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Topic : Bullies

Number of Replies: 535
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:44:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Bullying is far more serious than just name-calling and teasing. It's escalated to include harassment, beatings and even death threats. Share your bully stories, give and get advice from other parents.

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April 18, 2008, 4:59 am CDT

School Angels

Hey everyone,

I am a music teacher and I have started a project called the School Angels and it's coming in response to increasing levels of violence, bullying, intolerance and gangs at schools.

 

The School Angels are regional groups designed to help better support schools with resources sharing, aid, management, counselling and anti-violence and tolerance programs. The School Angels is about parents, teachers and schools helping each other. Anti-violence needs to be taught at school, as does tolerance education. A concert is being organised to help raise money for anti-violence and tolerance programs called "In My Shoes". I am also putting together a book for teachers and parents called "In My Shoes" where people have contributed their stories of what it's like to be from a different culture, religion, sexuality, gender, weight, dis-abilty. The purpose is to give the reader and/or student a chance to walk in someone's shoes and to see the similarities and celebrate the differences.

 

A website is under construction (http://www.schoolangels.com.au/)  where school and parents can get more information and register Angel Groups in regions to make contact with each other and help each other.

 

I have also put together a video called "Somebody's Baby", viewable on the website or on youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3tKcPHRlX4 )   Please watch it and share it and hopeful take something away from it that creates change.

 

Andrew Stopps

 
April 18, 2008, 5:29 am CDT

Some ideas on how to stop bullying

 In the beginning of this thread it says "Bullying is far more serious". This could very well be true because it can affect the rest of your life. I was bullied (and I think I still am) and I don't have a job, and frankly I don't feel the motivation to find one, and maybe if I wasn't bullied, I also wouldn't have been a pedophile. So because I don't have a job, I don't make myself useful for society this way, but maybe I can make myself useful with this posting. In here I suggest some other (unusual) ideas, which can be more usefull as just repeating the standard ones, like heavy punishments (I doubt they work).

My worst memories of being bullied was at the swimlessons when I was about 8/9. The most swimteachers I remembered were unfriendly, and they forced children to do things that they were afraid of. For as far I remember, there was often crying, so these children were crying of fear. And if you make children cry of fear, you're a child-bully right? My tip for the society is to suspend and re-educate these swim-teachers.
And maybe their pupils can start to think conscious or subconscious that's it's ok to make children cry, because, after all, the teacher (adult) is doing it him/herself?
Anyway, after the lessons in the dressing room the other boys often started to bully on me as a group, because I suppose I was the weakest. Believe me, it's very, very unpleasant to be at the lowest end of the picking order. So you probably understand that after such experiences I never asked anybody if I could please go on a sportsclub.
For as far I remember all the boys participated in the bullying, but maybe there were five who did, and two who didn't because they thought it was mean. Off course I'm not mad at these two children!
But now I want to ask dr. Phil a really important thing. I've heared you say twice something like (not the correct words) that "if you don't help the victims, you're equal as a bully"? But is it really true that you said such a thing, or do I misunderstand you? I think you really have to be brave to do such a thing, and I suppose you also weren't such a brave child, dr. Phil? And with all respect, dr Phil, I think you're still bullying on pedophiles (and this is what I try to explain in my postings, I'm so tired of being bullied), and I also think that of all the sexual orientations, the pedophiles are bullied the most. So that doesn't only make you one of the participators, but also one of the leaders, since you are famous and people listen to you! And what I think is so strange, is that something you refuse to do (helping the bullied people), is something you demand from children??? I understand I sound a little upset, but I asked so many times (also to other people) but they refuse to answer me!
But let's move on to the bullying in the dressing room. What could be done against that? Well, for a start, (maybe this is an unusual idea, I don't know) leave a capable adult behind in the dressing rooms who could stop these children if they start to bully. Anyway a stranger idea is (but I think is a good one), that as a parent, and your not pretty sure if your child becomes a bully if he/she's left alone with other children, without an adult watching over them, then simply don't. In the case of the swim-lessons, just leave them at home.
And as a last idea, and I suggested it before in previous postings, are these "social intercourse" lessons. I think that's the best idea, after all, if such lessons are succesfull, they can avoid so many problems afterwards. So don't you think that's a great idea for your show dr. Phil?




 
April 18, 2008, 8:58 am CDT

bullies/jealousy

I'm posting this information because I really need advice.

 

I have (2) girls, one 15, the other 12.  The 15 year old is being bullied I believe as a result of jealousy. THe bully is our cousin.  She lives with her grandmother and is moody, tempermental and it seems fixated on making my 15 year old look bad at church and at school.  My 15 year old is kind, loving , and sweet. Her only negative is being inmature for her age. She had an issue with a bully when she was 9. That  bully moved on, but at the time I tried to talk it over with her grandmother, but she had her MIND made up that it was my child.  Now, the same thing. This bully lives with her grandmother. She's very smart and makes great grades. She's also a year and a half oder than my child.

 

I spoke with the grandmother on yesterday.  This incident was in regard to something that happened at church with my 12 year old. The bully was ugly to her, and it made no sense. The next day at school when my 15 arrived, the bully told someone, "I can't stand that girl right there, or her sister"

But she told her grandmother that my child commented on her.

 

She has the band director, and at least her grandmother fooled.

 

I stopped over to her grandmothers on Easter to deliver something, the bully saw me sitting in her living room, and "HURRIED" back to her room.  When my children see her grandmother, they speak! I've watched them. They don't look down, look away or anything, they just speak!  The bully doesn't  speak to me or my husband either.  When we see her she looks at us as if to say "You know I don't speak to you now", and holds her head up, and walks away.

 

I could get into alot, but I wont.  I'm disgusted, and I'm hurt by this girl's treatment of me, and my family.

 

When I tried to talk to the grandmother, she was cordial, but I could tell that she had her mind made up until I mentioned how she's cursed other children out at church, along with mine. It was as if other children can tell the truth, but when it comes to mine, "MINE CAN'T"

 

Someone, please answer this.

 

Thank you 

 
April 18, 2008, 9:39 am CDT

School Angels

Quote From: schoolangel

Hey everyone,

I am a music teacher and I have started a project called the School Angels and it's coming in response to increasing levels of violence, bullying, intolerance and gangs at schools.

 

The School Angels are regional groups designed to help better support schools with resources sharing, aid, management, counselling and anti-violence and tolerance programs. The School Angels is about parents, teachers and schools helping each other. Anti-violence needs to be taught at school, as does tolerance education. A concert is being organised to help raise money for anti-violence and tolerance programs called "In My Shoes". I am also putting together a book for teachers and parents called "In My Shoes" where people have contributed their stories of what it's like to be from a different culture, religion, sexuality, gender, weight, dis-abilty. The purpose is to give the reader and/or student a chance to walk in someone's shoes and to see the similarities and celebrate the differences.

 

A website is under construction (http://www.schoolangels.com.au/)  where school and parents can get more information and register Angel Groups in regions to make contact with each other and help each other.

 

I have also put together a video called "Somebody's Baby", viewable on the website or on youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3tKcPHRlX4 )   Please watch it and share it and hopeful take something away from it that creates change.

 

Andrew Stopps

This sounds like a very good idea to me! I think it's good to help children (and also adults) with thinking on how it is to be different, and hopefully this way they learn more healthy respect, compassion and other good values. I wish you much succes!

Borido


 
April 18, 2008, 2:37 pm CDT

Bullies

Quote From: regis02

I'm posting this information because I really need advice.

 

I have (2) girls, one 15, the other 12.  The 15 year old is being bullied I believe as a result of jealousy. THe bully is our cousin.  She lives with her grandmother and is moody, tempermental and it seems fixated on making my 15 year old look bad at church and at school.  My 15 year old is kind, loving , and sweet. Her only negative is being inmature for her age. She had an issue with a bully when she was 9. That  bully moved on, but at the time I tried to talk it over with her grandmother, but she had her MIND made up that it was my child.  Now, the same thing. This bully lives with her grandmother. She's very smart and makes great grades. She's also a year and a half oder than my child.

 

I spoke with the grandmother on yesterday.  This incident was in regard to something that happened at church with my 12 year old. The bully was ugly to her, and it made no sense. The next day at school when my 15 arrived, the bully told someone, "I can't stand that girl right there, or her sister"

But she told her grandmother that my child commented on her.

 

She has the band director, and at least her grandmother fooled.

 

I stopped over to her grandmothers on Easter to deliver something, the bully saw me sitting in her living room, and "HURRIED" back to her room.  When my children see her grandmother, they speak! I've watched them. They don't look down, look away or anything, they just speak!  The bully doesn't  speak to me or my husband either.  When we see her she looks at us as if to say "You know I don't speak to you now", and holds her head up, and walks away.

 

I could get into alot, but I wont.  I'm disgusted, and I'm hurt by this girl's treatment of me, and my family.

 

When I tried to talk to the grandmother, she was cordial, but I could tell that she had her mind made up until I mentioned how she's cursed other children out at church, along with mine. It was as if other children can tell the truth, but when it comes to mine, "MINE CAN'T"

 

Someone, please answer this.

 

Thank you 

Wow, this is quite a problem. 

It seems from what you have written that this girl is a psycholgical bully. 

The first thing I would do I actually speak to the bully, to her face. It is important though that you are careful how your confront her, if you are too accusative or confronting, she will only use that as a further justification of her own bad behaviour - "She was mean to me so it's ok if I am mean back to her and her kids."

The first thing you need to do is disarm her. That can be done very easily, by very warmly complimenting her on something, maybe what she is wearing, something about her music, about what she did in church. You must be genuine though with your compliment. She will not be expecting that and it will make her a little less defensive.

Ask the bully why she is angry with you or your daughter, if she says she is not, then gently point out an incident where she was mean and say, "that behaviour seems like you are angry to me." Tell her that you want to work this out.  No matter how she acts while you are talking to her, you must maintain a calm and understanding position. Bullies like to intimidate and frighten, so avoid saying "My daughter feels scared or bad." but rather, "We don't understand why you are so angry?"

If she still continues to deny being angry or that there is anything wrong, the best you can do next is to ask her the question allowed in front of her grandmother and/or band director, that way she will be required to give an answer in front of others and she won't be able to get out of it as easily. Always be calm and nice about it though and don't give her any more "reason" to continue the behaviour.

 

Hope that helps.

 

Andrew

 
April 20, 2008, 12:25 pm CDT

Bullies

Quote From: borido

 My definition of the word "pedophile" is (to keep it short) somebody who feels sexual attracted to children who are younger than about 12. I think that most pedophiles don't sexually abuse children, and I also think that most pedophiles don't dare to say that they are (and imo the media isn't helping). Now, may I ask you which word you use for such a pedophile who is a virgin?
SICK
 
April 21, 2008, 1:14 pm CDT

Bullies

Quote From: borido

 Again nobody. Could it be that my questions aren't read, or that nobody has the time? Or could it be that you are afraid to lose? But if that's the case,  I don't think you're very mentally sporty, so that you don't seem open minded. Please answer.

Borido
I'm sorry the answers to your questions are not the ones you were hoping for. Dictionary definition of pedophilia: a mental health health disorder which, when acted upon, is a crime.  A   pedophile is a person who commits the crime of having sex with a child.  Are you asking for help?
 
April 21, 2008, 10:53 pm CDT

Borido

Quote From: borido

 Again nobody. Could it be that my questions aren't read, or that nobody has the time? Or could it be that you are afraid to lose? But if that's the case,  I don't think you're very mentally sporty, so that you don't seem open minded. Please answer.

Borido

Bully's do not make a person a pedophile, nor does it make a person lazy and not want to work for a living.

I read a few of your posts, and frankly some of your terminology was creepy.

As for being open minded or closed minded, it matters not to me what you may think of me or others.

As far as I am concerned you are looking for a medium to purport your views and to also seek acquiescence to your veiws. It would seem to me that since you have not gotten it, that instead you have resorted to making refrences to peoples state of minds and behaviors.

most of the individuals that post on the bully board are parents and even those that are not parents, are not going to feel safe, comfortable or agree that pedophilia is ok, because it is not, it is an illness that is a wreaker of lives and stealer of inocence.

My suggestion to you would to find a very good therapist to help you with your illness, it is not a sexual orinetation, it is an illness. If you have already sought out and found a good therapist good for you! Keep working with them because sadly pedophilia is a life long illness and has to constantly be monitored and dealt with.

As for pedophilacs being the target of bully's one has to remember and as you well know the targets are the children, and most individuals have a innate desire to protect children from harm ie phedophiles whos sole targets are children. If you find this offensive then you really need to do some introspection as to why you would find it offensive that the general population wants to protect children.

To reiterate being bullied did not make you a pedophile, it is  a mental illness, again find a really good therapist to work with.

Tammy

 

 
April 21, 2008, 10:58 pm CDT

Borido

Quote From: borido

 Again nobody. Could it be that my questions aren't read, or that nobody has the time? Or could it be that you are afraid to lose? But if that's the case,  I don't think you're very mentally sporty, so that you don't seem open minded. Please answer.

Borido

Bully's do not make a person a pedophile, nor does it make a person lazy and not want to work for a living.

I read a few of your posts, and frankly some of your terminology was creepy.

As for being open minded or closed minded, it matters not to me what you may think of me or others.

As far as I am concerned you are looking for a medium to purport your views and to also seek acquiescence to your veiws. It would seem to me that since you have not gotten it, that instead you have resorted to making refrences to peoples state of minds and behaviors.

most of the individuals that post on the bully board are parents and even those that are not parents, are not going to feel safe, comfortable or agree that pedophilia is ok, because it is not, it is an illness that is a wreaker of lives and stealer of inocence.

My suggestion to you would to find a very good therapist to help you with your illness, it is not a sexual orinetation, it is an illness. If you have already sought out and found a good therapist good for you! Keep working with them because sadly pedophilia is a life long illness and has to constantly be monitored and dealt with.

As for pedophilacs being the target of bully's one has to remember and as you well know the targets are the children, and most individuals have a innate desire to protect children from harm ie phedophiles whos sole targets are children. If you find this offensive then you really need to do some introspection as to why you would find it offensive that the general population wants to protect children.

To reiterate being bullied did not make you a pedophile, it is  a mental illness, again find a really good therapist to work with.

Tammy

 

 
April 22, 2008, 3:19 am CDT

Please stop bullying

Quote From: margeryb123

SICK
 And yet another irrational sneer, which makes you a bully.
A virgin pedophile doesn't harm anybody, right (according to mydefinition)? Have you ever thought of it that such a person may notlike to be a pedophile, while the society is very un-understanding?Maybe you thought of it that because of such things such a person oftenwants to die???? (And this is also what I tried to explain in aprevious posting, have you read it?) I'm such a person!!!!! I can'thelp that I'm a pedophile! Do you really think that was my own choice?And if you feel sexual attracted to adults, than that doesn't make youa better person, than you were just more lucky! I hope for you that youhave a satisfying sexual live? Apart for masturbation I don't! Or doyou also think that it is wrong I think of children when I masturbate?In such a case, could you please explain to me who I'm hurting? Do youthink that's worse than swim-teachers who make children cry, orgym-teachers who publicly humiliate children by making them choose aslast? In that case I seriously think that you don't see problems in theright perspective.
But if you are such a person who delibirately kicks at people whoallready feel bad, by being something they can't help, by sneering atthem, than you must really be a mean person, and that makes you abully. And together with a whole group (it seems to be the most of thesociety) you're kicking at people who are different, and hardly dare todefend themselves, in this case pedophiles, which makes you a meancoward! Can you please explain what the essential difference is betweenthis adult group-bullying, and child group-bullying (like the example Iwrote in a previous posting when I was bullied by a group of childrenafter the swimlessons). Can you also understand I don't really trust"groups of people" anymore?

In the case you're were trying to make me feel bad by just writing "SICK", I can congratulate you! I wanted to do something else, but it's really hard to concentrate on these other things. But I suppose you allready understood that I don't see myself as a happy person, and frankly I'm not happy since I was three! I hope you feel better now? What a mean person I am right? After all, I'm a pedophile, and all these people are so really, really bad that they can't be insulted enough, right? And do you also have good experiences with all these sneers, so that things concretely improve, or are you just doing that without much thinking, because after all, the otherpeople do it to, which makes it "normal", and when something is "normal" it's automatically right, or whatever the "normal" people reason?

That's why I really think I hope you're not a parent. If you're really such an irrational mean person, then how on earth can you bring up your children well, so that they grow up to be nice people? In this thread you're not behaving like a nice person yourself! And it's so hard for me to give you the benefit of the doubt that if you have children, that they don't bully on other children, and if you're not fairly sure that they don't, then please don't leave them alone with other children! I thought the swim-lessons were HORRIBLE!!!
Please try to be a little more rational and nice, then I try to be nice too, fair?
 
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