Topic : 07/20 Love, Lies and the Law

Not only divorce, but alcoholism and suicide/murder statistics for policemen are marginally higher than most 'professions'!

I guess you've been in this woman's shoes since you are so sure that if a person is afraid of another person they "WILL NOT be with them nor around them in any kind of way".  I know it seems cut and dry from the outside looking in but I am on the inside looking out and believe me a person will do many things in this situation.

  There may be a little truth on both sides, when someone is trying to control you or abuse you in anyway most often you would return fire.  Also, statistically the rates of abusers being in position of power (police officers included) is very high.  I'm sure there are many good men who are police officers but many are not.  The "bad" ones enjoy the power & control they get out of carrying a gun & enforcing the law.  My ex was a police officer and he was very controlling and always kept tabs on everything I did.  He would twist things up and flat out lie in an attempt to make me look like the bad guy. The day I finally decided to leave was after a 4 hour physically abusive incident. He immediately tried covering his tracks by trying to get info on how a woman might be able to put extensive bruises around her own throat!   In today's show I would bet that the woman's crime is in standing up for herself, that usually really ticks off a controlling partner.  Additionally, when someone has been with an abusive person for as long as she has, that person learns how to play nice to keep the immediate situation under control.  Maybe she did dinner & shopping to keep the situation under control and prevent confrontation.  The situation saddens me.  I fear for the woman, I fear for the children.  I am upset that there were no professionals on the show who are trained in dealing with abusive situations. Someone with that kind of training might have been better at deciphering the real story, whatever it might be. 

Wow! For the very first time, I was about to disagree with Dr. Phil. I thought Dr. Phil was being sucked in my that officers behavior. That police officer was so fraudulent! It made me sick to my stomach, the memories he brought back with control, and his behavior when losing control. I had a husband much like him. The fact that he kicked out my car window to snatch our daughter form it, when physical custody was at stake. Well enough of that.  

Back to Dr. Phil, in the last 5 minutes of the show, he redeemed himself when he described the smug arrogance and attitude of the officer. Go Dr. Phil!! I love you and your philosophies. If only you were around in my younger days... my life could have been sooooooooooooo much better. (If I would have had the sense to listen in my teens! Ha! Ha!)  

My heart ached for the mom. I have been there. Afraid for your life, your children's life, and not being heard by anyone, including "the system"!! May God Bless those children!!!!!! 

Kathy 

Dear Sindie, 

I was in a similar situation, & I counseled with a pastor. What he said was that Military Officers (mine) or Police are the worst kinds of abusing husbands, and that they will not change. I had to move 3 hours away where my mother lived, & rented out my house. Please move far away or you may end up dead. I am dead serious!  Sincerely, a friend, dlunquist 

Dr Phil, I'm so disappointed in you for not calling a spade a spade. That man is a classic example of an abuser, and you should know these men just don't change.

Studies have shown that a mere 8% of abusers ever become non-abusive, and that's AFTER two years in an abuser program.

By pushing them to "work together", Dr Phil, you are supporting this abusive man. Would you tell a small child who was being abused to "work with" the abuser? Do you think it would "solve the abuse" if a child learned to "communicate better" ? OF course not! Why? because we accept it's not the child's fault - but if it's an adult woman being abused, it's a "relationship issue" ?? HECK NO! It's ABUSE!

Sinden is NOT LYING!! To Sinden - I believe you! I've been there ... I know how you feel.

Here's a website with an audio tape of an abusive episode caught on tape, and the verbally abusive tactics are outlined very clearly: http://www.youarenotcrazy.com

There is a list of great books on the blog page of "You Are Not Crazy" (dot com) too. The Patricia Evans book is the best - and Lundy Bancroft's. They helped me a lot.
Chocolate Wishes,
Eileen

I could use all the talk I can get. 

I just watched today's show on "Love, Lies & the Law" & I was shocked at Dr. Phil's advice. 

I have lived with a controlling man before & this one takes the cake!! 

This guy is a total control freak & I don't blame his wife for being scared.  He knows the law & he knows how to use it to his full advantage in their situation.   

The wife is far from perfect & I don't believe in hitting or strapping children but her husband has painted a totally horrid picture of her & Dr. Phil, as a trained professional, should surely see through his lies & manipulation.  In his defence I think he has to watch what he says or he could be sued but he should have come down harder on the husband. 

I have seen this type of situation many times before as a former Police Officer myself & I truly believe that if things don't go the husband's way he will kill her.  OR God forbid, hurt the children in order to hurt her the most. 

I truly hope the wife has a good support system & some type of protection or I fear she will become just another statistic. 

 You dont understand.. abusivie control makes you look like a B**ch and controlling too. She is a responder and the man is the initiator. He is doing things to make her look like what you said . She is just trying to get away from his abuse which makes her look sick and controlling. any time someone lives in abuse they leave it sicker then when they went into it. but if she leaves now and gets help and recovers from abuse and gets to see the real her then she will see she is not this controlling abusive person after all. She will get to know the real self and see she is good and has talents and can do things that are wonderful. She will be able TO HAVE A DISTINCT PERCEPTION OF HER SELF ONCE SHE LEAVES HIM AND GETS WELL FROM ABUSE

R U A Guy?