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Topic : Bullies

Number of Replies: 535
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:44:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Bullying is far more serious than just name-calling and teasing. It's escalated to include harassment, beatings and even death threats. Share your bully stories, give and get advice from other parents.

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October 27, 2005, 4:42 pm CDT

bullied son

Quote From: kathern

Ok so here it goes. My 12 yr old son is being bullied at school AGAIN! Well anyway this is nothing new however he has totally had it. Not that he is a totally innocent guy. However he is not a guy who takes punches or starts fights. He is not a bullie. He is not a violent guy but he does have a mouth. You can only take so much crap from others before you get mouthy. We told him  not to take the first swing, however if someone took the first swing make that kid fly. Well once again he was being bugged and the other kid took the first swing and he hit back. Well they got caught and he and the bullie had a day of in school suspension each. However this consisted of them each being in seperate rooms in isolation. Ok the kid that swings first gets the big room with windows and clock, etc. My son got a room that has no windows and is aprox 3 feet wide and 9 feet long, with a desk in it. It's a storage rooms for heavens sake. As you can tell I am extremely upset and the more I type the madder I am getting. Well in Alcatraz a solitary confinment cell  is 5 feet wide and 9 feet long. So needless to say even a prisoner would have a bigger room. I can handle the inschool suspension part but I cannot handle where they had him put. He had to stay in this room the entire day the only time he got to leave it was for dinner because he comes home to eat. He even spent recess in it. I am sooooooo mad. 

I cannot believe that our school administration would pull htis kind of crap! 

Mom, you need to talk to someone at your son's school about how his in school suspension was handled!! You should speak up for your son ASAP. The sooner that the school knows they have a "hands-on" parent, the better- because then they won't walk all over you. Its not fair that the other kid started the fight and he gets better treatment. I think that the idea of in school suspension is silly, anyway.. wouldn't mediation be better.. what about the future.. they need to learn how to get along!! Does your son's school have a no bullying policy? Ask the principle or your son's teacher, ask questions and keep asking, when a school knows that a parent cares, they treat the kids' different. Its a fact of life. I wish you luck!!
 
October 29, 2005, 2:41 pm CDT

i cant believe how much your story is mine

Quote From: kathern

Ok so here it goes. My 12 yr old son is being bullied at school AGAIN! Well anyway this is nothing new however he has totally had it. Not that he is a totally innocent guy. However he is not a guy who takes punches or starts fights. He is not a bullie. He is not a violent guy but he does have a mouth. You can only take so much crap from others before you get mouthy. We told him  not to take the first swing, however if someone took the first swing make that kid fly. Well once again he was being bugged and the other kid took the first swing and he hit back. Well they got caught and he and the bullie had a day of in school suspension each. However this consisted of them each being in seperate rooms in isolation. Ok the kid that swings first gets the big room with windows and clock, etc. My son got a room that has no windows and is aprox 3 feet wide and 9 feet long, with a desk in it. It's a storage rooms for heavens sake. As you can tell I am extremely upset and the more I type the madder I am getting. Well in Alcatraz a solitary confinment cell  is 5 feet wide and 9 feet long. So needless to say even a prisoner would have a bigger room. I can handle the inschool suspension part but I cannot handle where they had him put. He had to stay in this room the entire day the only time he got to leave it was for dinner because he comes home to eat. He even spent recess in it. I am sooooooo mad. 

I cannot believe that our school administration would pull htis kind of crap! 

 i am also a parrent of a 12 year old who has been getting bullied for 4 years.i am so fed up.he gets great grades,and used to love school,now however im afraid this is ruining his spirit.he has become angry,isolated,and i fear we are treading on thin ice now.I just dont know what to do??????
 
October 29, 2005, 2:46 pm CDT

did it work and how did the children react

Quote From: homesch3

This is one of the very reasons we have chosen to homeschool our three daughters.  We have strong moral values, and I know they would be ostracized by their peers for not wearing the "right" clothes, being allowed to listen to certain types of music or watch tv shows we think inappropriate.  I was bullied in school for not being one of the cool kids, and I will not sacrifice my daughters on the altar of popularity.  They are growing into intelligent, secure girls, who are happy, well adjusted and love playing together, as well as with other children.  They are not harassed because of issues that won't matter in 5 years and best of all I know they are safe.  I know not all parents can homeschool, but for some it may be a viable option.
 i am also concidering home school for my 12 year old son.he has been getting bullied for 4 years now and its just getting worse the older he gets.my son is deffinitly not interested in home schooling one bit,but isnt it our job as parents to do whats best for them?im just afraid pulling him out of school will damage him just as much please help
 
November 1, 2005, 6:27 am CST

Kids that bully

Reading these post on here are so sad. Kids dont go to school to be bullied, they go to learn. We are putting our son in Martial Arts for this main purpose. NOT for him to be a bully, but for him to stand up to one if it ever happened. Most, if not all schools have a policy about kids being a bully. If the school principal cannot stop the behavior then I would suggest taking the bullies parents to court. It is harrassment! It is assault! It is domestic violence!  

  

To the mother who said her son was put in a 5 by 9 room for detention: I would definately talk to the school board about this! If a parent were to punish their child by confining him/her to such a small room for the whole day, cps would be called on them. I would never let any school do that to one of my kids and get away with it! I can see a child having to sit in time out but NOT in a small space like that all day. My dog pen is bigger than that.  

  

I would also suggest to every parent to KNOW your rights and your childs rights. Read the school policies and use them to your advantage. If the schools dont fix anything for you because of these bullies, then go to the Board of Education and tell them what is going on. 

 
November 1, 2005, 2:06 pm CST

Bullies

Quote From: jb7ctx

Reading these post on here are so sad. Kids dont go to school to be bullied, they go to learn. We are putting our son in Martial Arts for this main purpose. NOT for him to be a bully, but for him to stand up to one if it ever happened. Most, if not all schools have a policy about kids being a bully. If the school principal cannot stop the behavior then I would suggest taking the bullies parents to court. It is harrassment! It is assault! It is domestic violence!  

  

To the mother who said her son was put in a 5 by 9 room for detention: I would definately talk to the school board about this! If a parent were to punish their child by confining him/her to such a small room for the whole day, cps would be called on them. I would never let any school do that to one of my kids and get away with it! I can see a child having to sit in time out but NOT in a small space like that all day. My dog pen is bigger than that.  

  

I would also suggest to every parent to KNOW your rights and your childs rights. Read the school policies and use them to your advantage. If the schools dont fix anything for you because of these bullies, then go to the Board of Education and tell them what is going on. 

 my old school had a "no tollerance" policy for bullies, in my opinion thats the way it should be, you bully someone, you are out, period.  the fact that not a lot of schools (including my old school) ENFORCE their no tollerance policy is the reason bullying is still a problem.  i agree with you about it being harassment.  i think a lot of teachers just say "not my problem" and go on with their lives, and thats really sad.
 
November 3, 2005, 6:29 am CST

Bullied by Adult/Teacher and Chid

My daughter has been harassed in some form for over a year now.  We have been trying to educate ourselves as parents on these types of issues and are still lost in knowing what to do and how to make this problem go away not only for our daughter but for our whole family and her peer group.  We have watched the movie ‘Odd Girl Out’, we have seen show where this topic is discussed, we have read books for kids, have visited many sites on ‘Bully’s’, we have contacted the sheriff’s office, the school and even an attorney.  She attends a private Christian school.  We first contacted them last year and their response pretty much was that it was not their problem and that they didn’t want to be involved.  The administration that gave me that response has since been terminated and I have tried to get the school to step in again.  I have gotten a better response but not one that I believe this situation deserves.  The Sheriff tells us that nothing can be done by them until she is physically hurt or until sexual harassment becomes an issue.  The attorney says that we can file a civil suit but we do not want these peoples money.  We just want the children to be able to attend school without all of the issues that they have to deal with.   

  

Basically the form of harassment has taken place as more of a defamation of character type of role.  If you knew my child, her character is one of the most important things to her and what she places all of herself into.  This has been utterly devastating to her.  To try to sum some of the events that has taken place, we found out that someone has gotten access to her IM account and had been having conversations with some of her close friends, these conversations portrayed my child as a very ‘mean and cruel’ person, copies of some of these conversations along with mean and cruel letters were sent around at school,  at least one letter that we know of was sent to parents of my child’s peer trying to portray her as a mean and cruel person  all of the while trying to generate pity and support for another (the teachers own child).  Early on my child tried to tell me that an adult/teacher was involved in doing this.  At first I couldn’t believe that an adult especially a teacher would stoop to a level where they would intentionally hurt another child.  When we threatened to look into identity theft charges for the AIM account usage, I received a call from this adult/teacher to confess that this was done at her home although everyone in her family was innocent of the act itself.  Through out time, my child has suffered multiple forms of harassment from other students that have been rallied by this child and adult/teacher to take a side.  She has lost most of those that she would have called a ‘friend’.  More recently we received ‘off of the record’ information from a school counselor that it is the adult/teacher behind most of what has been happening to my child and that not only were her peers being pressured and influenced to treat my child as an out cast but her teachers were also among some other things that were being done to try and intimidate my child.  I do not believe at this time that any of her teachers has treated her poorly from this as adults are much smarter than children and know better on how to handle these types of things.  Some of the school staff has come forward on my child’s behalf to confirm some of this behavior.  The school tells me that they have talked with this teacher and instructed her to avoid contact with my child or being in her personal space at school.  My child’s self esteem is basically nothing and we have been trying to work on that with her as I do realize that she needs to make a stand on her own.  I am newly pregnant and the stress of this situation can be overwhelming at times, especially when I see the damage it has done to my child.   We’re dealing with very smart adult here that seems to know just what they can do to not cross certain lines.  I feel like I am grasping at straws here and sometimes the only option is to have my child moved from this school and the situation which just doesn’t seem right to me as I believe in what I tell her ‘It is adults (parent and school faculty) responsibility to handle the adult involvement in this and hers and her peers to handle the child involvement in this.’  Why is it that an adult cannot physically or sexually hurt a child but there is no protection for children for the mental abuse such as this?  I feel that my child has a better chance of recovering and/or recovering unaffected from a beating then what she is going through now.  Is there nothing that I can do to protect my child so she is able to heal other than having her move schools and ‘run’ from the situation?  Any suggestions on possible avenues that we have not taken would be a blessing. 

 
November 4, 2005, 5:53 am CST

Do All You Can Do

I am new to this post and I have read some of them. I suggest that you keep a paper trail or even a journal of what is going on with your child who is being bullied. Send registered letters to the school as proof of you speaking to them.  This might get the fire started under their butts. They will see you are serious.  I know some school officials who will say you never spoke to them when you did. Send them emails too, save everything.  Why do this. If one day your kid fights back and the bully gets hurt, or even worse it will help with your kids' day in court.  One kid I know was being picked on for years, being called freckle face.  He could not take it, and he shoved the kid.  They were on the stairs and he fell down the stairs backwards.  He was not injured, but what if he was? This paper trail will protect you for such incidents.  Paper trails prevents the school from saying this is the first they have heard of it.  I have had school officials lie right to my face.  I say press charges right away, no kid deserves continued harassment.  A school should provide a harasment free learning environment.  I am doing a talk at a local school on bullying this Tuesday.  I will single out the bullies, and drive the point home that bullies are cowards, and are not to be revered. Bullies are to be felt sorry for, as they have problems and they need to bully to make them feel better about themselves.  I will make bullying uncool.  I use to protect people being bullied back in my day. I will make everyone feel important this day, and let everyone know that they are capable of great things. I will then do a small gym class right after my talk. 

Also I believe in direct mediation between the kids.  I don't believe in punishing both kids in a fight either. I have so much to say. 

 
November 7, 2005, 6:20 am CST

16 year old boy beats on 9 year old girl

I got a phone call last night from a concerned parent.  He filled me in about what went on at our local elementary school's bus ride home. A high school student had to stay after school for discipline reasons.  Well to get home they use the Elementary School Bus.  For whatever reason this boy attacked a 9 year old girl.  He was suspended for two days, and then went back to school and had to stay for disciplinary actions again.  He had to go home on the same Elementary school bus again.  This is bizarre to me.  This kid lives with his grandfather, so the grandfater is home all day long, so he should go get this kid.  I think charges should be brought up against this kid.  I can not believe they allowed him on the bus again.  I think there should be laws passed to prosecute bullies, and their parents maybe....  I know the family can press assault and battery charges. Laws that are bully specific.  This kid enjoyed his two day vacation, and the girl and others are now effected for the rest of their lives.  The schools need to have bully specific counselors, and internal mediation as well.  But again who will pay for it?  It is one thing for a school to have a fluff bully program by showing a movie or two, but they have to have penalties, and apply them. Kids have to learn there are consequences for their actions......   

  

 
November 9, 2005, 12:28 pm CST

Bullies

Quote From: misterv

I got a phone call last night from a concerned parent.  He filled me in about what went on at our local elementary school's bus ride home. A high school student had to stay after school for discipline reasons.  Well to get home they use the Elementary School Bus.  For whatever reason this boy attacked a 9 year old girl.  He was suspended for two days, and then went back to school and had to stay for disciplinary actions again.  He had to go home on the same Elementary school bus again.  This is bizarre to me.  This kid lives with his grandfather, so the grandfater is home all day long, so he should go get this kid.  I think charges should be brought up against this kid.  I can not believe they allowed him on the bus again.  I think there should be laws passed to prosecute bullies, and their parents maybe....  I know the family can press assault and battery charges. Laws that are bully specific.  This kid enjoyed his two day vacation, and the girl and others are now effected for the rest of their lives.  The schools need to have bully specific counselors, and internal mediation as well.  But again who will pay for it?  It is one thing for a school to have a fluff bully program by showing a movie or two, but they have to have penalties, and apply them. Kids have to learn there are consequences for their actions......   

  

 That's just so appauling to read.   I hope that kid gets some serious intervention.
My god I know that if it were my daughter, I would have been so very furious at the school for allowing "the perp" to continue on the bus with all the younger children.  I won't even get into what her father would do, lets face it he would be brought up on charges.

Make him walk, he think's he's tough.

Needless to say I strongly believe that most of these types do get it in the end, one way or another.
 
November 11, 2005, 8:54 am CST

Bullying at FOUR?

Well according to my son's pre-k teacher that's "normal" behavior for the 4-5 age group.  I find that terribly sad and frankly unbelievable.  I think it's just and excuse - and easy out.  I'd certainly love to hear Dr. Phil's take on the situation.  I have an incredibly bright, joyous and loving 4 year old son who has been in preschool since the age of two.  He started 2 mornings a week at 2 and then went 2 -3 days a week at three (he asked for additional days he loved it so much).  He was in private schools at that time, but in the state of GA we have a thing called GA pre-k so this year he went to a public school.  What a nightmare.  The first two weeks he came home crying talking about a "triangle" where he wanted to be friends with a little boy who was also friends with another boy who didn't like him and was always telling him he couldn't do anything right, was stupid, that he didn't like him, that the other boy didn't like him, that he didn't like him and on and on and on.  He was so hurt - enough so that he found WORDS to tell me about it and tears to go along with them.  Anyone who has a four year old knows most of the time they don't find words to express themselves - they usually act it out.  Well, he's done plenty of that too since August and the hurt has progressed to anger - plenty of it.  He's also said he doesn't want to go to school - sad a mere 4 years old and doesn't want to go to school.  I was in the principal's office before the end of the second week - they said they'd address the situation...  Well, as you can tell, it hasn't improved.  My son's confidence level has just been completely deflated.   The teacher's position (and school's) is that the boys' negative, critical, hostile, demeaning, demoralizing behavior; the name calling; the pushing  - all of that is normal behavior for this age group and that one of the important skill building lessons of this age group is learning how to deal with that behavior - it's part of learning our social skills.  I've been told I'm just an over-protective Mother and that I'm spoiling my son.  I'm a pretty rational person.  I set limits, I really try NOT to spoil him - believe me he gets PLENTY of time-outs - especially with the mouth he's been bringing home lately!  I am trying to be objective, but I'm seeing the damage being done to my son before my eyes - I'm not seeing ANYTHING positive coming from this but I am seeing A LOT of negative.  I do believe that we all have to learn how to deal with negative critical nasty people in our lives - after all we will encounter them.  HOWEVER, I do not believe we need to learn to do that at FOUR.  I don't think four year olds have the skills or emotional strength to deal with this without being damaged in the process.  Four year olds need positive encouragement - they need love - they need a solid foundation so that they can deal with this kind of garbage from a STRONG standpoint later on in life.   Case in point, I took my son to say goodbye today (he starts at a private christian school Monday and my only guilt is I didn't rescue him sooner) and he sat at a table to do a worksheet where one of the boys was sitting.  He read a sentence "This is the earth." and pronounced it "Erf"  Well, the other boy said "THAT'S NOT RIGHT ITS EARTH EARTH EARTH YOU CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT SAY EARTH SAY IT SAY IT!!"  The words weren't so horribly hostile, but the tone and the body language and the glaring at him were.  My son couldn't say another word. He hung his head.  When his teacher came around he wouldn't read another word all enthusiasm was gone. The kid even left me speechless.  I didn't know what to say for fear my words would have been more hostile than his! ;)  Anyway, my point here is I have no experience (other than my own 30 years ago) with public schools, but it seems bullying is even happening in Pre-K and I find that oh so sad.
 
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