Topic : 03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3

sorry diana, if it sounds like some of us are dumping on your family. I can only speak for myself, but I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I understand that there is an editing process, but regardless of what was edited in/out, for me, any woman being cursed at like that (again, regardless of context), is being abused. and any man cursing at his wife, and telling her she always needs to be better, is abusive. and no woman (or person) deserves that, whatever the context. I think you're amazing for challenging the way you're being treated, and for continuing to know that you and your kids deserve to be treated with respect. I hope you are able to either work it out as a couple so you both feel respected, or if it becomes necessary, leave with your dignity still intact. 

take care 

I give total and complete support to SAH moms - if that didn't come thru, then my bad.  In no way, at no time, did i imply that ALL SAH moms sit around eating bon bons all day.  What I said was that it's hard work and to do it well, it takes hard work.  My issue is with the SAH moms that DO sit around half the day and then when the husband comes home and wonders what's been going on, the wife goes "well I can't do it all you know!"  It does happen.  There are SAH moms who are lazy and unproductive.  Yes, my daugther is in daycare, with my aunt so it's family childcare and we work things out so I miss as least as possible.  My work is very flexible, I get many experiences with both kids.  Yes, my EMT work means making some sacrifices with my family, but also teaches them great value of giving back to your community and the self-pride I get from it is way better for them.  I involve them as much as I can with it.  I guess it just seems confusing to me that SAH moms have all day to do things that some one like me only has a breif few minutes, and I can't help but wonder "If I can do this and work and do other things, then why can't they do it when it's the only thing they have to do?"  It's all about balance.  Diane needs to learn balance AND Ken needs to learn balance.  I'm not saying he's saint in any way!  I just think they need to find a system that gives them both what they want. 

I strongly believe that Diana is doing all that she can...  Ken needs to grow up and realize that she has 2 young kids to take of and another on the way.  If he doesn't like the way things are done and cleaned, then I suggest that he get off his lazy butt and do it his self...  I really don't think men have any clue how hard it is to be pregnant and carry a baby for 9 months.  Its especially hard when you have two other children to take care of while your pregnant...  Ken really made me mad during the show, how he treated his wife when she was doing the best that she could, and it still wasn't good enough for him.  In my opinion she could do way better then him, and she deserves better than him.  But not very many woman is going to put up with as much out of him as Diana has.  If he was my husband I would have already kicked him out of my house and life.  I have a feeling that he is going to live a very long life without a woman to live his long life with. 

Kitty_Kat 

Im a mother of four children and i know just how much it takes to keep a house clean and in order while trying to take care of them but i for once dissagree with DR.PHIL on this one. sure she's pregnant and tired i understand her but she can honestly make an effort to have a nice clean house when her husband gets home. I have heard dr phil saying that we cannot change what we dont acknowledge but it seems to me that this women its hidding behind her pregnancy to avoid her responsability in this matter and unfortunately dr phil did not in my opinion pointed that out to her. her husband is not an angel but he's the only one working while she gets the best of everything, i know lots of women that would like to be on her shoes if she''s not happy she should do something about it and stop nagging. for the record, they both need to change their attitude and make things work but by throwing all the blame on him it just seems like she's right and none of them are. 

Actions speak louder than words on the material possession thing.  She should try giving those things up and see what his reaction would be.  She says she would give them up, but yet she is still dragging them around. 

I do agree that he is verbally abusive.  There is no question in my mind and there is no excuse for it.  That being said, he is frustrated by the things she chooses not to do and it seems to me he has tried other ways of communicating it and she either doesn't get it or simply doesn't care. 

first of all, you have my complete respect.  Unfortunately, I can't give it to your husband. 

He treats you like a doormat, and there is no way I could live with a man who was constantly critical and expects everything to be perfect. 

He's not perfect, and he's not worth defending him and making excuses for his behaviour   He reminds me of my brother-in-law, he treats his wife the same way and we don't get along for the exact same reason.  I don't tolerate guys like this because in my view, they aren't worth tolerating. 

He's "overly critical" - towards you, the mother of his children, whom he said himself he can't stand to spend three hours alone in the house with.  He's also said to you that "divorce" is an option. 

To say that to a woman who has given him two precious children and soon to be another that it appears he doesn't appreciate is cruel and selfish.  You are so much better than that to have to put yourself through the stress of living with this guy. 

I applaud Dr. Phil in his attempts to get you some assistance, but I got the same vibes as he did when he said that Ken didn't appear to be a "willing participant." 

In the meantime, take care of yourself, your children and your future little one.  That, in my view, is the most important thing right now. 

Laura 

I don't know if your Aunt is taking care of your child in your home or hers, but realize that when you are home, so are your kids. I have two little boys who can make a mess just a fast (if not faster) than I can clean it.  

The standard ideal of a day care is 3 or 4 toddlers per adult. If you had to put your child in day care, would you want the workers also doing their family laundry, shopping, etc. while they were taking care of your kids? It's not that a SAM can't do it, but it is very tricky to keep all the balls in the air. Sometimes one or two get dropped for a while. My day starts at 6:30 and doesn't end until about 9:00pm. That's not just how long I have to clean my house, that's how long I am actively taking care of my children. Peeing by myself is a LUXURY. 

I give total respect to Moms who work outside the home. I know that is a difficult balance also. I also know many SAHM will criticize working Moms. Don't you think it's time we all buried the silly hatchet and agreed that wit very few exceptions, we are all busting our butts? 

Okay, I'm reading through these posts and it seems to me there are way to many Stepford wives out there, who are just ready to jump on the whole "I'm doing it, keeping the Martha Stewart Home, while being with a half dozen children, and MY man has me eating out of his hand because he works outside the home."  Ladies, please give me a break. 

First of all, post partum depression, obviously you perfect housewives have never suffered from it, or kept it secret so your wonderful husbands didn't have to deal with it, can last for YEARS after a birth, her second was only ten months, yes, we know the cause , cure , and prevention of pregnancy, but too late for that. So you deal with it, BOTH OF YOU, did anyone, stop to think she was suffering from this, of course not, after fifteen, well okay not even, minutes you all know her and can judge her as lazy ?   Did any of YOU wonderful wives who don't complain and accept your lot in life, ever think that she has high blood pressure ? Or maybe some other pregnancy related illness that makes her more tired than normal, guess not you are looking at the Escalade in the yard, she said she would give that up, and yet he is being the wonderful man who NEEDS a clean home? 

How much actual outside contact ( not family, but girlfriends ) does she get ? Does she get to go to the park and socialize with other moms, or is she going to stay home and make sure her MAN is comfortable ?I loved my MIL to death, but she was really different from having a girlfriend to talk to. 

Is she stuck listening to ( loved my kids but let's face it, there is only soo much of Barney anyone could hear about ), toddlers and prescoolers all day with I might add no break ? 

You know what, I've had three, and I refuse to be a STEPFORD wife, my first I was sixteen, but that's anothe story, I went to school and finished my education, My SECOND was the pregnancy from hell, you know what, I wasn't allowed out of bed, much less vaccuum after my husband, my third, well I had a condition that required rest and NO heavy house work, plus a two year old on top of that. 

My husband, well I'll say, he was raised right, he was loving and supportive, yes my mother and MIL helped me out with thigs I could NOT do, my other children, yes had babysitters, because of DOCTORS orders, not because I was Lazy, who are YOU to JUDGE especially if you do NOT know the people in question. 

But to those moms who would rather be known for their care and attention, and for those of us who CHOSE to leave the dishes and the beds, and went to the playground, single, married, working, Stay at home, being a mother is the hardest job we will ever have yet the most worthwhile, so shouldn't we support, and not judge one another for an eight minute segment we see on TV ?  C'mon ladies, this debate is old, and as promised maybe this show could get onto what makes a good husband 

When I watched the fireman and his wife it really looked like he was nitpicken, does he just plain want out of the marriage?  I say that because why would he consider divorce over cherios and laundry in the dryer, and have the nerve to call his wife half ass and swear at her.  

And she puts up with it!!!   

If he really  was this anal, but truly loved his wife he'd pay to have a maid come in twice a week and get a small dog to eat the cherios off the floor.  

If he's working 130 hrs a week why the heck would he be opening the dryer to see what's in it in the first place???  

He said he can't stand to spend time alone with his kids.  

He sounds like a selfish guy who isn't going to be pleased with anything that doesn't perfectly fit his ideal.  

I feel sorry for ANYONE who has to live with him.  

On top of all of this,  I'll bet anyone could say these things to his face and it wouldn't phase him.  He's just going to justify his attitude and leave her alone with the 3 kids.