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Topic : 03/10 Follow-ups

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Created on : Friday, March 03, 2006, 12:56:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

It's that time again! Dr. Phil checks in with past guests to see who has changed, and who's back for more! Marlon and Shamika are newlyweds who say their marriage has been on the rocks since the day they said "I do." They return for round three with Dr. Phil! After their last appearance, Marlon says Shamika was in such a rage, he feared she was going to pull a knife on him. They filed for divorce, but Shamika regrets it. Dr. Phil puts them through his divorce readiness test. Is Marlon ready to call it quits, or is he still in love with his wife? Then, remember the mom who wouldn’t let her daughter play with unattractive children? Has she changed her thinking? And, Jackie called herself a "monster mom" because she yelled at her overweight daughter, and called her ugly names like, "fat bitch" and "rotten witch," among others. Big changes are happening with this mother and daughter. Join the discussion.

 

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mrstim
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March 11, 2006, 10:18 am PST

do you actually listen to what is said

Quote From: pea487

parents don't you realize when you are calling your kids names, or comparing them with other kids it will come back to you and also it can ruin a child life and repetition for life?  

  and two when you are comparing other children on how they look and dress you say you don't want you're kids to hang around them because you're afraid they might be like them. 

  let me ask you this question would you want them to be like you ?  

Good golly people, do you listen to what I say on the show?  Of course I don't want my kids to be like me.  I want them to grow up with the wisdom to surround themselves with the people that add to their lives in a positive way no matter what they look like, I just got so scared thinking of how much hurt they will endure if they like me go through an ugly duckling phase and are ostrasized for it and I was just trying to safe gaurd them in the only way I knew how.   I believe every mom worries about this in some way, whether it be making sure we live in a good neighborhood or hope our kids go to a good school or that we dress them fashionably enough so they don't look like a misfit.  There are so many ways that we as moms try to make life easier for our children and mine was just one of the misguided ways.  Watch the movie Simon Birch, I hope to heck I can become the wonderful mother that is on that movie but when my child comes home crying because they were horribly picked on because of their looks or because of their friends looks, I just hope I will be wise enough to be able to help them through it with their self esteem in tact all the while wondering had they just picked a different friend would they be feeling the sting of this rejection right now?  Yes, I will still think that in my head, but I don't intend on passing that onto my children if I follow Dr. Phil's advice, which I will so next time listen to everything I say and not just pick out what you want to hear.
 
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kynakis
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March 11, 2006, 11:52 am PST

Follow-ups

Although I was initially upset with Michele the mother who wouldn't let her child play with "ugly" children I do agree with her on one point. I also remember the attractive people in school having it a bit easier. I also noticed that those who weren't as attractive but associated with these people became more desirable. However I also know that most of these people had lower self-esteem and many were involved in undesirable behaviors such as partying (usually involving excessive drinking,driving, some drugs, sex). I did associate myself with some of these people but only those who were respectful towards other people. I tried to surround myself with people who have the same values as myself rather then if they were attractive and I made a lot of friends and created more opportunities for myself. I never thought of myself as unattractive and have had a lot of compliments on my looks but I think it was because I was kind and respectful to others that gave me advantages in life. Also I think even people who are stereotypically beautiful can become ugly with an ugly personality and those who may not be that good lookin' can improve their looks by having great attitudes. I would suggests to Michele to remember that even children who are beautiful go through an ugly stage and sometimes have undesirable behaviors. Would you want your child (later in life) to be hanging around with this gorgeous friend who happens also to not have been taught any morals? What happens when someone approaches these good looking girls with marajuana, alcohol, sex, cigarettes? They may be attractive but do they have what it takes to say "no"? I would suggest you have your daughter surround herself with those who are good, respectful people with the same morals as you.
 
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labella226
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March 11, 2006, 12:31 pm PST

Shamika's Problem

Dear Dr. Phil:  I can relate to Shamika's mistrust, fear and barrier around her heart to ever trust anyone again even her husband.  I came from a dysfunctional family myself.  My mom was an alcoholic since the day I was born, my father had a bad temper. They fought a lot, they would not speak to eachother for months at a time, I was always in the middle. My mom had a boyfriend on the side which my dad suspected.   I myself was married to a very physically and mentally abusive husband for 8 years until I finally could not take it any more and got a divorce. After that I was in a relationship with a foreign man for 20 years.   I was physically and verbally abused by him. He constantly made me feel that I was useless, lazy and good for nothing. He never praised me only tore me down. Finally after the 20th year, I decided to break up with him and move to another state.  I have a serious problem trusting any man after all this.  I was in therapy for 4 months (1x a week).  Even the therapist could not get through to me.  I want a life very much, I am a kind, loving, passionate, caring woman who has a lot to offer that right man, but I don't  know what to do anymore to break down this barrier I have around my heart. Every time a man wants to get close to me or I feel he is starting to like me, I immediately break it off for fear it will lead to more hurt down the line.  Dr. Phil can you please see if you can do anything with me. Everyone else failed but I do have faith in you; you seem to be able to reach so many people and help them.  I have no one to talk to; both my parents are now dead, I have not family left.  Please Dr. Phil come to my rescue.  Sometimes I seriously get thoughts in my head that I don't want to go on living anymore I have no reason for living. Can you help me!!   Arlene in Orlando Florida.
 
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cinders99f

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March 11, 2006, 12:49 pm PST

03/10 Follow-ups

Quote From: viviana33

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!! WOW, A MAN LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think he ought to give her one more chance.  Like Dr Phil said, you only know what you have learned growing up and she grew up in a family that hid their emotions.  I think with help she is willing and ready to change that.  I think they have a chance have making it.  Good luck to the two of them!!!
 
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angelbear
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March 11, 2006, 1:03 pm PST

follow up

I would love to see your first family back and see how they are doing  

Is the daughter in college How old is her baby??? 

How are the mom and dad still together?? 

And bring back the wieght lost bunch Are they still keeping the weight off??? 
 
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jim1970
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March 11, 2006, 1:04 pm PST

She can't love him if

Quote From: jayndoe7

I understand where Shamika's coming from. I know it can appear that she is just mean and hateful but the reality of it couldn't be farther from the truth. When you are so terrified of being hurt or abandoned you think and act differently than people who are open with their feelings and unafraid of being vulnerable. I think with Shamika when Marlon does something to hurt her, even something small, she feels inside like she cannot show that pain. She cannot show him that he has the power to hurt her. She feels she has to be like, "You know what? I don't give a #@%$!" Otherwise she is basically saying, "Here you go. I am handing you the power to destroy me. Please don't use it, though". Because I guarantee you that the people in her past have hurt her when she's opened herself to them. She probably felt like she made a mistake in letting them in and by loving them and she probably felt very weak for letting it hurt so badly. So she doesn't want to go through that again. Just as Dr.Phil said, when you sense that someone might hurt you you feel like you need to get them before they get you. She doesn't want to be the weak one standing there with her heart broken begging him not to leave her. She'd rather push him away and be able to say, "I didn't really care anyways. It doesn't bother me any". So, the fact that she was saying she didn't want to get a divorce and she didn't want to lose Marlon, I think, was HUGE for her. She was putting herself out there to be totally rejected for the entire country to see. That is a very big deal and a very good sign. I think now that she has seen that the way she was doing things is just going to make the very thing she's afraid of a reality, she's going to really work at lowering her defenses with him.
Shamika- I know how terrifying it can be to just lay it all out there but it is so worth it. It is not weak to be vulnerable. It actually takes a lot of strength and courage and I know you have them both. Good luck.
 
She can't love him if she doesn't respect him.  Shamika obviously  has no respect for MEN.
 
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bridgeth
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March 11, 2006, 1:17 pm PST

DR.PHIL WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOCTOR ,WIFE&MISTRESS WHO WAS EXPECTING?

DR.PHIL,  I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THE OUTCOME OF THE DOCTOR HIS WIFE CANDY & THE MISTRESS WHO WAS EXPECTING HIS CHILD??  TELL US WHAT HAPPENED PLEASE? 
 
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smartguy
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March 11, 2006, 1:20 pm PST

Marlon and Shamika

I don't think Marlon should stay with Shamika. I looked at her eyes the whole show and she really didn't show any emotion. The only time she showed a little emotion is when Dr Phil mentioned divorce. I think she is more worried about losing a provider than losing a husband. No one is perfect but Marlon looks like a cool guy. I'm quite sure he has problems but he looks like he's willing to work on them. Shamika looks like she will be good for a few weeks then she will go back to "Get you before you Get me".  She looks like a very bitter woman and if Marlon stays with her he will pay for it for the rest of his life. I think Dr phil was right on point with her hiding behind a wall but I don't think she will come from behind that wall.  Marlon do yourself a favor and go through with the divorce before you have any more kids or financial difficulties. I know a lot of people might not want to hear this but I just didn't see the love in her eyes as I seen in his. What I saw in her eyes was I'm about to lose my provider.
 
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dosher
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March 11, 2006, 2:40 pm PST

Makeover Your Metabolism

Dr. Phil introduced a trainer on the show that he said they use from time to time and he mentioned a book that this guy wrote. I thought I heard (I wasn't watching the TV...just listening) him say it was called Makeover Your Metabolism. I have gone online to Amazon and cannot pull it up and I do not recall the guys name. Does anyone remember what his name was and do I have the right name for the book? Thanks a lot. 
 
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groovy

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March 11, 2006, 4:43 pm PST

My experiences with the

Quote From: littlepigs

The mother said it herself.  She was so hurt by rejection in her youth because she was not one of the beautiful or cool kids, that she is determined not to let her daughter experience this hurt.  As she also said, she is misguided.  Thank God her daughter is too young to realize what has been going on.  Rating people's worth on the basis of looks is so shallow and immature.  I was married to a gorgeous man who was not only a catalog model but a competitive bodybuilder.  I had to beat the women off him.  After six years of putting up with his self absorption, laziness, infidelity, and, and addictions (sex, grugs, alcohol, steroids), I kicked him to the curb.  My current husband is no looker, but he is the most generous and loving man I have ever known.  I have no regrets.

I have friends across the board in terms of looks.  My worst experiences were with the most outwardly beautiful or handsome. 

  

"Beautiful friend" #1 - Guys often commented on how good looking she was.  Ended up sharing things I told her in confidence with someone I didn't want them shared with.  Dumped her old friends (which included myself and my aunt) because we weren't new age spiritual leaders.  Decided to only hang out with famous new age spiritual leaders.  No one else was good enough for her. 

  

"Beautiful friend" #2 - A slim drop-dead gorgeous blonde.  Guys turned their heads when she walked by.  Although single, wore a wedding ring because so many guys would hit on her.  She was in a bad situation with a boyfriend who was physically abusive.  I lent her money for a down payment for an apartment and arranged for 4 guys and myself to help her move while her boyfriend was at work.  She lost her job and I lent her more money help her avoid eviction.  Finally after lending her about $3000, I politely told her I was no longer comfortable lending money.  She dumped me like a hot potato. 

  

"Handsome boyfriend" #1 - Best looking boyfriend I ever had - 6'4", blue eyes, nicely built.  Ended up cheating on me, being emotionally abusive and burning me for $700. 

  

I have had many friends from all walks of life, but my worst experiences came from hanging out with these drop-dead gorgeous people.  I don't think it was a coincidence.  Unlike most of the rest of us, these three people got by on their looks all their life and never had to develop their characters or personalities.  They were successfully able to use people and them dump them when they no longer got what they wanted or tired of the people.  There would always be a long line of people they could easily "befriend."  After these people lose their looks, they will not have much in the way of character or personality to fall back on. 
 
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