Topic : Bullies

The serial bullly: (psycopath, sociopath, and anitsocial personality) 

 is convincing and a practiced liar.  Will make up anything when confronted 

Exhibits Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome 

Utilizes deceipt to con and manipulate people 

Is very Charming 

Is Glib, Superficial and shallow 

Can have high verbal acuity 

Is fawning, syncophantic 

Mimic human emotions and will regurgitate feelings rather that have actual emotions 

is not trusworthy 

does not fulfill commitments 

hold deep prejudices 

is audacious, arrogant and exhibits a since of entitlement 

is contemptuous for people perceived as vulnerable 

Is highly controlling (objectifies people) 

fragmented thought and arguments for rationalization of behavior. 

Is evasive when challenged 

adept at finding weekness and creating chaos and conflict 

critical and belittling 

Highly impulsive and has an intense need to fulfill immediate gratification 

Highly manipulative 

Becomes annoyed easily and acts aggressively (either violent, passive aggressive, verbal aggression) 

Have primitve view of human emotions (splitting or seeing things in all good or all evil) 

arrested emotional development (act emotionally like a young child) 

Does not fulfill obligations or commitments. 

Sexually inappropriate or highly inappropriate attitudes toward sexual matters or behavior. 

Highly vindictive and punitive when annoyed (Don't get mad get even mentality) 

Utilizes projection as a way to deflect or evade confrontation for their behavior. 

Lacks psychological insight  

Fails to learn from past psychological experiences. 

If this is someone you know and they exhibit  a lot of these characteristics.  Without a conscience by Dr. Robert Hare.  Very helpful to understanding the serial bully. 

To get there go to the top of Dr Phil’s Home Page at “DRPhil.com” 

Click on “Members”  

(You do not have to be a member to view. I advise you to join and participate if you are not a member) 

Then Click on “Message Boards” 

Then you will see the following at the bottom, right hand of the screen: 

Then Click On: “A Childs Voice Connection, Prevent Child Abuse, Abductions”.

This message board provides links to web sites that you can access to help out by volunteering your time and/or financial support/ 

We need all the support we can get to help put a Stop to this madness. Our children are at risk every day, and we can join hands in efforts and prayers to help our children. I consider all children our responsibility. 

Please note that I am not a doctor or professional counselor, but we have a good support team and your concerns will not go unanswered. I am an ordained minister, but not a pastor. This campaign is my calling from God. 

Your suggestions, support, Ideas, and any other information will be greatly appreciated. 

Sincerely, 

djmatt 

I was raised in a hostile enviroment.  My oldest of two is only 5. I yell at him a lot. I am very strict.  I am afraid of raising bullies or angry children due to my own behavior.  I love my children.  They are sweet.  How do I learn what things my son does are okay to let slide?  I think that b/c I want to raise respectful children sometimes I go overboard w/the rules.    I feel I bully him when he "turns" on me.  I've tried couseling (only 4 visits).  She felt I was doing okay.  I don't agree.   Would someone pls recommend a good book? 

Have you talked to your family doctor?  Maybe depression is the problem?  When you get ready to yell what are  you saying in your mind.  Self talk helps you out of yelling.  So when you feel that anger bubbling up inside of you Just say to yourself what is this 5 year old doing and is it anything to really get angry with.  Also though 5 year old children can  be trying at times. Most 5 years when they do something wrong remember they are not intentionally not doing it to make you mad or upset.  Most 5 years olds are curious about things.  Instead of yelling I would try   to redirect him to other activities.  Also a 5 minute time out works and it gives you a moment to breatch and talk yourself out of your anger.  If emotions run to high is there someone you can call to come over and watch him for an hour or so to get a break?  writings  by Erick Erikson and Dr Berry T brazleton are helpful in chil rearing.  I think maybe you have an active 5 year old and you are overwhelmed like the rest of American Parents.  I think maybe you just need a time out yourself and some support. 

I also hope this helps to understand your 5 year old so you know that the behaviors he is engaging are not just naughty but developmental.  5 year olds are developing a since of the world and like to explore.  They like to be very creative for example painting, making spontaneous skits for play.  They often like to direct people in their environment to develop control over their surroundings. So when he wants to play get down on your knees with him and have him tell you what to when playing (example directing you to cook a pretend lunch etc)  I think if you take a few hours a week to get into his world like reading, playing at his level it would help you not become so angry when he or she is doing something that seems naughty.  Also remember that young children tend to lie because they often move into fantasy play and reality. I hop this helps. 

This will be long and Im very sorry but for you to understand my daughters (we will call her Arianna for this) situation I will have to explain everything.  First of all my daughter is 11 and in 6th grade this is her first year at middle school.  My daughter was friends with this little girl we will call her Lisa.  My daughter when she was friends with Lisa would try to call her once in a while to talk to her with me sitting right there.  This little girls Grandfather in which she lives with called my house told me to take his phone number away from my daughter and burn it that he did not want her calling their house again.  This left me speechless at first but I tried to find out why because I keep both house phones with me and I know when she is on the phone and that was like the second time she ever called their house.  About a week later I got a call from this little girls Grandfather saying that between 9PM and 9:30PM the nite before that they got a prank call from my house that was a Saturday nite, We were not even home.  Not only that the Grandfather said it was a boy that called from my number the problem with this is one we were not home and two the only boy at my house at any given time is my 5 year old son.  The next day which was monday my daughter went to school and Lisa tried to get my daughter in trouble in school by saying my daughter wanted to fight her.  What she told the student advisor at school is that Arieanna walked up to her and said I want to fight you.  My daughter is nothing like that she could not fight her way out of a card board box if she had to.  She is a very loving child and dont like to get into trouble.  Not only that Lisa was goin around the school telling everyone that my daughter prank called her house and then told my daughter that her grandfather called the cops on her because of the prank call.  I was not home while all of this was goin on I had to take my son to the dentist.  When I got home I got a message on my voice mail saying they were putting my daughter in ISS (in school suspesion) because she is bullying people and wanting to fight people and that she was sending home a letter for me to sign.  I know that is not my daughter so after getting the message I turned around and called the school to talk to the student advisor and she was busy and I could only leave her a message so I did.  I told her that my daughter is not like that and I dont know what happen but at this time I wont be signing that letter till I know what happen.  Well I tried to call the woman a few more times and she would not take my call or return my call.  When my daughter got home I asked her what happen and she told me that she does not want to fight Lisa and she did not tell her that.  I asked Arieanna why she didnt tell the student advisor that and she said Mom I tried but she would not let me talk and tell my side of the story.  So I got my daughter and we went back up to the school and I asked to speak to the student advisor and they called her and the student advisor came out got us and took us right to the vice principal.  The Vice Principal was not aware of what happen so she asked my daughter what happen and Arieanna told her she did not say that and she dont want to fight anyone.  Then we explained to her that Arieanna was not allowed to tell her side of the story at that very moment the Student Advisor which was still in the room decided she needed to leave.  Also I told them that the little girls grandfather is accusing Arieanna of prank calling their house when we were not home even though he said it was a boy and my 5 year old is the only boy in the house.  Before the Student Advisor left she tried to defend the Grandfather.  So now my daughter was being blamed for bringing stuff fromt he community into the school which she didnt.  Because the little girl (Lisa) was goin around school telling people that my daughter prank called their house and then turned around and told my daughter that her Grandfather called the cops on her because she prank called their house.  Well before we left the school that day I was ok with what the Vice Principal was saying she was gonna take care of it and they took my daughter out of ISS and and changed a few of her classes so she would not be around the little girl.  I also told the Vice Principal this was rediculous and if it didnt get solved or fixed that I was goin to the school board and taking my daughter out of the school.  So she did her best to fix the problem.  Lisa is going around school also and telling everyone not to be friends with Arieanna.  This little girl also spent the nite at another one of my daughters friends house and brought 2 boys in the house when the parents were not looking and took them in the room and locked the door.  The Father had to almost break the door down to get in the room.  Now fast forward to this weekend.  Another one of my daughters friends spent the nite at Lisa's house on Saturday nite.  On Sunday my daughter called her friend to talk to her and her friend asked if she called Lisa's house and pranked called them and my daughter told her no and her friend said well they are saying you did and then I guess late Saturday nite early Sunday moring according to them someone egged and toilet papered Lisa house (she lives with her Grandparents) and my daughters friend asked her if she egged and toilet papered Lisa's house and Arieanna told her friend no and the friend said that Lisa's Grandparents are blaming my daughter and said something about calling the cops.  First of all they dont live near us.  Second I know where my child is at all times and I know she was in the house all Saturday nite cause I didnt go to bed till about 2AM and we woke her up at about 11AM on Sunday she didnt go any where and would not do that to begin with.  We have always taught my daughter to be the better person dont be like them.  Please help we are getting to our wits end with this whole situation.  I even tried to talk to Lisa's Grandfather the one time he said for me to take my phone number away from my daughter and burn it and stuff but the man would not let me get a word in edgewise and he hung up on me so I dont know what to do any advice would  be greatly appreciated.  There have also been a couple of times that my daughter has been told by a friend that Lisa said she was gonna say something at school to get my daughter in trouble again. 

Arieanna