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Topic : 07/20 Love, Lies and the Law

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Created on : Friday, March 03, 2006, 12:40:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/06/06) You’ve heard it all before: “If I want it done right, I’ll have to do it myself.” Dr. Phil looks at control freaks, and how their behavior can destroy a marriage. Jim thinks his wife, Sinden, is the most controlling woman in America. They’ve recently separated because, he says, she picked out his clothes, told him what he could watch on TV and micromanaged his finances down to how much he could spend on a candy bar. But Sinden says there’s a darker side of Jim, a police officer of 20 years. She calls him a master manipulator who rules by intimidation. Find out why she says she fears for her life. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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March 6, 2006, 6:19 am CST

03/06 Love, Lies and the Law

Quote From: kyrosemom

I would not be surprised if this cop is indeed abusing his power.

I am not saying the wife is totally innocent, but since he has still got his job after all of the reports, etc, then that says something about the "boys club" a lot of police depts can be. Yes, there are decent cops and I am not slamming them all, but they tend to protect their own, even if one is abusing his power and his wife. The whole thing about taking the kids and even spitting on the wife. That is just horrible and disgusting.

No she should not spank her child with a belt and leave welts, but spanking is not illegal in most places and the cop should not use his power to alienate his kids from their mom.
They sound like they're BOTH spinning it.  He sounds like he's got a Macho Man complex and she sounds like she's got a Victim complex.  I mean, I know that reality is perceived, but it never fails to amaze me how badly some people can fly off the handle when they don't get their way.  They need to get far, far, away from one another.
 
March 6, 2006, 6:37 am CST

Some cops DO abuse their power..

That couple could have been me and my ex.  He did the exact same thing to me.  She IS fighting the system.  I know.. I had to fight the system too.  I was lucky enough though to find an attorney that wasn't afraid to fight for me.  When my ex won my kids, house, cars, ect in our divorce after 20 years,  my children, within 2 months, came to live with me and he didn't have to pay child support because he had custody.  In the end, I got 45% of his retirement, 3 of my kids, and got to move back to the state he got me out of.  He still has control of my son, but someday he may see the light. 

 
March 6, 2006, 6:42 am CST

You are

Quote From: pprincess

Some of my rellos are control freaks. I have learned to distance myself  from my mother and two of my sisters as they nitpick over trivial issues. They rouse on me for suffering from Clinical Depression, rouse on me for taking anti-depressants, then rouse on me for talking to other people about it. 

  

One aunty was always interferring in financial matter-telling me I should be paying off one of Mum's debts. To cut a long story short, she demands an apology for making her look bad because of her interferance. [It was none of her darned business anyway. I sent  a reply saying no apology was forthcoming and if she wanted to remove herself from my life, it was her choice and her loss. 

  

I also insisted upon being treated with respect, dignity and as an equal-despite suffering from Asperger's Syndrome. 

  

Mum tells other rellos I don't like her. Well, she doesn't like me as she always assumed the worst about me. She dishes out emotional blackmail with a shovel so I told her the emotional and verbal abuse must stop. She said I can't dictate like that. [I'm not dictating. That's what Hitler and Stalin did! 

  

She tells one aunt she is reaching out which is a load of baloney. She rarely phones and she doesn't visit me when she is in Sydney. However, this particular aunty thinks I'm making it all up as Mum "is such a nice person". 

  

Am I doing OK so far by standing up for myself? 

I recently had to sever my relationship with my father.  This doesn't mean that I don't love him or that I never want to see him again.  I moved 300 miles away and I go home to visit my Mom 2 or 3 times a year.  I just can't have him in my life on a regular basis anymore. 

He is extremely controlling and he absolutely won't mind his own business even though I am 35 years old.   It was a very painful decision to make but I am no longer going to accept his calls. He makes me so upset and I can't continue to put my husband and children through that anymore. 

  

Good Luck 

 
March 6, 2006, 6:47 am CST

This woman is a CROCK

I can NOT believe, it is so obvious that she is sitting up there making up lies and not admitting to her part in the whole mess.   One minute she fears her life and then she goes out shopping with him and tells him she wants a new diamond if they stay together. ???  What is that all about????  She's pissed off because the kids got taken away because SHE beat her son and she got CAUGHT.   

  

At least the husband sat up there and admitted to what his part was in it. 

 
March 6, 2006, 6:51 am CST

LIAR

I agree that the kids are suffering in this situation but this guy is a liar! Cops do protect each other. I can speak from experience from the death of my father and the local cops helped covered it up. They protect their own and always have. This guy's relaxed reaction to everything speaks volumes to the fact that he his covering up what he doing.  

  

I do agree that the wife has played a part too, that I will not deny. 

  

I have never written in to any talk show before but that just infuriated me so much that I had to take the time to finally do it.  

  

 
March 6, 2006, 7:01 am CST

I'd be real worried about that guy...

I don't know if Dr. Phil caught it or not, but at the end of the discussion... when Dr. Phil said they need to do something before they both did something they'd regret... the cop shot his wife such a look... it made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.  He thinks he is smart enough to get rid of her and get away with it.  You could see that he had manipulated this whole situation.  He fully expected to have Dr. Phil in his corner from the beginning... His coming to the show was just a ploy to "show" people that "he" was working on the problems and it's all her fault.  I'm worried for her and her kids.
 
March 6, 2006, 7:10 am CST

03/06 Love, Lies and the Law

After watching this show I have to say it is so much like my daughter and son in law when they were going thru a divorce. He was a lawyer who always had to be in control.  He had beat my daughter and had so many affairs that I lost count.    

My daughter left him and came to live with me. On the first weekend that he had the 2 children by himself  the  5 year old called and said a woman was in the bed with daddy. My daughter went to get the children. He was so drunk and mad because my daughter came to get the kids that he jumped on her and tried to stangle her.   The girlfriend called the police because she was afraid he was going to kill her.  When I got to the police deptment topick up the kids he started ranting and  telling the police there was no way those kids were going home with me because I was crazy. My daughter was at the hospital. So the children were placed in  the children's home.  I called his parents and 3 weeks later with their help I was awarded  temporary custody of the children. 

All his lies and control continued, and my daughter was not able to get a lawyer in 80 miles of our home town to take my daughters case.  The police were afraid to go  against him. 

Now the children are 23 and 21 years of age and have nothing to do with their dad.  They learned like everyone else  that knows him what a snake in the grass he really is. 

He still continues to control...he is now a city court judge.  Woman don't stand a chance when they go before him...he hates women. He is remarried now for the 4 th time and he is still controlling. 

Please don't be buffaloed by this jerk. 

thank you, I got it off my chest. 

 
March 6, 2006, 7:10 am CST

Too hard to know which to believe

 Knowing Dr. Phil's way of doing things, why was he so silent, and looking a little perplexed, when she said she had all the paperwork proving her husband was lieing? It's just not like the Dr. Phil staff to not have that paperwork available for him (Dr. Phil) unless this was a last minute accusation(s). A bit confusing to me. Dr. Phil had the Child Protective Service Report, where was the rest...her proofs?! I just can't imagine they both weren't interviewed extensively prior to showing up for the show. Why didn't this come out before the show that "proof" would be available?!

It's also very easy to take a person's profession and use it against them. Him being a trained hostage negotiater, along with being a Sheriff's Deputy is an easy target for an abuse of power accusation.

I went away from this show not really being able to assume who was lieing and who wasn't.
 
March 6, 2006, 7:19 am CST

what a controller

 After watching today's show, I feel like both parties are at fault especially when it comes to the children. They are the most important and it looks like both of them are taking the children for granted. They don't realize the damage they are causing and it will surface when they are older. They themselves will most likely have relationship problems later in life with co-workers or their spouse.
On the other hand, I don't believe the husband in this matter at all. I am tending to believe what she says about his control and the fact that he is in police enforcement confirms it for me. There is a high percentage of men in police enforcement who have anger problems. I think it has something to do with power and being in control. There is not a doubt in my mind that he is not being truthful and she is desperate.  When someone has you trapped like that, she is bound to get desperate herself and fight back not saying that gives her an excuse but she is at the point of no return and it behaving poorly herself.
There was something about the look on the husbands face and the way he reacted to her while she was talking that makes me feel like he is in fact manipulating her. If he disrespected her on the show by rolling his eyes and looking off into no where while she was having her say....what does he do when no one is around?
If I were her, I would get away from him forever and concentrate on helping her children. I also feel like men use children in these circumstances only to hurt the other spouse. He definately appears to be doing that to me.

 
March 6, 2006, 7:30 am CST

Leather Strap

They both have big problems; we don't know the whole story, but Dr. Phil does a good job getting all the information on/off the air.  What bothers me most is to think that people may go home and make the decision to never again hurt each other physically (among all the other things) but still keep that leather strap for the kids.  I went to school so many times trying to pull my little plaid dress down far enough to cover belt marks.  If my father hurt my mother in any way physically, he would have been gone.  I was glad Dr. Phil said he doesn't believe in spanking himself.  But the rest of that 50% of the population he mentioned may be listening at some time or another.  And I know from experience, the spankers that go way over the line into abuse and bruises and welts often love to point to anyone in authority or in the limelight and say he either believes in it also or doesn't condemn it.  I hope we all get to condemning it out loud, not just saying that a lot of people believe in it.  Does that ever make anything okay?  What's the point of protecting the parents and not the children? 
 
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