Topic : 08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows

Your post brought me to tears......my ex is bipolar and he and his family are in denial so he lives with his parents and is untreated.  They have the time and money to help him and I hope and pray that he doesn't create as much havoc and distress in their life like he did in mine.....so that when they do all come to realize, as his psch dr. does, that he's bipolar, hopefully like Fred's family they will help him get treatment and avoid the stress that you have endured.....I feel for you and for him and I too wish there was something that could be done with the insurance industry to realize bipolar is a medical condition that deserves decent and affordable care for those that need it desperately........ Good Luck to you....

Ok, found you lots of help from two different posts, one on page 66 (sorted 10 posts to a page). One post from dhermann said that if you go to the NAMI site, in any state there is a 12 week program f or family members of people with a mental illness called FAMILY to FAMILY. That seems like a huge amount of time, but think about the amazing education you would get, anything to not be in the desperate position you feel now.

In the same post dhermann mentions a PEER to PEER class for those with Bipolar who are willing to go.

The second post I can't find, but I pasted part of it for my records. It gives help for family members:

* One is www.nami.org - national alliance for the mentally ill. They offer free classes in every state for both bipolar patients and their family. they also have support groups you can join both in your area as well as online like this one.

* Another good one is www.dbsalliance.org - depression and bipolar support alliance. Similar groups and support as nami

* The third one I like is www.healthyplace.com. This site contains information for several mental illnesses, and if you follow the bipolar links and click support, there are 15-20 articles compiled discussing how to support a loved one. They are really helpful! like what to say or not to say to someone with bipolar, how to care for you while trying to help your daughter, that anger, denial, confusion, etc are all normal reactions to this terrible disease, etc.

Geoff's family hails from Sweden and they tend to bury their heads in the sand and just plow through.....I tried to contact Geoff's Uncle who kind of heads up the family and I told him about Geoff's bizarre behavior and Geoff's Mom stepped in and said I am the problem and that Geoff is fine...so as I read in other posts, the people who try to help are the bad guy......I know they will be forced to deal with this at some point, but Geoff is also a very head strong individual and he's 6'2" and in his parents defense there is no telling him anything, which is why I removed myself from destructive behavior.  His parents aren't very religious so that isn't the issue...they just don't want to deal with it...and the kicker is his Mom's a nurse....I am sure they'll find a way to blame me for whatever comes his way.....good thing I have good family support of my own and I just want to get Geoff help any way I can......Thanks again for your help....

That's awesome. I haven't read Jane Pauley's yet. I just checked out a few from the library, and my mom lent me her marked copy of the "Unquiet Mind," which helped me understand her better. She enjoyed your response so much about her learning to deal with the dragon, and your comments are right on the mark about it taking a long time, and about getting on a more normal path the sooner you deal with acknowledging you have bipolar.

When I posted all that help for you, including the post from my mom of 10 helpful steps, she later posted a postscript which is helpful to know about and watch for as you see your ex going down or up. You can help with the environment to the best of your ability when you do have contact with him. Here are her comments:

"In addition to the 10 steps to managing bipolar illness that I put on the board (you can find her original post by clicking on Search Boards and type in "stay_young," then clicking the link to the title "Life is Good"), I remembered one more critical one: that is to know your triggers. My triggers are a messy house, arguing children, too much sugar, being criticized in even the smallest way and many others. If the family is aware of your triggers, they can watch out for them and try to avoid them. For example, keeping the house clean, not arguing in my presence, not criticizing me and not having too much sugar around the house. For the most part, they really do try to be aware of these things.

The other thing is for family members to be aware of the signs and symptoms that tip them off that one is beginning to enter an episode, be it up or down. If my husband starts making "interesting" financial decisions, my first question to him is "Are you taking your meds?" Almost always, the answer is "I forgot." The more educated we are about our unique triggers and symptoms, the better we can inform our loved ones "about how they can help us.

  

  

    I am trying to repsond to Gate Angel, but i'm not sure how this message board works!!  I just wanted to say i undserstand how you feel in certain ways.  I really feel for your story and I will pray for you.  I am bipolar ll.  I am a 44 year old female.  I really didn't understand my illness until i was in my 30's  I have only had one manic state and rest is the depression.  I was i guess you could say in remission for 8 years.  No depression or manic.  I was on lithum and Zoloft.  I went off of the zoloft about 3 years ago because I didn't like the side effects and i was feeling so good.  I know now that i need another medication.  I haven't gone to the doctor because we didn't have health insurance for me.  I just got the insurance this week so i need to find a new doctor and new meds.   

So sorry about your family not accepting this iillness.  I have a husband who has stayed by me for almost 16 years.  I have two children 26 and 13.  My son is 26 and it seems he hasn't any symtons yet but my daughter who is 13 is starting to have fears of things.  I am watching her and trying to consol her.  I don't want a diagnose and meds so early.  The diagnose is so stereotyped and i know what it has done for me with accepting so i am praying that she is just maybe obessive complusive.  I'm not sure but i'm afraid to find out.  I don't want to pass this on, i don't know how to deal with that.   

 

My spiritual life and GOd has helped me accept this illness and i agree with all that you said.   I feel like this is a thorne in my side, like Paul in the Bible and i really don't know why me but I know that God can see me through and he has a plan.   

 

So proud of you for publishing your books, what a blessing.  I don't feel i have that kind of creativity but I have alot to be thankful for, even with this hidden illness. 

 

I wrote Dr. Phil asking him to have another show with more of the different levels of bipolar.  I am hoping that he does.  Maybe if we all join together with letters he will respond with more of a hopeful recovery and the side effects of the meds.   

 

God Bless  

DOnna 

I could be wrong, but I heard that Finland and Sweden have more Bipolars per capita than other countries.  If this is correct, perhaps this is why Geoff's family isn't taking his mental health as seriously as you are.  Bipolar Disorder may be viewed differently in Sweden so they don't react to it the same as we do here. 

You mentioned that his mom is a nurse; my mother is as well.  In fact, she became an RNA through a nursing progam offered at a psychiatric hospital 35 years ago.  Her thoughts on psychiatry are as outdated as her nursing shoes.  She is from the school that believes the mentally ill must be institutionalized indefinately and be force fed meds. Back in the day, these practices were the norm.  But now, no one in Canada can be forced to take any medication for any reason - even in prison.  My mother heard the Margot Kidder - superman's Lois Lane - went off all her meds.  Margot now advocates herbs and feels 100% better.  My mother has suggested I go off mine and give herbs a shot.  I just wish my mother would take the time to Google Bipolar and actually learn something about the Disorder.  I can certainly empathise with you when you are trying to reason with Geoff's mother.    

His family sounds like they are gulty of something, so they are not forcing him to be an adult and be responsible for himself.  Is he a product of a broken home?  Was he mistreated/abused as a child? Did a sibling pass away?  Anything that might have happened that they feel badly about or responsible for Geoff having had to experience? 

Is it that he refuses to start takiing meds or will he stay on them until he feels they are no longer necessary?  Many Bipolars fall into this trap.  If they are like me, they will start to feel unwell within a few days without medication.  Other Bipolars will go off their meds and not become sick again for a few years.  

I know this is so frustrating for you because you know the true potential of this man.  

What does he value the most in this world?  Can he be bartered in order to stay on meds? 

Dr Phil says that every child has a toy/doll dear to them.  It can be used as leverage if they misbehave. 

These are just a few more thoughts I have come up with.  Take care c_y_wallac   

  

I’ve been reading through this message board since the show aired on Tuesday.  

I suppose my BIGGEST concern are those kids, 13yr. old Alex and 14 yr. old Kashmiere. 

I’m also somewhat disappointed that there is almost nothing here about those children. I know that there have been times where there was something going on to help family members like those kids and we just don’t hear about it at the time. I don’t know why. I DO hope that Dr. Phil has some help coming their way.  

I looked into the eyes of those two children and saw such despair.  

  

I really am having a hard time NOT knowing what if anything is being done to help these children cope and manage with a parent who is as out of control as their mother is. 

I actually found out about this episode of Dr. Phil from my grandma who was watching the show this week. I was diagnosed with this disorder almost four years ago by a very good psychiatrist who has helped me through therapy and medication management. It is not a fun disorder to live with and each day is a struggle. Life is stressful enough without having the additional stress of being identified as someone with a mental illness. This adds even more unnecessary stress to an already stressful existence.  

  

Luckily I have a good therapist and a good family doctor as well. The key to dealing with this disorder is to be responsible with your meds, and to admit you do have a problem. If you do not admit that you have a problem and refuse help then you are fighting a losing battle and the only person you end up hurting is yourself.  

  

There is so much people do not understand about this disorder and how it can impair your functioning.  

  

In my case, stress and the environment I was living in were precipitating factors to the intial diagnosis of my illness. If I take my meds I remain stable. Coming to terms with the illness is the key to effective functioning. Good support from people who understand this illness is also key. Before I was diagnosed with this disorder, I was relatively confident and had an extroverted personality.  

  

Each day since my hospitalization I have been in a state of rehabilitation, trying to repair my self esteem and essentially trying to return to the person I know I can be. This can be mentally exhausting on top of the dealing with BP. 

  

 I try to learn more about this disorder so that I can live a good life. My advice to anyone who is dealing with this disorder is to believe that you can still achieve your goals in life, but also that you might have to do them in a way that is less stressful for you.  

  

Learn to identify when your thoughts start to race, and learn to identify when you start to feel down. This way you can talk to your doctor about your behavior patterns and perhaps you can better control your moods in order to stay stable.  

  

One thing that people should understand about bipolar disorder is that there are many different manifestations of the disease. Some people may be more manicky while others have more periods of depression than mania. For myself I have learned that stress leads to a manic episode. Then I find I can no longer concentrate on any one particular topic and I tend to think that I can do anything. It is a state that can be difficult to describe to others who do not have or understand the disease. I basically feel like I have lost control of my mind and all these thoughts keep coming up. Most of the thoughts are irrational and completely unrealistic. 

  

I am still trying to identify the patterning of my disorder. If I could spread one message about mental illness to the public, it would be that we are not violent and that the way it is portrayed in the media is not accurate. We are more likely to physically hurt ourselves than anyone else. If we hurt anyone else it is emotionally, not physically and the emotional pain is not intended. 

  

  

  

I believe that Dr. Phil suggested that the 2 boys were feeling anxiety from living in the circumstances they were with their mother.  One thing that really stood out in my mind was how they shared my experience of having their mother angry at them, and not even speaking to them for a few days without them having the foggiest idea what they might have done wrong. 

  

I would ask my mother what I did wrong, and what is the matter, and she would say enough to communicate that we ought to know what we did wrong, and if we didn't  well it just showed how hopeless we were. 

  

Recently my brother sent pictures of our growing up years with his wife when she came to town (she originated from where I now live, but met my brother in Arizona).  They have been eye opening.  There are 2 or 3 of me between 1-1/2 and 3 yrs. old where I have a scowl on my face.  My parents separated when I was 3. I'm not sure exactly when they divorced.  He told me that he came home (he was a truck driver) and found me lying in a crib sheet full of maggots.  I don't know if that is true.  I wasn't walking yet at 2 yrs. old, and it was discovered that when I was ill at 7 months of age that I had had polio.  My mother had thought I got sick on corn on a cob that my grandmother gave me to chew on. I wasn't seen by a doctor.  My dad said he had a bill set up at a corner store, and she bought comic books and romance books instead of food on it.   

  

But he was living with my future stepmother in Ripley, NY while on the road (trucker) and with us in Erie, Pa.  I don't remember living with him at all.  My paternal grandparents lived next door, and all my memories of my dad took place there. 

  

There was conflict for me after my dad married my step-mom and my mom remarried.  My step mom Clover thought that I wasn't cared for right, and it was true.  If it wasn't for staying at my maternal grandmother's house and being cared for by a great aunt, I would not have experienced love, or have done anything fun with someone.  But when I was in 2nd grade my mother married an alcoholic.  Soon afterward we moved to a housing project (I was in 3rd grade) and my mother let me know that all the spoiling days were over for me.  Doing things with my Aunt was wrong, and it was going to end.  At the same time my dad and Step mom moved to Las Cruces New Mexico to live for a few years.  I loved my father, and we did happy things together, and suddenly he was gone.  I didn't dare let my mother know I was upset so I cried myself to sleep. 

  

My stepdad and her had many fights, and he pushed her down the stairs.  My sister and I weren't allowed out of the room to see what happened. I guess it was because my step-dad wasn't dressed, but I was so scared it felt like a gorilla was choking me.  When I was starting 5th grade the split for good.  They had separated for a couple of weeks before 4th grade. 

  

We lived at my grandparents for a short time, and then my grandmother bought a house to put us in that was a 1/2 block away.  That is when my whole world started collapsing.  Mom's behavior was very precarious.  She announced that I could do no school activities (I ended up breaking those rules) She would often leave my sister and I with the 2 younger ones who were about 11 months and 2-1/2 yrs. old (we were 11 and 12) and go away for hours.  Marilyn became very hateful towards me, and was very abusive when my mother was away.  Once she poked me in the leg with a sharp knife when she was cutting some fudge and I wanted a piece.  I slapped her, and she chased me across the street.  She slapped me, and I couldn't catch her when she ran across the street again.  I threw a table knife at her and knocked her out.  I was so scared I had killed her I ran in the field and hid.  She came home and it was as if nothing happened. 

  

Mom was very hateful, called us terrible names, and because I was interested in church and God, she would tell me "You are the most exasperating thing that God ever put breath in" and "You are enough to make a preacher swear".  My mother died in 1994.  Before that I had asked God to help me understand why my mother was so hateful towards me, and I was shown that she was jealous of the relationship I had with God, and that she had given up trying to get one, so she just decided to be hateful towards me.  There is much more to my story, but there isn't space here. for it.