Topic : 08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows

I've been wondering for some time now if my husband is bipolar.  Our marriage counselor says it sounds like his mother definitely is.  He does many of the crazy, hurtful, and senseless things she does.  I don't know where to draw the line between him being "senisitve",  and not as strong emotionally as I am, and having a lot of "baggage", etc....between that and him truly having a mental problem.  He doesn't physically abuse me or my children (although, one drunken night he threatened to), but he does emotionally.  He will "disown" me for days at a time, over little things that should be able to be worked out in decent conversation.  It is always and emotional roller coaster with him.  When he snaps out of it and is finally willing to "talk", it's like I have to always point out to him that his behavior is hurtful and unhealthy.  He agrees at the time, but will do it again when his emotions are out of control.  I wouldn't put up with this same type of "tantrum" behavior from my  6 & 7 year olds!!!  But, apparently I have to "accept him" as someone who demonstrates that kind of behavior.  His responses always seem to be geared towards how things are my fault.  Just when I think he is growing up, and getting better, he slips back into his old dysfunctional ways!  It's maddening! 

I'm so torn between being "comitted" to my marriage and being committed to the well-being of myself and my children.  I'm afraid he's really sick, won't get help, and will only hurt me and my children!  I just don't know what to do! 

-A scared military spouse in Ohio 

I am a 51 y/o mom of a ....now 23 y/o daughter. Looking back...I can see that my daughter was exhibiting symptoms..since the age of 2...yes 2! I know many people find this hard to believe...just read on....I was a psychiatric nurse.....had worked in the field for many years...in a major city....My daughter was born in 1982. Back then, I only remember bipolar disorders in adults...(I worked on adult lock-up units about this time). I had never heard of bipolar disorder in adolescents or younger children. 

 My daugher, was very intelligent and by the age of 2......she could say her colors....geen for green .,..bu...........for blue, low for yellow........etc. As parents, her dad and I were thrilled....with her acomplishments. But, something was wrong............at about the age of two....she began to throw "temper tamtrums". Now, I had experienced other children with this problem but NOTHING similar to this. She would " all of a sudden" become VERY agitated and "FLING"  her entire body around...hitting her head on the floor and being totally uncontrollable. Everyone kept telling us that she was spoiled and that we needed to ignore her.....no....did not work....I knew that wasn't the cause...we took her to a pediactric specialist...his advice was....when she had a "spell"...pad her baby bed....place her in it and...let her have at it.................that is what we did......................... 

to no avail... 

With a lot of perserverience and stamana... I found out that the only way to comfort her during one of her "spells" was to hold her in my lap.........very firmly..........until it was over. My child REALLY seemed as if she was in pain from these episodes. I KNEW something had to be wrong....during her pre-teen years she had episodes where she would destroy her room in fits or rage..........I would let her have at it....try to discuss it afterwards...and then make her clean her room...always perplexed and lost about what to do. More doctors visits.......more diagnosis............she was still a very brilliant child and recieved a scholarship to a very elite private school..........I guess the stress of that first year.....living away from home etc. lead to the breakdown. 

She was taken in by campus police for cutting her wrists............Eventually diagnosed with bipolar (rapid cyclying).tried on a billion different combos of meds...........and at the age of 23, this brilliant but disabled child is still trying to make her way through college......such pain to watch your child struggle with a disease that has been so unpublisized. Thank you Dr. Phil. These people need the recognition...all these years I've contributed to diabetes, march of dimes, st judes etc. but where is the help for the mentally disabled...........one other thing......my husband and i are self employed...which means we are not covered for anything but hospitalization.........all drs. visits and meds are out of pocket. Thank you for putting this disorder on the forfront....depression and bipolar association has a great website and does a lot of research for those that need a good cause. 

Signed, 

 A grieving but hopeful mom 

As a retired police officer, I have the famous "great cop insurance" even as a retiree. My son was diagnosed 1.5 months ago as bipolar and was hospitalized twice. Insurance should be ok, right? WRONG!  When one goes into the hospital for a physical ailment, they cover it no problem. But, go into a mental facility (involuntarily commited, or not), and the insurance company has an advising company that after seeing nothing of what is the reality of one's health they can  decide not to pay. In myson's case they arbitrarily decided that they were only paying for 6 days stay and that was IT!  My God, I was shocked. Then after being out one week.......YUP......he was right back in for 14 days. Yes, indeed.......the insurance  company's advising agency decided they were authorizing only 6 days again. But, it gets better...........after plugging in the health benefits program policy, it was found that as far as mental health is concerned, they authorize only 30 days care for a whole year. WHY DO WE HAVE SUCH AN ABOMINABLE DISASTER OF HEALTH INSURANCE IN THIS COUNTRY?!?  I don't know what people with no insurance do when it comes to paying for meds or continuing care that is essential and NECESSARY with this illness. It is SO time that we do something about health insurance. I believe that if the large unions such as the PBA's and the Teacher's Union, and some of the large trade unions got on the politicians cases and also the insurance industry, that we could make something happen to change this intolerable insurance issue. Let's get some legistration that will hold those responsible for detrimental insurance decisions maybe both civilly and criminally.  It is really time, at the very least, to make some changes about the horrible inequities in health insurance in reference to mental   vs. physical coverage. To those who can make a difference through lobbying with their unions, don't for a second think that it can't happen to you.  It can happen whether it's mental illness in your family or physical. Just ask me, I am waiting for open heart surgery. Yes, you guessed it..........the insurance company has to authorize it. So, THEY may decide if I, or my young son die because they don't want to pay. Geesus......even MORE stress! 

Good for you.  I know a good Dr. and a good med. combination works for this disorder.  Also keeping down stress and getting sleep is essential to ward off the mood swings.  I am blessed to only have BP II, but I have had a lot of problems in the past until I finally accepted my diagnosis.  I went into denial because of the stigma attached to "mental illness".  Now I have a T-shirt that reads. "I do what the voices in my head tell me to do", although I don't hear voices it is something that a lot of people with this disorder experience. I thought humor can help me and others deal with it.  Here it is 2006 and there is still a stigma attached.  I really don't know if Dr. Phil understands this disorder's devastation or what goes in to the process of an intelligent person accepting it.  It is very hard and many people who have it are extremely intelligent.  Do a search on famous people who have this disorder and you will find some very gifted artists, writers, singers, actors, and one astronaut that I know of.  My daughter also has BP II but is depressed a lot.  She is working and is a single Mom now, but she is stable at this time.  She dropped out of college after having a very bad episode in her sophomore year, but before that was on the Dean's list.  It was so sad.  She tried to go back, but she failed in her attempts to be able to keep going.  Her depression got the best of her.  That was years ago, but she plans on one day returning to college and I hope I see that day come.   I am blessed to be able to keep my stress levels low and don't have to deal with the things that used to trigger me.  I know what my triggers are, but I really work with my disorder now and I don't fight it.  I take medications that help and am grateful for them.  It is something that we will always have to do as it doens't go away.  It is the way it is.  I am like you in that I hope Dr. Phil shows people who are dealing with this disorder in an effective manner.  My best to you and may God bless.  

I am afraid that my husband is bipolar!  if he is, i'm pretty sure he won't get help.  Our marriage counselor thinks his mother is bipolar!  There are so many stories I could shar with you about my husband!  I'm so torn between him just being completely self-centered with a lot of baggage, etc, and him having a serious mental condition. Plus, do I stay or do I go either way?  Did you consistently get anything positive out of your marriage having a bipolar husband?  

Thanks, 

Michelle