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Topic : 07/20 Love, Lies and the Law

Number of Replies: 906
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Created on : Friday, March 03, 2006, 12:40:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/06/06) You’ve heard it all before: “If I want it done right, I’ll have to do it myself.” Dr. Phil looks at control freaks, and how their behavior can destroy a marriage. Jim thinks his wife, Sinden, is the most controlling woman in America. They’ve recently separated because, he says, she picked out his clothes, told him what he could watch on TV and micromanaged his finances down to how much he could spend on a candy bar. But Sinden says there’s a darker side of Jim, a police officer of 20 years. She calls him a master manipulator who rules by intimidation. Find out why she says she fears for her life. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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March 6, 2006, 8:07 am CST

03/06 Love, Lies and the Law

  I also believe the truth lies somewhere in the middle on this one.  

  She needs to realize that a house is a safe haven from the pressures of the world, a place to relax, not a show place of perfection to show the world. A few things out of place is not going to hurt anyone. It just makes it more of a home. 

  Jim and the rest of the police departments around the world need to realize that the police departments are not a home where you put all the occupants first. The sole purpose of the police department is to protect those outside itself. If police officers put their own first, then it ceases to become a department of justice and becomes more of a mafia.  

  Likewise any social service department official who blindly follows the will of someone in authority, dishonors the sole purpose of the need for the establishment they work for.   

  Children are a blessing and should never be used as pawns to help one parent hurt another parent. It will damage the child's very soul. Children's love for their parents is very strong. A parent is the center piece of a child's world. When making a decision that concerns them, think what is best for them, and them only.    

  As young adults, we learn from observing the behavior of those important in our lives. Children will often, though not all the time, raise our grandchildren the way we raised them. All children have two parents, and the only difference between 'yours' and 'ours' is the y, so always ask yourself 'why' you are making a decision before you make it final. Ask yourself, "Am I doing this because it is in my best interest or am I doing it because it is the best thing for my child". 

  

  

  

  

  

  

 
March 6, 2006, 8:12 am CST

Dr Phil needs to call child protective services!

These kids are in trouble! Really, it doesn't matter if the wife is lying or the husband is lying. They are both clearly disturbed and their children are paying the price. I cannot believe either one of them has custody! These poor children need to be removed from both of their care.  I have no doubt that the husband is verbally abusive. (He admitted calling his wife hideous disgusting names in conversations with his 8 year old son.) Lord only knows what else. If the husband were such a great guy, why would he want to go back with a woman that beats his kids?  The wife is hitting her kids with a belt, a leather belt.  That makes me sick! I would like to beat this woman myself with a belt.  Maybe if she were on the receiving end she might feel differently about whipping her children.   

  

If these kids turn out to be successful adults it will be a miracle.  I feel that this show has responsibility to ensure that these kids are removed from this situation! I hope Dr.Phil tracks these people. They are completely mad! 

 
March 6, 2006, 8:14 am CST

Police Officers can be CONTROLING AND DANGEROUS

Dear Dr. Phil, 

My husband and I was terrorized by 2 ex-police officers all last year.  We know first hand how police officers can use the "GREY AREAS"  of the law to THEIR benefit.  Sinden has a right to be afraid.  She is right on target with all her feelings.  A father and his son here in Iredell County of North Carolina used many of the terror and scare tactics that Sinden spoke about today on your show.  These police officers stalked, threatened, and vandalized our property, home & vehicles until we finially had to move.  We were told by the Iredell County Sheriff that both had severe mental issues and was fired for conduct unbecoming.  My husband and I both know first hand what Sinden is talking about when she speaks of the legal system and the contacts that police officers have in order to pull the legal strings.  They can be so CONTROLING and turn the tables with the connections in the legal system.  One of these x-cops aimed his vehicle at me on 2 separate occassions as to intimidate and to create fear.  We spent all last year in court, and it only got worse.  The officers know the District Attorneys, Judges, and other Officers that will work on their side to make civilians look like complete FOOLS IN COURT.  Matter of fact, when the hearing came up over the Assult with a Motor Vehicle, the judge ruled with two suggestions to me.  1- He must just be a very poor driver, and 2- I just misunderstood and he was swirving at something in the road!!  How ridiculous, we lived on a private paved road with only 8 homes on the long 1 mile road.   Jim is full of himself, smugg and he is HIDING BEHIND THE LEGAL SYSTEM.  Don't let that calm demeaner FOOL YOU DR. PHIL.  I would bet my life that sooner or later it will get physical with Sinden and she will be in grave danger.  Our problem arised over our neighbors dogs running loose, with out vaccines and was attacking us, so petty I know.  So, if you think with 2 children and property involved how far will Jim go to prove that Sinden is unfit, I PROMISE YOU HE WILL REACH NO LIMITS TO PROVE HIS POINT AT WHATEVER THE COST WILL BE.  

 
March 6, 2006, 8:15 am CST

LOVE, LIES AND THE LAW

I AGREE WITH THE WOMEN THAT SAY THAT HE IS LYING.  I TOO AGREE THAT DR. PHIL USUALLY HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION ON A CASE.  DR. PHIL DID SEEM TO BE WALKING THE LINE ON THIS ONE.  YOU CAN SEE IN THAT WOMAN'S EYES THAT SHE IS BEING HONEST ABOUT THIS SITUATION.  WHAT COULD BE HAPPENING WITH THE KIDS IS THEY DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE BETWEEN PARENTS.  WHEN MEN WANT TO GET A EDGE WITH CHILDREN WHEN THEY ARE MAD WITH THE WIFE AND MOTHER, PULLING THE KIDS IN IS A FORM OF CONTROL.  SHE DOES NOT SEEM ABUSIVE.  DR PHIL SEEM A LITTLE NAIVE TO THINK THAT THE LAW ENFORCEMENT IN THEIR TOWN WOULD NOT SIDE WITH HIM.    IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.  THIS SITUATION SEEMS SCARY.  I HOPE THE SHOW FOLLOWS THEM AND GET THEM HELP. 
 
March 6, 2006, 8:17 am CST

Something wrong with more than the guests

Today's show left me feeling extremely uneasy. I know firsthand about the ability of a law enforcement agency to protect their own, even if they are in the wrong. They also have the ability to mask it to look above board. I was comforted for Sinden's sake to know that the issue of safety was addressed by the Dr. Phil show, because until this lady is not operating in the fight or flight mode around her husband, she is not going to be worth one shred to their children. The husband was continuing to create his case by even contacting the Dr. Phil show for help with this matter. I know that lady has to be scared to death regarding her safety since her husband mentioned that he was glad she made those allegations against him and his department and it is now on tape. Believe me, he certainly was pleased to know that he was leaving there with more ammunition to play games with her about through the department. I hope this lady gets her sanity back, her kids back, and as far the hell away from where her husband is a cop as possible. Otherwise, I will not be shocked at all if some day the headlines read that either she or her husband is dead.
 
March 6, 2006, 8:19 am CST

Not your battle to fight

Quote From: atatoian

Hi. I have a friend, and him and his girl friend are  always having relationship problems. They both care about each other but, they fight nonstop. A few times like today she took us to Sinking Ponds after begging her to go with us. Then we both got out vehicle she locked her doors and drove off leaving us behind. She called and said he had to make a choice. If he wasn't to call back in 10 minutes, she was going to go home and and leave him. When he called her back he, she said " were leaving and dropping Alex off at his house. Or you can break up with me cause I'm heading home". So she picked us up, but said "you wont be seeing Andy for awhile". I don't know what to do. If you could give me some advice on how to help them out, it would be very great. 
It is not your place to get in the middle of this dispute. This is between your friend and her boyfriend, it doesn't concern you. If you try to "help", it will just make things worse. She didn't ask for your help and neither did he so just stay out of it. I know it's hard to watch from the sidelines but it's the best thing you can do right now. Just be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. Good luck.
 
March 6, 2006, 8:21 am CST

I am going to have to Throw the BULL**** Flag on that!

When dr. Phil made the comment that the State Troopers dont care who local Law enforment is, they will Up hold the law if you call and get the involved in a matter, That is where I will throw my BULL**** Flag. From my experience, Law Enforcement is NOTHING MORE then a Grown up BOY SCOUTTS CLUB with the Secret hand shakes and COVER UPS! When the man on the show said, Who is a sherriff, that if they are guilty of something they will take care of them within the unit is just not true. They all cover each others backs and a Cop would NEVER ARREST OR CONVICT ANOTHER COP, Sherriff, Local, Trooper or other wise! I have seen Law Enforcement time and time again COVER UP THINGS that happen and would have got another cop fired, but AMAZINGLY THE EVIDENCE TURNED UP MISSING OR NEVER THERE. I also had a recent

Incident where at an Accident scene the Trooper NEVER WOULD LET ME TALK AND TELL MY SIDE OF THE STORY, I KEPT ASKING TIME AND TIME AGAIN FOR HIM TO CALL EMS BUT HE NEVER DID, HE JUST KEPT TELLING ME TO GET BACK IN MY CAR. WHEN IT WAS ALL OVER WITH AND I WENT TO HIS FIRST SERGENT AND TOLD HIM ABOUT WHAT HAPPEN, THE TROOPER LIED RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME TO HIS SEGENT AND TOLD HIM EMS WAS CALLED AND WAS ON THE SCENE. Just another example of how cops can LIE and cover up anything they do wrong. So what I have to say to the woman is this, START RECORDING EVERYTHING SAID BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR COP HUSBAND, VIDEO TAPE EVERYTHING YOU ARE ABLE TO TAPE, SUCH AS WHEN HE FOLLOWS YOU OR SHOWS UP WHERE YOU ARE. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING YOU DO AND WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR DAILY LIFE. It is a SAD FACT that LAW ENFORCEMENT IS ON THEIR SIDE, NOT OUR SIDE. Just like in New Orlenes after KATRINA HIT, Most of all the Law enforcment officers left or quit their jobs, but the ones still left were under a lot of stress and there were NOT ENOUGH OF THEM TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE STILL THERE FROM ALL THE THUGS RAPING AND STEALING THINGS. So what did the GOOD OLE LAW ENFORCEMENT DO ABOUT THAT? Instead of Going after the Thugs who were Robbing, STEALING and RAPING PEOPLE, they went after ALL THE LAW ABIDING PEOPLE IN THE STATE WHO HAD REGISTERED AND FILED THERE FIRE ARMS WITH THE STATE AND they started taking their weapons one at a time going door to door with their guns drawn. THE ONLY THING PEOPLE HAD TO PROTECT THEMSELVES WITH AND THEIR NEIGHBORS, THE LAW TOOK AWAYS FROM THEM, we are talking about the LEGALLY OWNED HANDGUNS. The Cops COULD NOT PROTECT EVERYONE and if you called them, if you were able to call them with all the lines down, it was hours if not days before they showed up if at all. So my point is, THE LAW ENFORCEMENT IS ON THEIR SIDE, NOT OURS. Its very hard to prove a cop of misconduct because THEY ARE THE LAW AND THEY HAVE BEEN THOUGH TRAINING AND WHO ARE WE TO QUESTION THEM?  

  

So my advice to the women is COVER YOU BUTT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, Tape and Record EVERYTHING between you and him. Cops cover for each other and THEY KNOW HOW THE LAW WORKS, so they know how to Change it around to make it work for them also. Cops Cover for Cops. Doesnt matter if its a Trooper or Local, they all cover for each other because if ONE turns agains a fellow cop, their life becomes hell and they will get rid of them. All Law enforment is made up of is ALL THE BULLIES FROM HIGH SCHOOL WHO WANTED TO ALWAYS PUSH PEOPLE AROUND, NOW THEY CAN LEGALLY DO IT AND GET AWAY WITH IT OR EITHER PEOPLE WHO WERE PICKED ON ALL THOUGH HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW THEY JUST WANT TO GET EVEN. Think about it. So cover your tail every step of the way dear. 

  

Tim 

 
March 6, 2006, 8:22 am CST

Good Cop/Bad Cop

I didn't see the show but my friend called me up in arms about it.  She used to work for a police force and I was engaged to a policeman and both of us just think that Dr. Phil doesn't have a clue!  Being in the position to see both sides we can look back and say that the police force gives them training on manipulation and control and they use it on their families all the time.  They are taught and learn what they can get away with legally and what effect it will have on the people they are trying to intimidate.  We have both been victims of their vengence and control and sorry to say that if you haven't been even remotely associated with the police department, you will not understand what I mean.  I totally sympathize with this man's wife and know what she is going through.  Some of the cops I knew were good ones to be sure, but all of them know how to play the system!
 
March 6, 2006, 8:24 am CST

Above the Law

Jim brought this issue to Dr. Phil to deter from him the dark side which he possesses. Sinden is absolutely right about her husband. I can relate to her dilemma because I lived it for eight years until I finally got the courage to walk away, I didn't want to be a statistic. My ex-husband would tell me and exhibit that he could hurt me physically without leaving bruises. When women in this type of relationship stand up for themselves their spouses goes 'nuts' because they feel like they are losing control.  They retaliate by any means such as, making the woman out to be a crazy person, sure we yell and scream at our men, but it's out of frustration because we know that our men are capable of doing things that the public doesn't know exist.  People like Jim really exists, they use the system and often times their colleagues help them with their demented plans.  It's not all cut and dry, the system has not changed, police officers still have their code of silence and the public is naive to  think that Sinden will get any help. These men are different behind closed doors and I have been a victim of things that I will not go into to detail but exist nonetheless.  These men are master manipulators and I'm pretty sure that there are women like this out there too! The sad thing is that the children are the victims here and Jim is using his children as a tool of manipulation to control Sinden.  There is still a "good ole boy" system in law enforcement and more women will bring to the fore front the same dilemma and this forum will give women and men the opportunity to address this hidden cynical world of law enforcment.  Another point is, people stay in an environment because it is familiar to them even though the relationship is a sick one.  It's clear that Jim and Sinden still have that physical chemistry you can tell, but this relationship is highly volitile. The children should not be with either parent right now until they each get individual counseling and then family counseling. 

 
March 6, 2006, 8:33 am CST

ownership?

I feel that there was absolutely no ownship on her part! Nothing she said showed ownership for the failed marriage, arguments, threats, children's behavior.... Her son took the recorder she used to record their father.... Her son received a spanking hard enough to leave bruises days later.... Not welts! Not redness! She made it all about Jim and his manipulation and controlling behavior. It does indeed take two to tango! I feel that she filled those shoes! Even if she didn't want to take ownership for anything! Grow up! 

 
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