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Topic : 03/10 Follow-ups

Number of Replies: 137
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Created on : Friday, March 03, 2006, 12:56:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

It's that time again! Dr. Phil checks in with past guests to see who has changed, and who's back for more! Marlon and Shamika are newlyweds who say their marriage has been on the rocks since the day they said "I do." They return for round three with Dr. Phil! After their last appearance, Marlon says Shamika was in such a rage, he feared she was going to pull a knife on him. They filed for divorce, but Shamika regrets it. Dr. Phil puts them through his divorce readiness test. Is Marlon ready to call it quits, or is he still in love with his wife? Then, remember the mom who wouldn’t let her daughter play with unattractive children? Has she changed her thinking? And, Jackie called herself a "monster mom" because she yelled at her overweight daughter, and called her ugly names like, "fat bitch" and "rotten witch," among others. Big changes are happening with this mother and daughter. Join the discussion.

 

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March 10, 2006, 9:50 pm CST

03/10 Follow-ups

Quote From: cookiehart

just got thru watching the 3rd show with marlon & shamika.  she finally realizes what she's lost..and hopefully for good.  too many good women are looking for a good man.  so what he career goals and dreams..would she rather him be sitting on a bar stool every day?  or out chasing skirts every nite?  I have met and still know many women like shamika and they never change. will all be peaches and cream for a minute, but then back to the same old self-centered, high strung princess ways.  Marlon, if you ever read this...holla at me.  Not only do i know many women like shamika..but i also know many ladies, including myself...who know how to treat a man like yourself.  let me have a chance at a man like marlon...you'll never see me whining on Dr. Phil.    

  

move on Marlon...don't waste any more of your time with this ungrateful, never to be happy woman.  I am just disappointed Dr. Phil gave her a "boo-hoo" poor Shamika excuse for being such a cold person.  So what if she came from a family who didn't show their emotions...a true woman knows how to show her emotions...what she feels.  Give me a hoopty car and a beautiful man like Marlon any day!!!!! 

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!! WOW, A MAN LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
March 10, 2006, 10:52 pm CST

Shamika really does love her husband

I understand where Shamika's coming from. I know it can appear that she is just mean and hateful but the reality of it couldn't be farther from the truth. When you are so terrified of being hurt or abandoned you think and act differently than people who are open with their feelings and unafraid of being vulnerable. I think with Shamika when Marlon does something to hurt her, even something small, she feels inside like she cannot show that pain. She cannot show him that he has the power to hurt her. She feels she has to be like, "You know what? I don't give a #@%$!" Otherwise she is basically saying, "Here you go. I am handing you the power to destroy me. Please don't use it, though". Because I guarantee you that the people in her past have hurt her when she's opened herself to them. She probably felt like she made a mistake in letting them in and by loving them and she probably felt very weak for letting it hurt so badly. So she doesn't want to go through that again. Just as Dr.Phil said, when you sense that someone might hurt you you feel like you need to get them before they get you. She doesn't want to be the weak one standing there with her heart broken begging him not to leave her. She'd rather push him away and be able to say, "I didn't really care anyways. It doesn't bother me any". So, the fact that she was saying she didn't want to get a divorce and she didn't want to lose Marlon, I think, was HUGE for her. She was putting herself out there to be totally rejected for the entire country to see. That is a very big deal and a very good sign. I think now that she has seen that the way she was doing things is just going to make the very thing she's afraid of a reality, she's going to really work at lowering her defenses with him.
Shamika- I know how terrifying it can be to just lay it all out there but it is so worth it. It is not weak to be vulnerable. It actually takes a lot of strength and courage and I know you have them both. Good luck.
 
 
March 10, 2006, 11:44 pm CST

Marlon has a role in this too

I agree with others who have said they think Marlon is a good guy. However, he has also contributed to the problems in this marriage. He has treated her as if she and her feelings and her opinions did not matter to him at all. He would make decisions for the family without even discussing it with her. He talks about things being "his". He bought her a car without even asking her for her input. Then he takes "her" car away because he's mad at her. He knew before they were married she was a strong and independent woman. In fact, he said that was one of the things that was such a turn on about her. He knew she was not going to be the type of wife who just sat at home and said,"Okay honey. Whatever you say. You know best". She just wants to be treated as an equal partner and that is not too much to ask. She wants him to make her and their child his first priority and that also is not too much to ask. Of course he can still have his business and his friends and whatever else he has going on in his life. But when you get married your family comes first. Too many times he has put his family last. Of course she's hurt. To her it feels like she loves him but he doesn't love her and that makes her the weak one. So she has to cover that up with anger and acting like she doesn't care. I hope now that Marlon understands the motivations for his wife's past actions he can look at things differently.
I really think they are a wonderful couple and I think they will make it. No marriage is just smooth sailing. They all take work. They just need to love each other and try to see things from the other's point of view. A little empathy goes a long way in a marriage.
Good luck and may God richly bless you both!
 
March 11, 2006, 5:10 am CST

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND !

Quote From: littlepigs

Actually there is some truth to the belief that more attractive people are perceived to be more intelligent, successful, kinder, and credible.  Research studies have proven that.  Hell, even you name can create a perception of your attractiveness in the mind of others.  I remember a study where beautiful women's pictures were shown to college age men and they were asked to rate their attractiveness.  When told the woman's name was something like Ethel or Harriet (beautiful names, but not in voque), the women were rated as less attractive than when they were given names like Michelle or Brandy.  Apparently this perception that attractive people are preferable is pervasive across all cultures. 

  

Although being more attractive may get you a few breaks in life, it doesn't help you to cope with life.  Developing character and talents that will carry you through life's trials and tribulations will open doors for you long after the beauty fades.    

parents don't you realize when you are calling your kids names, or comparing them with other kids it will come back to you and also it can ruin a child life and repetition for life?  

  and two when you are comparing other children on how they look and dress you say you don't want you're kids to hang around them because you're afraid they might be like them. 

  let me ask you this question would you want them to be like you ?  

 
March 11, 2006, 7:58 am CST

03/10 Follow-ups

Quote From: littlepigs

The mother said it herself.  She was so hurt by rejection in her youth because she was not one of the beautiful or cool kids, that she is determined not to let her daughter experience this hurt.  As she also said, she is misguided.  Thank God her daughter is too young to realize what has been going on.  Rating people's worth on the basis of looks is so shallow and immature.  I was married to a gorgeous man who was not only a catalog model but a competitive bodybuilder.  I had to beat the women off him.  After six years of putting up with his self absorption, laziness, infidelity, and, and addictions (sex, grugs, alcohol, steroids), I kicked him to the curb.  My current husband is no looker, but he is the most generous and loving man I have ever known.  I have no regrets.
Congrats on finding a true beautiful person.  The key to finding true happiness is surrounding your self with people you truely like,  and enjoy spending time with.  Being a so-called beautiful person is not all it's cracked up to be 
 
March 11, 2006, 9:28 am CST

Follow up show

 I would like to wish the Maron and Shamkia the best of luck in thier marriage. You can tell they still love each other very much. You can see it in thier eyes. 

  

To the mom you puts down her daughter.  I watched the 1st show with you and could not understand why you put her down for her weight,  when you were not in shape your self.  You were just a big as her. Maybe it was your critizim that caused her to gain weight. My mother god rest her soul would just tell me I'm getting fat. She never called me names.   

  

Last but not least. To the mom who only allowed her daughter to play with "good looking children". The good looking children  get into the same trouble and do the same things the "not so good looking children".  What would you do if that childs parents aren't up to your ratings as good looking?  I'm what you call the not so good looking, someone  by  our standards you would not give the time of day to.  But  your the one missing out, we are a great group of people.   REMEBER WE ARE ALL THE SAME IN GODS EYES!!!! 

 
March 11, 2006, 9:57 am CST

please don't judge to harshly

I know I came off so horribly on Dr. Phil's show about letting my child play only with the pretty kids.  This show was a follow up to show that Dr. Phil helped me to see the error of my ways and that I am doing better.  The thing to please remember is that we do what we know, and in my experience my life was and is much improved when I am surrounded by my pretty friends.  I am sorry to say it simply is true.  One person said I am no prize--bingo.  I am treated like I am a ghost in most situations, but when I am with my pretty friends I am treated dramatically better and so unfortuanetly this is what I know.  In an effort to protect my daughter from the hurt I had to deal with in school that unfortunately effects my greatly to this day (self esteem issues) I just thought in my feeble mind that if I surrounded her by the "beautiful" people I could save her from the hurt that can come when you are an outcast because of your looks.  Believe me when I say I know this is wrong and I won't do it again, just know it comes from a mom who would do anything no matter how rediculous to protect my daughter from harm.  I do enjoy very much watching her with kids and seeing how a child can look at others with such a pure perception.  She has no preconcieved predjudice or social bias and she will be my greatest teacher in life if I just sit back and watch her.  I said that on the show but unfortuantely it was edited out.  So please don't judge my to harshly, I was doing what I know, and now that I know it, I can change it.  
 
March 11, 2006, 10:05 am CST

over board with your thoughts

Quote From: darellen

I feel so sorry for the little girl.She will be one of those kids who will have an eating disorder or something worse.If she doesn't fit in with her mother idea of good looking.Cause some cute kids are not so cute when they are teenagers;and homely kids turn out goodlooking teenagers.The mother needs to learn its whats inside that counts and the way you treat people. 

                                                                                                      darellen 

You went way to the dark side with that thought.  I am not a horrid mother who will make my daughter feel bad about herself if she isn't on par with societal ideas of beauty.  She is the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on.  I just can't gaurantee she won't feel the sting of rejection during the hard social years of school, so my thought was just try to buffer her from them in the only way I knew how.  We do what we know, and if you listened to me on the show I said that while going through an ugly duckling phase in school my life dramatically improved when I was surrounded by beautiful friends.  I didn't get beatiful, that is evident after seeing me on tv, but I can tell you that I was and still am treated so much better by the company I keep.  Blame society for this, not me, I was only doing what I know.  But I also have the power to change and as a smart individual who listens to the advice of Dr. Phil this will not be a behavior of mine any more.  Don't feel sorry for my daughter, she doesn't even know what I do.  She still has a pure perception of other children and I won't do anything to change that.  Give me a break, I am not monster mom, just a stupid over loving mom. 
 
March 11, 2006, 10:17 am CST

Calling someone fat makes it worse

I am so glad the mother who was calling her daughter fat has made a change for the better. When ever anyone calls me fat especially my family it makes me want to eat more. Of course this just makes things worse and continues the abuse. I know i am overweight and i need positive words not negative ones in order to be successful in changing. So to the mom in the show good work keep things positive and it will help your daughter be successful.
 
March 11, 2006, 10:18 am CST

do you actually listen to what is said

Quote From: pea487

parents don't you realize when you are calling your kids names, or comparing them with other kids it will come back to you and also it can ruin a child life and repetition for life?  

  and two when you are comparing other children on how they look and dress you say you don't want you're kids to hang around them because you're afraid they might be like them. 

  let me ask you this question would you want them to be like you ?  

Good golly people, do you listen to what I say on the show?  Of course I don't want my kids to be like me.  I want them to grow up with the wisdom to surround themselves with the people that add to their lives in a positive way no matter what they look like, I just got so scared thinking of how much hurt they will endure if they like me go through an ugly duckling phase and are ostrasized for it and I was just trying to safe gaurd them in the only way I knew how.   I believe every mom worries about this in some way, whether it be making sure we live in a good neighborhood or hope our kids go to a good school or that we dress them fashionably enough so they don't look like a misfit.  There are so many ways that we as moms try to make life easier for our children and mine was just one of the misguided ways.  Watch the movie Simon Birch, I hope to heck I can become the wonderful mother that is on that movie but when my child comes home crying because they were horribly picked on because of their looks or because of their friends looks, I just hope I will be wise enough to be able to help them through it with their self esteem in tact all the while wondering had they just picked a different friend would they be feeling the sting of this rejection right now?  Yes, I will still think that in my head, but I don't intend on passing that onto my children if I follow Dr. Phil's advice, which I will so next time listen to everything I say and not just pick out what you want to hear.
 
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