Topic : 08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows

I am a 27 year old wife and mother of 3 living with this devestating disorder. I am on the brink of losing my husband because of my behavior when I was off of my medication when I was pregnant. I seemed to be doing OK in my own head so I decided not to go back onto my meds after my son was born. I quickly spun out of control. There were times I would scream and be so angny but an hour later I wouldn't even remember why I got mad. I jumped out of the car and started walking on Christmas Day with my kids in the back seat and my husband driving. That was the day he said he was going to leave. I had always been on medication so he never really knew about my disorder so I had to tell him. He said he would stay if I would go back on my meds. I have since gotten a lot more under control but my medication isn't doing what it did before I was pregnant.  

I want to thank Dr. Phil for putting a face on the disorder- I just wish he would have also shown a person who is trying to be better and making progress. I would have liked it to represented more of us but I soooooo appreciate the light he is shining on a lonely life like my own. 

I have been struggling with a list of impairments for most of my life. As recent as 2004 I was finally diagnosed with, Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Panic Attacks, OCD, Personality Disorder, PMDD(Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Dysfunction) roughly  PMS x's 10, And now I have the nerve to be peri-menopausl. I have been on 5 different meds, Paxil, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Venlefaxcine and Buspar; all of which had it's own un welcome side effects. I decided to not take any of the meds but to simply avoid the situations that provoke the symptoms. It definitely works for me, I sincerely believe that meds only mask the problem temporarily.  I don't come out of the house often but once I decide to...I get pissed if others are out and can see me. I only check the mail or take out the trash if it is dark out. When I shop, I seek stores that are open 24 hours therefore I can shop while others are hopefully at home sleeping. My preference of association is with "my self" I am just glad my children are all adults and love me unconditionally. They joke about wondering what mood I'm in, but it embarrasses me to go from beauty to bitch in 0.3 seconds, for no apparent reason. 

I have noticed a little of these impairments in my daughters, I have a sister or two that's been diagnosed bi-polar, so we tend to share causes and effects.  I want to join the world but, I think I am doing just fine right here, inside alone! There is so much more to be said but, I am expecting Dr. Phil himself to come snatch my keyboard as this is way too long already!!!   

I think Dr. Phil made it perfectly clear during the show that Cathy used the term phycho to describe herself.  NOT HIM.   

I myself grew up with a bi polar mother, grandmother, brother, sister, and 2 aunts and an uncle.  I was resently diagnosed with bi polar disorder.  It is the most frustrating disease I have ever encountered.  Not only because a lot of the time I can function as a normal person, but because I feel crazy or "psycho" when I snap.  It is very difficult to come to terms with because we enjoy our manic cycles so much.  I am finding that a lot of people who suffer from Bi polar disorder also suffer from Paranoid schizophrenia.  This is where the voices etc. come in.   

I encourage anyone who has problems that look like it could be bi polar disorder to seek treatment immediately.  The sooner you get help the sooner you quit setroying your life and the people you love.  I think that you get worse over time and that once you get really bad you can never go back to the person that you were before the disease.  You are forever changed.  GET HELP NOW!!! 

Ok, I have seen the show now and I feel worse than I have felt in over 2 years. I wrote down a lot of things in response to the show but they don,t  matter. I'm to down to mess with it. I have never threatened to kill my kids. I never beat them either, I have beaten myself though. I don,t want to go to work now, what if someone there saw the show? They won,t like me now. Fred was cool  but  the woman was way out there. why didn,t they check her brain? Bi-polars have triggers and that show certainly was a trigger for me.  I take my meds and do what I,m  supposed to do, I have not abused any drugs, I no longer self medicate. I feel after watching the show that I never should have been honest about my mental illness, It should have remained a secret. Now I want to dissolve, never to have been.