I am 52 years old and my mother was/is bipolar. She is almost 76 years old and also has a life long history of subatance abuse. (both alcohol and drugs) Watching this show was like watching my own family home movies. I have never seen another human being act like my mother before and I cried for Cathy's children, knowing all to well the hell that they endure on a daily basis!
My mother began abusing me as early as 8 months old. According to my dad, I would cry when she tried to pick me up and attempt to push her away with my little hands. Of course, I don't remember this, but I don't remember a time that I was not afaid of her. My abuse was mental, physical, verbal and emotional.
I don't ever remember my mother being kind to me as a child or as an adult. I have grown up with her telling me that she "hated my guts", "wished I was never born", and "wished I was dead"! Since she was/is also bulimic, her favorite punishment was to vomit in a pot ( using toilet paper as a throat tickler) and then rub the vomit in my face until I gagged and vomited. Also, she hit me, slapped me and pulled me by my hair across the floor when she would catch me running from her by my grabbing my hair.
My dad, for lack of balls, just chose to look the other way as she abused me and since he had to work, he assigned me as her primary caregiver. I grew up running from her when she was sober and on a rampage to picking her up off the floor when she would pass out drunk and or on drugs. My dad had no one else and we had to keep our dirty family secret hidden from everyone! It was just my job to take care of my abusive mother. I learned to look forward to her drunkeness because when she was passed out was the only time I was safe.
My dad has enabled alot of my mother's behavior by always keeping her well supplied in both alcohol and drugs. Like I learned, the only time he had any peace was when she was uncontious. Over the years, various health professionals have been all too happy to write scripts for tranqs, narcotics and barbituates to keep her down!
My mother has been under psychiatric care since 1960, been is various mental hospitals and been treated with shock therapy numerous times. Most of her therapy has just to keep her as placated with drugs as possible so she would not hurt herself or others. It wasn't until about 4 or 5 years ago that an actual diagnoses was made of bipolor. She has threatened suicide since I was very young. My dad has told me that he had to wrestle a gun from her when I was a baby when she threatened to kill herself and me.
As early as 4 years old, she would tell me that she was going to blow her brains out and leave a note telling my dad that it was all my fault and then he would hate me as much as she did. She has cirhosis from alcohol abuse when I was 9 years old and almost died. She was hospitalized for 3 months and had exploratory surgery because she and my dad did not tell the doctor about her history of drug and alcohol abuse. If she had died at the moment in time, I would have had not one pleasant memory of my mother.
She will not take her meds as directed and prefers to take all the tranqs, sleeping pills, anti-psychotics in one swoop at night. She has no fear of drugs and actually likes to be one breath from death. This past November, she almost died on a drug overdose. She has had several psychiatrist over the years and not one has been able to help her and I believe this is due to the fact that she doesn't want to be helped. She likes the drugs and she likes the attention!
Over the years, the majority of my mother's venom has been spewed at me and her violence aimed at me, but now my dad is also her victim. My dad takes several painkillers due to his own physical ailments and my mother will take every opportunity to steal his drugs. Because he is now more frail than she is, (confined to a wheel chair) she is abusing him as well. She lies and she steals and will swear to GOD that she did not do it.
My parents are middle class people and the police are called both by me and my dad to handle my mother on a regular basis over the years. My mother will use anything as a weapon ( knife, telephone handset) and make threats to us, others and herself.
My dad has never allowed me to escape this situation. He has always depended on me to help him with my mother and even after I married ( the day I escaped Hell) he continued to call me and give me up to the minute updates on my mother's threat, acts of violence! Unfortunately, my husband and I only lived a few minutes away.
Today, I find myself in the position as both my dad's and my mother's caregiver. My life is a living nightmare with monthly hospitalizaions for one or both of them! They both are in diapers and if it were not for the Medicare provided health care workers that are provided after each hospitalizaion, I don't think I could continue. This situation is stressful for both my husband and I and our teenage daughter.
To be totally honest, after all the abuse that she has heaped on me for 52 years, I have no love for my mother and all that I do, I do for my dad. He is afraid of my mother and he always pretends that he is helpless to do anything about this Hell! He has lived with this woman since 1949! She will raise hell with him and he will call me to protect him and when I arrive and shake my finger at her and tell her to leave him alone, he turns on me to prevent her from being mad at him! Needless to say, my mother jerks my dad's leash and he in turn, jerks my leash! My mother is crazy, but she is crazy like a fox and is a master manipulator. ( I used the word crazy because more than one psychiatrist has also used that term when tallking about my mother!)
I was able to raise my own daughter with love and kindness. I've never abused her and she is the light of my life! Breaking this cycle of abuse was not difficult for me and it is nothing that I had to work at! I just love her and I have never had the desire to hurt her.
My mother's actions have prevented my dad from having much contact with his own grand daughter because I did not and do not like my daughter to be in the same room with her. I never allowed my mother to even hold my daughter when she was a baby for fear that she would hurt her. My mother is incapable of loving anyone or any thing other than her drugs and she has proven that time and time again over my 52 years of knowing her.
The show on bipolor yeasterday gave me no hope that my mother will ever be any better, but some how it helped to see that just maybe she can't control herself when she hurts me and my dad! I can't ever forget the pain and anguish that this situation has caused me and I know that I will never forget.
Hopefully, Cathy and others will benefit from new treatments and will seek help and not destroy the lives of their children. I hope it is not too late for Cathy's sons to find peace because it is the children who suffer.
(Original Air Date: 03/07/06) Dr. Phil explores the ups and downs of bipolar disorder. This illness takes its victims on an emotional rollercoaster ride -- from elation to extreme irritability, intense rage, or devastating depression. First, Cathy was diagnosed with Bipolar II, 10 years ago and claims she goes from zero to psycho in 15 seconds. Dr. Phil takes a look at the toll her disorder takes on her two boys, and brings the family together for a dramatic moment of emotional healing. Then, during various manic episodes, Fred has stolen a taxi, crashed into a Starbucks, and climbed to the top of a church. He hears voices and believes that movie stars like Denzel Washington and Robert De Niro are talking to him through their movies. Still, Fred thinks he’s ready to move out of his parents’ house and live on his own for good … but should his family let him? Talk about the show here.
