Quote From: tjfplumbI am married and have one daughter (10) with my Husband and two step daughters (13 & 19). My husband has joint legal custody with visitation. We live quite a distance from the custodial Mother so the visitation is as follows: 10 days at winter break and the entire month of July in the summer. Our thirteen year old arrived on the first and was initially upset (homesick) which is to be expected. After an hour or so, she was fine, laughing and playing with her sister. Then, the phone calls started. Her Mother and older sister started calling her about every hour. Every time she got off the phone she was very upset again. Crying and would go lay down on her bed. We tried to cheer her up, but she was not responsive. After a day and a half of this she came to her father and asked if she could go home. He asked her why she wanted to go home and she said she didn't know, she just wanted to go home. She is very emotional, and we hardly want to keep her at our house if she is miserable here. But, it is not until she talks with her Mom that she is so upset. I don't think we can keep her from speaking with her mother. I don't want her to feel prisoner. The relationship between my husband and his ex is not one where they can sit and talk these things out. I know this would be the best thing for our daughter if possible but it is not the situation. I realize legally she is ordered to stay the entire month of July. However, if she is so unhappy, even if it is because her mom wont leave her alone long enough to make the transition, is it worth it to make her stay? Help. I am not sure what we should do and don't want to make any mistakes when it comes to her emotional state.
She needs occupying outside the house with activities where it's awkward or socially unacceptable to use the mobile. Get her to 'phone her mother before you set off and give the worst possible case time for your return. If you can find a craft workshop where they are making cards or picture frames suggest it's done for her mother and get her to 'phone and ask what colours she'd prefer if there is a choice.
At home ban answering the phone during meals - if people care that much about speaking to you they will leave a message and if it's on speaker 'phone and an emergency you can interrupt the meal.
This is all very passive aggressive but it does give a reason for restricting the phone calls without provoking confrontation.
