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Topic : Bullies

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:44:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Bullying is far more serious than just name-calling and teasing. It's escalated to include harassment, beatings and even death threats. Share your bully stories, give and get advice from other parents.

 
nopushover
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November 6, 2007, 3:41 pm PST

Doing something different for Christmas this year...

Lately our family has been working on self-improvement and figuring out ways to become better people. I have decided that this year, instead of presents, we will surprise the kids with "self-improvement" cards in their stockings instead of presents (we might have to put fake presents under the tree until Christmas day to keep the surprise going.)
On the card will be a summary of how the kids' have misbehaved, what their faults are, and how they can improve.

My 2 stepsons (DH's, i.e dear husband's) have been misbehaving for the past few weeks, so this will be good for them. Kids shouldn't expect presents as an entitlement. They should learn that you don't always get what you want and that the best present you can give someone is constructive criticism.

I haven't told DH about this, but I am sure I can talk him into going along with it. I will NOT budge on this. It is something that needs to be done. I think when the kids see that I care enough for them to want to correct their behavior, it will help create a closer bond between us. Right now I think they resent me for "stealing" their dad away from their "real mom" (lol @ that, he left her for me, they should be mad at him, but whatever).

Anywho, what do you guys think about this? Anybody else doing anything "different" for Christmas?
 
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mama24bellz
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November 7, 2007, 9:24 am PST

There was a punishment!!

I went to school and I talked to my son's teacher.  I told her that I had tried to talk to the mom before about the problems and that she has not been taking care of it like she said she would and I don't want my son to be hurt at school and that I thought the yard duty was ridiculous.  Anyway they took recess away from him for the day and made him write an apology letter.  They gave him a referral that said that he was threatening another student and bullying another student.  His mom was furious about this she doesn't believe it was bullying and she doesn't believe that he threatened my son either.  She said she doesn't think it was an accident but she said she doesn't think he meant to hurt him on purpose.  She thought his punishment was to harsh.  I told her either way he did hurt my son and maybe he was showing off but he told her he knew he was gonna hit him to hard and still chose to.  I told her she has gotta stop making excuses for everything he does that she is only enabling his bad behavior which she didn't like I'm sure.  Who knows where this will go.  He was at least nice to my son on Monday so I guess thats a start.
 
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jaimie1974
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November 7, 2007, 11:56 am PST

self improvement

Quote From: nopushover

Lately our family has been working on self-improvement and figuring out ways to become better people. I have decided that this year, instead of presents, we will surprise the kids with "self-improvement" cards in their stockings instead of presents (we might have to put fake presents under the tree until Christmas day to keep the surprise going.)
On the card will be a summary of how the kids' have misbehaved, what their faults are, and how they can improve.

My 2 stepsons (DH's, i.e dear husband's) have been misbehaving for the past few weeks, so this will be good for them. Kids shouldn't expect presents as an entitlement. They should learn that you don't always get what you want and that the best present you can give someone is constructive criticism.

I haven't told DH about this, but I am sure I can talk him into going along with it. I will NOT budge on this. It is something that needs to be done. I think when the kids see that I care enough for them to want to correct their behavior, it will help create a closer bond between us. Right now I think they resent me for "stealing" their dad away from their "real mom" (lol @ that, he left her for me, they should be mad at him, but whatever).

Anywho, what do you guys think about this? Anybody else doing anything "different" for Christmas?
Are you saying that you are not going to have any presents; they will just get the cards saying their faults and their improvements? Or, are you saying that is just for the stockings, and that the kids will get gifts? If they get no gifts on Christmas day, just cards saying their faults and improvements, I think that will be a huge disappointment. It seems even a bit cruel. I think a good idea is to volunteer at an area homeless shelter during the holiday season; this teaches your children that giving feels good. It also teaches them that there are people who have a lot less than they have, and they have much to be thankful for.
Your step kids do need constructive criticism, no doubt. You don’t say- what are their ages? Again, having the children participate in volunteer work could really help to improve themselves. I wish you well.
 
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amandaov25
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November 12, 2007, 6:36 pm PST

Bullies

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In The month of May my 8yr old boy was being chased by a boy 2 yrs older at lunch and after schools, he would catch my son and and push him and hit him.  I found out and called the school.  The school told me that I should stay out of it, and let the school deal with it.  The school said "this is a diferent family from yours" and when the parents get involved it just gets messy.  I said "I want this family to know this is against the law, and it needs to stop"  So for a week, they kept this boy back for 10 minutes each day so that it gave my son a chance to get home.  I didn't know it was for a week, I thought it would be longer.  As soon as the week was up, it started again, he knocked my son to the ground and left him thier crying.  I called the police.  The police came to the school and talked to us, and also went to the other kids mother.  That is all I know of this....the school didn't call me back and the police said the family was told to get some councelling.  I didn't press charges, which I have every right too, but I hope the police would scare them enough to dicuss ways to get thier son to stop this....the mom could pick her son up from school and keep a better eye on him.  Summer is here, so we'll see what happens in Sept. 

I was so mad at the school for not taking this seriously.  I have to also say that my son is not a small boy.  It is not just the little guys who get picked on.  This other boy isn't much taller or bigger then my son, (maybe by an inch) I would of never thought my son would be bullied.

hi my oldest daugher has had the samr problem, but to make matters worst "sky" lived right in the duplex next to us. It was awful i finally went to the police after the third time of being beaten up (punched slapped and kicked) but i told her mother and she jumped in her vehicle went to the police (before me) and said i was harassing them. Can you beliveve that?  After she borrowed my phone for hours, borrowed smokes, put up with their Partying, borrowed money and borrowed food. But oh well. That night i went to an aspiring woman Barbara Coloroso. She was and is absolutly wonderful i bought her book "the bullied, and the bystander which is extremly helpful. No matter what it is not your sons fault it is the boys
 
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amandaov25
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November 12, 2007, 6:42 pm PST

Bullies

Quote From: mama24bellz

I went to school and I talked to my son's teacher.  I told her that I had tried to talk to the mom before about the problems and that she has not been taking care of it like she said she would and I don't want my son to be hurt at school and that I thought the yard duty was ridiculous.  Anyway they took recess away from him for the day and made him write an apology letter.  They gave him a referral that said that he was threatening another student and bullying another student.  His mom was furious about this she doesn't believe it was bullying and she doesn't believe that he threatened my son either.  She said she doesn't think it was an accident but she said she doesn't think he meant to hurt him on purpose.  She thought his punishment was to harsh.  I told her either way he did hurt my son and maybe he was showing off but he told her he knew he was gonna hit him to hard and still chose to.  I told her she has gotta stop making excuses for everything he does that she is only enabling his bad behavior which she didn't like I'm sure.  Who knows where this will go.  He was at least nice to my son on Monday so I guess thats a start.
when they make excuses for the bully ie; your son shouldn't play near him at recess they are just re targeting him everytime they do that and it won't stop. If the school is not working with you tell them you will take it to the next level (U.S Departmentof Education Office for CivilRights(OCR) Schools are responsible for protecting students and are culpable when they don't. Good luck 
 
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tiffany_2007
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November 20, 2007, 11:16 am PST

Christmas

Quote From: nopushover

Lately our family has been working on self-improvement and figuring out ways to become better people. I have decided that this year, instead of presents, we will surprise the kids with "self-improvement" cards in their stockings instead of presents (we might have to put fake presents under the tree until Christmas day to keep the surprise going.)
On the card will be a summary of how the kids' have misbehaved, what their faults are, and how they can improve.

My 2 stepsons (DH's, i.e dear husband's) have been misbehaving for the past few weeks, so this will be good for them. Kids shouldn't expect presents as an entitlement. They should learn that you don't always get what you want and that the best present you can give someone is constructive criticism.

I haven't told DH about this, but I am sure I can talk him into going along with it. I will NOT budge on this. It is something that needs to be done. I think when the kids see that I care enough for them to want to correct their behavior, it will help create a closer bond between us. Right now I think they resent me for "stealing" their dad away from their "real mom" (lol @ that, he left her for me, they should be mad at him, but whatever).

Anywho, what do you guys think about this? Anybody else doing anything "different" for Christmas?
Your step kids will even have more reasons to hate you. GOOD JOB, I see your marriage ending in the next 3 years if you do this.
 
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tiffany_2007
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November 20, 2007, 11:42 am PST

Let me explain

Quote From: tiffany_2007

Your step kids will even have more reasons to hate you. GOOD JOB, I see your marriage ending in the next 3 years if you do this.

Okay sorry that was rude, I was in a rush just a few minuttes ago, and for some reason a little one edge over your post here let me explain. If you only point out faults they are going to feel you hate them and in turn hate you more then they already do over the whole parents divorce (every adult gets blamed for this). If you push your husband to do this, the kids are also going to hate there dad, they are going to feel attacked and unloved. In turned your husband is going to be angry at you for pushing him into this. Something like this can last, I know as a kid or a teenager I would be angry if my step father did this with my christmas. Maybe do some kinda weekend get away atleast if there are going to be no gifts. But once those kids realize there not getting anything, they are going to have a deep emotion pain from it. Then once school starts back up they will go back tell everyone that all they got were cards that listed there faults and everyone is going to agree with them of how bad you and your husband are, which in turn will validate there anger with the both of you.

 

PLEASE RE-THINK THIS, OR I HOPE YOUR HUSBAND TALKS YOU OUT OF THIS. THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA.
 
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tmccloskey
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December 6, 2007, 9:16 am PST

small town "bully" program

We've had problems with bullying for my middle daughter, who is very sweet and probably tries to hard to make friends and instead wears a target.  Someday when I have time to vent, I'll tell our story... but for now I just want to ask if anyone thinks this advice from the school bully program administrator is off....  It's okay to tease if the one your teasing laughs about it?  I've read a few things, and watched a few shows, and maybe my memory is poor or I'm just overly sensitive.... but I thought this was the wrong advice?  I'm frankly tired of going around and around with this school who has 100% tolerance policy of bullying as it is. 

 

Is it me?

 
 
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tiffany_2007
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December 6, 2007, 10:57 am PST

Bullies

Quote From: tmccloskey

We've had problems with bullying for my middle daughter, who is very sweet and probably tries to hard to make friends and instead wears a target.  Someday when I have time to vent, I'll tell our story... but for now I just want to ask if anyone thinks this advice from the school bully program administrator is off....  It's okay to tease if the one your teasing laughs about it?  I've read a few things, and watched a few shows, and maybe my memory is poor or I'm just overly sensitive.... but I thought this was the wrong advice?  I'm frankly tired of going around and around with this school who has 100% tolerance policy of bullying as it is. 

 

Is it me?

 

I think the school means playful teaseing, like between friends. But honestly I don't think schools know how to deal with bullies, I don't think anyone really does. If this was my son, I would of either gone to the police about this, or connact a lawyer, schools really change when you bring law into the factory of dealing with them. I do really hope things get better for you. If they don't you might want to look into a private school, or just a different public school, but this isn't abnormal for public schools.
 
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codie2
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December 17, 2007, 2:20 pm PST

disabled daughter bullied

this was my daughter,s first year of school in the past month she has had a bruise under the arm where a boy older then her kicked her he also kicked her in the stomach gave her a black eye threw sand in her hair wet her these things all happened on different days i went to her teacher about it who did not even notice my daughter come in after lunch with a black eye or on another occasion come soaking wet.    My son who is ayear older then his sister has also been bullied at this same school 3 boys the same age as him at the start of school this year he was pushed into the boys urinals he bruising on his upper body iasked to set up a meeting but the schhol wouldnt until my son freaked out in the classsroom due to the stress of it the bulling lasted 6 months for him  i live in australia i did not think bullying was this bad i have had to change my childrens school for next year as my daughter is disabled and i need to know she will be safe at school so i am sending them to a smaller school
 
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