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Topic : 06/23 "Stop Ruining Your Child!"

Number of Replies: 190
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, February 24, 2006, 11:30:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 03/03/06) Has anyone ever told you how to parent your child? Maybe you find it annoying ... or maybe you're afraid they're right. Pam says her sister, Diana, is making huge mistakes when it comes to parenting her 5-year-old daughter, Sydnie, who scratches, kicks, screams, and terrorizes everyone in the house. Pam says Diana's lack of discipline and desire to be the "fun mom" is ruining her niece, and she's tired of being the only one trying to control Sydnie. Then, Stephanie is concerned that her husband, Steve's, yelling, raging and threats are damaging their kids. They've even separated because he can't get his anger under control. Dr. Phil gets to the bottom of the problem and uncovers a tragic loss from Steve's past. Talk about the show here.

 

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February 24, 2006, 5:25 pm CST

Sounds like my sister...

I dont need to see the show to understand this. 

  

My sister is constantly telling me that she wants to take me onto the Dr. Phil show for this exact same reason. I keep telling to go ahead. We are exact opposites. She spanks, yells, and swears at her kids. She is neglectful and hypoctical. I do not critize her, but probably should more. I do not scream, yell, swear or hit my children. I have a steady routine and am consistant and very protective. She is always saying something about my *lack* of parenting. (her opinion of course) 

  

We both live in the country. I was over to her house visisting. Both our children where 2 years of age. She wanted to send the energentic children out to play outside...unattended. When I said ok but I was going to go out with them, she proceeded to tell me how over protective I was and how she just checks on her son every few minutes. I said that a two year old just is not old enough to understnd bounderies and curiousity could too easily take over what we as adults see as logical no-no's. She then said that HER child knew and understood and it was my lack of parenting and talking with my child that made her not listen well. Also by not gining her opportuniies to have bounderies to break and get disaplined for when they do, how whould she learn how to listen about bigger stuff? 

  

A few short months later, I was talking on the phone with her while watching both my children outside. I mentioned that my son needed a diaper change and I stepped inside to grab one, about 10 seconds of being away from them. She was quick to tell me to be carfeul about leaving my children alone outside because one day she had sent her son out to play. She checked on him every few monutes but one time he didnt answer and could not be seen. She went out to get after him for going around the house, something he did often. But he was not thereeither. A few yells later and no answer, she got started to get scared. She started to look for him and right away decided to look down the road, a place he knew better than go, and figured he probably wasnt there. To her surprise (gasp) he was nearly a quarter mile down the road, just a few steps from walking to the national forest where he would have never been seen again. Of course she spanked him good and then grounded him in the house.  

She does not understand why I dont want to send out daughter over to spend the night anymore. There are other things, like pretending to shoot a cat after throwing it off a bunk bed. Spanking her for dumping a bottle of shampoo on her head after leaving her unattended in a bathroom, dog poop left in my nephews room for months, and long term issues with our daughter as results of these things, when she stated herself at just 3 1/2 that she did nto oant to be left there without mom and dad.  

  

Im pulling my hair out! And I went over there just after her second was born and spent the day cleaning half the house so that she could rest. Not once have I critized her. I try to be helpful. I mentioned that her new dog was pooping in her sons room just so that I could very gently make some awarness about it. Then she tells me it was a different dog months either that had done it. SO frusterating. And when her husband was hlaf an hour late home, he mentioned well she wasnt alone caue I was there. She told hime, I was there to clean the house cause he couldnt. Neither of them can! 

  

I cant wait to see the episode but I am telling you, I am NOT excited to hear from my sister about how much I can learn from it.  

  

Becky 

 
February 28, 2006, 2:02 am CST

I hate this

I hate to see children acting like brats and disrespecting people but I am a very firm believer I'll raise my kids you raise yours.  Everyone is very quick to judge you but I feel like this if your child is acting like a brat...you will pay not me so I don't feel it is my place to say anything.  Granted I won't go in public with you and your child if you allow this behavior but I won't mention it either. I have a friend who's child uses curse words that make State Troopers blush.  <----- yeah  and they don't say one word to him but he starts kindergarten this fall unfortunately with my child.  If he was my child I would skin him alive but he is not so I don't feel that it is my business his mother will pay for not correcting him.  I also believe you cannot blame the children!!!!!  I am bad about spoiling my daughter and my brother and my sister-in-law are the first to jump on that and criticize me for it.  I will buy my four year old a corvette if I want it is not there business but I also teach her morals, to share and that there are many kids who doesn't have half of what she does.   

 
February 28, 2006, 9:23 am CST

cant judge

one cant judge someones parenting styles until they have lived in there home andwalked in there shoes.  its real easy to see a child and parent interaction for a few moments and make a judgement but know one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
 
February 28, 2006, 11:13 am CST

the poor kids

I've seen a million of these "great" parents who seem to think  they're kids are just so "wonderful" They usually have no idea what the kid is up to or what they've done to the other kid.  If they are confronted they unconditionally protect the child whether they are guilty or not.  My disciplined children are now grown and I can tell you that the undiisciplined child grows into an undisciplined adult with no one there to stand up for their errors and bad bahaviors they are lost.  Children need to know what's expected in the real world not just at home with mommmy in "fantasyland".  Some of my daughters childhood friends are still home living with mommy because their boss was unfair, the drive was too long, they shouldnt have to work that hard, they need a vacation...........................
 
March 1, 2006, 6:36 am CST

i agree

Quote From: Luccib

I've seen a million of these "great" parents who seem to think  they're kids are just so "wonderful" They usually have no idea what the kid is up to or what they've done to the other kid.  If they are confronted they unconditionally protect the child whether they are guilty or not.  My disciplined children are now grown and I can tell you that the undiisciplined child grows into an undisciplined adult with no one there to stand up for their errors and bad bahaviors they are lost.  Children need to know what's expected in the real world not just at home with mommmy in "fantasyland".  Some of my daughters childhood friends are still home living with mommy because their boss was unfair, the drive was too long, they shouldnt have to work that hard, they need a vacation...........................
my husband is like thar, he has no idea just how nasty hiand mean his daughter is.  when you talk to him about it, he gets real defensive and protects her.   for instance, i am her step mother, i was cooking dinner and she kept flinging rubber bands at me ( she is 10 years old), i asked her to stop, she would not.  i knocked on the bathroom door and asked herndad if he could please ask her to stop flinging rubber bands at me for on had hit me in the face and stung.  he asked me to stop making up things on her.  so i went proceed to cook dinener and skje kept it up.  well i picked up the rubber band and flung it back a  her, it landed in her face.  she started to cry and ran to her dad.  i told her she ouldnt stop and if she didnt want to receive it back then not to dish it out.  thats just a shorten version.   parents need to listen to both sides of the stories then go from there not always take there childs side.
 
March 1, 2006, 5:53 pm CST

Stop ruining your child

Alright let's get down to it. you two sisters(i think they are) arguing all the time, that's one thing but the way I see it, it's the picture that is written 1000 words. I look at the picture of this topic and what I see is two adults arguing about NOTHING!!!! and a little girl (a daughter perhaps?) in the middle of all this. My conclusion is: those 2 immature adults should stop arguing about parenting and actually do parenting(good parenting) peace out.
 
March 2, 2006, 7:48 am CST

03/03 “Stop Ruining Your Child!”

   The Kid stopped flicking the rubber bands didn't she?????????  Case closed.   Patience runs thin when a 10 yr old is constantly flicking rubber bands at bare skin. To top it off, her spouse refuses to disipline his own daughter for flinging the rubber bands in the first place.  What did you want the step mom to do? Sit there and take it, until she is covered by pink welts all over her face? Or say "She's just expressing her anger."  

  

...................................... 

  

You actually flung the rubberband back at her?    You want her to get in trouble for doing it to you, but turn around and stoop to the level of a 10 year old, by doing the exact same thing?  Sounds immature to me.    

   

Kids act out for reasons, maybe she is treating you this way because she can?      

   

I would never turn around and act like a child in front of a child.  How is that teaching?    

   

Oh well, to each his own, that is what I always say!  

 
March 2, 2006, 8:04 am CST

Spoiled kids

I have an 12 yr old brother in law.  His mom pampers him and spoiled him to the point its disgusting to watch.  My MIL asked me to help clean his room (UHmmmm why can her healthy 12 yr old son do it? I asked)  I refused to clean it when he was in the next room.   

       

      He has never had to lift a finger.  Dalton asks his mom for a glass of juice, she will get it for him. I have never seen him get anything for himself. He doesn't even know where the bowls and cups are located in his own kitchen. My mil cuts all his meat for him (remember hes a perfectly healthy 12 yr old), when we go out to a buffet, MIL gets all his food for him, he justs stands next to her telling her what kind of food to put on his plate for him.   

  

    My husband was heating up some soup in the microwave for my 2 yr od daughter, Dalton asked if he could have some too. My husband said "you can have anything in this house, as long as you make it yourself."   Dalton walked back into the living room and watched tv.  He didnt eat all afternoon cause nobody would make him a sandwich or heat up some soup.  He would literally starve if nobody was there to hold his hand.  Couple of times, I have tried to help him learn to use the microwave, or heat something on the stove, he refuses to learn. Cause Mommy does it for him. 

  

When we visit, he smells awful, because his mom doesnt make him bathe or brush his teeth. He probably showers and brushes his teeth once a week.  My MIL says that just now normal boys are.  Funny, cause when I was 12 none of my friends or classmates only showered once a week. My MIL will often cook 2 different dinners. One for us and one for Dalton because he doesnt want chicken....he wants pancakes and steak.  And she cooks it!!!  I think she purposely does this because she wants him dependant on her.  It will be interesting to see how he will turn out when he is an adult. 

 
March 2, 2006, 10:27 am CST

what it all boils down to

Quote From: bachor

one cant judge someones parenting styles until they have lived in there home andwalked in there shoes.  its real easy to see a child and parent interaction for a few moments and make a judgement but know one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

After reading all the messages I think it's safe to say that what it all boils down to is it takes a lot more effort to be a GOOD  parent than a FUN parent.  The object is to prepare your child for life by teaching, guiding, praising, disciplining, loving and that takes more time and effort than ignoring what they've done, giving in to what they want, assuming it's a stage they'll grow out of, etc.  As for the motherinlaw who doesnt make her child bathe regularly - we've all battled the tantrum - but you dont give in.  The mom who thinks it would be fine to buy her child a corvette if she wanted to - why? 

What will you buy the child in hghschool - a Mercedes?  It's not about pamppering them and showering them with gifts.  It's about rewarding their hardwork or the responsibility they've shown.   

It IS everyone's business what you do with your child - you are living in a town, you are part of a neighborhood, your child attends a school with other kids - it's not about outdoing your neighbor or giving the child what you never had.  Sometimes the less you give them and the more you expect from them the more successful they'll be.  Don't be afraid to say no - they love you anyway...and I speak from experience. 

 
March 2, 2006, 11:14 am CST

I think the dad has the righ idea

Quote From: skyeyez9

I have an 12 yr old brother in law.  His mom pampers him and spoiled him to the point its disgusting to watch.  My MIL asked me to help clean his room (UHmmmm why can her healthy 12 yr old son do it? I asked)  I refused to clean it when he was in the next room.   

       

      He has never had to lift a finger.  Dalton asks his mom for a glass of juice, she will get it for him. I have never seen him get anything for himself. He doesn't even know where the bowls and cups are located in his own kitchen. My mil cuts all his meat for him (remember hes a perfectly healthy 12 yr old), when we go out to a buffet, MIL gets all his food for him, he justs stands next to her telling her what kind of food to put on his plate for him.   

  

    My husband was heating up some soup in the microwave for my 2 yr od daughter, Dalton asked if he could have some too. My husband said "you can have anything in this house, as long as you make it yourself."   Dalton walked back into the living room and watched tv.  He didnt eat all afternoon cause nobody would make him a sandwich or heat up some soup.  He would literally starve if nobody was there to hold his hand.  Couple of times, I have tried to help him learn to use the microwave, or heat something on the stove, he refuses to learn. Cause Mommy does it for him. 

  

When we visit, he smells awful, because his mom doesnt make him bathe or brush his teeth. He probably showers and brushes his teeth once a week.  My MIL says that just now normal boys are.  Funny, cause when I was 12 none of my friends or classmates only showered once a week. My MIL will often cook 2 different dinners. One for us and one for Dalton because he doesnt want chicken....he wants pancakes and steak.  And she cooks it!!!  I think she purposely does this because she wants him dependant on her.  It will be interesting to see how he will turn out when he is an adult. 

why should a 12 have all of his meals cooked it is not that hard to use a stove or a macorave  

 
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