Topic : 08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows

CATHY  I APPLAUD YOU!!  It must be humiliating to get in front of the world and be vulnerable. But you did it.  You sought serious help.  My mother was bi-polar and watching you with your boys brought me right back to my childhood.  I can't overstate the importance of continuing your effort, even if you feel hopeless.  If your boys at least see you trying it will go a long way in mending their self esteem.  Let me tell you: you are right to worry about the long term effects on your kids.  I am 36 years old.  My mother has been dead for 11 years and despite about 15 years of counseling I am haunted daily with memories and emotional flashbacks of her abuse.  I have trouble relating to my 6 year old daughter because I am so numb that I am incapable of deep feeling.  And she recently said that she feels lonely when she's with me.  My mother never took her med's.  If she did take them then she'd stop as soon as the meds started helping, announcing that she was cured.   She refused to come to my wedding and at the time of her death I had not seen her in a year and a half.  I'd like to suggest that you get your boys into counseling to help them understand what's going on and to help them build the self-esteem consistent with your deep love for them.  My mother died cursing the day I was born, as she would always say.  If, God forbid, you die before you are under control, let your children see you die trying. 

My husband of 15 years was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 with rapid cycles in December. 2 times in the hospital we finally have a good cocktail of meds. I guess I am one of the lucky ones. My husband does get physical. But the mental abuse hurts. I have my daughter in therapy mainly because her & I are the ones that face his wraith when he goes manic. Which also makes my daughter resent her 2 half-brothers. I probably over compensate with her due to this fact.  

Since getting on meds he is doing better toward her. I am hoping that this year he actually attends her b-day. He has refused to go for the last 4. Says he is too tired. Although I would probably think that I was dying if I got as much sleep as him. He has to sleep at least 9.5 hours a night to be able to work. He has had 4 affairs while we have been married. his family thinks that I am the one that has had the affairs. They also believe that I am the reason that he is bipolar. I sometimes wonder why I stay. But even though I have been through hell and back I do love my husband. I also fear that if I was not there he would commit suicide. He has been hospitalized 3 times for threatening to kill hisself.  

Thanks for listening, 

Pam 

  I was diagnosed with manic depression 7-8 years ago. My doctor wanted me to see a "shrink" to see if my problem was really bi-polar disease.  I didn't have the time or the money to keep seeing this doctor. I did NOT like the meds because they made me someone else "zombie Like" . 

  Now Im 26 years old and I hate my day to day life. I have highs and lows. And once I notice my high, I just want to cry. This hyper feeling is very intense and the feelings are equally matched during the Lows, depressive or Rage/Anger.  I have not been diagnosed bi polar, but, why does it take so long to diagnose it.? Why do the medicines destroy your authentic self.?  If left untreated, why does it get worse.?   

I deal with my  'problems'  I take my pills and I keep in check with myself.  My medication was not a 'quick fix'  as it took several months for me to get the proper dosages and combination.  The chemical imbalance in my brain needs medication to be altered.  People do not get healed from Diabetes for example, they take medication and alter thier lifestyle to cope!