Topic : 08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows

Help please!  I don't know what to do.  My husband started off with anxiety and panic attacks after our daughter was born and now almost two years later, after being on depression meds, he is getting worse!  My husbands behavior resembles Cathy's? behavior.  I never know when he is going to get angry and the things he gets angry about are most of the time rediculous, he has days where he will sit on the couch, stare, and won't say a word and then other days he is singing happily and running and yelling happily through the house.  He also has worked through the night  without sleep like Cathy.  He claims he can work better then with no distractions.  He has become physical with me within the last two months.  He was seeing a counselor once a week during the time he got physical with me... for depression and a psychiatrist to evaluate his meds.  Things are progressing worse quickly and I just can't have our four children subjected to his behaviors.  We try to remind him every night to take his meds (lexapro)...so far he has been on them for 6 weeks straight but to be honest, I think he is worse!  (He used to skip a day of taking his meds and then take two a day to make up for it...I know he wasn't supposed to do that!) 

The counselor told my hubby he doesn't think it is bipolar and that we can work through this.  I am shocked......My gut feeling tells me it is bipolar, but I am not a professional in that area.   

What makes matters worse is when my hubby did get physical with me I called his parents to come take him away.  They did not understand what was going on and they blammed me and then they wanted ME to leave the house with 5 kids (my niece was over), his parents asked me if I took my synthroid pill to make sure I wasn't the one depressed,  his parents wanted to know  if I had dinner cooked for him (yes, by the way, we had chili :), and they told me that my children aggrevate him and I should have spanked the kids when they were young.  (my children are straight A students, involved in activities and have good friends!), and that my children and I are my husbands enemies and we were always ganging up on him.  Not to mention they wanted to know why I didn't take my toddler to daycare in the morning instead of their son (it was arranged that way before we had the baby...i would have the baby in condition that he would take the baby to daycare and I would pick the baby up...since I had three already and he wanted another....also daycare is on the way to his work plus have I have three other children and myself to get out the door in the morning) Then his dad wanted to know why I slept in til 8am...funny since i have to be to work at 7:50!  And then his dad said after they told me and the kids to leave the house that He wouldn't want my A&% in his house either.... 

So, now I have a husband that has behaviors I can't deal with, in-laws that won't educate themselves on mood swings, depression, bipolar, etc and blame everything on me. 

Obviously, I didn't handle things correct.....the inlaws lightened up a little bit after I sent them pictures of my arms all black and blue, but most of all I think they are trying to forget what happened. 

If anyone has any ideas...please help.   

I think we need a real professional in this area but where do I find one? 

I thought it was interesting that you asked about family support.  I should have asked if you are Bipolar.  Or are you dealing with another's illness?  I have more in common with Bipolars my age, so they are all I really know.  Some enjoy their family's support.  Others are like me, pretty independent and self-supporting. 

Take Care, c_y_wallac   

I am also the mother of a a teenage BPI daughter. Right now she is in residential treatment in Utah. We live in Florida.  I have been worrying about her future for a few years now but when I saw the show yesterday my heart just sunk.  My daughter was first diagnosed with depression, then it was ADHD and finally BPI last year.  She is so smart and talented but her BP has caused her many, many problems since she was about 10 or 11. All of her friends turned on her both in the neighborhood and at school. She started middle school, made new friends, who then once again turned on her.  I, of course, couldn't figure out why they didn't like her.  She was a little obnoxious sometimes and we worked on that continually. I tried so hard to teach her how to be a good friend, etc. Since she had no friends, with the exception of one wonderful girl, she turned to the internet. She watched over my husband's back while he typed in the password and from that day on every night when we went to bed, she got online.  From around 11 oclock at night (when we went to bed) until around 7:00 in the morning (when we got up), she was online.  It was summertime and she slept in every morning, I had no idea she had been up all night.  She met all kinds of sexual deviants.  They sucked her into believing they were her friends and she then became addicted to sex.  Her self esteem plummeted.  My son finally put a stop to her online chatting when he got up early one morning to use the bathroom and caught her.  He immediately told me but I had no idea the extent of the damage that had been done.  We found that out months later when we found her writings about all the experiences she had online that summer.  We started going to psychologists who diagnosed her first with depression.  We gave that person one year with her and moved on.  The next said he could help her with her trauma.  He sounded so sure and we needed to believe in him.  Finally I was desperate because she was so hypersexual, and so out of control with her rages.  I was hiding the knives and locking our doors at night.  We had a psychiatrist who had diagnosed her with ADHD at that time who threw up his hands and said sorry he couldn't help us anymore.  Finding an adolescent psychiatrist in the Orlando area is not an easy thing.  I did however change psychologists and found a wonderful woman who really listened to me, and then to my daughter (who said she had no problems, of course), and the new therapist sent us to a new psychiatrist for adults who diagnosed her as bipolar 1. The meds began, she showed some improvement, then they would stop working. She was on so many different ones I can't even count.  She was running away, skipping school, started using drugs, having sex with strangers, very psychotic. She was admitted to a residential treatment center in Orlando for two months. She got out and did the same things over again.  She was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for 4 days, she got out and started up again.  We sent her to SageWalk in Oregon (a wonderful place), but they only kept her for a month and a half because they couldn't help her anymore. She needed long term residential treatment.  So in December we took her to Utah where she remains today. We talk to her twice a week and have family counseling once a week.  When we start off she is happy to hear from us but before we hang up she is always angry about something.  That's when I remember why she isn't here with us anymore.  I miss the way she used to be, I am worried for her future, will she even live to have one?  She is self destructive in so many ways I just get depressed thinking about what is going to happen to her.  She turns 18 in September and they are suggesting a sex addiction treatment center in Ms. in June.  Her therapist told me last week that our daughter is resisting treatment and she's not sure if she can help her as much as she needs by June.  I am heartsick because we have spent over 45,000.00 just on the two places we had her last year!  This place is costing us $6,000.00 a month.  We aren't rich people by any means. We are running up credit cards and now tonight my husband is talking about refinancing our house.  Our lives are in such turmoil over this I just can't even believe it sometimes that this is really our life.  It's almost like a soap opera.  When she gets out she is expected to come home to live with us.  I love her so much but I don't think I can take the constant arguing, screaming, fear and pain of having her back.  My 15 year old son finally has a normal life.  Now my daughter is wanting to find her birth mother and I am worried about that.  If her birth mom doesn't want anything to do with her that will just be another rejection (like her friends).  I wish Dr. Phil would do a show about BP children and adolescents.  Just knowing what some of the signs are in childhood could have been so helpful to our family, maybe it could help someone else.  What do other parents do with their children like mine?  Once our resources are tapped out, then what's going to happen to her?  I am freaked out, that's for sure. All the psychiatrist, therapists, dr's and residential treatment centers that we have taken her to haven't been able to help her yet.  It just makes me so sad.  

Please know that I understand your fear for your child's future, I'm right there alongside you,  you aren't alone.   

Sincerely, 

LInda 

Donna, 

I am a little concerned about making comments on my meds because I am not a Dr. and don't want to cause any problems or hurt anyone should the med work different for someone else..please talk to your Dr. should you decide you might like to try one of these meds...I,,like you was on lithium ..obviously it didn't work for me but the Drs. kept me on lithium and just kept changing the other meds to take with it.  When I was finally taken off lithium I was put in the hospital to get off all my meds....They combined trileptal, lamictal, risperdal.  Trileptal and Lamictal are the mood stablilizers  I didn't go into great detail about what all I have experienced with this disorder and the difficulty it causes.  The risperdal is an antipsychotic it was supposed to help me with racing thoughts. Over a few weeks maybe a couple of months not quite sure but the trileptal and lamictal seemed to keep me on an even keel..but the risperdal didn't take care of the racing thoughts...at that time I was put on the seroquel and it helped for quite awhile at a low dose but it causes weight gain which really bothers me ...over time I had to have the seroquel increased.  I no longer have to take the combinations of trileptal and lamictal..the lamictal seems to take care of any mood swings..I need to rephrase not taking the trileptal anymore...I don't know about other people with this disorder as far as how they take their meds or if they have a particular time of yr that troubles my arise again.  I have trouble around October so in September every year I start taking trileptal again for about 3mths so I don't have to go through the mood swings...This is something the  Dr. and I came up with together but it took a few years.  I make sure I have an appt. in Sept every yr. so he can reintroduce the trileptal...I'm sorry this is so long...anyway you might ask  your Dr. about these meds...I know each individual with this illness  are treated with a medicine or meds in combo that works best for them..this can take yrs to find the right ones...one more thing  antidepressants cause me problems so I can no longer use them...I hope this helps in some way.. 

God Bless and Best Wishes for you! 

My husband is bipolar and was diagnosed while serving in the USAF. He does not take meds now. He used to take them for the first 6 years after his diagnosis. However, it did not appear to make any changes to his "moods". I went to every doctor visit, checked every pill with different doctors, read twenty books , talked to psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists and nothing was helping. To make a VERY long story short, I moved us to a new state and put my husband in a less stressful environment. I do everything, bills, housework, kids stuff and go to college. SInce this new arrangement, he has very limited highs or lows. I think keeping them as stress free as possible helps. Plus, we talk, alot. Always have. Open communication is a very good thing. There are very few support groups for the spouses of people with this disorder. But, google it online, should bring up a whole lots of info and places to get help for you and your significant other. Bipolar does not have to ruin lives. It can be somewhat manageable, yes, somewhat.  

Thanks for the information. 

maxxy 

I believe the show did not show someone who had a clearly defined Bipolar Disorder and who had taken medications for the Bipolar Disorder and who had become non compliant and not taken their medications.  I believe Dr. Phil has focused on the hyper manic individual who has little or no ability to control their emotions, are psychotic (hears voices/sees visions/can have strong experiences others do not, ie, paranoid or feeling that ppl are out to get them).  The myth like message appeared to me to be that those who are mentally ill are all a danger - to themselves or society as a whole.  Where was the balance when the opposite end of mania was discussed.  What about the crashing, disabling depressions we have as part of the cycling of the illness.  I can barely function when my depression passes past a moderate stage.  Once severe or profound I am non functional and hardly a risk to anyone or anything other than myself.  At that point I am too depressed to get it together to even consider suicide.  My thoughts are too disorganized - the ones I do produce. 

It interested me that well known people in the USA who have a bipolar illness and have come out of the closet were not interviewed...somehow a familiar face describing his/her illness episodes would have connected more directly with an audience who was largely uninformed. 

Was there discussion surrounding the times when a person is not manic/depressed?  What about being a contributing member of society?  What about not only the horror stories but the ones of courage and hope? 

Although a bipolar illness can and often does carry with it addiction problems (self medicating or poor judgement when ill), and can be misdiagnosed by a general psychiatrist (not one specializing in mood disorders), life goes on. 

I am Bipolar.  I worked as a nurse clinician and unit manager in psychiatric wards. I know of what I speak.  My illness has given me gifts and his caused immense heart ache. 

There is also such a strong genetic component of BD.  I guess the mds say a "predisposition" to the illness, not the illness itself.  As it is now apparent, both sides of my family suffer from psychiatric illnesses.  THe maternal side is genetically loaded with people with a Bipolar Disorder.  We have lost family members who have killed themselves when they have been depressed or during clear periods when they have realized what their lives had become.  It is very hard to be hope giving in these circumstances. 

The bottom line is that a person who is ill usually has to be taken to a psychiatric facility if they are manic and out of control - or if severely or profoundly depressed.  If someone is violent there is also extra hope of treatment as they can be linked into a forensic psychiatric system = where the probation order includes taking medications and seeing psychiatric professionals on a regular basis.  The order can also say where the person is to live and to abstain from alcohol and other drugs.  I would encourage anyone with a relative who has a history of violence to not hesitate to call the police in order to have the person taken to an emergency room, sedated, and have the treatment sorted out from there.  If we allow someone who is manic to run amok we are not doing them any favours. 

Bless one and all.  Hang in there.  An excellent site for drug info, research, journals, treatment assessments, etc is Dr. Phil Long's site in Vancouver, BC.  www.mentalhealth.com...he is a great guy and the site has international awards. 

P., ie lady bc ca 

My adopted son is 16, has adhd, was recently diagnosed as bipolar/borderline.  We are in one of the only DBT programs available for adolescents in the country.  All of the teenagers in the program have severe problems and all of them are doing better.  One girl just returned to high school after 16 months of being home schooled because of severe social anxiety.  Another girl needed a TA to follow her around all day and even that didn't keep her in school.  This year she is in a private school for kids with learning disabilities and is getting A's and B's.  My own son, who is also on meds (Lexapro, lithium, and Strattera)  is not self-harming anymore, is not suicidal anymore, and is willingly in a drug rehab/mental illness day treatment program connected with the hospital.   

He is much less angry, abusive, depressed, etc.  He has been clean and sober for 5 months.  I know this will be a lifelong struggle, but after reading all of these messages, i actually feel lucky we diagnosed it so early and are getting treatment that seems to be working.  Good luck to you.