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Topic : 03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

Number of Replies: 1159
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Created on : Thursday, March 23, 2006, 07:13:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The letters keep coming in! Dr. Phil revisits the controversial topic of what defines the role of a wife. Ken thinks his wife, Diana, is lazy because she can't keep the house up to his standard of cleanliness. Ken works two jobs and keeps his spouse financially comfortable but doesn't understand why Diana, a stay-at-home mom, can't keep a cleaner house. Diana is pregnant with their third child in five years and says she's doing the best she can. Then, meet "Anne," who performs nude shows online to bring home the bacon. Her husband, "Rob," disapproves of his wife's method of income, but he hasn't stopped her from doing it. Now that Anne has had an affair with one of her customers, is it too late to save their marriage? Share your thoughts.

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March 27, 2006, 5:08 pm PST

I agree with the Husband

I don't  understand how she can have a babysitter and a housekeeper and not be able to get the chores done.  I worked up to the time I gave birth to both of my children and went to work 6 weeks later and she says she is tired.  Get a  life, I don't feel sorry for her, she is very lucky that she has a husband that is willing to provide for her and give her the lifestyle that most women would want.  I did not hear her complain about lack of time with her husband, nor did I hear her complain about her lifestyle.  Not once did she say, "he's not home, he doesn't help" I think that she uses pregnancy as an excuse, if she is so tired, don't get pregnant.  I think that some women like to use the excuse of pregnancy in not getting back into shape and that is bogus, I have had to kids and I have kept myself in shape.  I don't have time to go to the gym, but I just watch what I eat and I do it for myself.  I work full time, go to school full time, my husband is active duty army and so I am alone most of the time, but you will not find my house unkept and I wish I had help, or even a family member nearby to help out, but I don't and I guess since I know that I maintain.
 

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March 27, 2006, 5:09 pm PST

03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

Quote From: quecol

  

Does this woman have NO CONTROL over her body? take a pill and chill a bit in the baby department. Gawd she is not the first woman to have children close together. My Mom had 6 in 10 years, didn't have a house keeper,owned one family car which Pop drove to work, and attended all school events. 

  

The old saying , you've made your bed, now sleep in it comes to mind. 

How did your dad treat your mom while having all those pregnancies? Was he attentive, sensitive, understanding, tender and loving? Or was it her "job" to pop out the kids with no complaint and dinner on the table at night?

She didn't get pregnant alone, and pregnant women NEED help, they  need loving understanding and empathy. I used to be one of these people who thought pregnant women just milked it for all it was worth, but no, that isn't true. It wasn't for me at least. I need my husband to appreciate with words and action what I was going through to create our family.
 
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March 27, 2006, 5:10 pm PST

Hello

Quote From: sylvia30

I am a stay-home mother of 2 boys 8 & 4. I have never written before but today I was intreged. I feel for Ken and Diane, but I understand how Ken feels. I think Diane should plan her days and maybe come up with a plan for the toys. Ken needs to stop the bad language and respect his wife and children. I do feel that Diane being pregnant should n't prevent her from doing household duties. Ken does provide for the family and he does fill the husband duties(minus the swearing) and Diane should take her household duties as a job. Ken said he would fire her if he employed her, I would to. I think Diane is giving pregnant/housewifes a bad name because it can be done. Ken and Diane look like a loving couple that I'm sure with alittle communication between the 2 of them and just them they can come to some kind of solution. Good Luck ! 

You have one in school and one at home.  You can't compare yourself to her.  Yes, you do have to plan your day.  He talks down to her, only is there to yell at her in front of the kids.  He need an attitude adjustment more then a communication adjustment,  Sorry
 
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March 27, 2006, 5:10 pm PST

Thank you Julie

Quote From: julie1418

If this was a nice man simply frustrated with some external chaos, I might say "Send in some experts to help Diane learn how to manage her time and her home." THIS IS NOT A NICE MAN! He is a verbally and emotionally abusive bully! 

  

Am I the only one who clued in to him describing his courtship with his wife as "not love at first sight, but just killing time"? I think it is very clear that he has no interest in being a husband and father. He knows it is not socially acceptable to say it, so he is creating a reason to get out while painting himself as a victim. 

  

I am simply amazed by women who say "Well, Ken could be nicer, but those cheerios, THAT'S the real issue!" I don't care if the whole box of cheerios was dumped on the floor and stayed there a week! Nobody has the right to talk to another human being like that! He call her worthless and drops the F-bomb at her in front of their kids and that is justified by some cheerios and a messy laundry room? I don't know where people get their values. 

  

He is not working to provide for his family. He is working hard to boost his own ego and to avoid being home with his wife and children. After all, three hours with his children drives him nuts! 

  

I feel compelled to send Grant some flowers! 

Thank you for saying that."not love at first sight" comment was pretty low....I was so mad before.....I couldn't make appropriate sentences....I feel my husband married me in an effort to fill a void...I don't really like to admit it...He has passed away....But, I think men marry for convenience and then regret their decision and become critical instead of admitting they want to be single and don't know how to be a father or husband.....thank you for saying people should talk nice to one another....BUT, sending poor Grant some flowers....that might be going to far!!!!!!!! lol   

  

you are funny....now I can't look at cheerios without laughing.....Maybe they should get a puppy and the cheerios will be gone!!!!!!!! Can you see that man with a puppy ---- He would kill it!!!!!! 

 
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March 27, 2006, 5:12 pm PST

03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

Quote From: lawgal123

 I am so sick and tired of hearing stay-at-home moms complain and whine. & I am a stay-at home mom! I have been a homemaker for nearly 18 years. At the age of 17, I got married and had a baby. I was a teenager and I took excellent care of our baby, (very clean) home, husband, MYSELF and everything else. With all that I still had time to meet friends and family for outings, vacations exercise, lunches and college. We are now looking at a Christian Collegefor our daughter & our son is 10 years old and an avid golfer, who ranked 6th place in our state. So, if a teenager like myself could handle so many important responsibilities with SUCCESS, how can a grown woman like “Diana” have a hard time accomplishing small tasks at home? (like sweeping up cereal)     

 

  

  

I think Diana is using her pregnancy as an excuse to be fat and lazy. If Diana had a hard time handling a full load of a stay-at home mom with two kids- why get pregnant two months after the second baby was born? There is a great invention for sexually active adults it’s called BIRTH CONTROL… The kids should not have the run of the house and messing up every room. The kids should be taught respect and limits. I don’t see Ken as the bad guy and Diana as the poor taken advantage of housewife. It’s not brain surgery to keep a home organized, clean and clutter free. Diana keep getting pregnant and making excuses. Why should ken have to work 2 jobs plus do chores at home? Ken should spend the time at home with his kids not cleaning up after Diana. What’s the point of Diana as a homemaker? Diana you give us hardworking stay-at home moms a bad name. 

 

 

 

 

I know this sounds harsh but Diana wake up and hit the tread mill- before you end up a single mom and things really get harsh.    

 

  

 

  

  

  

  

  

I agree and agree.  I am also sick and tired of women who have a good life sit back and cry on how bad they have it.  I am sick and tired of the whining and complaining, I think she keeps getting pregnant so that she can use the pity card, well sister it doesn't work. 

My mother raised 5 kids and way to many jobs to support us and we always had a clean house and she would always tell us, we may not have much but what we do have we take care of. 

  

 
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March 27, 2006, 5:14 pm PST

Wifestyle

I would love to see him 8 months pregnant and running around doing all the housework and errands that this woman is required to do.  She  should be driving a Cadillac.  He needs to trade a day with her.  Let her sit at the fire house for a shift while he does the things that need to be done for that day. Dr. Phil I am disappointed in you because usually you get on to a man that acts like he does.  This guy doesn't deserve to have these children and a loving wife.  If he would come home every once in a while to see his family other than to get his wife pregnant he would see the time and energy it takes to keep a house running.
 
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March 27, 2006, 5:14 pm PST

I feel for the wife - Not him

I wish Dr. Phil would have the hubby reverse rolls with his wife - I am not saying that he doesn't work hard, I feel that he is clueless as to how hard it is to do the things he is asking even with a babysitter and a house keeper/cleaner.  If the house is super spotless,  that means that the kids are losing out on some quality time with mom.  I am a stay at home mom, I am picking up all day long, even while they are still playing with their toys.  It's hard to do everything and not take something away from your children to accomplish a daily goal. That is pretty unfair to them.         

  

I wish Dr. Phil would challenge him and have him strap a 50lb weight to his waist, take a 1/2 of a sleeping pill per day, and for 1 weekend (Only 2 days!!) - do the laundry, watch the children, pick up after the children, change diapers, make dinner, bathe them each day, put them to bed, and somehow find the time to spend "quality" time reading books or playing with the children!!  He doesn't have a clue as to what a great job she is doing.  The house looked great for having small children and for being 8 months pregnant!!  I bet He couldn't make it ONE WHOLE DAY!!!!   

  

The guy "missbillie" - whoever that person was - must not have had any children to reply the way  they did.  Or judging from the picture - forgot what it was like to have children.     

  

How frustrating to live like that!!  On pins and needles all the time.  I feel for the children too.  They feel everything!! And they must be suffering because of the constant stress she is under to be perfect!!  If this is the way he is to her about the house, I can only imagine what miracles he is going to expect her to achieve with their children, academically, with sports actitvities, and socially!   Not to mention, the pressure that his children, aka, "little employees",  will feel when they aren't able to fulfill their "jobs"!!    Will he want to fire them too?   

  

What a total BUMMER!!   

 

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March 27, 2006, 5:14 pm PST

03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

Quote From: lawgal123

 I am so sick and tired of hearing stay-at-home moms complain and whine. & I am a stay-at home mom! I have been a homemaker for nearly 18 years. At the age of 17, I got married and had a baby. I was a teenager and I took excellent care of our baby, (very clean) home, husband, MYSELF and everything else. With all that I still had time to meet friends and family for outings, vacations exercise, lunches and college. We are now looking at a Christian Collegefor our daughter & our son is 10 years old and an avid golfer, who ranked 6th place in our state. So, if a teenager like myself could handle so many important responsibilities with SUCCESS, how can a grown woman like “Diana” have a hard time accomplishing small tasks at home? (like sweeping up cereal)     

 

  

  

I think Diana is using her pregnancy as an excuse to be fat and lazy. If Diana had a hard time handling a full load of a stay-at home mom with two kids- why get pregnant two months after the second baby was born? There is a great invention for sexually active adults it’s called BIRTH CONTROL… The kids should not have the run of the house and messing up every room. The kids should be taught respect and limits. I don’t see Ken as the bad guy and Diana as the poor taken advantage of housewife. It’s not brain surgery to keep a home organized, clean and clutter free. Diana keep getting pregnant and making excuses. Why should ken have to work 2 jobs plus do chores at home? Ken should spend the time at home with his kids not cleaning up after Diana. What’s the point of Diana as a homemaker? Diana you give us hardworking stay-at home moms a bad name. 

 

 

 

 

I know this sounds harsh but Diana wake up and hit the tread mill- before you end up a single mom and things really get harsh.    

 

  

 

  

  

  

  

  

Being a christian yourself maybe you should understand that birth control is against some people's religions, maybe this is the case for Diane.

And I'm sorry, once again, just because YOU are a super woman doesn't mean we all are. I am not a cleaning machine. I have ONE kid and my house will be clean one minute and destroyed the next. I have TRIED this having a perfect house nonsense and I was cleaning the livingroom 4 times a day :|

I have other things to do thank you.

And what does her "hitting the treadmill" have to do with her being a single mom? Are you hinting that her being over weight would be a good reason for him to leave her? She abused her body by having babies 3 times in a row and he's gonna leave her cause she's fat?

Sorry, I don't like jumping to conclusions about people but you strike me as one of those self loathing women who "knows her place"...

Not all of us have your amazing organizational skills and are willing to deny our individuality just to keep a clean carpet.
 

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March 27, 2006, 5:15 pm PST

03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

Quote From: sanarae

I agree and agree.  I am also sick and tired of women who have a good life sit back and cry on how bad they have it.  I am sick and tired of the whining and complaining, I think she keeps getting pregnant so that she can use the pity card, well sister it doesn't work. 

My mother raised 5 kids and way to many jobs to support us and we always had a clean house and she would always tell us, we may not have much but what we do have we take care of. 

  

Did you see the pics of the house?  Exactly HOW CLEAN should a house be?
 
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March 27, 2006, 5:17 pm PST

03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

Quote From: purplepain

"I did it so she should be able to do it too!"

Do any of you believe that each person is different? Or does being a female strip away individuality?

Someone said that they had the house clean and dinner cooked and they were 7 months pregnant. Do they realize not every pregnancy is the same? Not all women handle pregnancy the same? I hated being pregnant and was miserable every minute and it literally almost killed me.

Woman aren't all the same, we all aren't baby making cleaning cooking machines. Some of us actually like to have time to ourselves, and time to relax. Life is short, I'd rather have fun and be happy then have the cleanest house.

And, I saw those pictures too, her house wasn't even close to dirty.

I think it is safe to say that any woman that has been pregnant would explain their own personal discomforts related to such condition. I'm sorry that your state of Motherhood was horrible for you.I personally had  energy that came in spurts. sick one day, sleepy the next, etc.... but I still manage to get my work done around the house with my children. It comes down to time management, not sweating the little things, and teaching your mate how you would like to be treated....... a golden Dr Phil rule, and pure common sense, frankly. 

  

and Yes life is short, and we should all have fun and celebrate our children. If given a choice I would rather be playing in the park all afternoon, but the reality of it is we can only play there for a hour, there is food shopping to do, laundry to wash and bills to be paid. It's called being a grown up, and I consider it a privilege to be a stay at home MOTHER.  

 
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