Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

December 20, 2008, 2:15 pm PST

Bullies

Quote From: kaye337

My son has always been a loner. In grade school they had a secret box outside the office that a student could put a comment id you see bulling. He put a note in there that said he was being bullied what a brave thing to do when he was younger. Last yr Jr high his student schedulier was found and given to the principle. He had told some students about a pending suicide, they didn't believe him so he had to pick a date. then he put in the kind of ways that he could kill his self. Gun, knife, pills ect... Thank God the principle called us and we were able to get him into counciling and seen our family doctor who put him on depressant med's. Now my son, still doesn't tell us when bulling happens but I know it does. I now he's afraid to say anything or write it down due to the principle, mom, dad and the councilor, he's a loner he doesn't want problems so he takes it in. His life at home has always been great, he's a really great kid. we don't have problems with behavior but last year scared the hell out of me. He hates school with passion. thats where the bullies are and yes some Teacher can be bullies too. Teacher that yell he has alot of problems with. School needs to be educated. We need classes about bulling just as much or even more than english, and math. I will do whatever I have to help my son, he's kind, he is full of so much love and understanding. if only the bullies and the yelling teachers knew what they turn my son into a suffering kid in a bully world. I too was bullied at my job and when i went to human resources to complain, I was fired for other reasons. Bullies are everywhere. God Bless all the kids that live with them each and every day.

My son is 17. He is a junior at our town high school. He was overweight as a child. He had about a handful of friends as a child, but now he has no friends. He lost the weight, but suffers from a low self-esteem. At the end of 8th grade, he went to dance by himself and vowed he would lose weight. In 9th grade, he looked great, but his self esteem didn't impove. He suffers from OCD and had become obsessed with have perfect abs. After going through a minor eating disorder, he has put on much needed weight, but he is still suffering. He says that the kids do not give him a chance. They never include him and my husband and I are really worried. My son becomes very angry at home, but he says he's that way because he is so miserable at school. I know if he had one good friend it wouldn't be as bad but he doesn't have that. He wants us to transfer him to a private high school. He told me that he wishes that he could carry a camera around and show us what goes on and that it is not him. He has said that he wants to kill himself and after reading about suicides in the news, I'm frightened. We have gone the therapist route. After spending 1 year and $11,000.00, it hasn't gotten any better.

Read Replies to this Message

godrphil3

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote

December 31, 2008, 8:01 am PST

three and so mean

I don't know what to do my daughter is three January 04,20008 and she can be the meaniest and rudest little girl i have ever seen. I am not mean by any means I am a very out going and loud funny. that is me. I have even gotten on my husbands nerves because I am so happy all the time. Well underneath i am not happy I am not happy at all but i try so hard not to show that unless i am alone. back to my daughter she hits she tells me i am mean when i put her in time out or take her toys away. She tells me "I do not love you mommy" and that just breakes my heart so much. She has never been in daycare and she is not around kids a lot. She has cousins but they see each other only every two weeks if that (my sister in law doesn't like me I took her baby brother away) So she is alone with me a lot she plays very well by herself and she does good with other children for maybe a couple of hours and then she throws the biggest fit ever. she will start hitting and she hits hard for a three year old. I need advice!!!!!

Read Replies to this Message

naglfar

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

January 5, 2009, 1:44 pm PST

metal

Dr. Phil's message board

Read Replies to this Message

fmlyhm

User Mood
Bored

Message Emote
chillin'

March 1, 2009, 3:17 am PST

Solution

I can speak from experience, having been bullied when I was in Elementary school, from the 1st grade till the 3rd.

The situation was ended quite easily; a bunch of my friends who were older just came up to the twerps and gave them what was coming. The whole thing ended like that, with no repercussions to either side.

Sure, violence isn't always the answer (by saying it's never the answer, you're blindly ignorant), but in dire times, the real solution can only be the hard way. After that, none of the kids bullied me, nor did they fear me or isolate me. I became one of the group, though not in the bully sense.

Passive-aggressive "solutions" can only get you so far, and teachers and other staff alike are pretty powerless, that I've noticed. Usually when you get parents or older people (talking staff and others also) involved, you only brand yourself a coward and only further the situation. I've never seen or heard of an incident that was handled through the school staff and/or parents, and actually having a positive impact on the situation.

Here in Europe we've got the same issues as in the States, though probably not in the same degree. In Finland alone we've had 2 school shootings in the last year alone, which only speaks volumes about how things are.

I can also vouch for another fact; not all kids who're bullied are just isolated incidents that just "happen out of nowhere". Having watched a kid in my Junior High class getting bullied throughout the 3 years, it was apparent the other kids weren't the problem, but merely coped with an odd persona. The kid who was bullied really wanted the attention - be it negative or positive. Kids would ignore his antics for a while, but then the wall just hit once they couldn't stand his annoying behavior. Wasn't due to the way he was, his clothes, or his hobbies - but purely because of his own actions. He was just lonely, and wanted some attention from his peers, but went at it through the wrong approach.

Read Replies to this Message

klarouche

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote

March 24, 2009, 6:36 pm PDT

bullies

I am a single parent raising a 12yr. old son. My son recently got into a fight with a bully at school. He was trying to protect another child from being bullied. Just because the teachers saw only him fist fighting with the other student, he got blamed. He tried to explain what happen but all did was yell at him for fighting and asked him why he never told anyone through all the years he has been in elementary school that other kids were picking on him. I do not think it is ok to fight but if another kid is hitting you ,you have to defend yourself. My son told me it has been a different kid picking on him every year but he never told me. He said he cried alot in his room about it. The school and his docter think he has an anger problem and he needs to get into counseling. I am getting him into counseling. I do not know how to help him and he will not talk to me about what he is feeling. I did not handle bullying so well in school myself. I do not know how to help him. Any help would be appreciated.

Read Replies to this Message

jnbrook

Message Emote
angry

March 29, 2009, 11:57 pm PDT

the Mama Bully

I had a very disturbing experience today with my 2-yr old son. We went to the playground on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, thinking that he would be able to have some fun with other kids, as he is an only child and doesn't have a lot of kids his age in our immediate neighborhood.

anyway, we get there, and he gets up on the jungle-gym and is crawling through one of the plastic tunnels, when a boy twice his age and size literally steps ON him to get through the tunnel. I saw it happen, and thought to keep my eyes open, but not to step in and be the overprotective mother. BUT, not 2 minutes later it happened again, with this boy stepping on my son's head in order to clamber through the tunnel. My son was by now crying, and I cried out to the boy to stop what he was doing. I had happened to overhear his sister calling out his name, and so got his attention quickly and made him apologize to my crying son. In the process, my son thought he was the one who needed to apologize. I told him he had nothing to be sorry for, but that the other boy had said he was sorry, and that sometimes the older boys were more rough and tumble than he was used to. END of problem, or so I thought.

about 5 minutes later, a woman in a wheelchair came rolling up asking if I had spoken to her son on the playground...I said I had because he had been hurting my son. She started in on me that I had no right to even talk to her son, let alone yell at him in any way, and that I was to apologize to her 4 year old son for hurting his feelings!!!! That I had scared him...I said GOOD...maybe he won't behave like that again!!! She was very agressive in her demeanor and language...I did my very best not to lose my temper with her in front of my son. When I realized there was no reasoning with this lady (or getting a word in edgewise, as every time she would pause for my response, and I would start to speak, she would cut me off!) I walked away, and this woman continued to taunt me.

I cannot tell you how irate this made me. I thought she was coming over to apologize for her son hurting mine! And instead I was verbally attacked for speaking to her son and making him apologize!!!!! I stuck up for my son, didn't lay a finger on this kid and got this other boy to apologize for his actions. I stuck up for Ian and myself to this lady, who I guess thought that because she was in a wheelchair, that she has a right to bully from her chair.

How is it that it has gotten to the point in the general public that this kind of behavior is accepted in any way shape or form. If my son had done that to another child I would have been livid with him, and marched him over to the kid and parent for an apology. And how is it that parents think it is OK for their kids to act that way??? It just does not compute with me. I am trying to let the incident go, but it has really struck a nerve...being a teacher and dealing with kids of all ages on a regular basis.

Read Replies to this Message

klarouche

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
quiet

April 1, 2009, 9:19 am PDT

Telling a child to stop hurting your son is ok.

Quote From: jnbrook

I had a very disturbing experience today with my 2-yr old son. We went to the playground on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, thinking that he would be able to have some fun with other kids, as he is an only child and doesn't have a lot of kids his age in our immediate neighborhood.

anyway, we get there, and he gets up on the jungle-gym and is crawling through one of the plastic tunnels, when a boy twice his age and size literally steps ON him to get through the tunnel. I saw it happen, and thought to keep my eyes open, but not to step in and be the overprotective mother. BUT, not 2 minutes later it happened again, with this boy stepping on my son's head in order to clamber through the tunnel. My son was by now crying, and I cried out to the boy to stop what he was doing. I had happened to overhear his sister calling out his name, and so got his attention quickly and made him apologize to my crying son. In the process, my son thought he was the one who needed to apologize. I told him he had nothing to be sorry for, but that the other boy had said he was sorry, and that sometimes the older boys were more rough and tumble than he was used to. END of problem, or so I thought.

about 5 minutes later, a woman in a wheelchair came rolling up asking if I had spoken to her son on the playground...I said I had because he had been hurting my son. She started in on me that I had no right to even talk to her son, let alone yell at him in any way, and that I was to apologize to her 4 year old son for hurting his feelings!!!! That I had scared him...I said GOOD...maybe he won't behave like that again!!! She was very agressive in her demeanor and language...I did my very best not to lose my temper with her in front of my son. When I realized there was no reasoning with this lady (or getting a word in edgewise, as every time she would pause for my response, and I would start to speak, she would cut me off!) I walked away, and this woman continued to taunt me.

I cannot tell you how irate this made me. I thought she was coming over to apologize for her son hurting mine! And instead I was verbally attacked for speaking to her son and making him apologize!!!!! I stuck up for my son, didn't lay a finger on this kid and got this other boy to apologize for his actions. I stuck up for Ian and myself to this lady, who I guess thought that because she was in a wheelchair, that she has a right to bully from her chair.

How is it that it has gotten to the point in the general public that this kind of behavior is accepted in any way shape or form. If my son had done that to another child I would have been livid with him, and marched him over to the kid and parent for an apology. And how is it that parents think it is OK for their kids to act that way??? It just does not compute with me. I am trying to let the incident go, but it has really struck a nerve...being a teacher and dealing with kids of all ages on a regular basis.

I do not think there is anything wrong with telling a child to stop hurting your son .His mother did go too far by saying you should apologize to her son and contineuing to taunt you. She was acting like a child. Some example she sets for her son! No wonder why her son acts the way he does. He learned it from his mom. You did the right thing by telling the child to stop .His mother should have been watching him after all he is only 4. She should have gone over and told him to stop. Some parents think there kids can do no wrong and they do not disipline them at all. This mom was that kind of parent. You have to do what you have to do to protect your child.

Read Replies to this Message

nerual101

User Mood
Bored

Message Emote
anxious

April 16, 2009, 8:07 pm PDT

Part of my story.

I'm 18 this year, though as psychiatrists havesaid, I have the emotional maturity of a 7 year old.
"How did this happen? " you ask, well I shall explain.
When I was 7 years old, Bullies targeted me.
I was bullied at school, and at family daycare after, and when I came home, because one of the main bullies was the son of the daycare lady, my Mum believed the Daycare lady's lies.
I was called names, beaten and kicked, and sexually assulted.
In later years, I had trouble fitting in with other kids, because I had repressed the memories, I couldn't figure out why I was always so mad and on edge.

I suffer from severe PTSD, I can't have normal relationships with men, I can't trust even the closest of my friends.
I often have nightmares about things that happened to me.

When I was 15, one of the bullies apologised, and I told him that I couldn't not forgive him for what he had done, even though i didnt remember the exact details of it.
A month later, another one of the bullies came up and said to me in his very own words ,
"Hun, I'll be the only peice of action you'll ever get, why should I apologise? You should be thanking me"

Because of my stint in development, I don't always make wise choices.
I get angry easily, and my rage is uncontrollable.
I've been known to destroy things, put holes in walls and hurt people physically and mentally.

I moved from my home town 3 years ago, and when I moved, all this bottled up rage let loose.
I've had an eating disorder.
I had a mental breakdown, attempted to take my life.

What would those boys say now if they saw me?

I'm getting my life back on track,as best as I can.
Trying to finish school and get somewhere.
I wish to be a Primary School teacher, so I can be there for young children, as a protector and guardian.

I want people to know my story and think twice before they do anything that hurts another human being.

People don't know the effect they can have when even something as simple as an unkind word is said.

Read Replies to this Message

klarouche

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
surprised

April 18, 2009, 7:26 am PDT

It takes time to heal from the horrible experience you went through as a child.

Quote From: nerual101

I'm 18 this year, though as psychiatrists havesaid, I have the emotional maturity of a 7 year old.
"How did this happen? " you ask, well I shall explain.
When I was 7 years old, Bullies targeted me.
I was bullied at school, and at family daycare after, and when I came home, because one of the main bullies was the son of the daycare lady, my Mum believed the Daycare lady's lies.
I was called names, beaten and kicked, and sexually assulted.
In later years, I had trouble fitting in with other kids, because I had repressed the memories, I couldn't figure out why I was always so mad and on edge.

I suffer from severe PTSD, I can't have normal relationships with men, I can't trust even the closest of my friends.
I often have nightmares about things that happened to me.

When I was 15, one of the bullies apologised, and I told him that I couldn't not forgive him for what he had done, even though i didnt remember the exact details of it.
A month later, another one of the bullies came up and said to me in his very own words ,
"Hun, I'll be the only peice of action you'll ever get, why should I apologise? You should be thanking me"

Because of my stint in development, I don't always make wise choices.
I get angry easily, and my rage is uncontrollable.
I've been known to destroy things, put holes in walls and hurt people physically and mentally.

I moved from my home town 3 years ago, and when I moved, all this bottled up rage let loose.
I've had an eating disorder.
I had a mental breakdown, attempted to take my life.

What would those boys say now if they saw me?

I'm getting my life back on track,as best as I can.
Trying to finish school and get somewhere.
I wish to be a Primary School teacher, so I can be there for young children, as a protector and guardian.

I want people to know my story and think twice before they do anything that hurts another human being.

People don't know the effect they can have when even something as simple as an unkind word is said.

I can not believe your mom did not believe you ! She did not even try to protect you! There are not even words to describe the torture and abuse you went through as a child. You did the right thing by moving. You had to get away from the people that abused you. Just remember it is going to take time to heal. Have you been able to seek professional help to deal with your feelings and the problems you are having right now? Do not listen to your abusers! It does not matter what they think! God loves you ! Your life is worth living! Cry out to god for help and he will help you. Keep doing what your doing. Things will get better. It will take some time. Hope this helps.

Read Replies to this Message

cobainrox247

User Mood
Distressed

Message Emote
worried

April 30, 2009, 5:56 am PDT

Whjat do you do when you don't feel safe at school?

What do i do if i don't feel at school? I recently got into a car accident. I feel horrible about it because I hit a person. He is a known drug dealer from my school and likes to fight other people and also steals. At the time of the accident he had recently punched my best friend in the face and mugged him for no apparent reason. Other than that i didn't know him in any other way.
The accident was caused when i went down a cualdesac in order to turn my car around, and a group of these boys was down that street. I didn't start to panic until they hit my car when i passed by, and on my way back down the street the rest of the boys were on the side of the road but this boy was walking down the middle of the road towards my car. I didn't want to stop because of course they probably wouldn't have been friendly to me due to what they had done to my friend. I tried to swerve to the side of him but it's hard to tell what exactly he was trying to do. It's like he was playing chicken with my car. I tried to avoid him, but he hit the side.
He went to the hospital, and i only got a ticket for it. He's hurt pretty badly too, and i feel really guilty about it. The bad problem now is school. The administration at the school knows that it was an accident. The teenagers, though, are the cruel part. There have been more than fifteen different stories that people have come up with. From people saying that i drove down the street five times before i decided to hit him to people saying that I'm on trial for attempted murder. Everyone thinks that i did it intentionally. Of course i do care about people thinking that I'm a murderer, but what i care more about is the fact that my family, friends, and I are getting threats. I'm afraid to go to school or go anywhere alone. It's pretty bad when you don't feel safe at school. What should i do?

Read Replies to this Message

Message Boards

Topic : Bullies

Bullies

three and so mean

metal

Solution

bullies

the Mama Bully

Telling a child to stop hurting your son is ok.

Part of my story.

It takes time to heal from the horrible experience you went through as a child.

Whjat do you do when you don't feel safe at school?