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Topic : 07/20 Love, Lies and the Law

Number of Replies: 906
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Created on : Friday, March 03, 2006, 12:40:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/06/06) You’ve heard it all before: “If I want it done right, I’ll have to do it myself.” Dr. Phil looks at control freaks, and how their behavior can destroy a marriage. Jim thinks his wife, Sinden, is the most controlling woman in America. They’ve recently separated because, he says, she picked out his clothes, told him what he could watch on TV and micromanaged his finances down to how much he could spend on a candy bar. But Sinden says there’s a darker side of Jim, a police officer of 20 years. She calls him a master manipulator who rules by intimidation. Find out why she says she fears for her life. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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March 6, 2006, 8:35 am CST

You are so right on!

Quote From: redeljoy

After watching this show I have to say it is so much like my daughter and son in law when they were going thru a divorce. He was a lawyer who always had to be in control.  He had beat my daughter and had so many affairs that I lost count.    

My daughter left him and came to live with me. On the first weekend that he had the 2 children by himself  the  5 year old called and said a woman was in the bed with daddy. My daughter went to get the children. He was so drunk and mad because my daughter came to get the kids that he jumped on her and tried to stangle her.   The girlfriend called the police because she was afraid he was going to kill her.  When I got to the police deptment topick up the kids he started ranting and  telling the police there was no way those kids were going home with me because I was crazy. My daughter was at the hospital. So the children were placed in  the children's home.  I called his parents and 3 weeks later with their help I was awarded  temporary custody of the children. 

All his lies and control continued, and my daughter was not able to get a lawyer in 80 miles of our home town to take my daughters case.  The police were afraid to go  against him. 

Now the children are 23 and 21 years of age and have nothing to do with their dad.  They learned like everyone else  that knows him what a snake in the grass he really is. 

He still continues to control...he is now a city court judge.  Woman don't stand a chance when they go before him...he hates women. He is remarried now for the 4 th time and he is still controlling. 

Please don't be buffaloed by this jerk. 

thank you, I got it off my chest. 

This show is going to be a sounding board for so many people that have encountered issues regarding controlling people in law enforcement.  This issue is also worse in the armed forces. I am so glad that this show came out even though Jim tried to use it as a weapon against his wife, he actually pointed the finger against himself.  He was too anxious to write dr. phil to 'out' his wife that he obviously didn't think that there are viewers that could see right through him.
 
March 6, 2006, 8:35 am CST

His body language doesn't lie....

I  hope she takes Dr. Phil's offer for protection before her story ends up on the Life Time channel. That man is dangerous and he doesn't seem to care what he does or says to his children as long as he can cause some pain and damage to her.  It all seems to be about control for him and this woman is now on a slippery slope.  No matter what she does, he turns it back on her to make HER seem crazy or controlling or desperate and Dr. Phil let him get away with it in front of millions of people. 

I wonder how much of the taped show ended up on the cutting room floor, because from what I saw, that man should be fired from his job and stalking and harrassment charges should be filed against him.  He is dangerous and she needs to find some way to get someone to listen to her. Dr. Phil .....what were you thinking!!!   I see this type of situation on the news all too often, and it's time people in authority and the ability to do something about it actually DO something, before it does end up in a tragic end....
 
March 6, 2006, 8:38 am CST

Good job, Sinden

Sinden,  YOU did a great job on the show. I was somewhat disappointed, as I'm not sure that Dr.Phil  " got it ",  and I think that women are engineered with a strong need to be understood, not necessarily to win the argument  or have their behavior justified, but to be really heard... At any rate, your husband's ' type' resonated with me.  He seems to be ' cut from the same cloth' as my daughter's father....charming and relentlessly ruthless . Using the children as pawns in the control battle is despicable. Unfortunately, it can be successful for the parent in the short term. It doesn't seem as though young children have the capacity to be ' neutral ' , and they may align with the parent whom they perceive as the stronger or even be seduced by the things that initially won your heart. At any rate, I 'get' that the legal system is not representative of what's right or wrong. I 'get' that , in this imperfect world, a crazy-making husband, skilled at manipulation ,can provoke behavior that is at best, uncharacteristic....at worst, hurtful. Its a form of domestic abuse as much as bruises and blackeyes. I 'get' that you had lunch and shopped with your husband before the show taped, whatever your motivations or expectations . My hope is that Dr. P. is providing individual therapy for you....not to ' fix you' but to hear you. ( The right  domestic abuse program can be a good souce of support, also .  It's worth exploring ) .My advice ( worth what you pay for it ) is  to be prepared for a long haul, probably until your children reach adulthood;  act , not react; take care of yourself; reach out to family ,friends, anyone who has a kind ear...not to villify your husband, but to tell your story until you know that you've been heard and understood. Peace 

 
March 6, 2006, 8:40 am CST

You have no idea!

Quote From: allinall

 This marriage is so terrible; He's so dangerous and such a manipulator yet, she thinks he will change by giving her a new rock and re-taking their vows!? Hum.

It's obvious that you have not walked in this woman's shoes.  With all due respect, it's apparent that your observations are one sided and you do not know what you're talking about. 

 
March 6, 2006, 8:42 am CST

03/06 Love, Lies and the Law

Quote From: mkkinlee

I can NOT believe, it is so obvious that she is sitting up there making up lies and not admitting to her part in the whole mess.   One minute she fears her life and then she goes out shopping with him and tells him she wants a new diamond if they stay together. ???  What is that all about????  She's pissed off because the kids got taken away because SHE beat her son and she got CAUGHT.   

  

At least the husband sat up there and admitted to what his part was in it. 

I Agree! 

 
March 6, 2006, 8:54 am CST

03/06 Love, Lies and the Law

Quote From: timlong68

When dr. Phil made the comment that the State Troopers dont care who local Law enforment is, they will Up hold the law if you call and get the involved in a matter, That is where I will throw my BULL**** Flag. From my experience, Law Enforcement is NOTHING MORE then a Grown up BOY SCOUTTS CLUB with the Secret hand shakes and COVER UPS! When the man on the show said, Who is a sherriff, that if they are guilty of something they will take care of them within the unit is just not true. They all cover each others backs and a Cop would NEVER ARREST OR CONVICT ANOTHER COP, Sherriff, Local, Trooper or other wise! I have seen Law Enforcement time and time again COVER UP THINGS that happen and would have got another cop fired, but AMAZINGLY THE EVIDENCE TURNED UP MISSING OR NEVER THERE. I also had a recent

Incident where at an Accident scene the Trooper NEVER WOULD LET ME TALK AND TELL MY SIDE OF THE STORY, I KEPT ASKING TIME AND TIME AGAIN FOR HIM TO CALL EMS BUT HE NEVER DID, HE JUST KEPT TELLING ME TO GET BACK IN MY CAR. WHEN IT WAS ALL OVER WITH AND I WENT TO HIS FIRST SERGENT AND TOLD HIM ABOUT WHAT HAPPEN, THE TROOPER LIED RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME TO HIS SEGENT AND TOLD HIM EMS WAS CALLED AND WAS ON THE SCENE. Just another example of how cops can LIE and cover up anything they do wrong. So what I have to say to the woman is this, START RECORDING EVERYTHING SAID BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR COP HUSBAND, VIDEO TAPE EVERYTHING YOU ARE ABLE TO TAPE, SUCH AS WHEN HE FOLLOWS YOU OR SHOWS UP WHERE YOU ARE. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING YOU DO AND WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR DAILY LIFE. It is a SAD FACT that LAW ENFORCEMENT IS ON THEIR SIDE, NOT OUR SIDE. Just like in New Orlenes after KATRINA HIT, Most of all the Law enforcment officers left or quit their jobs, but the ones still left were under a lot of stress and there were NOT ENOUGH OF THEM TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE STILL THERE FROM ALL THE THUGS RAPING AND STEALING THINGS. So what did the GOOD OLE LAW ENFORCEMENT DO ABOUT THAT? Instead of Going after the Thugs who were Robbing, STEALING and RAPING PEOPLE, they went after ALL THE LAW ABIDING PEOPLE IN THE STATE WHO HAD REGISTERED AND FILED THERE FIRE ARMS WITH THE STATE AND they started taking their weapons one at a time going door to door with their guns drawn. THE ONLY THING PEOPLE HAD TO PROTECT THEMSELVES WITH AND THEIR NEIGHBORS, THE LAW TOOK AWAYS FROM THEM, we are talking about the LEGALLY OWNED HANDGUNS. The Cops COULD NOT PROTECT EVERYONE and if you called them, if you were able to call them with all the lines down, it was hours if not days before they showed up if at all. So my point is, THE LAW ENFORCEMENT IS ON THEIR SIDE, NOT OURS. Its very hard to prove a cop of misconduct because THEY ARE THE LAW AND THEY HAVE BEEN THOUGH TRAINING AND WHO ARE WE TO QUESTION THEM?  

  

So my advice to the women is COVER YOU BUTT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, Tape and Record EVERYTHING between you and him. Cops cover for each other and THEY KNOW HOW THE LAW WORKS, so they know how to Change it around to make it work for them also. Cops Cover for Cops. Doesnt matter if its a Trooper or Local, they all cover for each other because if ONE turns agains a fellow cop, their life becomes hell and they will get rid of them. All Law enforment is made up of is ALL THE BULLIES FROM HIGH SCHOOL WHO WANTED TO ALWAYS PUSH PEOPLE AROUND, NOW THEY CAN LEGALLY DO IT AND GET AWAY WITH IT OR EITHER PEOPLE WHO WERE PICKED ON ALL THOUGH HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW THEY JUST WANT TO GET EVEN. Think about it. So cover your tail every step of the way dear. 

  

Tim 

we could debate this until the end of time. do you have any idea how many innocent law enforcement officers are injured or killed daily? i have a 17-year-old son who is thinking about his future. i mentioned to him about becoming a police officer. i quickly revoked that response. i could for a moment picture my innocent child making a routine traffic stop and being shot as he approached the vehicle. not just that, but shot out on a desolate road someone. these people risk their lives daily attempting so maintain our safety!
 
March 6, 2006, 8:57 am CST

A BIG 10-4!

Quote From: timlong68

When dr. Phil made the comment that the State Troopers dont care who local Law enforment is, they will Up hold the law if you call and get the involved in a matter, That is where I will throw my BULL**** Flag. From my experience, Law Enforcement is NOTHING MORE then a Grown up BOY SCOUTTS CLUB with the Secret hand shakes and COVER UPS! When the man on the show said, Who is a sherriff, that if they are guilty of something they will take care of them within the unit is just not true. They all cover each others backs and a Cop would NEVER ARREST OR CONVICT ANOTHER COP, Sherriff, Local, Trooper or other wise! I have seen Law Enforcement time and time again COVER UP THINGS that happen and would have got another cop fired, but AMAZINGLY THE EVIDENCE TURNED UP MISSING OR NEVER THERE. I also had a recent

Incident where at an Accident scene the Trooper NEVER WOULD LET ME TALK AND TELL MY SIDE OF THE STORY, I KEPT ASKING TIME AND TIME AGAIN FOR HIM TO CALL EMS BUT HE NEVER DID, HE JUST KEPT TELLING ME TO GET BACK IN MY CAR. WHEN IT WAS ALL OVER WITH AND I WENT TO HIS FIRST SERGENT AND TOLD HIM ABOUT WHAT HAPPEN, THE TROOPER LIED RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME TO HIS SEGENT AND TOLD HIM EMS WAS CALLED AND WAS ON THE SCENE. Just another example of how cops can LIE and cover up anything they do wrong. So what I have to say to the woman is this, START RECORDING EVERYTHING SAID BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR COP HUSBAND, VIDEO TAPE EVERYTHING YOU ARE ABLE TO TAPE, SUCH AS WHEN HE FOLLOWS YOU OR SHOWS UP WHERE YOU ARE. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING YOU DO AND WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR DAILY LIFE. It is a SAD FACT that LAW ENFORCEMENT IS ON THEIR SIDE, NOT OUR SIDE. Just like in New Orlenes after KATRINA HIT, Most of all the Law enforcment officers left or quit their jobs, but the ones still left were under a lot of stress and there were NOT ENOUGH OF THEM TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE STILL THERE FROM ALL THE THUGS RAPING AND STEALING THINGS. So what did the GOOD OLE LAW ENFORCEMENT DO ABOUT THAT? Instead of Going after the Thugs who were Robbing, STEALING and RAPING PEOPLE, they went after ALL THE LAW ABIDING PEOPLE IN THE STATE WHO HAD REGISTERED AND FILED THERE FIRE ARMS WITH THE STATE AND they started taking their weapons one at a time going door to door with their guns drawn. THE ONLY THING PEOPLE HAD TO PROTECT THEMSELVES WITH AND THEIR NEIGHBORS, THE LAW TOOK AWAYS FROM THEM, we are talking about the LEGALLY OWNED HANDGUNS. The Cops COULD NOT PROTECT EVERYONE and if you called them, if you were able to call them with all the lines down, it was hours if not days before they showed up if at all. So my point is, THE LAW ENFORCEMENT IS ON THEIR SIDE, NOT OURS. Its very hard to prove a cop of misconduct because THEY ARE THE LAW AND THEY HAVE BEEN THOUGH TRAINING AND WHO ARE WE TO QUESTION THEM?  

  

So my advice to the women is COVER YOU BUTT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, Tape and Record EVERYTHING between you and him. Cops cover for each other and THEY KNOW HOW THE LAW WORKS, so they know how to Change it around to make it work for them also. Cops Cover for Cops. Doesnt matter if its a Trooper or Local, they all cover for each other because if ONE turns agains a fellow cop, their life becomes hell and they will get rid of them. All Law enforment is made up of is ALL THE BULLIES FROM HIGH SCHOOL WHO WANTED TO ALWAYS PUSH PEOPLE AROUND, NOW THEY CAN LEGALLY DO IT AND GET AWAY WITH IT OR EITHER PEOPLE WHO WERE PICKED ON ALL THOUGH HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW THEY JUST WANT TO GET EVEN. Think about it. So cover your tail every step of the way dear. 

  

Tim 

You are so right on!  State Police is not going to give a "rats butt" about a civilian, they are more apt to hide for each other. I think Dr. Phil has no idea what really goes on in the real world when it comes to the hidden vices of law enforcement personnel. I don't think Jim realized that he has exposed himself!  JIM YOU CAN NOT FULL PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME!
 
March 6, 2006, 9:05 am CST

Love & Lies

I just finished watching the show and I think she's right, he was definitely in control.  He was way too calm.  There he was in  front of Dr. Phil, a live audience and millions of people watching and he acted like he was just having a conversation in his living room.  I call that arrogance.
 
March 6, 2006, 9:05 am CST

whatz wrong with you ?

Quote From: thenurse

I Agree! 

Myth: Victims of domestic violence never leave their abusers, or if they do, they just get involved in other abusive relationships.
 

Fact: Most victims of domestic violence leave their abusers, often several times. It may take a number of attempts to permanently separate because abusers use violence, financial control, or threats about the children, to compel victims to return.  

  

Additionally, a lack of support from friends, family members, or professionals, such as court personnel, law enforcement officers, counselors, or clergy members, may cause victims to return.  

  

Since the risk of further violence often increases after victims separate from their abusers, it can be even harder for victims to leave if they cannot obtain effective legal relief. Victims who receive appropriate legal assistance at an early stage increase their chances of obtaining the protection and financial security they need to leave their abusers permanently. While some victims may become involved with other partners who later begin to abuse them, there is no evidence that the majority of victims have this experience. 

  

source: http://www.abanet.org/domviol/myths.html 

  

and if that doesn't make any sense! 

Myth: Domestic violence is irrelevant to parental fitness.
Fact: Because children often suffer physical and emotional harm from living in violent homes, domestic violence is extremely relevant to parental fitness. (ABA News Release, 1997) A history of domestic violence can indicate that the perpetrating parent physically or emotionally abuses the child as well as the other parent. In addition, abusers frequently use the children as pawns to continue to control the other parent. Further, an abuser's focus on controlling the victim undermines the abuser's ability to parent because the primary concern is not the child. Courts should consider the effects of the abuser's behavior on the children when determining custody and visitation arrangements.  

  

Some courts mistakenly penalize the victim in custody cases by assuming that the victim is emotionally unstable because of the violence or because the victim "let the violence happen." In most states, however, custody statutes now recognize that domestic violence is relevant to the abuser's parental fitness. Courts in most states are required to consider domestic violence as a factor in custody determinations or employ a presumption that perpetrators should not receive custody of the children. (The Family Violence Project of the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, 1995) 

  

sincerely.... katshowe! 

  

 
March 6, 2006, 9:09 am CST

education might be the key to your understanding....

Quote From: franklini

It's obvious that you have not walked in this woman's shoes.  With all due respect, it's apparent that your observations are one sided and you do not know what you're talking about. 

Myth: Victims of domestic violence have psychological disorders.
Fact: This characterization of battered women as mentally ill stems from the assumption that victims of domestic violence must be sick or they would not "take" the abuse. More recent theories demonstrate that battered women resist abuse in a variety of ways. (Dutton, The Dynamics of Domestic Violence, 1994)  

  

In addition, most victims of domestic violence are not mentally ill, although individuals with mental disabilities are certainly not immune from being abused by their spouses or intimate partners. Some victims of domestic violence suffer psychological effects, such as post-traumatic stress disorder or depression, as a result of being abused. (Dutton, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Amoung Battered Women, 1994) 

  

how do you expect someone who has been abused and controlled for 12 years like this woman to think straight....???? 

 

you obviously aren't very empathetic or thoughtful!  katshowe 

 

source: http://www.abanet.org/domviol/myths.html 

 
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