Topic : 06/23 "Stop Ruining Your Child!"

my husband and i have two children,i have a seven year old son from a previous marriage and we have a three year old daughter together.i am more of a lenient and soft spoken mom where as my husband is very loud and hyper and overprotective. i do" pleases" and " thank-yous" with the children as my husband yells everything (not using any manners) whether it be simply asking them to do  or get something.he grew up in a home where you had to yell in order to be heard and this has stuck with him to this day.and when he's mad WATCH OUT.my husband has also been verbally abusive to me which our son has heard for,four years(among other things) and now when dad shouts at mommy he runs to his room and closes the door.even when we go out grocery shopping or to a restaurant if something gets him upset  he has no problem raising his voice to the point of shouting  even though everyone heres and people stare  at him, it's so embarrassing for me yet he couldn't even care less he just keeps going on and on. when our daughter sees mommy crying she goes and gets me tissues and says" its o.k mommy ".i constantly tell my husband he needs to go for help( even though he's been to anger management quite a few times already) he says he knows he needs help yet continues to do nothing.I'm 35 and i know how  this has affected me for the past  four year we've been together i can't imagine and I'm saying this so whole heartedly how the kids are feeling.if this continues i will break free from him even though we've separated before and we keep getting back together. i know he can do it  and be a better person and deep down he is  good it just seems like something is stopping him and i can't figure out what that could be. it  will just take the right person to get through to him.so I'm telling all of you who yell or swear  just out loud not even at anyone take the ear plugs out of you're own ears and really listen to yourself  and here how stupid and embarrassing you sound, now imagine children listening.so to the lady who wrote in about her childhood and the affect the yelling had on her from her father  you're going to be alright and hopefully between you and i maybe we can make at least one person think before they yell or scream those nasty words.   -----------  cheers to you ------------     

  I CAN RELATE TO  EVERY STEPMOM OF A DEMON SPAWN OUT THERE.   MY HUBBY WAS'NT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF HIS SON'S LIFE FOR THE FIRST 7-8 YEARS OF HIS LIFE AND THEN HIS MOM GET'S CANCER AND TRIES TO CONTROL THE SITUATION FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE BY BASICALLY LEAVING HIM TO HIS AUNT AND GRANDMA .to make a long story short  HE'S BEEN MAKING OUR LIFE HECK FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS AND HIS DAD REFUSES TO SEE THAT THIS CHILD HAS AN EXTREMELY DESTRUCTIVE STREAK AND TEARS UP EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES JUST BECAUSE WE REFUSE TO CATER TO HIS EVERY WHIM AND WE DO THE UNFORGIVABLE SIN OF PUTTING LIMITS ON ELECTRONIC TIME (TV, VID GAMES , COMPUTER) HE DOES'NT HAVE ADD BUT HE LIKES TO PRETEND THAT HE DOES  AND IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO STOP THE LYING POINT BLANK PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW HE LIES ABOUT  EVERYTHING.   ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S TALKING TO HIS DAD AND DAD IS SO RACKED WITH GUILT THAT HE DOES'NT CHECK HIS SONS WORK  ON ANY LEVEL. THAT IRRITATES THE HECK OUT OF ME.  I JUST WISH HE WOULD WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND BE ABLE TO SEE WHAT A LITTLE SNOT HE'S NOT RAISING!!!!!!!!      TIRED AND FRUSTERATED, SANDIE, ORLANDO FLORIDA 

I'm a newcomer to the message boards, but an avid viewer of the show. Now that I am finally registered here, I hope to get more involved. Dr. Phil's parenting advice is remarkably consistent, and I wonder why it is not more readily apparant to viewers. He advocates loving consistency and parental agreement as to parenting practices. I learned this years ago when studying education and graduate psychology, and practiced it both as a parent and as co-owner with my deceased wife, of a child care center for 20 years.

but when it comes on i sure hope i dont hear that steve terroizes his kids becouse he was done this way as a child, thats a damn cop out ,i dont buy any excuse, thears no excuse for any man to be so cruel to his owne children, my father was simular to steve in alot of ways in this area, i know how it made me feel, all i could think was what could i do to get my dad to love me, not that he didnt but this is how i thought as a child,steve needs to stop all that crap now not later, i do not yell at my child i cant remember ever givining him so much as a spanking guess what hes 17 now i ment i wasnt doing my child as i was done as a child so you see thats why i dont buy that if your done this way as a child you raise your children this way bull, like i said i havent seen the show yet but im afraid im going to feel like steve just needs a good old fashiln ass whippin to straighten his ass out, children do not need nor deserve to be treated this way for any reason, and as far as spending hours of thearphy on steve hell no spend it on those poor children, thear the ones who need it steve is a grown man he knows good and well what hes doing, the children are the ones who dont understand why thear the ones hurting here, if steve hurt from doing this he himself would stop all be him self, like i said just a good old fashion ass whippin would change steves attitude probley 100%

when parents show the country how abbusive they are to thear children i pray you give thease tapes to family and children services, people doing thease acts truley need to be procuited to the fullest extent of the law, i know your trying to help thease people change, i havent seen anything but the preview video as of yet but damn im already mad as hell and its only 9am here still 1 hr till show time, i bet im going to be even madder by the end of the show, not at you tho at the parents im truley sorry for feeling this way twords them but when i see gods children being treated this way it gets to me, you need to pop the top of a can of woop ass on steve is how i feel as of now, maybe ill change my thoughts after ive seen the show, i relly dont think i will but one never knows god moves in misteryeios ways

Little kids lying to get attention, & keeping it up into adulthood to get more attention?     

   

I agree with your pastor that the problem started in childhood.  People are not born that way.  And different experiences could have the same result.   

   

I am your mother's age.  I'm not a compulsive liar by any means.  In fact, I've always viewed myself as very ethical.  However. I'm married to a man who becomes infuriated at my 'lying'-- sometimes even accuses me of 'lying all the time'.  Since he is not crazy...  and since I have a similar issue with my own mother...  I have had to take a hard look at myself.   

   

My grandfather was an unpredictable,  moody, abusive man.  Later in life I have learned that the abuse he dished out to my mother (his stepdaughter) started very young, and wasn't just verbal.  My grandmother was no help-- she was afraid of him.  When I was little I lived with my grandparents for long periods, so I got a lot of it too.   

   

When you are in the power of a raging, controlling parent, one of the things you learn early is to always seem like you know what you're doing.  This kind of parent is always confronting you with accusing questions.  You have to be quick and calm, with a truthful-sounding answer that is the one he wants to hear. The least little hesitation or indecision is like parading your weakness, and this sort of parent is like a tiger on the prowl, just looking for that weak prey.   

   

This is how both my mother and I grew into adults who-- to other people-- always seem a little TOO sure of themselves, and a little TOO quick with a story that makes themselves look good.  The type of person who always seems to come out smelling ilke a rose.  The sad thing is, the process starts so young..  you do it out of fear.. so it's really ingrained in you and you believe your own stupid fibs.  Very hard to face truth and improve yourself.   

   

Well, long story.  Just one of the many ways a warped parent can turn out one compulsive liar after another.   

Becky, 

You are absolutely right not to send a two year old outside unattended, especially since it seems as though the yard isnt even fenced in. Your sister is an irresponsible mother, and if I were you I wouldnt send my daughter over there either. A two year old DOES NOT have the ability to predict consequences, nor does she have the ability to know right from wrong. She will not sense impending danger the way we do as adults. You dont need to learn anything from this episode, but I think your sister does if she is screaming at and spanking a toddler. Perhaps she should take a baby safety class, or a parenting class, or just develop some common sense somehow. And stop cleaning her house! If she and her husband are too lazy and enjoy living in filth, let them. If it is harming your nephew, then call in an anonymous report to child services. It's better to piss her off then let those kids be in danger, which they clearly are. And just for the record, I grew up living on a dead end in a quiet neighboorhood. My sisters and I had a fenced in yard, and mom still went outside with us until we were school age. And we never played out front until we were about 10. We are not scarred for life, we have the ability to make decisions, and to date, no one has ever been kidnapped or hit by a car, either.  

I was watching this and felt like I was watching myself and my sister-in-law.   

  

I have two neices...one is 7 and one is 4.  The seven year old his, bites, kicks, uses foul language, gives people the bird and the list goes on and on.  She hurts my three year old.  Her mother thinks that it is funny and cute when she calls people bad names and flips people off. 

  

My husband and I were talking with our three year old the other night and playing games and singing songs and he started playing with his fingers.  Come to find out the 4 year old neice was trying to teach him to flip us off when he is mad at us! 

  

  

Woah. Take a chill pill lady. 

  

The mom is trying to control the situation from beyond the grave???????? Yea, I'm sure she got cancer on purpose and died just to make YOUR life more miserable. 

  

Look, this kid obviously has problems and needs some professional intervention, but the real problem is with your husband.  Quit blaming the child for his fathers inadequate ability to parent him.  Do this poor kid a favor, and the rest of the world before he grows up to be a menace, and get this child and his father some help.  Take all that energy you are wasting being angry at the boy and his DEAD mother and channel it into something useful - like saving this kid.  As Dr. Phil would say, this family needs a hero.  Step up to the plate and be that hero. 

I so agree...  The situation may have been that his dad wasn't part of his like -- what went on between his parents is not the boy's fault.  But you have to understand what his loss must be like.  Whether it was right or not, he lost the main anchor in his life, his mother.  And whether she was a good person or a bad one, to him, she was the one who loved him best of all.  To lose her and have to adjust to having a relationship with a father who is nominally a stranger to him in the middle of his grief and to be all sweet and cooperative about it is unrealistic.    

   

So, to the stepmama -- This is not about you.  That kid has bigger problems than you do.  Be the grown-up, already.