Topic : 08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows

I always TiVo Dr. Phil & catch up on the shows at night when everyone is asleep. Generally, I watch 3 or so episodes in an evening. I felt all kinds of emotions surge thru me when I saw the topic for todays show. A surge of emotions is not new for me because I too am bipolar but what did come to mind is the fact that I wrote in about this topic over a year ago hoping to get some questions answered. Thank you Dr. Phil for 'going there' now. 

 

However, I didn't get any answers from this show. It is very nice to see (from the boards & guests) that I am not alone with my struggle. I know that my case is not any more extrordinary than the next, but in my world it's overpowering. 

 

I am so confused by my own thought process most of the time! I go from life of the party to suicidal sometimes in a blink. 

 

Part of what confuses me so much is that I love my family dearly! I love being with them, talking, loving... all that quote 'normal people' enjoy. The thought of being without them terrifies me & the thought of me killing myself & scaring my family with such great pain is not the memory of me I want them to have. But sometimes it's all I can think about. 

 

I shift from sexual promiscuity thru several phases & down to suicide thoughts. Sometimes during my sleepless nights when my mind is racing & depression has won, all I can think about it ways to 'off' myself so that nobody would ever find me or see me in that state of being. Basically, seeking the perfect way to just disappear & end the ugliness that swims in my head. Then soon I'm back up & stuffing away the evil & painting a smile on my face. 

 

I'd just like it all to end. 

 

I have an amazing husband now that I know truely loves me. I have sons that are wonderful people. Why is it that just knowing I should be happy & calm doesn't make it so?! 

I've had all the 'happy cocktails'... been down that road way too much. I've seen a couple of different therapists without progress. I am not on meds now. I am not in therapy now. But I still would like some answers & help. Maybe I'm misdiagnosed? Where can I get that brain scan to see if I truely am bipolar? 

 

I want to feel as good on the inside as I pretend to be on the outside. 

 

My rambling will stop now. I appreciate a forum like this/about this. 

 

~Always hoping to find the solution 

~Mary 

My sister is bipolar. She mostly chooses not to "accept the diagnosis" though it is certainly accurate. Why would Dr. Phil show two people who agree with the diagnosis as his example to help family, when those with the disease overwhelmingly think they do not have a problem (either manic, normal,or depressed)?

I am a 47 year old paralyzed male that was diagnosed in my mid 20's before my paralysis.  Yes my crash from the mania caused a terrible day just about 5 years ago.  during a down cycle my psychiatrist was trying to regulate my medication prior to a full blown crash.  Unfortunately he hadn't found the right one in time.  The day of my accident I was in no sense of the imagination lucid.  I had tried overdosing on pills, I went to my doctor's office to find he was no longer in practice there.  I was in a frenzy and should have been admitted on the spot and maybe I would still be walking today.  Prior to the accident I was a professional soccer referee and business person.  I was always incredibly active especially during the manias.  I would go for days without sleep.  Passions were abundant until the crashes.  Fortunately i only had major crashes about every 5 years.  But the last one was major, I ended up driving off an overpass and breaking my neck as well as my back.  My wife asked for a divorce 3 weeks after I returned home from the hospital.  She was the love of my life.   My medications were being fine tuned while I was in the hospital, to this day they are working quite well, keeping me just below a mania most times,  from what I understand this gets worse as you get older.  A book I have read  "Touched by Fire" gives good insight but do not read it when your on a down as it is quite startling.  I used to go off meds when I felt good however trying to get stabilized in the depths is not the right choice. 

I have returned to school with my service dog and try to touch as many lives as I can.  My faith in God has really pulled me through this ordeal, and has really shown himself to me. 

  

God bless all,  Do not ignore this condition It is absolutely horrifying,  Good Luck 

  

Mark 

I am in a similar  situation except that i am the 1 with bipolar.    My husband is the only source of income.  We have insurance through his employer but it doesn't cover mental health.   I went to the county / city that we live in.   The state was not able to help,  but the county / city   has helped through the community chest.   My mental health is a 70 / 30split.   That makes it a lot easier to afford bills.    My meds are covered by insurance,  but you can talk to your pharmacist  and they can give you some information about how to go about getting assistance from the drug manufacturer.       I hope this helps.  

Which isn't fair or nice.
What exactly am I not living?
Bipolar?

I am bipolar.

Having an emotional abusive, chemically dependent parent in  denial?
Fit the bill for that also.

I wans't rude or mean.

You might consider, that during the mania when  the world is your oyster and things are on the high side you don't want to be stopped or brought to Normal.  Passions and excitements disappear with some for the medication and you may begin to feel flat, meaningless, when the medications stabilizes the person.  the person may feel like they are just going through the motions of life and no longer living it.  That's why manics and bi-polars stop there meds. 

  

God Bless 

My 10 year old daughter and myself are diagnosed with Bipolar with OCD.  Medications have not helped her. She is currently doing Bio-feedback and it is a near miracle. It took over 2 years for insurance approval and was the best choice for her.  She cycles very quickly with her rages. If someone is in her way they could get hurt.  She can be more of a danger to herself in a rage.  From the messages I have read I can greatly relate. Right now I have been advised by her private school principal that the school can no longer meet her needs even though she has improved over the last several months with biofeedback. I am searching for a new school. She can be extremely caring and creative. Academically she is gifted. Emotionally she can be like a 2 year old.  Brain mapping is expensive but a good starting point for understanding.  She showed frontal lobe damage. She still has moments of impulsiveness but it is not like it used to be.  We tend to feed off of eachother which can be a problem.  Has anyone else tried Biofeedback?  Thank you for sharing your stories of your children.  It has helped me feel I am not alone in this.

Mary, I certainly know your feelings.  I won't tell my whole story again you can read it on the post.  But please don't give up, I'm paralyzed now for 5 years because I didn't take medicine and I absolutely wigged out.  God brings me through so much but I don't think I will go without my meds again. 

  

Be strong God Bless 

  

Mark 

Having had bipolar II since elementary school (mostly hypomania), and only having had hallucinations since the early 40s (scent, for a few years, always nice), and then getting sight and voices about two years ago, I have been made well aware that hallucinations are scizo-affective disorder.  The drugs that have helped me are Navane and Serequil - both of which raise sensitivity to heat, so a friend with the same disorder can't use them.  Bipolar drugs are Depakote, Lithium, Keppra, and a list of drugs that gave me bad reactions.  (Topamax, Trileptal, so many others.  Yes, I do own a PDR.)  That man is liable to hear voices until he is treated for them - like me. 

  

Thinking that others can see in your brain (and visa versa) is Scizophrenia.  I have a friend who described getting on meds as being finally able to wall-paper the inside of your head the way you want, knowing nobody was able to see it.