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Topic : 09/01 Slave to My Spouse

Number of Replies: 394
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Created on : Friday, March 17, 2006, 01:30:32 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/20/06) Do you constantly have to compromise to get along with your mate? Do you feel like you have to give up a vital part of yourself to be in a relationship? Dr. Phil talks to controlling guests and the loved ones who feel trapped by them. Jeffrey hates that his wife of seven months, Mindy, goes out clubbing with her younger friends, who he says are a bad influence on her. Mindy leaves the kids with Jeffrey's 16-year-old daughter and parties until 6:00 a.m., while he works the night shift. Mindy calls Jeffrey “a warden,” and says if he had his way, she’d never leave the house. Then, Jason claims his wife, Terrie, is lazy. He says he has to clean the house, do chores, take care of the kids and balance two checkbooks! Terrie says her large chest and arthritis prevent her from doing household tasks. Is Terrie making excuses not to clean up her act? Talk about the show here.

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March 20, 2006, 8:10 am CST

Alternatives

If you need to go out with your friends and get away from the kids and home life, go shopping or out to eat or something.  If you are a married woman, you should not be going out to bars till all hours of the night without your husband.  There are a lot more things to do than going out and getting drunk.  It's also funny that her friend told the story one way, and then after she heard what Mindy said happened, the friend's story changed. 
 
March 20, 2006, 8:42 am CST

I'm with you...

Quote From: mommy2mine

ok....i actually don't disapprove completely with what this woman is doing.  i stay at home with my 2 children EVERY DAY while my husband works....and i go out once every other week, if not once a week.  it has nothing to do with lack of commitment, its a sense of independence.  granted i dont go out until 6am, or do drugs, but i think that its ok to get out from under the chaos every once in a while, and i dont think that people should judge until they have been in that situation

I agree with you. A person has to get out and away at times... If they continue to put all their energies into other people, and only other people  they will not be happy inside. It will eventually come out somehow. It's about having a healthy lifestyle. There has to be a balance of giving to others and to yourself.  

If this gal does this drinking and staying out as a daily habit then maybe she has a drinking problem or she really doesn't want to be with her family and maybe shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.That she needs to fix. But everyone needs to get out and get away from everyday stresses in some way. 

 
March 20, 2006, 9:49 am CST

03/20 "I'm a Slave to My Spouse"

Quote From: jwthompson

If you need to go out with your friends and get away from the kids and home life, go shopping or out to eat or something.  If you are a married woman, you should not be going out to bars till all hours of the night without your husband.  There are a lot more things to do than going out and getting drunk.  It's also funny that her friend told the story one way, and then after she heard what Mindy said happened, the friend's story changed. 

I don't believe that just because you are married you shouldn't go to a bar without your husband.  Especially if your husband doesn't like the bar scene.  Now granted I believe some of this woman's bahavior is irresponsible.  I don't believe that your only break should be something like going shopping or out to eat.   These activities can be extremely boring and mundane.  So if she wants to go to a bar that's fine, IMO.  She should just do it responsibly and come in at a respectable hour.   

 
March 20, 2006, 10:06 am CST

DrPhilShow.

Dear Doctor Phil. I am glad that I will never get marry at all. Because I like to stay single and hope that everything will go good. See you today. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------------------
 
March 20, 2006, 10:48 am CST

agree to disagree

I do not feel this woman's behavior was unacceptable, except for her drug use. She works, takes care of her children, and takes care of her home. I am a married woman, I go out with my girlfriends several times a month, and it has not hurt my relationship with my spouse. Just because your married does not mean, you have to give up being your own person. I love my husband but he will not control what I do and when I do it. There is always a compromise in a relationship and you just have to find a common ground on which to agree. Further, more the husband needs some counseling, about his own insecurities. 

 
March 20, 2006, 11:02 am CST

03/20 "I'm a Slave to My Spouse"

Quote From: monie67

I don't believe that just because you are married you shouldn't go to a bar without your husband.  Especially if your husband doesn't like the bar scene.  Now granted I believe some of this woman's bahavior is irresponsible.  I don't believe that your only break should be something like going shopping or out to eat.   These activities can be extremely boring and mundane.  So if she wants to go to a bar that's fine, IMO.  She should just do it responsibly and come in at a respectable hour.   

If it's something you can do in moderation and it's OK with you and your spouse, then that's one thing.  This woman is going about it the wrong way.  If the tables were turned, would she put up with him going out and getting drunk with his friends and not coming home all night?  I highly doubt it.
 
March 20, 2006, 11:03 am CST

03/20 "I'm a Slave to My Spouse"

Quote From: nutrmom

I had a hard time feeling sorry for either one of these ladies today.  There are so many other ways besides "clubbing" to retain that part of you that isn't a wife and mother.  I know women who have joined book clubs, sports teams, you name it, but not partying and doing drugs.  The first lady's concept of time for herself shouldn't include using cocaine with her kids in the other room.  Unexcusable behavior, and really abusive to her children.  How do you stop and start cocaine?  Isn't it highly addictive?  No surprise that her husband can't trust her.  Her justification of her behavior boiled down to a bunch of excuses. 

  

And the anti-housework lady??  Who likes housework?  I don't know any woman who jumps for joy at the prospect of cleaning?  But you get up and do it anyway, if nothing else than for your kids.  Her husband did seem a bit smug, and the abusive language has gotta go, but her kids shouldn't be punished for her resentment.  Again, what about the kids?  It's not all about you anymore! 

I don't like housework and neither does my husband. We have someone come in twice a week who does it.  It is so easy to solve the problem that I am astonished at how many families seem to be willing to fight over it.  If you are going to fight about something, at least fight about something that actually matters.
 
March 20, 2006, 11:13 am CST

I like to go out too, but not like this.

I'm also a stay at home mother of 2 boys. I find the need to go out, but I don't party. On Saturday, while my husband is home, I'll go out. I go to the library or even my mother's for a little while. I do this so that not only I can get away from the kids, but also allows my kids to have quality time with their father.  

  

On occasion, my husband and I go out to a dinner and a movie while my parents or his watch the kids. It's nice to go out, but not all the time. 

  

I don't like housework either, but the house doesn't clean itself. She needs a reality check. If they divorice I hope that no judge gives her the kids. She's unfit. 

 
March 20, 2006, 11:41 am CST

Confession

I'll admit i dont do the housework like i should but like i tell my husband everyday.....Who can when your chasing a 10 mos old around the house. She just started walking so that makes it even more difficult. But shes my world and i wouldnt trade her for anything!
 
March 20, 2006, 11:48 am CST

I think thats my problem!

Quote From: tuffstuff

I agree with you. A person has to get out and away at times... If they continue to put all their energies into other people, and only other people  they will not be happy inside. It will eventually come out somehow. It's about having a healthy lifestyle. There has to be a balance of giving to others and to yourself.  

If this gal does this drinking and staying out as a daily habit then maybe she has a drinking problem or she really doesn't want to be with her family and maybe shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.That she needs to fix. But everyone needs to get out and get away from everyday stresses in some way. 

I'm at home 5 days a wk just me and my daughter no car. so if we want to get out of the house i have to wait till my husband gets home or try and get a hold of someone to come get us(not easy). And then on the wkends everybody is to busy to take the baby for a few hrs so we can do something. And we spend our wkends doing the same thing. I only get out of the house maybe once a month if i'm lucky.
 
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