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Topic : 09/01 Slave to My Spouse

Number of Replies: 394
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Created on : Friday, March 17, 2006, 01:30:32 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/20/06) Do you constantly have to compromise to get along with your mate? Do you feel like you have to give up a vital part of yourself to be in a relationship? Dr. Phil talks to controlling guests and the loved ones who feel trapped by them. Jeffrey hates that his wife of seven months, Mindy, goes out clubbing with her younger friends, who he says are a bad influence on her. Mindy leaves the kids with Jeffrey's 16-year-old daughter and parties until 6:00 a.m., while he works the night shift. Mindy calls Jeffrey “a warden,” and says if he had his way, she’d never leave the house. Then, Jason claims his wife, Terrie, is lazy. He says he has to clean the house, do chores, take care of the kids and balance two checkbooks! Terrie says her large chest and arthritis prevent her from doing household tasks. Is Terrie making excuses not to clean up her act? Talk about the show here.

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September 19, 2006, 6:26 am CDT

Terry

Quote From: terriebee

Hi, this is THE Terrie, the lazy housewife.

What I have seen on here so far is about 30% saying "hey, she isnt so bad." Another 60% have used my story to boost up their own egos with such things as "I have largER breasts and I do this this and this." Well, those of you who do that are probably large breasted because you are overweight and those boobs are all fat and the rest of your body is fat enough to support the extra weight on the front. I AM SKINNY, with a skinny bank and these big ol boobs, so yes I have a better excuse than you.

The other small percent said nothing about their own boobs and just called me lazy, well, thats acceptable.

I was married to a fella for almost 20 years. He did absolutely....nothing. I did household chores, cooked, cleaned, and all the yard work (we had a farm). Not only did he not put any interest in the home or children, he put none into me. He also was not big on discussing things. Yes, of course the marriage failed. However, he did do things for his friends, co workers, and the church. Why? I feel partly to blame as I did not show appreciated in much that he did, which probably would have propagated him to do more. He was rebelling from a childhood of being overly worked and abused. I was the receiver of the child of the damned...lol

On the other hand, I am remarried and my new husband joins in with everything, and since I am not afraid of  work, I appreciate the help and I love spending time with him, he is rewarded in other area's as it's a turn on to be appreciated. Do you think perhaps knowing he is more concerned with housework then "you" that you keep him busy so you can avoid time in intimacy with him? Do you like your appearance and feel attractive?

 

Terry, are you down deep resenting an adult in from your child hood?  It kinda looks like you have an authority problem, problem is....he should not appear to be an authority figure to you... but, a partner. I dip from my own well...in my observation, as that is what my experience consisted of.

 

Don't mean to pry, just curious....

 
September 19, 2006, 6:50 am CDT

My dear...

Quote From: terriebee

Hi, this is THE Terrie, the lazy housewife.

What I have seen on here so far is about 30% saying "hey, she isnt so bad." Another 60% have used my story to boost up their own egos with such things as "I have largER breasts and I do this this and this." Well, those of you who do that are probably large breasted because you are overweight and those boobs are all fat and the rest of your body is fat enough to support the extra weight on the front. I AM SKINNY, with a skinny bank and these big ol boobs, so yes I have a better excuse than you.

The other small percent said nothing about their own boobs and just called me lazy, well, thats acceptable.

You make excuse after excuse for yourself and you don't even see it. Even as all these people write in you still choose to focus on the breast issue rather than the real issue and that is your attitued.

 

Even with large breasts and arthritis, you KNOW there are things you can still do to help out. You simply choose not to. Now, the question is: why?

 

For that one, I believe Dr. Phil was right when he says you're being passive agressive. You're mad at your husband for the things he said about you and you're getting him back by making him do all the work around the house and take care of the kids. My dear, that is just NOT the way to go about it.

 

You're going to have to let the past go and move forward. NO GOOD will come over holding bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness in your heart. It is clear to me that there is a lot of unhappiness in your family. It seems to me you are both waiting for the other one to make the move towards recovery, but regardless of what  he does, you can only control one person and that person is YOU! Therefore, it must be YOU who makes the move.

 

No matter how he acts, YOU have to do what's right for your children, your family, and yourself. That means you need to help out. If he cooks, you clean. If he bathes one child, you bathe the other. If he gets up early one day to get the kids ready, you get up early the next day, or you can get up and do it together.

 

Think of the messages you are sending to your children: it's OK to hold a grudge, it's OK to punish someone for past mistakes, it's OK not to forgive, it's OK to be vendictive, it's OK to talk badly about someone.

 

Funny thing about grudges, you know? They are like babies. They start out so small and innocent and they just beg you to pick them up, feed them, and give them attention. So you do. Then they grow, and as they do, they consume more. Before you know it, that innocent, little grudge grows and multiplies into bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. Now instead of you holding the grudge, the grudge holds YOU!

 

Every time you recall the hurtful words your husband said to you, you feed that grudge. Every time you turn that over in your mind, you keep the fire burning. You must CHOOSE to put those memories away - and it is a conscious effort - and move on into a new era. You're the only one who can do it.

 

BTW, if I were talking to your husband I'd tell him these same things.

 
September 22, 2006, 12:05 am CDT

09/01 Slave to My Spouse

Quote From: byers30

Jeffrey did know that I was a recovering addict, and yes, so was he.  Jeffrey has been clean for 6+ years, and has had no relapse.  We did not meet in a bar, we met online.  The reason Jeffrey did not go ape when I told him about my relapse is that he knew I was going though something very hard in my life at that point (which was not discussed) and I needed release.  There is no excuse really, but how many people stay clean for 7 years and relapse for no reason?  Jeffrey did know that I went out and partied and stayed out late from the beginning.  He went with me at first.  Then all the sudden he didn't want to go anymore and it became and issue.  My kids are wonderful, happy, and well adjusted.  Please read my other posts from September for a little insight and update.
there is no excuse for him to act as if he can change you. stop it. i know too many drug addicts who met  their men who are also on drugs and then all of a sudden he wants her to stop getting high and hanging out. he knew what you  were when you met because he was just like you. so yes he will stay he is no better than you.one thing that i have learned about addicts is that they want their mate to be just like them. that way  he or she will not feel bad about his or her addiction. it is that mentality that a clean and sober person is better than someone who is not clean amd sober. i have dated a man whom was on drugs i did not know. WHY?? because i am one of the clean and sober people. his attitude toward me changed he became mentally and verbally and physically abusive toward me. he did not meet me in a bar or online. we met through friends. he tried to act like i was the one doing wrong. telling my friends and family i was cheating on him. that was the drugs and the shame of him being a drug addict. because he was sorry he wanted people to think i was sorry like him. i believe a man should not drink and get high with his woman. that is a big no no. you don't hang in the street with your woman either. if you want a decent woman you have to be a decent man from the gate. i do not mean to be hard on you but i had a hard life and i still have several problems. i knew drugs and alcohol was not going to solve my problems. i am not no miss goody goody believe that. you are old enough to know better and as for your friends they are not your friends. they do things that are foul so they want you to be the same way. your man wants the marriage to work. your friends are probably jealous of that. work on your family to hell with your fake friends.
 
April 27, 2007, 1:53 am CDT

I totally agree

Quote From: twizzlehot

This lady with the big chest and arthritis was a joke. I am almost 60. Have 8 kids..of course only 3 live at home. I work, am a 38J bra size. I have osteoarthritis, and Fibromyalgia. Both of these illnesses for over 20 years. Even my children watched and we allllllll laughed at this lazy women. Please...she needs to find another excuse other than her chest, as to why she does not want to do things.  Over the last 21 years I have been a foster mom to 110 children and still worked in and out of the home. AND you know what a true foster parent role is, the same as if they were my own. With all the running and caring for them...........Not including cooking and laundry. That made me laugh more. She cannot fold three  loads of clothes?????????/ I could go on and on...but you get where I am coming from..so I will not. I watch you every afternoon, if I am home, otherwise I catch you in the evening on a alternate channel.

Thanks so much for letting me vent.......I just had to do it!!!!

grace

Im 8 months pregnant with a possibly 9 pound baby on the way , although i don't work we are renovating our kitchen and laundry and i still find the energy to make the bed , dinner , do the washing ect... otherwise my husband would go nuts if he came home to a messy house. I am appalled by the acts of these two women and would be ashamed if i was either of them , get it together girls and get over yourselves.
 
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