. How many hours do you clean a day??? I and kids clean 2-4 hours a day and you can never tell. I am so stressed out trying to keep our house clean and never get there. My husband walks in and ask why house so messy... I could scream. My girls 13, 5, and 6 all have their chores and they do them with little complaint but turn around and destroy as fast as they and I have cleaned. Our house never stays neat. I am going insane. I have no relaxation… nothing. I am at my wits ends. I haven’t had a great example on how to keep house and be an organized house wife. My mom worked and our house growing up never was clean. I can not believe that normal people spend this much cleaning a day. It is sad cuz the stress takes it toll on ME and my girls I feel so bad after I lose control. I scream, I yell, I bitch, I cry, I beg please pick up after yourself, PLEASE…pick up the mess…PLEASE…PLEASE…PLEASE and I'm still cleaning 2-4 hours a day. How fun is that? Then I’ll watch Dr. Phil and see myself in some of his guest and I cry. I want happy, peace and harmony in my home but all I have a chaos. It was easier to go to work everyday and draw a pay check then it has been being a stay at home mom. (I have done both)It makes me sick when I go over peoples house and its so nice and neat and clean, they don’t worry if someone drops in cuz their house is always clean. Gosh I would die if my mother-in-law or grandma popped over with out calling first… I know if I could get this part of my life under control… my stress level would drop so low I could concentrate on me for a change.  

   

  

HELP... Dr. Phil where are you??? I need you crews help so I am not a slave to the house and so I can enjoy being a mom instread of resenting it. I wonder if Dr. Phils staff even read these posts.  

   

  

Camille  

I know exactly what you are going through ... I feel the same way daily.  Please don't allow yourself to get pulled under by the little stuff ... enjoy the big picture.  There will always be somebody around with better carpet/drapes/window treatments/knick-knacksk/pictures/counter tops/lawn/computer/car/ceramic tiles etc.  Your kids sound great!!  Enjoy them, because they will leave soon enough, and your house will be empty (and clean) far too soon.  On my kid's first day of summer break, last week, I looked around at the mess of my house and made an "executive" decision.  We went to the beach and left the mess to itself.  We brought back the beach, sand, water bottlles, dirty boogy boards etc.  Most of all, we had a great day and some memories to last forever.  I guess my bottom line for you is that your house will never be completely clean as long as it is lived in.  How can it be otherwise?  Beyond that, is your house comfortable?  Is your family happy there?  As long as the health department hasn't condemned it, I would say your house is fine.  Do the important work ... enjoy your children and being a family.   

 
June 25, 2006, 12:24 pm CDT

How you raise your child is EVERYONE'S business.

 I originally posted this message when the show aired the first time.  After watching it again, I feel compelled to post it yet again in the hopes that it will cause parents to take a look at the end result of poor parenting, whether they be overindulgent, neglectful, or otherwise.    

   

I have three teenage daughters and have been a mother for almost 20 years.  I also supervise a parent support program and I teach parenting classes in my community.  While none of this makes me an expert, (and I believe that each parent is the expert on their own child), it does give me some insight into the far reaching implications that child rearing has on society.  What kind of adults are we raising if we hit, humiliate, or ignore our children?  Adults that will have low self-esteem, who will fear the unknown, and who embrace violence as a problem solver.  On the other hand, what kind of adults will our children become if we do not discipline, if we give them their heart's every desire, if we spoil them with material goods or let them do whatever they please with no consequences or responsibility?  Adults that do not know how to feel compassion or empathy, who do not know the value of earning a wanted item or priviledge.  Adults who think only of themselves and are poorly prepared for the harsh realities of life.  There must be  a balance between the two styles in order to give our children the solid and caring upbringing they deserve.  While we are certainly damaging our children when we hit, humiliate, or ignore them, we are certainly doing them no favors when we spoil, coddle, or unduly shelter them from consequences or responsibilities.  Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do and we have a responsibility to raise children to be productive members of society who care about themselves and other people as well.  Who they turn out to be has an impact on everyone in the community.  So, it is everyone's business to get involved when a child is being mistreated as well as when a child is being overly indulged.  The outcome is too important to ignore. I do not know you or your family, so I will not pass judgment based on a few lines in a message board.  I think, however, that too often we look closely at other people's parenting mistakes and forget to look as closely at our own.  Even "old veteran parents" like me still have a lot to learn.  In the meantime, if we want the societal problems that our youth develop and carry into adulthood to diminish, we must start with how we are preparing them for the world.    

 
June 25, 2006, 8:10 pm CDT

frustrated mom

Quote From: vasharps

I know exactly what you are going through ... I feel the same way daily.  Please don't allow yourself to get pulled under by the little stuff ... enjoy the big picture.  There will always be somebody around with better carpet/drapes/window treatments/knick-knacksk/pictures/counter tops/lawn/computer/car/ceramic tiles etc.  Your kids sound great!!  Enjoy them, because they will leave soon enough, and your house will be empty (and clean) far too soon.  On my kid's first day of summer break, last week, I looked around at the mess of my house and made an "executive" decision.  We went to the beach and left the mess to itself.  We brought back the beach, sand, water bottlles, dirty boogy boards etc.  Most of all, we had a great day and some memories to last forever.  I guess my bottom line for you is that your house will never be completely clean as long as it is lived in.  How can it be otherwise?  Beyond that, is your house comfortable?  Is your family happy there?  As long as the health department hasn't condemned it, I would say your house is fine.  Do the important work ... enjoy your children and being a family.   

I know where your coming from.  My day starts at about 6am and i don't stop until 10:00pm I try and make myself sit but if I do that I am thinking about what I could be doing instead of sitting down.  I have a 2, 5,and 6 yr old run a home have a small farm. I am on school committes and ballet committes.  I am getting married, not to mention redecorating the home.  My first two children are from my first (Now deceased) husband. but my children never knew him, my third is from my soon to be husband.  And he brings so much joy to my lifeand I love him very much.  BUT I LOVE peace of mind tooo. HAHAHAHAH 

help ???? 

 
June 27, 2006, 6:20 am CDT

FURIOUS!!!

I did a search to see if anyone mentioned this and I received 0 messages.  If someone did comment on this, I do apologize.  There are just too many messages to go through.   

   

Children can cry and go to Mom or another adult and believe me, the fact that he is being hurt is very sad. What I want to know is who the hell is allowing that child near the dog????? That poor member of the family cannot complain.  I watched that child POUND on that dog and I want to know, WHY????  I believe that animal abuse is just as bad as child abuse.  Both are innocents.  I don't know if the child knows better, she should, but I blame the adults in that house.     

   

I am also very disappointed with Dr. Phil.  That poor animal needed someone to stand up for it and you did not do that.  Not one comment.  It's all about the adults and kids but forget about the poor animal that is very clearly being abused.   

   

I hope it was mentioned to them at some time while not on camera.  The pup can't speak and will stay faithful to the family no matter what happens and that's a precious thing....stop the pain on this poor animal.   

 
July 25, 2006, 9:05 pm CDT

Thanks

Quote From: loreleimb

 I originally posted this message when the show aired the first time.  After watching it again, I feel compelled to post it yet again in the hopes that it will cause parents to take a look at the end result of poor parenting, whether they be overindulgent, neglectful, or otherwise.    

   

I have three teenage daughters and have been a mother for almost 20 years.  I also supervise a parent support program and I teach parenting classes in my community.  While none of this makes me an expert, (and I believe that each parent is the expert on their own child), it does give me some insight into the far reaching implications that child rearing has on society.  What kind of adults are we raising if we hit, humiliate, or ignore our children?  Adults that will have low self-esteem, who will fear the unknown, and who embrace violence as a problem solver.  On the other hand, what kind of adults will our children become if we do not discipline, if we give them their heart's every desire, if we spoil them with material goods or let them do whatever they please with no consequences or responsibility?  Adults that do not know how to feel compassion or empathy, who do not know the value of earning a wanted item or priviledge.  Adults who think only of themselves and are poorly prepared for the harsh realities of life.  There must be  a balance between the two styles in order to give our children the solid and caring upbringing they deserve.  While we are certainly damaging our children when we hit, humiliate, or ignore them, we are certainly doing them no favors when we spoil, coddle, or unduly shelter them from consequences or responsibilities.  Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do and we have a responsibility to raise children to be productive members of society who care about themselves and other people as well.  Who they turn out to be has an impact on everyone in the community.  So, it is everyone's business to get involved when a child is being mistreated as well as when a child is being overly indulged.  The outcome is too important to ignore. I do not know you or your family, so I will not pass judgment based on a few lines in a message board.  I think, however, that too often we look closely at other people's parenting mistakes and forget to look as closely at our own.  Even "old veteran parents" like me still have a lot to learn.  In the meantime, if we want the societal problems that our youth develop and carry into adulthood to diminish, we must start with how we are preparing them for the world.    

I guess you are right, the mess never goes away but the kids will eventually 

  

 
July 25, 2006, 11:16 pm CDT

I couldn't get amessage to Dr Phill by email I hope this works

  

  

"Stop Ruining Your Child!" the Raging Dad segment.  

Gday Dr Phil firstly thanks for your show and thankfully it reaches far and wide. I'm an Australian Dr Phil watcher and we get your show at lunchtime. I try to get to watch it most days but today I was particularly glad I caught the show today (26 July 06Aus but aired in US on June 23rd). 

When you introduced Steve and Stephanie’s story I thought this is our problem, my wife (Kerry) is to soft on the kids and I’m the one left to discipline them which sometimes ends in me yelling at them. The story couldn’t have paned out any more accurately to our situation. I never realised it was in me where the problem was, and your closing message will help me when I feel the anger build up. The way you explained the feeling of someone who had lost a child was very accurate. It made me realise how I do instinctively pull away to protect my over sensitive soul. The way you dealt with Steve was commendable and rare, even Steve was expecting to get told to snap out of it. It’s sadly the case over here too that the guy is the rock in the family during the severe illness of a child. When the child looses the battle to an illness the mother receives (and easily accepts) unconditional sympathy and offers for help while the Guy feels he must still be that rock. I felt that I had to battle on until my wife got on top of things and I thought there would come a time for me to deal with my feelings. In the mean time I felt I was doing OK, that is until today. 

Thanks for today’s show I think it will help a lot of men realise that to get their family in order they must firstly get their own life in order. My family life will change from today on, thanks DOC.  

Sorry if I seem to be rambling but I’m emotional and relieved at the same time. 

 
November 8, 2008, 1:27 am CST

Confidence- Do it yourself because you're capable!

I’m not anyone to give advice on parenting- as I struggle all the time. But when it comes to my 7 year old boy cleaning his room, getting his own drink during dinner, etc…I simply ask this of him for his own good. Imagine someone always catering for you…sure, in the beginning it’s great, but after a while, you may start to feel this person is saying in their own way that you’re not capable to do these things yourself.  This could cause poor self esteem and the child might question their own decisions as possibly being inadequate.  I always ask these things of my son so he can believe in himself, feel capable and believe in his own abilities.  I also apply this to problems he has with other children or difficulties he faces in life. I try to give my opinion for guidance, but always ask him ‘What do you think you should do’? Then reassure him that his own decisions are pretty good and he should trust his own thoughts about how to solve things and do things in day to day life. Look at it as being a foundation of basic teaching which is flexible enough for them to find their way. If they get it wrong, simply say well….this might be a consequence of doing or saying that…what do you think?

 

I know it can be frustrating when you’re running around trying to get things done and doing this takes time and patience, but your child will really build confidence and learn to stand on his own two feet.

JULS

 
First | Prev | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | Next Page | Last Page