Topic : 06/23 "Stop Ruining Your Child!"

My fiance has a daughter who is a sociopath.  He doesn't believe it, but that's what she is.  She has had relational problems ever since she was a child.  My fiance has always blamed himself.  He says he got married too young, had children too young and left their mother and because he had to work to earn money, his "poor" daugher (who the mother didn't want) was raised by her grandparents who were too old to cope with a precocious child and so they just gave in to her. 

This child was allowed to have temper tantrums.  She could bully anybody to get what she wanted.  She was cute and chubby and came from a " broken home" so every one felt sorry for her.  Want to know where she is today? 

She's 5 feet tall, weighs 320 pounds and is on welfare.  Her father is still over-compensating for her.  She's prescribed AT LEAST  five medications per day for nerves, depression, sleeplessness, etc., etc.   Somehow she seems to run out of medications before her next prescription is due.  I think she sells her pills.  Why do I think so?  Because her nails are professionally manicured to perfection, she has the newest DVD player on the market and the DVDs to go with it and the list goes on!!!  And, her father and I supplement her rent and we buy her food.  

Oh, did I tell you that her father bought her a townhouse?  His idea was that he could keep an eye on her.  Unfortunately, she's turned "her" townhouse into a prescription drug sales outlet, but her enabling father doesn't see that yet.  He pays her mortgage, phone, internet, cable, etc., etc.  Does she feel bad about stiffing her father with so many bills?  Well, you know what she told me?  When I confronted her about the high cost of cable, phone, long distance, etc., etc., she said, "I don't care; at least I don't have to pay for it."   

I'm not saying that this what your daughter will turn into as this is an extreme situation.  However, please re-read my message and take over-compensating seriously. 

I was a single parent.  I got into the over-compensating mode.  It NEVER works. I stopped myself and became a REAL parent.  My sons are ages 23 and 24 and they're totally self sufficient and decent, productive citizens.  

God doesn't  want you to be your children's best friend.  Your children will have many best friends in their lifetimes.  God has called you to be a parent, a guide, an example, a leader.  Believe me, your child will love you more if you're the leader. 

I wanted to address all the comments that have been made about today's show involving our daughter Sydnie.  Although, Sydnie was portrayed as a out of control child, she truly is not.  Sydnie's behavior issues began when we moved into my sisters home.  She has had a hard time with all the kids in one house and Dr. Phil was right all the noise, just sets her off.  However, in school Sydnie, does not behave as she does at home.  She is loved by all her teachers and she gets along with ALL the kids.  She has never hit, screamed, kicked, or terrorized another child in school.   

As, one of her parents I would like to say, that this little girl has a heart of gold, and although I take a lot of responsibility for how she behaves,  there are always two sides to every story.   

Since doing the show my husband and I have begun implementing a lot of the skills Dr. Phil recommends in his workbook for the Family First Series.  Sydnie, has begun to recognize that when she has either acted out, or shown signs of unacceptable behavior she immediately knows that she must do a "Time Out".  We also have purchased our own home and will be closing on it this week, that will help ease up the stress on our entire family.  We've begun family time and are encouraging all our children to sit and talk to us about what is going on in their lives.  We sat down the day after returning home and created the new rules for our home and life as we begin to re-create our family.  Sydnie is doing great, she is not allowed soda anymore, she is in bed by 8:00pm every night, no naps in the afternoon, and my Golden Retriever is extremely friendly and has been trained well, she would never bite Sydnie, we watch them closely together.  Please don't be concerned Mia (Golden Retriever) is very well behaved... Sydnie has also been sleeping in her own bed, great progress I feel.  Don't you??? 

I appreciate all the comments good and bad, as I do see it necessary to receive feedback so we may continue to create our Phenomenal Family....We thank Dr. Phil for the once in a lifetime opportunity he gave our family and the skills needed to restructure our foundation, which is OUR CHILDREN. 

Through one letter from my heart, all this began as a journey I never knew I could make.  To open my heart and my families life for all of America to see. To realize that the reward was one that was always at our fingertips, if I had only stuck to my guns when it came to disciplining and raising responsible, respectful, and loving children.  We have begun to see the reward.  I have also accepted that I can only be responsible for those I helped create, not the one's that I didn't create. 

I truly hope that you all realize, I'm still the fun mom, with a lot more structure and I'm learning to put my foot down, so be proud.  I pray that through my story I may have helped some-one else through there self journey. 

I wish to thank our families for giving us the support to open our lives up for all the world to see, and never judging us for doing so.   For all you do sayers, and you know who you are, "those that live in glass houses, should never throw stones"...  A wise women once said that to me..  And, you know who you are.  Thanks Again and thanks for listening.  Diana, Doug and Family! 

I've seen it before, Mom's who don't put in their baby time, they think they'll just come back later and work everything out when the kid can talk.  This is usually what they end up with, screamers and scratchers.  I'm always amazed, but those babies seem to remember who was there and who was not.  Plus, women who have affairs when their children are babies seem to have this problem often, maybe it is guilt.   

The other man needed a smack in the face, talking like that to children is awful, glad he is getting some help.  But as Dr. Phil likes to say, those kids need a hero, and it should be Mom, she should make sure they hear her say "HEY! nobody talks to my children like that, not even their father".    

Love, Luanne  

I think that if the issues started when you moved in with your sister you should move out..... To me that is just asking for problems... Imagine if you were a child in a home with 2 moms and 2 dads.. That would be very confussing and frustrating...... I don't think you are a bad parent... I just think you need to have your own family apart from your sisters... It is not healthy..... 

I Know exactly what she is going threw.I been married for nearly 7 years. We have one child together and I had2 before we got married. He is so verbal and sometimes physical abusive mainly to my older children. He is even that away to me. He yells at them from the time he gets home until they go to bed. He treats me like I am a child(or dog) Just the other night I put them to bed and later went to bed myself. I ended up getting up for something and he had gotton my 2 children out of bed to yell at them some more. He cusses at them, calls them names, puts them down,says they can't do anything right. Just the other day he called my 12 year "Stupid Fat Ass".She is already so unhappy with her weight. She has no self esteem.(She wants to go live with her real dad because of him) My children won't tell me what goes on when I am not around anymore, because they know I will question him and he will in return retallate against them. He does not treat his daughter like that. He doesn't treat them like children he acts like they are adults. He doesn't let them do things that kids do like ride their bikes,etc. My 12 year old can't do anything unless she takes her 6 year old sister or is able to go. If the kids ask me to do something when he isn't here and I let them, all hell will brake loose. If I make any decision about  they kids they are always wrong. I can't do anything right. Our youngest child told me the other day that I was going to get in trouble for something. I told her I can't get in trouble. Her and my son said "yes you can" I said "by who" they said "DADDY". 

  I told my husband i didn't like the way he was talking to and treating my kids(I have told him this before) You have to get some help or I am leaving. He just blew me off. He doesn't talk to me about it. I do all the talking. He did tell me if I left I would not get our daughter that we have together. If he has to he will run off to Mexico. 

 I really do love him, but he is tearing me and my kids down. Sometimes they tell me, they hate him. I really would like some help. I really don't know where to get it or have the funds to pay for help. If any one knows where i need to get help or what I need to do please let  me know. 

 I will not go to work if he will be home with the kids. I am scared to leave them with him. I really don't know what he would do if I wasn't there to defind them. That is very scary. When are youngest would cry or yell about something it was always my kids fault and he would punish them even if  they didn't do anything. He would not let them explain anything. He is always right compaired to him. If he thinks my kids did a certain thing and they said they didn't, he would say your f---ing lying. I seen you. And he never did. 

This used to happen from time to time. The last 2 months it has been none stop. It is just getting worst. 

Desperate mom please help 

Is doesn't really matter whether Diana thinks Pam is interfering or not.  Fact is the little girl has brought the blood to Pams sons face.  I have a nephew who does the same types of things and it terrifies me.  Also Diana should be a little more respectful of the fact that she is living in someone elses home and should be willing to go along with the sisters rules.  If she doesn't like it she has the option to move out.  i don't agree with telling other people how to raise their children, but when it causes a problem with my child(ren), in my home or I see one of my nephews being done a disservice I have an obligation to say something to remedy the situation.  Turning the other cheek is not always the best way to handle things.