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Topic : 03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

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Created on : Thursday, March 23, 2006, 07:13:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The letters keep coming in! Dr. Phil revisits the controversial topic of what defines the role of a wife. Ken thinks his wife, Diana, is lazy because she can't keep the house up to his standard of cleanliness. Ken works two jobs and keeps his spouse financially comfortable but doesn't understand why Diana, a stay-at-home mom, can't keep a cleaner house. Diana is pregnant with their third child in five years and says she's doing the best she can. Then, meet "Anne," who performs nude shows online to bring home the bacon. Her husband, "Rob," disapproves of his wife's method of income, but he hasn't stopped her from doing it. Now that Anne has had an affair with one of her customers, is it too late to save their marriage? Share your thoughts.

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jenoc99
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March 27, 2006, 12:22 pm PST

Disrespect

Quote From: hattonfan

I myself am a SAH & have been for almost 8 years. I have 3 children, all under 10. So, I'm not about to speak on something I know nothing about.     As I watched today's show (& folding laundry), I found myself feeling disgusted by Diana's behavior & demeanor. Pregnancy & children are simply excuses for not doing what she is suppose to. I have been pregnant 3 times as well & I never used that as an excuse to not meet my responsibilities in my household. Yeah, you get tired, but you rest & get going again. You don't leave 50 Cheerios on the floor all day! That's just plain nasty & unsanitary. Diana should keep that house clean & orderly & laundry should be hung correctly , as her husband wishes. The house should be spotless, especially w/ babysitters & Mom helping out! There's just no excuse for her not to uphold her responsibilities in that house. It is her choice to be a SAH & to have kids. SAH is a job in & of itself, which includes, but not limited to housecleaning, child rearing, cooking, etc.. If Diana doesn't like her lifestyle,then she needs to actively change it instead of complaing about it.     I keep my house clean & orderly. I clean everyday. I cook everyday. I do what my responsibilities as a SAH are everyday. My husband may help out sometimes, but I do not expect it of him, nor require him to do anything. His job is outside the home & mine is inside the home. Any husband who has a SAH should not have to come home to a messy/dirty house ever. That shows disrespect & no appreciation towards the husband by the wife. So, I think Diana needs to get off her behind & do whatever it takes to make sure her home is orderly & clean. There's just simply no excuse for her not to.
I think you missed something, Diana is depressed!! Her husband is a perfectionist, and nothing will ever be good enough for him. Diana can't win.
 
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daniel501
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March 27, 2006, 12:24 pm PST

I feel bad for her

I feel bad for Diana because I don't care how much money he provides, if he's not making her happy, meeting her emotional needs, and appreciating her, why should she even try to please him?  Money isn't everything.  This women is depressed and exhausted  I don't see how he contributes to the family besides money.  What about him being a "father" to those kids?  She is not the only parent! 
 
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psteacher
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March 27, 2006, 12:25 pm PST

OMG!!!

This guy is obviously spoiled rotten! You can tell by his body language by the way he talks through his hands. He talks like a two year old. His mother did EVERYTHING for him.  He is expecting his poor wife to be his mother!  If he is so upset over a few cheerios on the floor---his legs are not broke!  Does he know what a garbage can is or maybe perhaps a vacuum cleaner?  I was married to a guy very similar to him.  I was never good enough.  So I sent home back to his mother (he still lives there with her).  Maybe that is what she needs to do.  She deserves so much better.
 
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amyjo304
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March 27, 2006, 12:26 pm PST

03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

Quote From: bjking2661

You no if I had a husband like Ken I would tell him to "kiss where the sun don't shine"! Who does he think he is anyway? #1 I wouldn't put up with the way he talks to her the F words comming out of his month like every other word. You have to respect your partner and he doesn't. He never has a problem when it's time to crawl in the sack......I saw the picture of  there home it was bad and because he can help pick up I think he is a spoiled brat that wants to stay away from the house so he won't have to help out. He is the one making up all the excuses so what he works long hours who care's? He doesn't have to. Sounds to me like he needs to spend more time at home with his wife and kids and less time working. Money isn't everything you know......As for the women on here that claim they are the "Perfect" wife thats bs you just don't have the back bone to stand up to your man or maybe you just don't want to have to be out in the real world and work so you put up with it!! Only you no........................... 

Some of those things were a little harsh.  First, I am not a perfect wife, but I do strive to be as anyone should strive to be in a relationship.  I have been in the real world and have been very successful in everything I have done because I have choosen to strive to be the best in everything I do.  No wonder why there are so many divorces.  A husband should be able to say he doesn't like something in his home without a wife getting hysterical and telling him to do it himself.  In my experience, when people over react or become overly emotional about things it is because they know that they are not putting in there best.  The whole money issue, I don't see Diana cutting down on her spending habits to prove that she wants him home more.  If and when my husband provides the things like Ken has provided I am always appreciative because I should be.  You get what you give.  If I don't appreciate him then why should he appreciate me.  Just because Ken could use some language tweeking doesn't mean that Diana should dismiss what he is saying.   
 
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amyjo304
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March 27, 2006, 12:27 pm PST

03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

Quote From: daniel501

I feel bad for Diana because I don't care how much money he provides, if he's not making her happy, meeting her emotional needs, and appreciating her, why should she even try to please him?  Money isn't everything.  This women is depressed and exhausted  I don't see how he contributes to the family besides money.  What about him being a "father" to those kids?  She is not the only parent! 
So he has to please her first before she makes an effort?
 
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bjking2661
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March 27, 2006, 12:32 pm PST

Response to Faith00

Quote From: faith00

Being a military wife, with a husband who is usually deployed for months at a time, leaves me with a great deal of time on my hands, when I was a stay at home mom, I managed to not only keep and maintain a house but to keep my husband happy while he was home. their are no bosses in this marriage, all their is here is teamwork, when my husband brings in the pay, I pay off the debt, and then I take care of what my husband needs and then what i want. our house was as clean as I could keep it when I had younger children. now that I have older children, I focus more on what we can do as a family then whether or not my husband leaves his shoes in the wrong room. what I see needs to happen is equality and acceptance of each other. this couple really needs to learn to accept each other. and to work together. I hope for their children that they can look behind the superficial stuff, and really get a chance to enjoy and cherish getting to know each other over and over again. 

  

You hit the nail on the head!!! A Military wife really has to deal with it all. I was a Military wife we are now retired but it was very hard. My husband was always  on TDY or deployed and I had to work plus manage a house and tend to the kids. These guy have no "idea" what it's all about. I never complained because I knew atleast I had the kids with me and my husband was over where ever by himself. The worst was when I was in Okinawa Japan with no one but the kids. It's something we do because we love our men. Ken needs to grown up don't you think. Also I don't thing he know's what a dirty nasty house look's like. For sure it's not his.
 
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lisalukas
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March 27, 2006, 12:34 pm PST

to Diana on the 03-27-06 show

Diana, it seem to me that you are lazy the man works his ass off for you to have nice things ,now dont get me wrong  i have something to say to your husband too ,but you are the one who sets the stage in the house hold ....its you who has to make a schedule for you and your kids and your  husband will follow.....example if you are happy and greet your husband after a hard days work and show him effection you will get it in return . i have 4 kids and if i counld do it you can too,you just have to change your outlook on things and make everything positive...if you need help please feel free to e-mail i will show you that your husbands negitiveity is going to disapear......lisalukas
 
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jenoc99
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March 27, 2006, 12:35 pm PST

Ken and Diana

I think that Diana is depressed, but I also think that Ken might have depression and/or anxiety issues, too. He seems so miserable and unhappy with life. Even if Diana does everything perfect, I bet it still wouldn't be good enough- thats because its not about the house being clean, its about him being a miserable person and needing someone or something to blame.
 
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jim1970
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March 27, 2006, 12:39 pm PST

Women in OTHER countries

Quote From: queenbea23

Occasionally my husband will stay home while I get out and run errands or find time for myself.  Most men do NOT realize how hard it is until they try keeping house while taking care of children.   Dr. Phil, tell your today show guest (male) to try it!!!
Women in OTHER countries keep homes without complaining.  What's your excuse?
 
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julia_beth
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March 27, 2006, 12:40 pm PST

Diana and Ken

I am a full time student and when I am not at school a mother. My husband works 60 hours a week. I do what I can when I get the opportunity and my husband is happy with that. I am currently pregnant for our second child and my husband knows that there are more things in life than having a perfectly clean house. Diana is 8 months pregnant with a  10 month old and a 4 year old. Her house looks pretty clean and I would rather see her giving her children the attention they need instead of fussing over the house 24/7.  She needs Ken's support more than anything not his nagging. He is not there for her as is because of working all the time. My husband hates that he works 60 hrs. We'd rather be just getting by than miserable because he needs to work 2 jobs to have expensive material items.  

       I think Dr. Phil should give Ken a day in her shoes. Strap on one of those pregnancy suits, take care of the children all day and see what he can get done to his standards. I garantee that he couldn't even do it himself. I don't think he will ever be happy with the way she does things. He should instead be grateful that she brought 3 beautiful children into this world and he should spend as much time as possible with his family.  I am also glad to see that Diana does have some support to help out because you do need some socializing other than with children all day. You do need that time to yourself that Ken gets everyday.  Diana's kids are taken care of and that's pretty much all that matters.  
 
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