Topic : 08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows

Reading Sunshine's message really hit home with me.  I can definitely identify, but I have not been diagnosed bipolar.  Just the issue of not knowing what is wrong with me causes me enormous amounts of anxiety.  I started to wonder if I have GAD or just depression.  The problem is that I do go up and down but I don't go on spending sprees (don't have the money!) and I don't do irrational things that would get me committed or arrested, not that I don't have the desire sometimes but I have two children and it is crucial to me to avoid messing them up if at all possible.  I think about suicide almost everyday, but on a superficial level...It has always felt like the best solution for me, but I cannot do that to my kids!! Only when I am really, really down do I contemplate how and when and try to rationalize it, but the truth is that there is no non-dysfunctional family or friends to take care of them...just me (and my husband but I could not put all that on him).  I live this life of deceit because I am highly functioning: I pay my bills, I take care of my kids, I am a college student, wife, etc. and I try really hard to play the role of "normal" in these situations.  People that do know more about me are often surprised by my admittance to a fondness for drugs (especially speed, but I haven't done it in 10 years because of my children), self-mutilation, promiscuity, chaos, and much more.  I just try to fit the mold of "mom" so that my children can be as stable as possible.  I sometimes feel trapped by this though...as though I am not allowed to be myself.  I went on prozac in November because I was having so much anxiety...my blood pressure was up and I was hyperventilating.  Anyway, I wish that I only knew the cause of all my issues...I suffered abuse and rejection as a child and teenager, but I, like Sunshine, do not believe that alone is the root of my problems.  I always think I will be better if I find the right place in life (career, home, city, etc) but as of yet that has not happened and I keep cycling. 

Thanks for letting me blab!!   Also, how do you find a brain imaging center? 

ordaisy 

Thanks for all of everyones input to my post.  Believe me I have had mixed emotions in dealing with my daughter.  I have given her every opportunity there is in life to grow into a healthy happy person, but it just did not happen.  Was I an enabler?  probably. but we all do what we think is best.  I just am so tired of dealing with this and wish she could manage her life without my constant 

help.   Helping is in my nature because I worked in health care for 31 years.  The only difference is those patients are appriciative. 

maxxy 

is there a survey profile for disorders on Dr Phil's site? or did he say he will put one on? 

thank you.  

What is the difference between bipolar and schizophrenia?  I was surprised to learn from yesterday's show that the gentleman heard voices...I always thought this symptom was related to schizophrenia. 

Thanks in advance for your response. 

Namaste` is pronounced like "have a nice day" same innotations Nam- a- stay.  

Your words hit my heart with a truth that I live everyday. My path toward healing started the day I started thinking I mattered. I was married to a man that didnt emgage himself in our marrage after 12 years of my trying and his being on the road. I had enough and the voices were so loud......well I took 3 bottles of pills and a bottle of tequilla, I was in the same bed with him for three days in a coma. My online friends noticed me missing and called the police. If I laid in that bed one more day.....Id be dead. I ended up in a hospice for 10days Lots to think about, time to write and read. I Journaled 10 days and made the discition it was MY turn. I couldnt help the kids (all teens) unless I helped me. So I did. I left. I found a group of people on the net that was willing to teach me by being examples. I realised I was being the role model for my young Adult children and sofar? I sucked lol But now? 6 years later? Im fantastic. I teach be example. Even through the manic eposodes my children KNOW Im doing the best I can In THAT moment. Its an amazing feeling to live every single moment in that moment. (I learned this concept from The 4 agreements by Don Migal Ruiz) . My whole belief system has been changed from Judging to no expectations. Ive tons of books Id love to share with you. I used to run the message board for Neale Donald Walsch until 2 years ago when they closed it down. In not sure about how this message board runs but Ive found it looked down apon if you talk about other authors. LOL dont get me going on THAT one.......heres me email addy please email me and I'll put together a book list from my bookshelves . If for no other reason I stepped on this board I hope 1 person walks away with peace from my words 

Namaste 

Tam 

I was diagnosed as Bi polar when I was 27, I am 46 now. 

What I have found over the years of therapy and medication, this disorder has calmed down so to speak. I used to get very manic for months at a time I was never suicidal though. I would have 6 months or so of major depression. The manic part has subsided and when I feel hypo manic I used my extra energy to clean house or do something positive. I do not take any meds for bipolar such as Lithium . I still take Welbutrin for depression and Trazadone to sleep. The thing I struggle with is sleep, my mind just goes and goes, when I start getting a little spun my doctor has taugh me that if I don't feel like I can cope to take trazadone an go to sleep. When I wake up I feel much better.