Today, thousands of miles away in Germany, where I am stationed with my husband, who is in Iraq right now, I watched Amber on the show, and my heart went out to her, and I prayed so very hard, that she would listen to the words Dr.Phil spoke, because I have walked many miles in her shoes, and I know all the things we say to ourselves, to allow us to keep wearing those shoes.
Nothing good comes from dancing, I know because I did that and I was there. I worked in the top clubs in Houston, dancing at Rick's, the Gold Cup, and even the Men's club.
I also danced in a lot of dives, what ever I felt might make the most money at that moment.
Originally, I never planned to dance. It is true, I took a waitressing job at Rick's, and waitressed for almost a year, but our uniforms were very cute, classy, and I was not required to show anything personal to any customers.
This was good, I certainly wished I could make the kind of money the dancers did, but I was happy and content with a waitresses tips. I was doing just fine with that.
One day I was served with papers, and my ex was filing for custody of our son. It would surprise me if I did not call every attorney in Houston, because that is exactly what I tried to do, but regardless, no one would help me until I put down a 5000.00 retainer fee, and that kind of money comes from a place I did not come from.
As the court day drew near, and my waitress tips left nothing to spare, and I could see all the money the dancers were making, I took a dive.
Why not dance, it was to save my son, and I would do anything in my power, legally, to keep my son at home with me.
Long story short, it did not work. Even if I did come up with the money, what judge is going to allow a dancer the custody of her child, when its such a poor choice, that invites many problems into ones world?
Dancing became a crutch, if I was in a bind, it was an easy answer. I can say that I never got involved with drugs, but I did use alcohol to lessen my inhibitions because without it, I was afraid to get on that stage, or dance at a table to make money.
Dancing, is a mental mind screw, because the customers are trying to get what they can from you, for the least amount of money, and your trying to get the most money you can out of them, without having to do more. Its a game, and in the end, no one wins. There are just losers on every side.
Dancing became, in Houston, a front for prostitution, and since I was not willing to sell myself to that level, it was hard to make money.
Why in the world would a man pay me 20 dollars to dance, when the next girl will have sex with him, for that same price?
The last time I danced, I had a boyfriend, we were engaged. He was not working, we were hungry, and I felt like dancing would hold us over until we both found work.
He hated me dancing. He wanted to tell me to stop, and he tried in many ways, but as soon as we were hungry, I would hit the clubs again, much to his regret.
Dancing, and the drinking I felt I must do to do that kind of work, became a horrible fight between us.
Most of the time, these things do not have a happy ending, but this time, for me it did.
My fiancee joined the Army, and promised me that we could have a better life, a nice home and not be hungry anymore, and there would be money for my children at Christmas time, and birthdays, he offered me an option to a better way of life, and all I had to do, to be with man that loved me so much, and that I loved so very much, was to stop.
And I did.
While there have been struggles for both of us, and at some points, it was even tempting to run back to my old way of life, I just kept the faith that I was doing the right things, and because of that, eventually- good will come from it.
For me, I have to be more than I was and all that I am because I am married to a soldier, who is putting his life on the line, because he believes in me, and I will not dissappoint him.
So we do not have luxury cars that cost a fortune, and sometimes we cannot travel to exotic places because our funds will not accomodate it, and I do not wear a bunch fo designer clothes and have diamonds hanging off my ears, well that is okay for me.
You see, I have a man who loves me too much to ever allow me to be shared, in fantasy or otherwise, with anyone else.
I have a best friend, a beautiful lover and partner who is so supportive, pride, self respect, and I do not have to worry that my kids know what I am doing in life, because I know I am doing the right things.
We are not rich, and my never be, but we do have all the things in life that money could not buy anyway. My kids are happy, healthy, and each time I send them gifts, I am happy to do so, knowing that I did not degrade myself in order to get the money to do so.
I worked for it, or their step-father did, and we put in a clean and respectable day of work, to provide it. Somehow, knowing this, makes me feel like one of the wealthiest people to ever walk the Earth.
It is my greatest hope, that you (Amber if you read this) will value yourself as a brilliant, gorgeous, and intelligent person, who deserves more, and demands more from herself.
Dancing is flattering, it feels like you are a star, men adore you and throw money at your feet, and I know how good that can feel sometimes, but it never feels as good as having a real man that loves you, and would never let you be worshipped like a piece of meat, and it does not beat self-respect, or your families support and love, nor your own self-esteem.
By the way, even if I earned a lot of money dancing, I noticed, ironicly, that something would happen to make sure I never enjoyed anything I bought with the money I made from dancing.
Coincidence, I suppose, but if I bought a nice pair of shoes, they would break a heel, or get lost or be stolen, clothes, same thing. Music C.D.'s, tapes, whatever, none of it stayed in my life.
Not even one of the friends I made in the dancing bars, is still a friend of mine. I have no idea where they are, who they are, or if they even got out.
And Dr.Phil is right yet again, one day, as time passes you will have to quit, because you will be in your 30' compteting with younger flesh, then where will you be?
So please, recognise yourself as a beautiful, gifted, and talented human being, with a family who loves you, and demand more from yourself, than have until now.
Those thousand dollar boots?? I dont know what you paid for them but that is flat out crazy, and if I saw you walk down the street in them, I would not be impressed because it would never occur to me that you paid that much, and if I happen to find out that you did, I would not envy you, I would think you were just nuts.... so let go of the materialistic, and brace in yourself, the things that really matter.
Wishing you the very best, and happy roads ahead
How far would you go to make or save some extra cash? Christy calls her husband, Joel, the ultimate cheapskate. She says they never go on dates, and the last time she received a present from him was four years ago. She says Joel is such a tightwad, she even had to buy her own wedding ring! Then, Nichole says her sister, Amber, is so addicted to cold, hard cash that she even took a dangerous job breathing fire and married a man for $5,000. Amber admits she’s stuck in a vicious cycle and says she can’t get out.Will she be able to change her money-motivated lifestyle? Plus, meet a woman obsessed with scratch-off lottery tickets, and a mom who worries she’s raising a money-hungry son. Talk about the show here.
