When my Dad died, I was 9 years old. My Mom was suddenly left with 3 older children (who were pretty much out on their own and starting their own families), and the four of us younger kids, aging from 9 to 11 years old. Having been totally dependant on our father's income for all of their years together, our Mother was devastated. She absolutely had a mental, physical, and financial breakdown.
She actually put a lock on her bedroom door, and locked herself away from us kids for almost a month before our older brother finally came over and helped her face and deal with her depression. We immediately went from upper middle class, to standing in a welfare line, ONE TIME!! There was no food in the house, the oil was gone from the oil tank to heat the house, and it was November here in the Northwest. We were cold, tired, and scaired, but went to school every day hoping that Mom would come out when we got home. Thank God our brother finally sensed that something was wrong, when he finally came to save her and the rest of us. He did as she had taught him to do. He made her look in a mirror, and insisted that she was deserving of more from and of herself in life. Having 4 kids standing in the hallway hungry and cold may have helped too, LOL.
She looked into our 4 little faces that day at the welfare office, and said "No way!! I'm not going to raise the four of you to believe that you don't deserve more than this in life.". She took a night secretary job that paid LESS than welfare, enduring sexual harassment and the nightly fear that the 4 of us were running the streets and raising Hell with the neighborhood (which we pretty much were). After the first 3 or 4 childcare hires quit trying to keep up with us, as well as a couple of visits to the emergency room for broken bones or stitches for one of us kids, she ended up relying on basically God's angels to watch over us by night, and her belt to inspire us to behave by day.
She worked her way into a secretarial job with the city which helped to pay for her to go to night school, and she eventually earned an Engineering degree. Mind you, she ended having 7 children, ending it with the 2 of us twins at the age of 37, so by the time she had to start supporting anyone, much less herself with a mortgage and 4 kids, she was almost 50 years old.
Ultimately she retired after 26 years of working for the city of Seattle (and even earned a couple of awards from the Mayor for her superior service), while having managed to keep a roof over our heads, food in our bellys, and even scrounged the money for the boys to at least stay in sports and boy scouts. There wasn't anything left for us girls of coarse, but hey,......we were only girls. In her generation, only boys really mattered when it came to status.
I still remember the cocktail parties when Dad came home (he was a merchant mariner captain), with all of the adults dressed in their mink coats and draped in jewelry galore. His parents were millionaires, but they never gave him a dime to support us. He educated and supported us, and followed in his father's footsteps. He was the youngest man at the time to get his Master Mariner's pilot license for all seas, and we were beaming with pride in him.
I remember the all night bridge games and cocktails, and sneaking handfulls of cashews and bridgemix when they weren't looking. I remember my Mom letting us play with her precious gem necklasses, bracelets and rings that Dad would bring her back from his travels to Japan and the east. She only wore them for their cocktail parties. I remember eating off of Franciscanware dishes as our nightly dinnerware, along with fine crystal glassware. I also remember Mom screaming for plastic, but Dad saying "not in my house."
I also remember the huge 5 bedroom "house" that Dad convinced Mom to move into for 1 year, before she insisted that he buy back our old smaller and older 4 bedroom "home". I remember the new Cadillac that Dad bought mom one year, before she insisted that he return it for a Dodge Polara, that same day. She was always afraid that her children would see them as wasting what they had earned, rather than being responsible, while also enjoying what they could from time to time.
I saw her go from rags to riches, and then back to poverty in the blink of an eye, before spending a lifetime working her way back to middle class, and being the most happy as such. She now has Alzheimers, and thankfully doesn't remember any of her life's suffering. She doesn't even remember our Dad, and is slowly losing her memory and recognition of some of her own children. I pray that I never forget her, or all that she has taught me.
In all that HER life was, it has taught me all of what MY thoughts are of money. It can make you or break you, but only if you let it. I have always been happy to work hard to make just enough money to allow me to maintain the little things that make me happy. Having enough money to have a cat or two. Being able to see a movie "once in awhile". Being able to go camping once or twice a year. So what if at one point I qualified for a bigger home? It would have meant sacrificing the little things in order to keep the one big thing, so to me it was never worth it. Unfortunately, my future ex-husband doesn't see money that way, so he has left me for another woman who does have "means", and can "keep him" in a way that he feels makes him more financially "happy".
While I do have fears for my immediate financial security, it is only because I am physically no longer able to to maintain my idea of a comfortable independence. I have stage 2 hepatitis, contracted from a blood transfusion 21 years ago when my daughter was born, and am starting to feel the daily physical fatigue that it causes. I am also suffering from a couple of repetitve motion injuries which I have suffered on my job as a rural mail carrier. Still, I am only happy as long as I am doing what I can, and am able to accept what I can not. Not that any such acceptance comes easy, because I am by nature very independant.
I have a small (around 1400 sq. foot) 3 bedroom home, which I suppose is 2 bedrooms bigger than 1 person "needs". I "like" having one extra room for guests or whenever my daughter blesses me with an overnight visit. I "like" having an extra room as an office, and I "like" my own bedroom, small as they all are. I "like" having my 2 cats and my 1 dog. I "like" having a house to clean and maintain, and a yard in which to rip things out of when I feel the need to tear something up, as well as to plant new things when I am in a nuturing mood, with nobody other than my pets left with me now to "nuture". As a Cancer born in July, it is in my nature to be a home body, and to nuture things and those around me.
Still, while I "like" having all of these things, and I do feel truly blessed to have them, I also realize that I don't "need" them. I realize that if I do lose it all, I will still be rich in life. I will still have my family and friends, and I will still be alive and breathing in order to share as much as I can of my time left on this planet with them. Perhaps that is why I have always been lowsy about taking photos through the years. I prefer to place memories, in MY memory, which doesn't require a camera or film.
I actually feel sorry for my future ex- husband, because for all that he stands to gain in his new and future life with this other woman, he is still, and always will be, morally and spiritually broke. For me anyway, ..........that's just sad.
It isn't just love that money can't buy. It also can't buy you a true understanding and appreciation for all that is truly valuable in this thing we call life. When we leave it, all we can take with us is our love, and our memories of who and what we loved. I plan to be vastly rich in these when I die.
How far would you go to make or save some extra cash? Christy calls her husband, Joel, the ultimate cheapskate. She says they never go on dates, and the last time she received a present from him was four years ago. She says Joel is such a tightwad, she even had to buy her own wedding ring! Then, Nichole says her sister, Amber, is so addicted to cold, hard cash that she even took a dangerous job breathing fire and married a man for $5,000. Amber admits she’s stuck in a vicious cycle and says she can’t get out.Will she be able to change her money-motivated lifestyle? Plus, meet a woman obsessed with scratch-off lottery tickets, and a mom who worries she’s raising a money-hungry son. Talk about the show here.
